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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22656892">Solidarity</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissGillette/pseuds/MissGillette'>MissGillette</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stranger Things (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftercare, Alternate Universe - No Upside Down, Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Falling In Love, Female Billy Hargrove, Female Steve Harrington, Fisting, Friends With Benefits, Gay Billy Hargrove, Genderswap, Happy Ending, Marathon Sex, Miscommunication, Pining, Praise Kink, Recreational Drug Use, Safewords, Sex Toys, Sexuality Crisis, Subspace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 14:53:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>146,514</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22656892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissGillette/pseuds/MissGillette</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Billie and Steph grow closer after a series of favors and realizations about the other. Unwelcome at her own home for Winter Break, Billie spends it with Steph. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>It started out with a kiss,</i><br/><i>How did it end up like this?</i><br/><i>It was only a kiss</i><br/><i>It was only a kiss</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>236</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>394</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here she is! I estimate I'll find another 200 words while editing to make this fic over <b>145,000</b> words by the end! Yes! It's incredible! I wrote it in a little less than four weeks lol. It's 100% complete, so there will be no extended delays in updates. When we get to the marathon sex chapters (6 thru 11) I will space those updates out to be two weeks. Because... it's a lot of sex. It's easily half the word count. So I hope you're ready for that.</p><p>Please for the love of god comment. Tell me what made you click on the fic, how you found me, what was your favorite line, come on. </p><p>This is a 100% cast gender flip. If need be, I'll put a note at the bottom of whose names are what, but I'm pretty confident that it'll be obvious lol. </p><p>Buckle up, this first chapter starts with menstruation. For plot. Sorry.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/missraygillette">@missraygillette</a> I tweet about things I'm working on. Come love these stupid girls/boys with me.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Billie and Steph coming to an understanding.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The headache pulsing behind Steph’s eyes milds only slightly here in the bathroom. The lights are less intense, and it’s quiet. The smell is a trade off. But it’s either sit here with her legs perched on the toilet—hiding—or throw up. And she doesn’t feel like dealing with that, with someone coming in and misconstruing the situation. She already has to fend off monikers like flat, twig, and easy. She doesn’t need another lie slapped on her. Sighing, Steph rubs her temples that much harder. Five more minutes and she’ll go back to class.</p><p>The bathroom door swings open, angry grumbling quickly flowing in.</p><p>“Come the fuck on,” she mouths silently, rolling her eyes so hard it irritates her headache.</p><p>Heavy boots stomp into the stall right next to her—right fucking next to her instead of, you know, the other two stalls that are empty—and then the door slams shut. The force rattles the door to Steph’s stall. Each new sound is an assault on Steph’s temples. She is stone, and sound is a chisel grinding and splitting her. She’s already feeling queasy when a belt buckle clinks and then the other girl pulls her pants down.</p><p>“Fuck!”</p><p>Billie Hargrove. Well, the peace in the bathroom had been nice while it lasted. Steph cups her hands over her face, knowing now she’ll just have to wait until Billie leaves. It’s pleasant and dark behind her hands, but her ears are still open.</p><p>“Fuck, fuck, god fucking damnit,” Billie hisses under her breath. It’s frustration, annoyance and… upset? “Can’t fucking believe this…”</p><p>Steph drops her hands and then looks down at what she can see of Billie. Her bag is on the floor—ew—and her pants are around her shins. The stall doors are criminally high in here. Steph only needs to bend a little more to see past the waist of Billie’s jeans to the dark spot soaked into the bottom.</p><p>“Oh shit,” Steph whispers.</p><p>“Who the fuck is in here?” Billie snaps a split second after Steph gives herself away.</p><p>“It’s, uh, Steph.”</p><p>“Harrington,” Billie sighs. “Okay, not the end of the world.”</p><p>She says that more to herself, but now Steph is worried.</p><p>“Are you okay? Do you, uh… need a pad or a tampon?”</p><p>No use being coy about it. It’s obvious what’s happened. And they’re just girls.</p><p>“Got bigger problems than that, princess, but I appreciate your concern.”</p><p>Headache asserting itself with a sharp kick behind Steph’s eyes, she scoffs, “Asshole,” and then leaves the stall. Hands not even fully dry, she gets out the door without another word. It’s not until Steph is halfway back to class before she reconsiders her actions. </p><p>“Bigger problems.” Steph stands there a moment, hand flicking the front of her skirt like there’s dust on it. Obviously Billie had bled on her jeans, but what else could “bigger problems” mean? With a sinking feeling, Steph suspects that… maybe it started while Billie had been in class. Like she didn’t expect it today. Steph barely has any warning herself. Her breasts will get tender and she’ll feel a little upset just before it starts. But she always felt thankful that her warnings were so mild. And now on the pill she doesn’t have to worry about it ever. Maybe Billie doesn’t have any of those luxuries. Maybe it just springs on her.</p><p>And now comes the guilt for blowing Billie off and calling her an asshole. Like yea, she’s a jerk, but who wouldn’t be short-fused with a lap full of blood and literally no way to fix it except to go home. While still wearing your bloody clothes. Steph bites her lip and doesn’t hesitate any more. In the bottom of her locker is a shower bag. Inside, she always keeps a soft pair of pants to slip into and spare underwear. In case. They may not fit Billie the best, her… wider hips and… more built body… Steph shakes herself with a frown, grabs the bag, and then takes back off to the bathroom. </p><p>When she slips back in, Billie is still here. Probably trying to make the best of things. Steph holds her bag in one hand while snapping paper towels out of the dispenser. Shoving the tap down once gives her maybe ten seconds of water. It’s all she needs to wet them, improvised wet wipes. That done, Steph flips the lock on the bathroom door and stands in front of the only stall in use.</p><p>“Uhhh… occupied.”</p><p>“It’s Steph… I, um, have some things for you.”</p><p>Silence. Billie is not shy about telling people she doesn’t need handouts or favors. Shit like that. Steph takes a deep breath, ready to have her kindness thrown back, and then bends down. Steph sets the shower bag down beside Billie’s messenger bag. The damp paper towels, though, she holds out with her wrist crooked under the door.</p><p>“What… is that?”</p><p>Steph jerks her hand.</p><p>“Just wet paper towels, man. In the bag I have some cotton pants and clean underwear.”</p><p>Silence. And then a little sheepish, “You could smell the blood, couldn’t you.”</p><p>Yes, but she’s not going to say that. It’s… gross.</p><p>“No, I-I, the stall walls don’t go down very far, so I could, I could see… Your jeans.”</p><p>“Yea,” Billie sighs. “Really did a number on them. Hopefully I can get the stain out. These jeans make my ass look so damn fine.”</p><p>Steph snorts. What ass? Billie is rather full of herself if she thinks she has more than a bump of an ass. Now isn’t the time, really.</p><p>“Sure buddy, will you just take the paper towels, please?”</p><p>Billie does and then asks casually, “Will you hang around for a minute?”</p><p>She’d planned on it, just to keep the door locked so no one comes in and makes a big deal out of this. So what Billie bled through her clothes. It isn’t like she did it on purpose or asked for this to happen in the middle of the day. And it would be seriously fucked up to expect Billie to sit through the rest of the day in dirty clothes. Steph’s face grows a little hot and pinched, annoyed, thinking about it. No use getting worked up about hypotheticals, though. Steph leans back against the edge of a sink and clasps her hands in front of her.</p><p>Billie is mostly quiet besides aggravated sighs. Steph watches under the door as Billie toes her boots off, kicks them away a little. Next, Billie wiggles out of her jeans. The stain is… a lot bigger than Steph had first thought. The spread of it is obscene, showing exactly where Billie’s body fits in her jeans. Steph’s face pinks to her hairline when the ruined underwear are next, and she has to look away. She sweeps a hand through her hair a few times. They looked like cute panties, too. Not something sleek and sexy that Steph expected, but yellow with white polka dots on them. Their cheery color makes the blood in them that much more gruesome. </p><p>Billie sighs at some point, still naked from the waist down, and asks, “Baby doll, will you grab some more paper towels, please?”</p><p>A please from Billie? The “baby doll” she’s used to. But please? Steph hums a yes and then brings Billie twice the paper towels this time. Billie snorts when Steph passes them to her.</p><p>“Much obliged.”</p><p>And Steph can just hear her wink and her sly grin. Billie can’t do the accent, but it has the intended impact.</p><p>“Yea sure, don’t mention it,” Steph says with a soft laugh, a shake of her head. Not that Billie can see her.</p><p>Steph gives her back to the stalls to wash her hands. She’d just washed them before, but may as well again. Drying her hands completely this time, she takes a moment to flick her hair to the side she wants.</p><p>The front strands won’t curve just right, really flatten out the volume in her hair. She backs up, flips her hair by bending at the waist, and then shakes the strands out with her fingers. Behind her, the toilet flushes. When Steph stands back up, whipping brown locks down to her shoulders, Billie emerges from the stall. The emergency pants are a little tight on her, showing off her powerful legs and the perfect slope of her calves. Not that Steph is looking.</p><p>Besides, she’s seen Billie naked in the locker room showers plenty of times. So there’s nothing to look at. Billie must not agree, though. Because as she makes for the sinks, those bright blues are on Steph. Pinning her to the spot. Hang around for a minute. Steph breaks their stare to glance at Billie’s clothes still on the floor. Hopefully Billie can sneak her clothes back to her locker. Steph’s tongue already holds an offer to volunteer herself before Billie is even done drying her hands. Steph meets her eyes once more when Billie launches the wad of towels over her shoulder, the trash bin behind her. </p><p>“2 points,” Billie says with a wink.</p><p>A little smile at the corner of Steph’s mouth, and then, “Are you okay? I locked the door so no one could come in. If you need something else, I can—”</p><p>“Nah,” Billie drawls, stalking forward with her broad shoulders that love nothing more than to charge Steph straight to the floor during practice. She’s still bruised even now. “I’m good, now. I’ll be able to make it to the end of the day because of you. Hopefully you won’t be needing your emergency kit until I give these back.”</p><p>Mouth hesitating in the beginning of a few sentences, Steph blurts out, “I’m, uh, I’m on the pill. That’s just for spotting and… stuff.”</p><p>The painted cinderblock of the bathroom is chilly when Steph backs into it. When had Billie walked them backwards into the corner like this? Billie’s AC/DC shirt is threadbare, worn and washed maybe a hundred times. The red of the letters flakes off in places. The black cotton clings to her and shows off the power in her body. She’s stocky, not curvy. Not that Steph would know, who can only break away from Billie’s intense eye contact to stare somewhere near her shoulder instead. It’s safer than looking completely away. Billie’s heavy arms lift up to cage Steph in. She’s the taller one, damn it, how does she always end up slinking down a little when Billie does this shit…</p><p>Shouldering her way closer, Billie’s face is cool when she murmurs, “Why did you do that just now? Helping me out?”</p><p>Steph gives a wild shrug, struggles for something to say.</p><p>“I was just… being nice? I wanted to help?”</p><p>Billie nods her head and somehow looks down her nose at Steph.</p><p>“Kinda funny you would do that, considering I’ve never done anything nice for you. So what’s the catch?”</p><p>“There’s-there’s no catch, man,” Steph still won’t meet her eyes, can’t with the pressure on like this. “It’s shitty that this happened to you, and you needed help, so I gave it. It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>Billie considers her for a spell after that. The whole time, Steph just stares slightly lower than Billie’s eye level. She’s no longer cold against the cinderblocks. Not with Billie’s radiant heat petting her from head to toe  Billie’s musky-sweet perfume does nothing to help Steph’s headache, though. Brown eyes squint in pain and then squeeze shut. Steph slides a hand up her own body to reach for her temples. The moment Steph touches her temple, slips a little farther down the wall, Billie backs up. She’s gone.</p><p>“You all right there, Harrington? You don’t look so hot and you’re not the one bleeding, so.”</p><p>“Just a headache,” she grinds out. “That’s why I was in here in the first place. It’s quiet.”</p><p>“Was quiet,” Billie corrects, voice warm. Farther away. </p><p>Steph cracks an eye open where she’s still huddled against the wall. Billie squats down, shirt riding up her back, to collect everything off the floor. Steph’s wandering eyes betray her, find the waistband of her own panties around Billie. They seem to fit well enough. Maybe a little tight. Boys always make it out to be that knowing a girl’s measurements is some scandalous secret. Steph doesn’t know what to do with the information she has, now. That Billie is maybe one or two sizes bigger than her. It’s an oddly intimate piece of information to have. Luckily, Steph will probably forget it by the time she’s climbing into her car later.</p><p>Clothes set to right and bag collected—Steph’s shower bag in her grasp, too—Billie salutes her while flipping the lock open.</p><p>“Take a nap when you get home. Make the room as dark as you can, get a cold washcloth over your eyes. Add pain relievers to taste.”</p><p>A smart remark is what Steph had expected. A suggestive quip about things Steph could do to reduce that headache. Not… legitimate advice. That must make them even, though, because Billie leaves the bathroom without another word. Steph sighs as she rocks herself off the wall only to lean against a sink. She feels bad enough to call it quits today, pressure pushing on her eyes and making her stomach slosh. Could she even hold down enough water to get some Midol in her? She hasn’t eaten yet today, either, and you’re supposed to eat when you take those…</p><p>Sigh aggravated, Steph hisses, “Fuck it,” and checks herself out of school at the nurse’s office. She still has a hand rubbing at her temples when she walks out, startles on her feet when a whistle rings out.</p><p>Billie loiters in an alcove between sections of the school. She’s comfortable there, cigarette in the corner of her mouth, sunglasses blocking her expression. When Steph just stands there, confusion pinching her face, Billie plucks the cigarette from her mouth.</p><p>“You tapping out?”</p><p>If Steph raises her voice to yell, she might be sick. So she nods, hopes Billie can squint through the bright, fall day and pick her out.</p><p>Billie nods her head towards the parking lot and says, “Drive safely, princess. Remember to take that nap.”</p><p>It’s not until Steph has the curtains sealed shut with clothespins and stands at her bed with a cool washcloth in hand does she realize what she’s done. Why is she listening to Billie Hargrove? What, just because they had one, singular moment of civility in the bathroom she’s taking orders from that bully? Still… Steph frowns down at the washcloth. It’s a good idea. Steph already feels better just being in her room. No offensive smells, no sounds to irritate the relentless pressure in her head. Sighing blowing tense out her nose, Steph leaves it alone. So Billie had given her good advice. Whatever. May as well use it.</p><p>Steph’s headache vanishes without rhyme or reason, so even though the temptation is there, she goes to school the next day. Billie doesn’t, though. And even though they only have lunch and English together, Steph thinks about Billie’s absence in every class. Billie doesn’t exactly have, like, friends to look out for her and care about her. Tammy H is a stooge, and her boyfriend Darryl is the boy version of a bimbo. They don’t care about Billie except to cause mischief with her. Plus, to ask Tammy if she’s heard from Billie is way more trouble than it’s worth. So Steph just… does the homework collecting herself. </p><p>It’s only one day. She doesn’t need to do this, not like Billie is missing a bunch of work. It gives Steph something to do other than worry. She can’t turn it off just because it’s Billie. She would love to not worry about Nathan’s bratty little sister and her gaggle of dork friends. Why they like Steph so much, she’ll never know. Probably because she lets them do almost whatever they want when she babysits. Maybe it’s that middle school fascination with popularity and figuring out the pecking order. It’s all bullshit. If it weren’t, then Steph wouldn’t pick up the phone when she gets home to dial a number she’d scribbled down while overhearing it at the beginning of the year. Intent on using it as a prank most likely, but now…</p><p>A snotty voice picks up the phone, “Hargrove-Mayfield residence, this is Max speaking, who—”</p><p>“Yea, yea, hey Max, it’s Steph.”</p><p>The snottiness melts away long enough for Max to say, “Hey, what’s up…” And then suspicious, “Why are you calling my house?”</p><p>Why is she calling? Isn’t this a little overkill?</p><p>“I, uh, Billie wasn’t at school today. Will you let her know I have the assignments she missed?”</p><p>“I mean, that’s gonna be difficult to tell her. She’s not here.”</p><p>Eyebrows coming together, Steph adjusts the phone against her shoulder.</p><p>“What… do you mean?”</p><p>“She told her mom she wasn’t going to school this morning, cuz she wasn’t feeling good or whatever. I heard her throwing up this morning, but her mom told her to stop being a little bitch and just go. So she got in her car and left.”</p><p>Well, fuck. </p><p>“Please don’t tell your parents she didn’t show up,” Steph pleads. “I didn’t mean to get her in trouble, I was just—”</p><p>“Steph, it’s cool, I’m not gonna say anything. You think for one second I thought my sister went to school just because her mom told her to? Come on.”</p><p>For how mean Billie is to him, Max is actually an agreeable kid. Probably the one with the most common sense in Michelle’s little outcast gang. The quiet one, Winnie, she’s okay, too. Then again, with Billie’s big personality always breathing down his neck at home, Steph bets Max has to be agreeable. Billie has roughed people up for less. It’s not a pleasant thought, imagining Billie actually bullying her little brother, so Steph waves it away. Gone as soon as the thought had arrived. </p><p>“Yea, you’re right, um…” Steph winds her index finger around the loops of the phone cord, unsure of how to ask this without rousing Max’s suspicion again… “So she didn’t go to school, do you? Have any idea where she’s been all day? She got like a boyfriend or something…”</p><p>The whole school would know if Billie had a boyfriend. It sounds stupid even to Steph’s ears. Max scoffs on his end of the line, probably thinking the same thing. </p><p>“My sister doesn’t really date people, not that it’s any of your business—”</p><p>“Sorry—”</p><p>“—But she probably just parked somewhere and chilled out all day. She sleeps in her car sometimes when her mom really goes ballistic.”</p><p>And then silence. Steph doesn’t know what to say to that. Max’s voice had wound down with the admission, like he realized too late he shouldn’t have said that. A door opens and closes in Max’s house, though, and he sucks a breath through his teeth. </p><p>“Shit, her mom is home, I gotta go. Just… if you wanna look anywhere, check out by the quarry. She… likes it out there.”</p><p>It’s an oddly tender thing to say, but then the line is dead. Steph is left with even more confusion and worry. Billie couldn’t just hunker down at home today, so she’d driven somewhere and just… made the best of it. Groaning, Steph shoves the phone back in its cradle and scrubs her hands through her hair. She shouldn’t get involved. It’s not like Billie would do this for anybody. Collect their homework and worry over them like a mother hen. Steph rubs at her eyes next and knows she’s already in too deep. She’ll just… take a brief drive around Hawkins. If she finds the Camaro, cool. Whatever. If not? Then fuck it, too bad. </p><p>When she finds the Camaro parked real close to some trees, only the blue giving it away, Steph just sits in her car and talks herself up. </p><p>“It’s fine, she’ll probably be a little pissy someone is intruding, but like it’s fine. Just…” Steph hangs her head until she slumps forward, bottom of the steering wheel almost touching her. “Yea, just poke the sleeping lion with a stick and tempt it with charity, because it fucking loves it when people offer, sure, yea, great fucking plan, Harrington.”</p><p>She slaps the steering wheel and then wrestles herself out of the car, a tangle of long limbs. The moment her door is shut, Steph gets why Billie likes it out here. Not that this is her first time parking at the quarry and just hanging out. Maybe getting high, back when it had been the three amigos—her, Tammy, and Darryl. Sometimes she misses the closeness, but she can’t abide their meanness and their willingness to harass people. Of course she still remembers last year, really blowing it with Nathan in a moment of insecurity… But that’s all in the past. Everything has been smoothed over with Nathan and Jennifer for a while, now. She likes hanging out with them at school. Trading in two friends for new ones…</p><p>Billie must be curled up in the backseats under a blanket. If that’s not her shifting under said blanket, then Steph has much bigger problems. Even standing there in the gravel, reflection in the passenger window, Steph strongly considers just turning around and forgetting she’s found Billie. Billie will probably tell her to fuck off anyway. Still, no one else is going to drive around town and look for her. This whole situation sucks, and no one should have to sleep in their car. Especially on their period.</p><p>A careful tap, and then more movement. Steph taps again, says, “Uh, hey Billie…”</p><p>Billie is paler than Steph has ever seen her. Like all the color has drained out of her. She whips off the blanket from over her head and squints through the light. Steph tries not to, but a doofy grin tugs at her lips. She even waves like a total square. Billie just squints and squints, takes a look around through the windows, and then says something. It’s too muffled to hear.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Again, a little louder, but it’s just the rumble of Billie’s voice. No clear words.</p><p>Sighing, Steph chances the passenger door. The lock looks popped, although Steph objects to the idea of Billie sleeping with the damn doors unlocked. Anybody could have walked up and just opened them. Maybe take off with the car if they could find the keys. Or just wrestle them away from her. Steph would like to see someone try that, watch them fail miserably. Huffing, Steph shoves her worries down and gently pops the door open.</p><p>“What do you want, princess, I’m not in the mood.”</p><p>Hair a mess and pale as death, Billie looks like she hasn’t really gotta that much sleep in the car. At least she’s sitting up and talking, not barking at Steph to scram. Could be worse, although Steph bets Billie is worse off than she shows.</p><p>“I just…” Ah, she shouldn’t say this. Shouldn’t just offer ammo to Billie on a silver platter for ruthless teasing… “I was just worried about you, okay? When you didn’t come to school. And you weren’t home—”</p><p>Billie snorts and rasps, “Like it’s any of your business.”</p><p>Steph sees where Max gets it from. Still, she can’t rise to that. Billie just wants to twirl her around with mean words, poke her until she’s lit up, and then send her on her way to explode. She does it all the damn time. Not this time.</p><p>“Look, asshole, I came looking for you, because this”—Steph shoves the door open and gestures to Billie’s disheveled form—“this isn’t okay. You shouldn’t have to sleep in your car just to get some peace. It’s fucked up, is all I’m saying. Now will you please stop sleeping out here and just… I don’t know, come back to my house with me?”</p><p>She should just tell Billie to go home. Max’s voice ticking up in worry, a little fear, when Billie’s mom came home makes her think twice. What mother calls her daughter a bitch and doesn’t let her stay home sick? That’s absolutely crazy. </p><p>Billie blinks at her, no grin, no smart mouth. Just heavy bags under her eyes and her hair flat. Shiny when it catches the light like she needs a shower. She probably does.</p><p>“You want me to come back to your house. For what?”</p><p>Steph’s hands flop at her sides, helpless and frustrated.</p><p>“Take a shower, get something to eat, whatever, man. Or just stay out here bleeding in your car, who gives a crap.”</p><p>Billie snorts, mutters what sounds like “Clearly you do, princess,” under her breath.</p><p>But she stops fighting it.</p><p>“Fine, my knight in shining armor, I’ll go back with you,” Billie sighs like she’s the one doing Steph a favor. “I don’t have any clean clothes, and I’m not stopping by my house.”</p><p>Billie already sits up in her backseats, shoving the blanket down and crawling towards the passenger seat. Steph backs up when she slips a thick arm through the gap and yanks at the handle that will throw the seat forward. Steph hovers—she knows she’s hovering, damn it—with her hands ready to… what? Catch Billie if she stumbles out of the car? Offer her help? Fat chance of Billie taking that without weaponizing tenderness. So Steph backs up a few more steps to make room for Billie when she emerges from the car. Billie can’t hide her wince, the inhale sucked through her teeth, and the way her left hand flinches to her stomach.</p><p>“Don’t, um, don’t worry about that.” Steph’s voice comes out softer than she means. One wrong word and Billie will probably snap on her. “You can just wear something of mine.”</p><p>Billie does grimace now and holds her lower belly without shame. She must be hurting.</p><p>“What’s in it for you, huh? The shit at school yesterday and this. Why are you doing this?”</p><p>“Cuz… it’s not fair?”</p><p>“Life isn’t fair,” Billie snaps. “What, you pity me because I’m having some shitty days on my period? Get over yourself.”</p><p>Billie stumbles around the hood of the Camaro like she means to fall into it and speed away. Something wild and angry possesses Steph, and she marches up on Billie’s back, shoves her around by a thick, upper arm.</p><p>“Get over yourself!” She snaps back. “I’m not doing this for anybody or any reason. And I don’t feel sorry for you. You’re a fucking bitch, but that doesn’t mean you deserve this.” Steph grits her teeth around her words, settles back flat on her feet, and shakes her head. “If you don’t want help, then just tell me to fuck off. I can take a hint.”</p><p>Billie stares at her with eyebrows high and jaw tense. Like she’s about to fight. Her sneer from the beginning of the year, right after the first time someone ever charged Steph, comes rushing back.</p><p>So, Steph adjusts her stance like she knows what she’s doing. The only fight she’s ever been is was the one with Jennifer Byers, and she fucking lost that one by a mile. It’s what she gets for running her mouth and throwing punches from her shoulder. Jennifer knows how to curl her fist the right way, knows to swing from the hip. Billie’s even bigger than Jennifer, could probably knock Steph’s head clear off. Why can’t she ever keep her mouth shut?</p><p>Exhaling hard and long, Billie squares up in front of Steph and says low, “I broke the nose of the last person who called me a bitch.”</p><p>That’s a lie, or she’s excluding her mom. Steph just keeps her mouth shut, chin jutted out.</p><p>When Steph, for the first time, doesn’t back down from their stare, Billie stops holding the tension in her body. Thick hands on her hips, she huffs out a laugh and shakes her head. </p><p>“You’re lucky I’m dying from these cramps and don’t feel like beating your ass, princess.” Billie flicks a hand back to the BMW parked nearby. “Lead the way, then.”</p><p>Steph blinks, fight leeching right out of her.</p><p>“So you’re… gonna come back with me?”</p><p>“Yea, we can paint our nails and talk about boys,” Billie scoffs with a roll of her eyes. Already, her left hand slides around from her hip back to her belly. She must really mean it about the cramps. “You gonna stand there and gawk at me or… ?”</p><p>Steph thinks, hands tight on the BMW’s steering wheel, shoulders tense as she constantly checks for the Camaro in her rearview mirror, that no one would believe her if she told them about this. Nathan would bark out a laugh, voice bubbling with amusement like it’s a joke. Jennifer would just squint at her. Confused on why she’d lend a hand to the worst bully the school has ever seen.</p><p>They wouldn’t get it. Steph barely gets it, and she’s the one leading Billie Hargrove back to her house, doing the speed limit and stopping at every stop sign. It doesn’t feel real until Steph unlocks her door, pushes it open, and gestures for Billie to walk in. It’s already almost night when they shut the door behind them, lock clicking heavy where it bolts.</p><p>The shower hums for longer than Steph expects. It’s not a big deal, how long Billie takes. The hot water probably does her lower back good. If Billie’s cramps are anything like Steph’s, the pain radiates to her lower back and makes her feel like someone had kicked the living daylights out of her.</p><p>That’s only if Steph doesn’t catch it, doesn’t guzzle water and pain pills like her life depends on it. Steph had tried to push water and Midol into Billie’s hands before the shower turned on, but Billie just slammed the door in her face. Steph loiters in front of the door now. Clean clothes—underwear, t-shirt, and pajama bottoms—drape over her arm where she clutches them to her chest. She can’t seem to do much other than pace into another room before returning here. Waiting.</p><p>Skin whining, slipping over the tiles, feet scrambling to catch weight, and then Billie hissing, “Shit.”</p><p>Steph is already toe-to-toe with the bathroom door. Licking her lips, she risks Billie’s ire with a careful knock.</p><p>“You okay in there, Hargrove?”</p><p>She doesn’t mean to parrot almost exactly what Billie had said to her in the bathroom at school. When she was done crowding Steph to the wall with a headache fierce and throbbing behind her eyes.</p><p>Silence. And then, “Think I almost passed out just now.”</p><p>Steph’s hand is on the doorknob before she knows what she’s doing. It clicks in her hand when she turns it. Billie hadn’t locked it.</p><p>“Do you, um, want me to come in? I have clean clothes for you, I can leave them on the uh, the sink, if you want.”</p><p>Billie sighs and grumbles, “It’s your house, baby doll, do whatever you want.”</p><p>Billie’s fire and quick wit isn’t there like it usually is. It’s concerning, enough for Steph to forget the attitude she normally has to put on like a mask around Billie. When Steph opens the door, she expects a plume of steam. It’s humid in here, but not the scalding heat she’d expected. The white shower curtain is drawn across the tub, concealing things she’s already seen plenty of times. She doesn’t expect Billie’s hand to slip around it, near the bottom, and tug the curtain back just enough so they can see each other.</p><p>“You’re… sitting down? Are you okay?”</p><p>“I said I almost passed out, did I? I fucked up and had the water too hot. Got dizzy.” She shrugs and nudges the curtain open a little more. “Nice shampoo and conditioner in here. Is it yours?”</p><p>Steph nods while leaving clothes out for Billie.</p><p>“Yea, this is like my bathroom. Basically.” She tucks a frizzled lock of hair behind her ear, the humidity getting to the strands. She just as quickly fidgets with her hair and then crosses her arms over her chest. “Do you, um, need anything else?”</p><p>Billie’s eyes are closed where she relaxes against the  tub wall. The water from the shower head probably rains down on her legs. It’ll be tricky to stand up. A sigh, and then Billie looks up at her, more tired than Steph has ever seen.</p><p>“If you’re in the business of doing favors for me, you could be a pal and slap a pad on that underwear for me. It’ll be a race against time once I shut the water off, know what I’m sayin’?” </p><p>Billie stares at her like she’s drunk, wet hair stuck to her forehead and all down her throat. Steph bites off a laugh—it’s not a giggle—and bends down to the cabinets under the vanity. Billie watches her through the motions of doing as she’s told, balling the plastic wrapper up when she’s done with it and flicking it into the trash. Steph thinks about what Billie had said, about the race against time, and moves a towel and the underwear to the top of the toilet. They’ll be within reach so Billie can stand in the tub while she dries off. No mess on the floor, if the worst should happen.</p><p>That done, Billie grunts, “Thanks,” and closes her eyes again. </p><p>That should be the end of it. Steph can’t exactly help with anything else unless they want to cross the line into… weirdness. She’s had to do worse, she supposes. Had to hold Destiny’s hair last D&amp;D night when she ate too much pizza and threw up in Michelle’s basement. Poor thing cried about it, so Steph guided her up to a bathroom and sat with her, cleaning her face and reassuring Destiny that everything was okay, it wasn’t a big deal. That her friends certainly don’t care about a little accident. Well, except maybe Winnie who went a little green from all the sounds, but…</p><p>Steph shuffles on her feet to go, intent on finally leaving Billie alone. Or at least going to pace somewhere else in the big, empty house. Billie cracking open an eye stops her. It’s not fair, how she’s run down and not feeling well, but she still manages to hold Steph frozen with just a single glance.</p><p>“Stay,” she rumbles. Thinks about it for a second. “Talk to me.”</p><p>“… About what?”</p><p>“Anything. Whatever.” Billie shrugs again, sighs, and slips down the tub a little. “Just talk to me.”</p><p>Steph nods despite her uncertainty. Glancing to the closed lid of the toilet, Steph slips slowly over the linoleum floor and sits with barely any noise. It’s as close as they can get without Steph climbing in with her. Which is absolutely out of the question. Swallowing hard and trying not to play with her hair, Steph channels her nerves into rambling. She’s good at that.</p><p>“So, uh, you know the gaggle of middle school girls I babysit a lot, right? They’re friends with your little br-I mean, Max.”</p><p>Billie hums with her eyes closed. With the shower curtain and tub blocking most of her, Steph just watches Billie’s shoulders shift. Her arms disappear down her body. </p><p>“Anyway, they like to hang out as much as their parents can stand. And we usually end up in Nathan’s basement where the kids have all this… like nerd shit set up. I don’t understand any of it, but they look like they have fun playing, uh, their game. Dungeons and Dragons. Do you know anything about it?”</p><p>Billie’s throat rolls when she swallows, and she shifts her shoulders against the tub. Like she’s looking for a more comfortable position.</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>Her breaths are a little loud over the static of the spray. Steph bites her lip, worries maybe Billie’s cramps are really bad, and scrambles to pick up where she’d left off. All the while, she watches Billie’s face twitch while she talks.</p><p>“So I guess Michelle is the ring leader, cuz she’s always the one telling the story, I can’t follow it, they’re apparently in the middle of a… campaign? Whatever, anyway, so like they have to roll dice to progress in the game, and they have all these papers and books involved. Destiny must have the manual memorized by now. She’s always correcting the others when they make a wrong move. It’s, uh… kinda cute how they all…”</p><p>Steph trails off as Billie’s breaths increase, head tilting back against the wall. Steph sits there frozen with her mouth hung open a little, completely forgetting what she’d been rambling about. The muscles in Billie’s neck and shoulders tense while she breathes, holding something back or in. Steph wants to lean forward, wants to card soaked curls out of her face and ask what’s wrong, if she’s okay.</p><p>Billie’s face twitches through a few emotions, mostly pain and gritting her teeth. Lips twitching into snarls with her eyes closed. One cracks open, though, as she keeps breathing hard.</p><p>“Keep going, baby girl, keep talking.”</p><p>That gentle demand does all the wrong sorts of things to Steph’s insides. The pain thaws in Billie’s face for a second, expression almost blissful, and then she’s gritting her teeth again. Steph startles once she’s free of Billie’s spell and waggles her jaw as she searches for the thread of her thought. She can’t help, though, but watch the bob of Billie’s throat when she leans back again. Panting.</p><p>“Um… It’s kinda cute how they all build off each other and make sure they’re all having fun. It seems like they could pick on Winnie a lot, Jennifer’s little sister, cuz she’s so shy and doesn’t take the big risks like the other girls. But they’re always so proud and start screaming and carrying on when she wins something or kills something, whatever…”</p><p>If only she could leave her mouth on autopilot. She trails off again when Billie’s breaths grow fast and loud enough to challenge Steph’s soft voice. She strains harder than all the other times, eyes fluttering open only to roll back. And Steph’s face flushes into her hair, all up her little ears. She’s not sure what Billie is doing, is both torn and grateful the shower curtain covers most of her. Steph’s legs squeeze together where she sits so close and so far away, hands a tangled mess in her lap. Billie strains and strains without taking a breath, without saying a word. Until whatever it is passes, and she collapses back to the tub wall. She slips impossibly farther down until water would lap at her chin if the tub were full.</p><p>When blue eyes peer open, Steph is still staring with her mouth a little slack. Still pink under those doe eyes.</p><p>A smirk twitches briefly over Billie’s lips. And then she’s sitting up, yanking the curtain closed.</p><p>“Sounds like your kids are a tight-knit group,” she says thickly, voice strained. From what, Steph doesn’t think about. “I know Maximillian gave them trouble at the beginning of the year, cuz he thought they were being creepy, but I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him make friends so fast. Glad it worked out, you know?”</p><p>Steph isn’t sure how she knows, but she’s sure Billie shoves herself back to her feet to finish her shower. Cheeks still splotchy with color, Steph rubs the back of her hand against that heat. Unlike her face, her hands are ice cold. What had she just watched Billie do?</p><p>“Y-Yea, they’re unlike anything I had when I was their age. I’m kinda envious, if I’m being honest. I had Tammy and Darryl growing up, but like…”</p><p>“They’re kinda shit,” Billie drawls. The water cuts off. “You might wanna stand back. I don’t have a lot of time to dry myself off before…” A grin, unseen. “You know.”</p><p>Steph does as she’s told, always doing as she’s told with Billie, and considers turning her back to Billie. Or leaving entirely. Dressing yourself is a one-person job, so she’s just taking up space. Then again, Billie is used to open stares, used to Steph bowing her head a little to look anywhere but in her eyes. So Steph leans her weight against the vanity, arms crossed, and doesn’t even startle when Billie whips the curtain back.</p><p>It’s all stuff she’s seen before. Gold skin straight from California, although as the months drag on Billie loses some of that honey all the time. Fall will do that to a healthy tan like Billie’s. Suck the color right out of her. Billie snatches the towel without a glance to Steph and squeezes water out of her hair, first. From head to toe, she’ll chase water down the slope of her body. Billie’s shoulders are broader than her waist, although that’s not saying much what with how stocky she is. Steph has often wondered if Billie had been chubby growing up. She’s got a body like Barney Holland, Nathan’s best friend, and Barney never really grew out of that chubby phase.</p><p>Steph prides herself on feeling nothing while watching water escape down Billie’s breasts. Fuller than Steph’s will ever be. They’re just breasts; she sees them all the time. Billie gets a lot of harassment for them, though, from boys and girls alike. People all just assume she’s a slut because of how she looks… Although, Steph switches which arm is crossed on top against her chest, Steph suspects Billie plays into that role just to make people talk. To give them something to talk about. As far as Steph is aware, Billie doesn’t sleep around with anyone. Guys just claim they’ve fucked her. For bragging rights.</p><p>Blue eyes snap up to hers the moment Steph’s dare to drift down, down, farther down past the hollow of Billie’s navel. Billie catches her ogling all the time, this time staring between her legs like a creep. Billie just holds Steph’s stare while brushing the towel across her chest, under her arms and breasts. Steph swallows hard and can’t help but wonder if, after showering for basketball practice, if Billie struggles to hook her bra on and slip it around her. If her skin sticks to the material as badly as it does with Steph sometimes. Only Billie has a lot more… body to fight. Steph stares right where Billie’s pendant hangs in the flat space between her breasts. Water still clings to her there. It must be… warm…</p><p>Fingers snapping and then, “Earth to the princess, hello?” Billie smirks at how Steph jumps and averts her eyes. Caught peeping. “Jesus, maybe I should consider selling tickets and make some money off people staring at me. See something you like? Hurry, hurry, hurry, get it while it’s hot!”</p><p>Steph rolls her eyes. Billie knows full well all the girls on the team look at her. She’s something else, different from the rest of them. Other. At least she seems to be back to normal, back on her mean bullshit. Steph finally does turn around when Billie snatches up the loaned underwear. Steph definitely doesn’t need to watch this part, Billie dragging panties up her legs and giving a little hop to snap them the rest of the way on. A sigh, mess averted, and then Billie steps out of the tub.</p><p>Heat blooms directly behind Steph, something brushing her. A fast glance in the mirror to her right shows Billie crowded close, standing only in the underwear. Billie is definitely back to her usual self, using all that body of hers to try and physically intimidate Steph in her own bathroom. Steph doesn’t give her the satisfaction, just reaches for the door knob to leave. Billie slapping a hand above Steph’s head, though, sends the wood right back into the doorjamb. So it’s either huddle against the door or have Billie’s body all over her. Billie cages her in, now, just like back at school. Steph doesn’t dare turn around to have all that honey pressed to her front. Not while Billie could pick up how her face heats up. Instead, Steph stares at the two of them in the mirror, fog already clearing up.</p><p>“What-what are you doing?” She almost squeaks.</p><p>Steph keeps her eyes up when she glares at Billie’s reflection. Billie is right there, much closer than Steph had thought. Each of Billie’s slow breaths plays with a thin strand of Steph’s hair.</p><p>Billie leans that much closer, chest pressing to Steph’s back, and rumbles deeply, “You didn’t answer my question.”</p><p>“… What?”</p><p>Billie’s right arm cages Steph against the door, hand powerful and flat on the wood. Steph has to stare past and under Billie’s arm to watch them in the mirror. Billie’s left hand, though, is caught behind them. So she can’t watch it when it cups her hip and squeezes.</p><p>Steph gasps and arches against the door.</p><p>“H-hey, that hurts!”</p><p>Billie’s grip lets up immediately, fingers rubbing the ache as an apology. Billie’s voice is molten in Steph’s pink ear when he says again, “You didn’t answer my question, Steph.” And then she’s all heat and weight on Steph’s back, pushing her flush to the door and holding Steph there with thighs pinning hers. “See something you like? Are you… curious?”</p><p>“Curious… how?” Steph’s voice breaks a little, reminds her of middle school boys who haven’t found their bass yet. She hates it when her voice does that. “What are you on about, Hargrove?”</p><p>Something breaks the spell. Something in Steph’s voice or the confused, annoyed edge in it. Billie huffs in her ear. And then she retreats, taking all her warmth and the weight of her powerful body with her. Steph could just collapse and slide down to the floor, pulse fluttering wildly in her neck. She feels it jump with adrenaline in her lips, her fingertips. The fight or flight instinct in her takes a lot of coaxing to go down, and when she risks a glance at Billie next, Billie is tugging on the pajama pants and t-shirt. They’re only a little too small on her, hugging her in the ways Steph wishes her clothes did.</p><p>Flicking her hair off her neck, Billie grumbles, “Nothing. Forget it.”</p><p>Hot and cold, back and forth. Steph could just tear at her hair and scream. Billie levels an annoyed look at her and snuffs out any desire in Steph to push back, to demand answers. It’s not worth her frustration.</p><p>“Cool, um… So do you wanna eat dinner? I was probably gonna order a pizza.” She tried for a grin. “It’s Friday, right? Why not?”</p><p>Billie considers her for a spell. They’re not as close as before, but maybe half a step separates them. Just as sweat pricks at the collar of Steph’s blouse, the same clothes she’d worn to school today, Billie nods her head to the door. </p><p>“It’s getting stuffy in here. Open the door, we can make plans not swimming in this humidity.”</p><p>The rest of the night is so subdued. Off kilter. Steph doesn’t have an affinity for the living room, dining room, anywhere downstairs. So they just leave the pizza on Steph’s desk—for the grease spot that will soak through the cardboard—and lounge about her room. Billie stalks past her closet and her things while Steph’s music plays. She even nudges the closet door open to look at all the preppy clothes inside. Or at least that’s the comment Billie would make. She’s quiet after the bathroom. Doesn’t even complain about Steph’s taste in music, which they both know is the polar opposite of Billie’s. Billie only manages a slice of pizza before she’s by the bedroom door, pulling it open.</p><p>“I’m gonna crash in a guest room. ‘Bout to fall asleep standing up.”</p><p>Shoulders sinking, Steph murmurs, “Oh… okay, um… There’s one downstairs and one up here. Take whatever one—”</p><p>“Downstairs it is, good night, princess.”</p><p>And then she’s gone. Steph keeps still and strains her ears through Morrissey wailing, ‘I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear,’ until the house falls silent again. She should be thrilled that Billie is out of her room, not snooping anymore. Steph’s heart had leapt into her throat earlier when Billie hooked a finger in the little divot of Steph’s top dresser drawer. Like she would slide wood on wood, slow, and peek into her messily folded underwear and socks. But it didn’t happen like that, and now Steph just wishes Billie hadn’t left like that. Hadn’t been so… distant since the bathroom. </p><p>Steph walks the pizza box downstairs for the fridge, remaining pieces to be scavenged later. On the way back up, she pauses at the bottom of the stairs, dainty hand on the railing. The guest bedroom is right there. The light is still on. It glows soft and yellow under the door. It draws Steph in like a wanderer in the night until her toes are right at the edge. She holds her breath and waits for something. A shadow or sound. Something. Maybe she should check on Billie and make sure she’s okay…. Steph has a hand on the door when a floorboard down the hallway groans. </p><p>Leaping like a scared cat, Steph bounds away from Billie materializing out of the darkness. If not for that floorboard giving her away, Steph never would have known she was there. Doesn’t actually know how long Billie watched her from the shadows. And that’s a thought her little-bird heart doesn’t need right now. Steph coos to herself and flattens a hand in the center of her chest, face twitching through a few expressions before finally landing on sheepish. </p><p>“Hey… Billie. What’s uh, what’s up, fancy meeting… you here…”</p><p>Billie just blinks at her, almost bored.</p><p>“It’s your house.”</p><p>Steph tries to laugh it off. Tries to grin like a clown if only so that Billie will smile back. It works on everyone else, has worked on Billie during desperate times to deflect the worst of her viper tongue. Not this time. And the longer Steph goofs off in the dark hallway, the more tension slips in. Not even the… strange, charged kind whenever Billie tries to tower over her despite Steph being the taller of them. No, just simmering tension that could lead to fighting and yelling. The dry underbrush needs only the smallest spark, a careless cigarette butt to ignite.</p><p>Swallowing hard, Steph tries, “Billie um… Look, I…”</p><p>Billie sighs from deep within her chest, holds her hands on her hips, and grumbles, “What is it now, princess? What do you want?”</p><p>It’s not playful at all. Not suggestive. Steph isn’t sure she’s ever heard Billie so serious before. The lack of any humor on her face—just now realizing Billie’s resting face is actually rather stern and mean, the word “bitch” comes to mind—shuts down any nonsense rambling Steph had ready on reflex. </p><p>Instead, she just deflates a little and says softly, “Nothing. Sorry for bothering you.”</p><p>Silence, and then Billie pushes the guest room door open, floods the hall with light, and then shuts it. The light through the gap at the bottom snuffs out. It’s the coldest shoulder anyone has ever given her, and Steph isn’t sure what to do with it.</p><p>The house is quiet and still when she climbs back up to her room. The record must have stopped playing a while ago. She flicks the needle up to end the empty static that buzzes through the little speaker. When she flips her own light off, her room isn’t truly dark. The glow from the pool below is comforting—blue, her favorite color. Mattress almost silent under her when she crawls in, Steph drapes her blanket over her head a little and falls asleep facing the window, sourness in her stomach plaguing her all night.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Billie and Steph have a heart-to-heart.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's that time again. I don't think I need to warn for anything in this chapter. I legit do not remember anything that happens lol. I wrote it all so fast that I don't have a memory of it XD So I'm just as excited as y'all.</p><p>Leave comments pls. "Oh I wish I could leave kudos twice." Bruh just comment. It's cool. Juuuuust comment.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/missraygillette">@missraygillette</a> I tweet about things I'm working on. Come love these stupid girls/boys with me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Billie and the Camaro are gone Saturday morning when Steph wakes up. And even though she tells herself not to, she finds herself driving out to the quarry. Just to see, just to make sure Billie isn’t sleeping in her car again. She’s not there Saturday or Sunday. Steph’s worried mind lingers on Friday, combs over every interaction she can remember to try and find the frayed end of… whatever weird relationship is between them. Not friends, but not enemies anymore.</span>
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  <span>Of course now, Monday morning halls bustling, she has no idea where they stand. She still doesn’t know what she did to piss Billie off. Practice is the first time seeing her all day where normally Billie is everywhere Steph is in the halls, in the cafeteria, smoking outside… </span>
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  <span>Billie plays shirts with Steph instead of skins—well, white t-shirts versus the dirty-mint green ones with the school name big on the chest. That’s never happened before, but Coach just shrugs, blows her whistle, and they’re off. Normally? Steph has to be on her top guard, her best focus during practice. More so than an actual game, because Billie is always ready to go with those broad shoulders of hers. Like the harder she charges Steph, the better the practice. The more productive. So Steph is almost feeling good about things—Billie won’t pass her the ball when she’s open and won’t look at her, but—when Tammy H slams into her.</span>
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  <span>As Steph flops on her back and the air rushes out of her, she thinks maybe it’d been on purpose. Mostly from the way Tammy hovers over her, lips smacking with gum and grinning.</span>
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  <span>“Sorry, Your Majesty,” she sneers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all she gets out before Steph watches Billie practically leap over her splayed body, pick Tammy up by her shirt, and throw her across the shiny floor.</span>
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  <span>Everything is slow motion for Steph already, her skull throbbing like her headache last week. The snarl she catches on Billie’s face is wild and all teeth. Crazy. Tammy’s body hits the floor. Steph feels the impact through the boards. She bounces off her face, rolls, and then stops herself with her hands slipping and burning on the wood. Billie breathes like a steam engine getting ready to blow, takes a single step towards her teammate.</span>
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  <span>And then finally Coach blows the fucking whistle. Billie halts like she’s walked into a wall. At her sides, her huge hands flex like paws. Steph blinks at them, each eye closing at a different time, and then angles her head to look at Billie’s face. Her little nose is flared, so angry, but it all drains when she glances down and meets Steph’s eyes. Steph offers her a loopy smile, because what else can she do?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some of the other girls try to pick her up, Chelsea and Bridgett not exactly heavy lifters or anything. Billie, mindless to Coach yelling at her, shoves them away. The attitude of the team quickly mutinies Billie in favor of siding with Tammy. Steph can tell despite her brain turning into scrambled eggs that Billie doesn’t care.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s not listening to any of them when she sweeps down on a knee. They haven’t spoken since Friday night. When Billie came out of nowhere in the dark, scaring Steph so bad, and then all this… silent treatment between them. When Billie hooks her arms under Steph’s long legs and under her shoulders, Steph puts up only the tiniest fight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she slurs, hands barely making it to Billie’s chest to push her away. It’s like a fly hitting the windshield of a car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Face severe at rest, Billie murmurs to her, “Come on, baby girl, let’s get you up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Up” means cradled in Billie’s arms like an actual baby and then off to the nurse’s office. She shrugs her left arm until Steph’s head falls into the crease, cheek brushing Billie’s t-shirt where it’s damp from sweat. Normally, Steph would flinch and make a face, because ew. But every step Billie takes makes the world tilt a little like in a funhouse mirror, and Steph thinks she’ll be sick. She groans and turns her face to Billie’s chest, uncaring about the sweat or how Billie jumps a little. Steph presses her face there until colors bloom behind her closed eyelids. There’s nothing in her stomach, unable to convince herself to eat when she couldn’t find Billie anywhere at lunch, but she could definitely hurl right now. She hopes she doesn’t get sick on Billie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re alone when Steph opens her eyes. Billie must have carried her in past the nurse’s desk and onto one of the cots in the back room. Like she weighs nothing to Billie. Steph’s head still isn’t on entirely straight. Can’t be with Billie hovering over her, face so open and honest while she carefully pets Steph’s hair. The length is caught in a scrunchie at the back of her head, but all the waves over her eyes are too short for that. It gives something for Billie to pet anyway. When she’s not rubbing the curl of her knuckles up Steph’s jaw, under an eye that won’t focus fully. Steph blinks and watches Billie right back. She hadn’t known what tenderness Billie is capable of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Billie’s openness is quick to shutter. She purses her lips and takes her hand away, even rises back to her full height. Like she’s leaving. Steph whines, expression crumbling, and twists weak fingers into Billie’s black shorts. Billie will have to unhook each ragged nail from her shorts to set herself free. Pink lips frown down at Steph’s hand, and she actually grips Steph by the wrist, prying at her fingers. It’s like a nightmare, now, and Steph whines again until Billie stops and looks down at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t,” she pleads, head giving a warning throb when she moves it wrong. “Come-come on, don’t be like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what, Harrington?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph can’t help the bitter noise that falls out of her. There’s no one around. They don’t need to have this weird bravado with each other. Some twisted form of machismo like they’re peacocking all the damn time. Steph tugs on Billie’s shorts, meaning to bring her closer. Billie just stares at her with all that hardness in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I’m ‘Harrington’ again, huh?” Steph’s face crumbles a little. She’s not going to cry. Everything just sucks right now. “Billie, please, you gotta-you gotta tell me what I did wrong. I messed up, I know I did, I-I pissed you off somehow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t,” Billie grumbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph just gives a petulant tug on her shorts again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why are you avoiding me, then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s scarred eyebrow flicks up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that like we’re friends. I know you hate me, princess, you don’t have to fake being nice to me. I get it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t hate you,” she pouts. “You’re just a jerk sometimes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you mean all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s next retort dies when Billie pets her hair out of her eyes again. It’d fallen in the way of those loopy, doe eyes from all of Steph’s wiggling. She pulls away all too soon. At least she’s not trying to leave anymore, actually turns and rests her backside on the edge of the cot. Steph unwinds her long fingers, but only to twist them into Billie’s shirt instead. Billie looks down at her from the side, considers her hand, and then faces empty space again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it, Steph. All that stuff you did for me last week. You really don’t have to do that. You’re not gonna win any brownie points with others reaching out to the school psycho.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who called you that?” Steph grunts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone. Probably you at one point.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Okay, maybe. But not anymore. She doesn’t feel that way anymore. Not after the shoving match between them at the arcade a little after Halloween. Because Billie had found out Max was hanging out with the Party. And Billie didn’t like it. So they shoved and hissed at each other, Billie taking an actual swing at her and spilling her on her ass. Not unlike Tammy H just now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But with the kids howling and cheering her on, she just stumbled to her feet, reared one back, and socked Billie right in the cheek. Billie barely even shifted on her feet, sure, but the look of wild fascination on her face was worth it. The owner of the arcade came out at that point, and to avoid a ban on her little squad for fighting, Steph hightailed it out of there sans Max.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then after that, they’ve been… almost cool. Billie at least had stopped messing with her at practice. Steph even had a good injury-free streak going until now…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph wiggles on the cot, nudging her thigh along the waistband of Billie’s shorts. She’s a furnace even through her clothes. Even though it’s freezing in here. A hard shiver runs through Steph, and then Billie’s hand is back on her face. Steph takes Billie by the wrist, needing a few tries to accomplish her task, but eventually guides the lines in Billie’s palm to her cheek. Above her, Billie has to twist at the hip a little to accommodate Steph’s hold on her, but she doesn’t pull away. It may be the head injury talking, but when Steph blinks tired eyes up at Billie, she thinks she sees some of that fascination from their fight in those blue eyes. Maybe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t… say stuff like that about you,” she slurs after ordering her tongue in her mouth. It doesn’t want to work right now. “You’re not a psycho. And-and you’re not a bitch.” Steph pouts a little. “I shouldn’t have said that either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, you weren’t wrong, princess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph turns her cheek more into Billie’s palm. It sends a spike of pain down her neck to do so, rubbing the tender back of her head into the cot, but she has to do it. She needs this moment with Billie before it all comes rushing back and Billie hates her again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph can’t keep her eyes open anymore, but she still fights with, “I was wrong. And anybody who calls you that is wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie snorts, murmurs, “I bet Tammy would disagree with you after the way she bounced on her face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph cracks an eye open. Luckily for her pulsing head, Billie leans close again. Her body blocks out the light overhead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tammy’s a bitch,” Steph grumbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That finally gets a few, huffed laughs. A flash of a smirk. It’s better than Billie being so cold, all that meanness hardening her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, she is. Guess I won’t be hanging around her anymore after today.” Billie shrugs. “Not that big of a loss, honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm…” Steph’s grip trembles around Billie’s wrist. She’s so tired, wants to sleep. She’ll have to let Billie go to do that, and that’s not an option. “Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her thumb strokes under Steph’s eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it, baby doll?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The warmth in Billie’s voice that Steph hasn’t heard since Friday makes her smile a little less painful. Steph squeezes Billie’s wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you mad at me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence for a spell, so long that Steph thinks maybe she nods off. But the metal of the cot frame groans a little as Billie shifts her weight on it. Closer. Billie’s warmth is level with Steph’s hip, now. Steph gives a little noise caught between a whimper and a grunt as she forces painful eyes open. She does so in time for her heart to leap into her throat, watching Billie bend down. In her scrambled head, she easily imagines Billie tilting her head up—like Nathan used to—and kissing her so sweetly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that’s not reality. Billie doesn’t lean that close at all, actually, just bends so that her left hand has an easier time petting Steph’s hair, ghosting fingertips over her forehead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she admits at last. “I’m not mad. I’ve… got a lot on my mind. Sometimes you just…” Billie’s hands twitch on Steph’s skin, her hair. “Sometimes you just frustrate me, and I get angry at myself. But never you, baby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurts to smile this time, a wide, hopeful grin, so Steph stops trying. A door opening somewhere and feet scuffling closer draws the curtains on this moment between them, though. Billie’s hands flinch around her, and they quickly withdraw. Steph doesn’t want her to go, but she’s too weak, too in pain to do anything about it. The only protest she puts up is to whine, just a little, when Billie stands from the cot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie has to make room for the nurse and the assistant principal, although the latter holds back. He’s not here for Steph. Steph wishes her head were on straight so she could defend Billie from the lecture taking place at the nurse’s desk. Making out the words is hard, but she knows Billie is getting chewed out for throwing Tammy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, she started it,” Steph mumbles through lips that barely move, but no one hears her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph ends up at the ER that serves Hawkins and the surrounding, even smaller towns. Apparently it’s a rule somewhere in school policy. Students with head injuries that could be concussions have to be checked out. Steph’s parents aren’t around for that, but Steph is a big girl. It’s just a few hours at the ER, waiting and having doctors and nurses talk at her. Things to look out for, things to return to the ER for if she notices them. She could just cry when they tell her to get lots of sleep. She’s excused from school for the next two days, but when she hobbles out in her practice clothes and nothing else, shivering in early December, she’s not too excited for that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lone headlights cut through the visitor parking lot. An engine revs like the roar of a lion. Steph would recognize it anywhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The windows are down when Billie slowly rolls up along the entrance to the ER. In the backseats, she has Steph’s stuff from the locker room. She has no idea what time it is, only that it’s late. Practice had been at like 4. Hours have passed here. Surely it’s past curfew, not that Billie abides by anyone’s rules. They’re on the road once Steph is in the car, Billie mumbling something about the seatbelt. Steph has to dust it off when she finds the buckle, has to actually dig the other half out of the seat where it’s smashed against the plastic of the center console.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Windows rolled halfway up—for Steph’s sake—Billie’s voice actually stays inside the car when she admits, “School suspended me for two days because of Tammy and those other girls. They made it out like what she did was an accident.” Billie shrugs. It doesn’t miss Steph’s notice that Billie isn’t smoking. That Billie is suspended for the same two days she’ll also be missing. “Sort of like a mini-vacation for me, so let the good times roll, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is your… mom gonna be pissed at you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hands tighten on the steering wheel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They already called her and told her.” Billie sighs. “When I walked in after the ambulance took you away and I left school, I was told I wasn’t allowed in the house when I would normally be at school. So you tell me if she’s pissed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods, considers something, and then, “You’re not gonna try and sleep in your car again, are you? It’s freezing outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shoots her a thin look, like Steph is being particularly thick about this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have another suggestion, princess?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t get too riled up. The doctor’s instructions folded and clutched to her chest specifically say that she needs rest and relaxation. To make sure there’s no lasting brain damage. Not that Steph thinks there’s much up there to damage…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, hello, Ground Control to Major Billie? I literally live in a four-bedroom house by myself most of the time. There’s not, like, exactly a lot of food at my house, but that’s an easy fix. Especially if I’m home bound for the next two days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie snorts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty sure you're not supposed to drive while recovering, either, so I guess it works out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph grins is victorious, but her face falls just as quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, my car!” She almost slaps a hand to her forehead, but catches herself just before impact. “My car is still at school… I guess I can call Nathan and Jennifer tomorrow, ask if they’ll do me a solid and drive it over here.” She sighs, slumping into the passenger seat. Eyes closed and so, so tired, Steph asks quietly, “Did you grab any clothes and stuff before your mom kicked you out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Billie replies, just as quietly. She must be minding her volume for Steph’s sake. “I was going to drop you off and then sneak over, see if I can’t get in through the window and grab some shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph opens her eyes to their reflections in the windshield, Billie’s intense eyes watching her and the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm… maybe you don’t have to sneak in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you figure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Party gave Max a little radio, right? You’ve probably seen it around. It’s a long rectangle, chrome around the body? Looks like something out of a 1940s nuclear war advertisement thing? You know, where they tell you to get under a fucking desk to protect yourself from an atomic bomb?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph so wishes she could laugh without the pressure beating her eyes like drums. Billie chuckles warmly for her, coaxes some heat back into Steph’s face. She’s been terribly cold since the fall, can’t wait until she’s home and can draw the covers around her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, I’ve seen it. If I assume correctly, you have one and you wanna radio Max and include him in this little heist?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean…” Steph’s grin is sheepish. “It’s not a heist if it’s your stuff, Billie. Plus how can you pass up the strategic advantage of having a man on the inside? It’s the perfect setup.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Watching their reflections, Steph bites her lip when Billie sighs heavily, throwing her head back a little. Resigned to Steph’s wheedling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So where is this radio of yours? I assume at your house… Unless it’s in your car, then I swear to god, Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph can’t stop the laugh this time, but she bottles it to just a few jumps of her shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s at home, don’t get your panties in a twist. Just swing us by there really quick, I’ll run in and grab it, and then we can head over to your house.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all set for Steph. She smiles, still tired, but happy to help. Happy that Billie won’t have to spend a single night sleeping in this car. The air between them is quiet. Not comfortable, though. Steph frowns the longer that discomfort lingers until she turns her head to look at Billie for real. She looks thoughtful, glancing at Steph out the corner of her eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to go with me, Steph.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what if I want to? You need a look out, don’t you? I can’t be the getaway driver, sorry, rain check on that role, buddy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A genuine grin tugs at Billie’s face. Steph knows, because Billie turns her head to the left ever so slightly, trying to hide the expression. Steph sees it for what it is, though. The joy of camaraderie. Of someone finally, finally being on your side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The expression persists until they roll up in front of Steph’s house, luckily her keys are amongst her things from the gym locker. Billie accepting them teaming up, accepting the offer of staying here for a few days warms Steph the rest of the way up. She’s not even upset when it takes a few tries to wake Max up, when Max answers full of attitude. Seeing that grin of Billie’s makes the trip to Cherry Street all worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s house is bigger than it has any right to be. It’s something Billie had decided for herself the first time here last week. Steph is the only one who actually lives here. No siblings, no parents around. It’s about as sore a subject with Steph as Billie’s mom is with her, so they don’t talk about it. If Steph wants to, then she will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least there’s more than one bathroom. It’s a small blessing considering Billie’s house on Cherry Street with its four family members and one tiny bathroom. Even the house in California had two full bathrooms. Billie can’t think about it for too long or she’ll just clam up on Steph again. She needs to stop doing that, doesn’t ever want those big doe eyes to look up at her so pitifully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Are you mad at me?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pft, far from it. Mad for Steph? Crazy, absolutely gaga for her? Yea, Billie is mad all right. And now cooped up in Steph’s big, lonely house where Steph sort of hovers around her constantly… Billie worries she’ll go mad in these two days. Attention at school and gossip keep them apart. Keep Billie mean as she performs for their peers when she teases Steph and pushes her around. She can’t rely on that here, and without that mask, Steph will see her for the lonely dyke she is. How Steph hasn’t figured it out yet…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dainty wrist in Billie’s grip, she squints through the dust at Steph’s nail. She almost has the shape right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… how did you learn all this stuff? Like the skin care and nail stuff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie adjusts her grip on Steph’s fingers to continue with the next nail. They were all uneven and bitten when they’d started ten minutes ago. Now, Billie has them clipped short and even. She just needs to square them off, buff them. Maybe paint them if Steph will let her…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just something I picked up from my girlfriends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The word is out of her mouth before Billie can censor herself. The nail file scratches to a halt against Steph’s finger as Billie goes cold. Will Steph notice her slip up?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph just shifts her legs that are crossed between them and says happily, “That’s so cool. I didn’t really have friends like that growing up. It was Tammy H and Darryl. I think Tammy tried to do my hair and make-up once when we were younger, but”—Steph shrugs—“I wasn’t into it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh, that’s right, these Midwest girls don’t hear the word “girlfriend” from her and immediately think queer. They think she means a friend who is a girl. It’s both a relief and disappointing. Isolating. To think so much acceptance had surrounded Billie and now…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie? You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A grin snaps through Billie’s sadness, and she says all smooth and warm, “Yea, of course baby. The dust from your god-awful nails is getting in my eyes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph huffs and rolls her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I warned you they were bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie tucks into it again and says over the scratch of the emery board, “You weren’t kidding. They wouldn’t get this bad if—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph immediately whines, “I know, I know, I shouldn’t bite them, Jesus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her exasperation is so lively and adorable. Steph expresses with her whole body, shoulders dropping and head tilting back with the roll of her eyes. It’s not the first time since Steph had invited her over for these two days of exile that Billie finds herself just looking at Steph. Consuming her like the lingerie pages of an old Sears catalog. Her skin is soft for someone who does the bare minimum of care, freckles and moles all over. It’s different from looking at her in the shower. Here, in her mix-matched pajamas and messy hair, Steph is…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mouth not quite pouting, Steph meets Billie’s distant eyes and says, “Then pay it forward from your friends and teach me how to do this crap. Or just keep teasing me about it, whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bratty demand snaps Billie out of her head, out of visions of collarbones and feeling the dips in them with her fingers, her lips. It’s still a heady thought, though, and Billie grins to hide how she wants to shiver. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure you wanna go through beauty school boot camp with me? I won’t go easy on you, princess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shrugs. Her hand is loose, relaxed in Billie’s grip. Trusting. And Billie’s grip is kind in return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, why not? I’ve always been a little curious about this stuff. It’s just…” She shrugs again, defeated this time, looking down at their hands. “I guess it’s hard when you don’t have anyone to show you how to do it, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie forgets herself. With her chest tight and tension climbing up her throat, she sets the emery board down to free her left hand. It flips and curls gently so that her knuckles pet Steph’s hair out of her eyes. It’s not the first time Billie has noticed Steph hides behind her hair, styles it a little just so it flops in front of her eyes. A useless smile ticks briefly at the corner of Steph’s mouth. She’d look so cute in just the right shade of pink lipstick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Billie’s index finger curls under Steph’s chin, just holding it. “Eyes up, baby girl, look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph lifts her head on her own. Shyness reels her shoulders up to her ears, and she sneaks a hand up to tuck some hair behind one. She makes no move to push Billie’s hand away. Just listens and lets Billie hold her little chin. Even smiles back nice and shy when Billie smiles first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People are assholes,” she says simply. “Always wanting you to be what they want, how they see you. You have to be yourself. And if make-up and painting your nails isn’t you, then you don’t have to do it. If you wanna try it, then I’ll show you. I’ll show you whatever you want. Get me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s little throat works through a hard swallow, but she nods in Billie’s fingers. Her smile is true when Billie drops her hand, has to take her own breath to not say or do something… foolish. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if anyone would believe me if I told them Billie Hargrove gave me a heart-to-heart. They’d probably think I was joking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, probably.” A smirk, sure of herself. “It’s no joke, though—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck what other people think about you,” Billie says hotly, but not unkindly. “Fuck them, they don’t know you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph breaks their eye contact with a careful turn of her head, like she means to tuck the color in her cheek to her shoulder. Billie just huffs to cover up the tightness in her chest. Steph is soft and silent when Billie picks up the nail file again. She watches while Billie uses some of the frustration in her to hit the remaining nails, making sure to round the leading edges so they’re not sharp. When she’s done, Billie sits up, arches her back to work out the ache from poor posture, and then twists around. Behind her, Steph had left a little box she reclaimed to hold the few bottles of nail polish she owns. Billie wonders who made her buy them. The tops fight her when she goes to open them. They need a good roll around in her hands to mix the lacquer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The glass of the bottle clicks when it hits the ring on her middle finger. Billie watches in the soft silence between them as Steph turns her hands this way and that. Like she’s seeing them for the first time, rubbing her thumbs over the even edges of each nail. Billie had even pushed her cuticles up, although they lack clippers to really manage them. Steph smiles over Billie’s work and rubs her hands together. Billie wonders distantly if Steph’s wrists ache a little from being held for so long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So um…” Steph slips a hand through her bangs. “So what now? You wanna paint my nails?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you’ll let me. Do you want me to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods hard at first, and then just as quickly shakes her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I wanted to take a shower. Should we wait? I don’t wanna ruin it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nods and goes right on rolling the bottle between her hands. The polish is almost all mixed together, a metallic blue not unlike her Camaro parked outside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, go hop in. Show me your make-up first so I can figure out what you have, what you don’t. Gotta figure out what colors look good on you, all that shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph beams at her and then bounds off the bed. Well, she tries. She’s still dizzy from the tumble yesterday. Billie is quick as a whip when she flicks a hand out to catch Steph in her belly. Steph sputters through a bashful laugh and holds onto Billie’s forearm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I keep forgetting to slow down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hums and lets her go, tries not to slide her fingers over Steph’s shirt and her soft body under that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should take it easy in the shower, too. Don’t turn the water up too hot, and sit down if you feel lightheaded.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is at her closet, picking up new pajamas to change into. Billie doesn’t avert her eyes when Steph lifts up on tiptoes to dig through the top drawer in her dresser. Underwear, like Billie had thought last week. She wanted so badly to tug the drawer open and snoop around. Play it off like all the other teasing she does. But her heart wasn’t it in after Steph shut her down. Always shutting her down just when Billie thinks she’s finally getting it. That Billie shoves and harasses her all because…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t wait up,” Steph says with a parting laugh. “I left the make-up on my desk, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She leaves the door cracked a little. Billie likes to think it’s so that she’ll hear anything if Steph has trouble in the shower. Bringing the nail polish up to eye level, Billie tries the top again. It twists with a crusty sound, powerful lacquer smell breaking through immediately. It’s just old. It’s not actually a crappy drugstore brand or anything. Someone had definitely whined and wheedled Steph into buying this. Billie sits up with the bottle securely shut again and peers at Steph’s desk where they have all her make-up sits. Steph pulled it out of the bottom of her closet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopefully the little doe has some nail polish remover. In case she doesn’t like the look or feel of it on her nails. Sniffing, Billie rises and stretches, rubs her lower back as she groans. She’s still aching there, the worst of her period over after the first two days. She snorts to herself and shakes her head, still can’t believe that Steph of all people found her in the bathroom. It could have been worse, she supposes. She could have been walking around with a huge stain, unawares. Wouldn’t be the first time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s meager collection of make-up only takes up the space inside a shoebox. A hair tie bundles brushes together. Eyeshadow palettes and foundation, blush sit unmarred in their plastic cases. The sponges accompanying them are clean and white. Bought on impulse maybe or out of shame that she doesn’t perform enough. She’s not “girl” enough. Billie scoffs at the idea and glances around Steph’s room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s perfect the way she is. Wallpapered walls are bare, except for a teen boy heartthrob and an extremely out-of-place painting of a horse. Like Steph hadn’t decorated this place with the ugly lamps and wood furniture. Steph’s personal effects consist only of records and her mini-turntable. That sits on top of the dresser. The crate of albums rests in the corner between Steph’s desk and dresser, easily in reach when she stoops over homework and chews the caps of her pens. Steph’s closet, still thrown open, is a small clothing store. Steph is a clothes girl, that much had been obvious from the first moment they met. But she’s not exactly a snappy dresser, no. She’s comfortable in the clothes she wears, knows how to wear them, knows what looks good on her. Billie wanders closer and brushes her fingers over blouses and sweaters, wondering who taught Steph this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe no one, she thinks while remembering the family portrait on the wall in the living room. The Harringtons with their perfect, ironed clothes and not a single hair out of place. If not for their absence, Billie wonders if Steph’s parents would have more to say about Steph’s hair, how she takes care of her skin and the rest of herself. They’d just want to push and mold her into their idea of what she should be. Scowl trying to worm its way onto her face, Billie takes a step back from the closet. The floor of it is clean, unlike her own closet, except for one more box. Another shoebox, tucked into the shadows. Forgotten. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or hidden. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyebrows flicking up, Billie glances to Steph’s bedroom door. Her ears strain to hear the shower going down the hall, even leaning to the left to try and catch a sound. She shouldn’t go poking around. Steph trusts her. Plus, there could be something she truly doesn’t want anyone to see in there. Something embarrassing or meaningful only to her. Maybe mementos from her ex or something. But Billie has to know. Steph is a nice girl on the surface, and Billie can’t help but want to scratch and bite. Find out how deep that niceness goes. Everyone has secrets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie squats in a fluid motion, grunting only a little from the pain still bothering her. It’s whatever. Nothing Midol can’t make go away for a few hours. She’ll ask Steph about it when she comes back. For now, Billie paws the shoebox out of the dark corner and into the light. It’s from a pair of Keds, shoes maybe long since thrown away or donated. Billie steadies herself perched on her haunches and lifts the lid with careful fingers. Anything could be inside. Maybe she’s getting worked up, squirmy and stomach tight for no reason. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s favorite color is blue. Dark blue, like the nail polish and the Camaro. Billie knows that somehow, can’t remember how while staring down into the box. Lingerie had of course been a casual thought in Billie’s mind for what she might find. But it’s such a tame thing to hide away. At least to her. But for Steph it must be something big. The tags are still on the bra when Billie lifts it up, unusually careful with the lace and silk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A grin, smug without the actual smugness, tugs on Billie’s lips. Okay, maybe she can see why Steph would hide this. The half cups wouldn’t cover anything, balconette style pushing her little breasts higher. Presenting them. Billie almost snorts, amusing herself with the image of Steph squirming embarrassed and shy while wearing it. Showing off soft skin dotted with freckles and beauty marks all over, even on her breasts. Steph’s embarrassment would burn especially bright with the matching panties. The blue lace is without a lining except right at the bottom. Everything else? Nothing left to the imagination while worn. Sheer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, well, well,” Billie rumbles to herself, setting the secret back down. She can’t deny how she’s warm behind her navel, despite everything. “Didn’t know you had it in you, princess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Out in the hall, the static from the shower has stopped. Billie has her hands cupped around the lid of the shoebox when Steph opens the bathroom door, humming. It’s a mad, cartoonish scramble to hurry and hide the box again. In a split second, Billie tries to remember the orientation of the box in its hiding place, but she’s too panicked over Steph discovering her to care. Box practically thrown back into the closet, Billie kicks herself across the carpet of Steph’s room just as she appears in the doorway, hair wrapped up and dressed. Steph smiles, but then flicks an eyebrow up at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… Why are you on the floor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s head is practically under the falling drape of Steph’s comforter. She coughs in the safety of it and then shoves herself up, shrugging all cool like. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I dropped something.” Billie slaps imaginary dust off her own pajama pants. They don’t dig into her with every movement like Steph’s had. “How was your shower? Your head feel okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s comment is a sleight-of-hand trick. Pay no mind that her pajamas don’t have pockets and Billie has nothing in her hands. Billie’s casualness is enough for Steph as she drops herself back onto her bed to towel her hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, I’m fine. I only felt dizzy near the end, so I got out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rubs the damp towel over herself like she’s drying a dog, wet ends of her hair smacking everywhere. Sucking her teeth, Billie reaches for thin wrists and holds Steph still, ready for the pretty girl’s yelp and jump. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what are you doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It comes out with a muffled laugh, and then Steph’s head is free from the towel. Billie is already shaking her head in a scold when Steph blinks up at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t dry your hair like that. You’re too rough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Confusion and then, “Does it matter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It does, especially for people with hair like mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie remains standing, towering above Steph rightly for once, and takes the towel from her. Steph doesn’t fight her, even turns so that her legs hang over the side of her bed when Billie shuffles closer. Towel draped across her hands, Billie thinks nothing of reaching for drenched lengths and squeezing the water out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dry your hair like this,” she says softly, already moving down the lock in her hands. “This way you won’t break the strands or make them weaker. Saves you from split ends, too. Do you put curlers in your hair or anything? Blow dry?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head with her hands curled against her chest. Uncertain. But trusting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it just sort of dries how it wants and I style it around the cowlicks or whatever. I’ve got one right in front, so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh. Always wondered about the secret behind Steph ‘The Hair’ Harrington.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brown eyes go rolling, and Steph mumbles, “I use hairspray if I’m going to a party. So it holds and stays out of my face.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm that explains Tony’s Halloween party a while back. Why your hair looked sort of wet all night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s shoulders rise even as she looks away and says with a small bubble of nervous laughter, “Yea, exactly, right on the money…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She clams up instantly, hands falling to her lap where she rubs the edges of her clean nails against her thumb. A frown tugs on Billie’s face the longer she watches, the more closed off Steph becomes. She’s fully in her own head when Billie stops drying her hair. She’s not done, but she should stop. Steph is too far away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph? You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blinks back after a delay, startles a little after that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brown eyes still avoid hers when Steph admits, “Sorry. There was just a lot going on at that party.” She tucks wet hair behind her ear. “Me and Nathan ran into you, back when you were still really…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sighs at the brief look Steph gives her. “I know, I’m sorry. That was days before I punched you at the arcade. I knew about Max hanging out with your weirdos and wanted to start shit with you at the party, but I didn’t want it to turn into a dog pile. I’m sorry, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tiny smile, blink and she would have missed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m over that. But…” She clams right back up. “That was the night Nathan got wasted and basically broke up with me. He wasn’t cheating on me yet, but…” Steph shrugs, hopeless. “It was only a week later maybe that he and Jennifer hooked up. And Nathan told me everything after the fact.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nods and can’t help but send a side-eyed glance to the closet. The lingerie… Had Steph bought it to wear for Nathan? Nathan doesn’t exactly seem the type, stuck up and a little neurotic. But Billie admits she doesn’t know the guy beyond the dirty looks he gives her whenever she’s within eyesight of Steph. Like Steph is still his girlfriend or something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thought that the lingerie may very well have been for Nathan is such a mood killer. Voice coming through in her next sigh, Billie returns to drying Steph’s hair. It’s a quiet affair with Steph back in her head. It doesn’t sit well with Billie, being the one who’s caused Steph to remember all that shit. She’s not as over Nathan as she claims to be. Doesn’t help that they’re still friends or whatever and she has to stand around and watch them at school. Before her anger gets the best of her, Billie bunches the towel in her hands and sits heavily beside Steph, shoulder to shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, princess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bed shifts when Steph twists a little, looking at her. Billie almost wants to spare her the intense eye contact she knows makes Steph a little uncomfortable. But what she has to say is serious. So he meets Steph’s eyes and then longer even when Steph stares somewhere near her chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t deserve what Wheeler did to you. Nobody deserves that. You’re a pretty, funny, caring girl. He’s crazy to screw up a thing like that, what he had with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph bites through some emotion that tries to shake her, and she says softly, “Jennifer Byers is actually a really nice girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not saying that,” Billie insists. “It doesn’t matter if she’s the Queen of England. Wheeler cheating on you wasn’t a heat-of-the-moment choice. It was a decision in a chain of events that ultimately led to him fu-sleeping with her. And it’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph throws her hands helplessly in her lap, grasping for something unknown, and says desperately, “Yea but I had to have pushed him away, right? I pushed him right to her! He was always pushing me away at school, when we were alone, and we had that fight on Halloween, and he said everything was bullshit, and—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s reaches across their bodies to hold Steph by her chin. She means the hold to shock Steph into silence, and it works. Steph jumps a little at her touch but doesn’t shove or smack her away. Doe eyes flinch back up to Billie’s. They’re sitting, leaning much closer than Billie had thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop,” she says with a tiny squeeze of Steph’s chin. When Steph takes a breath through parted lips, Billie asks, “Are you listening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph manages a few, gasped breaths through her mouth and gives the tiniest nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie pauses a moment more to be sure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What he did is not your fault. Whatever problems you guys had, he had every chance to sit down and talk with you. Even if it was difficult to talk about. He had a choice. And if you guys couldn’t agree on your differences, then he should have broken up with you. The right way, Steph. Not the way he did it. It’s not your fault.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph rolls her eyes with her jaw trembling in Billie’s hand and practically whines, “You must think I’m pretty pathetic. Being upset over a guy who cheated on me like that. Like I’m too stupid to get over him.” She struggles with herself, trying to keep it all in like she has since Halloween. “Did you know I showed up to his house while he was out with her? I came over to-to apologize and-and ask him to take me back. How dumb can I be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s at the tipping point, might cry any second. Billie shakes her head through each excuse, each insult. Billie’s right hand slips up to join the left, and she just holds Steph’s face while she gasps. She doesn’t cry, just shakes and takes a breath when she can. Billie pulls her closer, heart pumping with adrenaline, thinking on her feet, and rests their foreheads together. The worst that could happen is Steph headbutts her on accident. It’s a risk she’ll take, won’t even be mad if that happens. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph bites herself hard when the first tears finally squeeze out. Every breath is a mournful thing like she wants to scream and wail. All this kept bottled up, just stirring and growing. Billie shushes her and keeps her own eyes closed, feeds her thick fingers into Steph’s wet hair. It chokes her up to hear and see Steph cry, but she needs to get it out. All Billie can do is gently thumb each little drop away and hope her calluses don’t hurt Steph. Below, little hands grab for the front of Billie’s t-shirt and hold on. A seam pops somewhere. The shirt will probably be stretched out now, but Billie doesn’t care. She just goes on shushing Steph and letting her cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s only once Steph’s breaths slow to trembling, little things through her nose does Billie consider pulling away. She doesn’t get far, Steph immediately whining rough and small, clinging even harder to Billie’s shirt. Fingers still knuckle-deep in Steph’s hair, Billie rubs gentle circles into her scalp. Mindful of the head injury she’d suffered just yesterday. Billie has to swallow a few times to dislodge the tightness in her throat and keep on making soft noises. Do they serve any purpose? Maybe not. It just feels right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Billie whispers at last. “You’re okay, you’re okay, I’m not going anywhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph sniffs wetly and congested, warbles, “Good. You better not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie does sit back, though, before she does anything inappropriate. If Steph were hers, she’d kiss her right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s throat works hard a few times as she struggles with the tremble still shaking her. Billie says nothing, just keeps on rubbing at her scalp, brushing her tears away. They’re much slower now, and Steph’s breaths are almost calm. Her body tightens with thick emotion every so often. It passes every time, though, and eventually stops altogether. She’s much better, now. She’d needed that more than she knows. Billie swallows hard too and has to fight her stomach flipping. Watching Steph cry like this is a test of her stoicism. It’s always been easy to empathize with people. Addressing her own problems, well…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Watery eyes open at last, after so long. They flash up to Billie’s as great big pools, and Steph even manages a delicate smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think I’m pretty and funny?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s unexpected, and Billie smirks through a snort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You forgot ‘caring,’ but yes, I do. I said so, didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d meant it, although Billie is uncertain of the consequences of her honesty. Every time she pushes Steph, like on Friday in the bathroom and then here in her house, Steph just… derails Billie. Every bit of smoothness, every bit of prowling, swaggering confidence pings off Steph. She doesn’t know how to get through to Steph—doubts that Steph would even be interested in another girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This hick town has Billie’s meter for fellow lesbians, for solidarity all out of whack. One wrong move in a town like this and she could be roped to the bed of a pick-up truck and dragged until she’s nothing but a pelvis. So… playing little games with Steph it is. Playing pretend. Until Billie goes crazy or thinks she has a chance. With Steph still warm in her hands, cheeks filling the hollows of her palms with a smile, Billie suspects it will be the former.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie clears her throat and asks casually, “So you still want me to paint your nails?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph perks right up, nods in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yea, absolutely. I’m really bad at doing it myself, so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sniffles and reaches up to rub at her wet face. It’s time to let her go, so Billie drops her hands. She offers Steph a corner of the towel to dap at her eyes, wipe over the spots Billie had just held. Billie misses her immediately. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry about all that, um…” Steph turns shy, so sweet and soft, and adds, “Thank you, Billie. For… all that stuff you said. It’s been bothering me a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She probably needs a little bit of space, now. Billie sniffs, stands, and brings the box of tissues Steph has at her desk over. The towel ends up over the back of Steph’s desk chair. Color seeps back into those freckled cheeks as Steph snaps two tissues out of the box. Billie turns her back to Steph while putting the box back. She’s all unsteady inside and on edge, the need to rearrange Nathan Wheeler’s face so strong Billie grips the back of Steph’s chair and lets the anger wash over her. Nathan Wheeler isn’t worth a single tear, a single second of heartache. Billie breathes in and out, nice and slow, one time. She’ll say nothing about it. Steph is a big girl, can handle herself. Billie only wishes she were part of that equation.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Billie takes Max to ice skate with The Party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is half the length of the previous two for a reason =3c Uh please ignore how I kept Brenner a dude. I couldn't be fucked to change it.</p><p>Also! If you like ABO and you want some possessive, slightly unhinged Billy, please keep your eyes out for a porny three-part fic I'll be posting soon! It's the Tina's Halloween party "it's bullshit" scene, but ABO lol. Omega Steve rights, and you can quote me on that. I'll probably post it over three Fridays lol. THREE things from me for three weeks in a row? I spoil all of you so much lol.</p><p>Comment pls. Tell me how much you love these girls! Laugh at Billie as she fucks shit up, cuz she's a dummy and is so full of love! </p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/missraygillette">@missraygillette</a> I tweet about things I'm working on. Come love these stupid girls/boys with me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Why exactly do you wanna go to this again? It’s gonna be colder in there than it is out here, and I didn’t think that was possible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie and Max trudge through a dirty parking lot, salt sprayed and scattered for the impending snow. Ahead of them is the community center, seasonal ice skating rink open since Thanksgiving. Apparently, Max is supposed to meet his little friends here. Now normally? Billie would just kick the door open and let Max roll out. He’s a kid, he’s resilient. But…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because it’s fun? And now that you’re cool with Steph, I’m gonna hang out with the Party a lot more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie groans into the night, hands deep in her pockets otherwise they’ll freeze solid. She isn’t made for this bone-rattling chill. It’s not even that bad yet, so the weather man implies. It won’t get really cold here until January and February. And the snow. The snow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever, just keep it cool with these kids, all right, terror? They don’t even know how to rollerblade, so you’ve already got a leg up on them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max makes a snotty face at her and says, “Ice skating isn’t the same as rollerblading.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can the attitude or I’m taking you home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max doesn’t know she’s full of shit. She’ll be hanging out as long as the Party is here. As long as Steph is watching them. When Billie forks over the coin—mom’s coin—for entry fee and skate rental, they break past the front doors to the community center. The rink is deeper inside, but the lobby is full of benches where people sit in various states of lacing up. Billie’s mouth screws up into something mildly disgusted from all the noises, smells, and screeches of kids. Steph is worth it, though. Especially if she’s tottering out there on the ice. Billie’s knees already hurt from the cold, but she’ll bust them bloody just to glide out there with Steph…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck, she has it so bad.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beside Max in line for skates and itching for a cigarette, Billie drawls, “Any idea what size skates you are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max shrugs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but I guess I’ll start at my shoe size.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Good idea. Billie will go for half a size bigger. She’s wearing two pairs of socks and still about to freeze her toes off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time she’s done lacing up, the insides of her fingers sting from all the pulling and adjusting of cheap laces. She’s not too fond of the idea of putting her feet in skates that have seen potentially hundreds of others. The two pairs of socks will help, hopefully. That done, the siblings trot with their heavy, bladed feet from the lobby to the actual rink itself. Kids keep running in and out of the metal doors. Billie snatches one door before it closes, and Max glares his way through. The residents of Hawkins clear a path for the pair, and the bright, gleaming rink is before them. It smells crisp and sharp in here, almost metallic. It pairs nicely with the echoes of blades carving into ice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wonder if they’ll send out the thing that makes the ice smooth again. Whatever it’s called.” Max claims casual interest. “I wanna skate when it’s fresh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is too interested in scoping out the gliding—well sometimes tripping and sliding—bodies on the ice. Steph is here somewhere with her rugrats. Billie can’t decide which she wants more: Steph to be good at ice skating or horribly, terribly bad at it. Both have their advantages and disadvantages. And that’s not accounting for Billie’s abilities or perhaps lack thereof. She can’t remember a time ice skating herself, but she knows how inline skates work, so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes Billie two, slow laps around to finally work out the difference. On asphalt and concrete, the friction and vibrations are what she pays attention to when finding her balance and speed. Ice skating, though? Vibrations are just bad news. Weight balance is a subtle game of cat and mouse. She doesn’t faceplant, thankfully, but she does end up making a wild grab for the side once or twice. By the third lap around, she’s completely on her own. Skating backwards has a trick to it, but her body figures out how to move. And then Steph is there at the opening of the rink, five teens huddled in front of her with varying amounts of enthusiasm. Steph perhaps the most anxious as she grimaces at the rink. Not unlike Billie when she’d first walked on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To stop at the narrow part of the rink that lets people in and out would be bad form. Blocking it. So Billie hangs back and observes carefully, sometimes sliding between pockets of people to the center where two guards monitor the situation as a whole. They’re older boys and spare her more than a few glances. She eyes them up and down with the perfect look of interest. Anything to keep them off her back and not have them shoo her along. Keep it moving. Besides, she wants the best vantage point to watch Steph and the Party before Max catches up with them. If Max is here, so is Billie, and Billie wants to be the one to surprise Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>None of the kids have shot off from her yet. There’s one Billie doesn’t recognize, almost as small as little Winnie Byers, but with curly hair instead of Winnie’s chin-length bob. Winnie herself is trying to cling to Michelle, who seems to have a better grasp on the idea of balancing. Louise Sinclair is out ahead of the pack, almost skating backwards if she just had more confidence. Doing slapstick more than skating, the one in the middle of it all is Destiny. She’s torn between hanging on Steph or racing Louise. It’s mostly Louise’s taunts and Destiny’s squealing yell that attract the attention of other skaters. Louise only messes up when Max passes her with a smooth attitude he’d surely lifted from Billie. Steph’s face pinches with annoyance, too much going on, but when she catches sight of Max’s ginger hair, her pretty head snaps around. Searching. Hopeful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie edges herself back into the crowd when the kids start crawling their way closer. She spares a wink, lips parted and tongue between her white teeth, to the guards in the center. Too old for her, too much dick, but they’re fun to string along. By now, all the kids have a better grasp on moving forward and staying upright under their own power. Only Steph is the one clinging to the side with newborn legs trembling under her. She’s so cute in her pale tights, skirt falling thick and to her knees. Puffy, green jacket making her look like an olive on a toothpick. Only Billie would grin, so deeply amused and fond, as she spins around and approaches Steph from behind, skating backwards.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s level with Steph’s ear when she purrs, “Hey there princess, going my way?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives Billie exactly what she wants: a flail and a startled noise. Billie’s grin is still thick on her lips, chapstick making them smooth and shiny. She needs it more and more everyday with the fucking wind trying to scrape her face off. And that’s just on the walk from the school parking lot to the buildings themselves. She can’t wait for winter break, a solid two weeks of avoiding the cold as much as possible. Whether or not she’ll be welcome in her home for any length of time, however…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Billie, warn a girl, put a bell on, something!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie bites her bottom lip, making sure Steph sees her, and says, “Oh, I didn’t know you liked that sort of thing. Do you wanna put one on me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s face flushes through the chill in here. Her mouth opens to say something, to play right into Billie’s hand. But doe eyes zip somewhere behind Billie, and the air between them loses its charge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Winnie, stop hanging on Michelle and just skate,” she scolds, ever gentle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny coming from the girl who would be on her frosty ass right now if she let go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s eyebrows come together in indignation, mouth dropping open to spill a hot retort. She even tries to straighten to her full height, taller than Billie. The moment she does, her legs betray her and almost send her slipping to the ice. And as much as Billie wants to poke and prod Steph tonight—always—she also doesn’t want Steph to get hurt. Billie slides herself around to face the correct way, swaying alongside Steph. Steph’s teeth are gritted harder than Billie has ever seen—and they have English together, and Billie is pretty sure Steph is dyslexic. Or something similar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie offers her arm like a gentleman and says, “Shall I escort the princess back to her charges?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pouting, Steph grumbles, “I can do it myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t resist a little more poking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who put a quarter in your jukebox and picked all that attitude for you to play?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a ridiculous thing to say, something off the cuff. Billie’s grin is sly and waits for Steph to look at her and snort through a laugh. It works, and then Billie offers her arm once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, baby girl, let me help you. I won’t let you fall.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives a little bubble of uncertain laughter, high in her throat. Still, she nearly throws herself off the siding and threads her arm tightly around Billie’s offered one anyway. Trusting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sway on their skates just as Steph says to Billie’s shoulder, tucked down, “I hope you’re right, cuz otherwise I’m taking you down with me.” She pauses, tries to straighten again, and then asks, “Is that really all you’re wearing, Billie? You don’t have, like, a winter coat or anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She must mean Billie’s leather jacket and the t-shirt just under that. Tucked into Billie’s pants so the cold cannot thread icy fingers up her broad back or over her stomach, but… Yea, she’s fucking freezing in here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, don’t need it.” And Billie takes this chance, would be crazy not to, to cuddle up to Steph. She’s warm all over, hair pulled high on the back of her head and silky from the cold. Only a few strands escape to frame her pretty face. “I got you to keep me warm, baby girl. That’s all I need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s nose and cheeks are already pink from the chill. She darkens a little more, snorts, and then murmurs, “Dork,” under her breath. Billie lets it go in favor of nudging them forward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Work with me, Steph, or we actually will fall and eat shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that”—a little, panicked noise slips out of her as she wobbles—“you say that like I know what I’m doing!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie tries to keep the annoyance out of her voice, it’s really not this hard to skate, and grumbles, “Just relax. I’m not gonna drop you. You trust me, yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another noise, muffled and maybe just as irritated, and then a small, “Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Holding on to Steph will just give her another crutch. So, keeping a hand firm on her arm, Billie pushes herself in front and around Steph. Backwards once again, she takes Steph’s chilly fingers and grasps them loosely in the circles of her fists. Like this, she can guide Steph around and let her learn how to push herself and hold herself up. Steph gives her a pitiful look, like this is a betrayal. Billie would love nothing more than to just hold Steph all night, but that’s not productive enough for Billie. Plus these kids do actually need babysitting, if their squeaky bickering just ahead means anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rocking her body back to keep them moving, Billie tugs Steph along and says softly, “Come on, baby girl, just trust me and yourself, you’re doing great. Use your feet to push yourself towards me just a little bit. You’ve slid on ice in a parking lot, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives a little nod with her lip in her teeth, staring down at their feet instead of meeting Billie’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t look at your feet,” she gently corrects. “Look up at me or at least look forward. I’m not gonna let you go, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better not,” Steph huffs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wouldn’t dream of it. Even if Steph gets the hang of it on her own—which she will, she’s tenacious and stubborn—Billie will still keep a hand on her. Under the guise that she just wants to make sure Steph doesn’t fall. Which isn’t even a lie, so Billie doesn’t feel bad about the way Steph’s fingers twitch in her hands, how Steph will cling tighter when she wobbles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bend your knees more, that’s it,” she coaxes with a smile, growing wider when Steph perks up. They sway together a little more, Steph almost working the scared curve out of her back. “Yea, that’s it, you’re doing it, baby doll! Look at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She still wobbles too much, still pitches forward to keep hold on Billie rather than support herself. But it’s an improvement from her scrambling at the side like an opossum hanging on for dear life. Billie tugs her that much closer as they finally, finally catch up to the one kid in Steph’s group Billie doesn’t know. They’re side by side with Billie still skating backwards. She makes brief eye contact with huge, impossibly dark brown eyes. They stare right back at her without a lick of fear. Reminds her of a time when she’d visited a zoo in California on a field trip and stared straight into the eyes of a grey wolf. The first time in her life she felt legitimate fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s startling, slaps the easy smile right off Billie’s face and has her frowning. But Michelle Wheeler slows down until they’re next to each other, smiling sweetly and fidgeting with her hands. Like she wants to hold hands with this kid. And even when they do and Michelle pulls them away, big eyes stay on Billie over a narrow shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is that kid’s problem,” Billie grumbles mostly to herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s uh… crap, how do I explain this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie blinks and turns her head back around to watch Steph chew on her lip, lick the pain out of it when she’s done. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s James. Or Eleven, he likes both. You know the chief of police, Joann Hopper?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie may have run into the soft-bodied woman in her pickup cruiser once or twice…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” she says instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods towards the kids, this little Eleven boy smiling up at Michelle. Michelle might not be taller than him for much longer. He has to be the same age as the rest of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, there was this big bust in Indianapolis, this big wig at the Department of Energy was like??” Steph lowers her voice, “He was apparently impregnating women and taking their kids, total psycho, you know? He was busted when Eleven ran away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyebrows nearly in her hair, Billie glances across the way back at Eleven. It’s barely a second before big eyes are on her again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a nightmare,” she breathes, distant. Her own mom is a fucking basket case, but she can’t imagine what Eleven must have gone through. “So how did he end up here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” Steph rolls her lips. “He walked here apparently. Just walked through the woods. Found Hopper’s trailer on the edge of town, and Hopper just took him in. When everything blew over—oh that guy showed up here last year and started a bunch of shit by the way, tried to kidnap Eleven—Hopper adopted him, found out his birth name was James, so he goes by that or just Eleven. As you can tell he’s a little—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weird,” Billie supplies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a little. He and the other ten kids all lived in this guy’s basement. The guy was just numbering them, like they were trophies or something. Total isolation, no school, no toys or anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie flushes hot right behind her eyes, scowls with her pretty lips twisting ugly and mean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucker. Fucking bastard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, he’s dead. There was a shoot out at the middle school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie wipes the snarl off her face and replaces it with shock. Disbelief. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was? A shoot out. In Hawkins Middle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods hard a few times and pants, “Yea, yea man, I wouldn’t believe it myself unless I was there. Me and Jennifer and Nathan were part of the distraction team. We had Winnie dressed up like Eleven to keep his dad away from the real one. It worked out well enough, I think.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah. So that’s how Byers and Wheeler found each other. It’s a small town. They would have been in the same school, maybe same classes. Their social and class standings couldn’t be further apart, though. Wheeler handsome and smart. Byers a little weirdo herself with thin hair, hunched shoulders of someone timid. Billie scowls again and tugs Steph close, almost toe-to-toe, to nip her sadness right in the bud. Before it bubbles up again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I bet you were amazing, helping these kids.” She smiles without any attitude and adds, “A hero. No wonder they’re crazy about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph turns her head with a smile fighting concealment. She’d be squirming if they weren’t on the ice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess,” she says with a huffed laugh. “They’re all right. They care about each other. They’re good kids, and Eleven is really happy here. He’ll go to school with them when they hit high school. For now, Hop is just homeschooling him. They don’t really need her at the police station now that everything is quiet again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything seems to have worked out. It’s a relief even though Billie has nothing to do with it. When she meets Eleven’s hard stare, Billie flicks her eyebrows up and smirks a little. That gets her a tiny smile back. And then finally Eleven stops staring at her. Although he occasionally looks over at them, and the way Billie holds Steph’s hands even though she’s pretty much got a handle on it, now. He leans into Michelle and whispers something, and then Michelle makes a disgusted face, looks at them too. It only takes Billie narrowing eyes at her for Michelle to tug them farther ahead. They’ve made it fully around the rink a few times. They’re back at the entrance, now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wheeler and Byers are trying to step on the ice. Or rather Wheeler has Byers by the hands and tries to coax her like a scared animal into the ice. Billie and Steph pass them in the middle of a pack of people. Wheeler doesn’t see them. But Billie does. And when Steph’s fingers go tight in her hands, Billie knows Steph has seen them, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mindful of their delicate footwork, Billie ducks close to murmur in Steph’s ear, “Ignore them. You’re having a good time with the kids, just pretend like he’s not here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re my friends, you know,” Steph says without picking her head up, lips tight as she speaks. “I don’t care if they’re here.” She slips her hands out of Billie’s, quick to cool, and then skates ahead, if a little unsure. “In fact, I’m gonna go say hi. I haven’t seen them in a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a terrible idea. Billie knows by the set of Steph’s shoulders as she slides away. She’s forcing herself into an awkward situation for the sake of normalcy. Like she’s okay with what’d happened. Which Billie knows better than everyone that’s not the case. It was only a week and a few days ago that she held Steph and shushed her as she shook with tears. Billie wants to speed up to her, spin her around, make her reconsider this. Steph is stubborn through and through, though, and Billie winces as she watches Steph catch up to the couple. Their smiles look just as awkward as Steph’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph wants so badly for things to be normal between the three of them. Billie can tell she’s lonely, had gone from Tammy H and Darryl to Wheeler, and now just a bunch of kids that can’t understand her adult problems. As much as Destiny is like a second skin on Steph, whips her curls around to look for the older girl, Destiny wouldn’t understand this stuff. She’s still a kid. And Steph doesn’t know how to ask for help or accept it. Even when it’s for her own good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Billie hangs back in the crowd, watching with narrowed, angry eyes. The moment Wheeler’s expression falls into one of annoyance—it could be nothing, it’s probably not even directed at Steph—Billie can’t take it anymore. Steph tries for a nervous laugh, her eyes a little too big, her body scrunched down as she tries to make herself smaller. Byers glances between the two of them, mouth open a little like she wants to say something. Wheeler cocks his head and hip, crosses his arms over his narrow chest. Now Steph reaches up to play with her hair, turns her eyes down. Billie is building speed across the rink before she knows what’s happening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crisp shred of ice as she speeds over, stops with a hop and an angle to spray the ice right at Wheeler, is satisfying. So is Wheeler’s look of disgust when he glances down long legs to his spattered trousers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Evening, boys and girls,” Billie says with a big sweep of her arms, taking up as much space as possible. They all stand at the curve of the rink, near the siding. No one in their way, no one to interrupt. “Everybody having a fun night so far?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She barks as much with her chin up, eyes zeroed in on Wheeler. Daring him to flash that little uppity attitude of his. He doesn’t disappoint, sure on his skates and switching his weight to his other hip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were until just a second ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nudges herself that much closer, slipping coolly between Wheeler and Steph. Wheeler is taller than Billie, but that doesn’t mean anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?” Billie growls, teeth already out. “That’s a fucking shame, having that stick slide back up your ass like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wheeler opens his mouth, eyebrows angled in outrage, but Billie doesn’t give him the satisfaction. Her hands are lightning quick shoving Wheeler in his shoulders. Just a viper strike, just enough to send him sliding back. He even wobbles a little, but doesn’t fall. Billie is right there in his face in barely a blink. Byers’ hands flinch towards Wheeler, like she can do anything about this. It doesn’t have anything to do with her, and Billie turns a snarl with a little less heat in it towards her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beat it,” she snaps. “I don’t have beef with you, but—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slim hands wrap around Billie’s bicep, over her leather, and then Steph is tugging her away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie, don't, it’s fine—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t rip her arm out of Steph’s hands like she wants to. Steph might fall if she does that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie curls her fist behind Steph’s back and hisses, “It’s not fine, he’s got it coming, I’ll—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll what?” Wheeler asks with a flick of his hair, a little long in the back but styled smartly over his eyes. “You’re just a schoolyard bully, Hargrove. Why Steph gives you the time of day, I’ll never know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a match strike in the sawdust of Billie’s anger. Just sitting dormant below her surface. Waiting. She catches a snarl in her teeth and yanks her arm out of Steph’s hold. Her hands are fast, clawed things that tangle in Wheeler’s jacket and mean to turn his height against him. Higher center of gravity, easier to topple. Byers blurts a noise beside them and shoves at Billie’s back, makes a threatening grab for her hair. Wheeler’s hands are like vices around Billie’s wrists, his face just as twisted and pissed as Billie’s. Billie gives him a good shove to free a hand, slams her palm in the center of Byers' chest to send her flailing backwards. She catches herself on the siding just as whistles blow, the guard boys flying as fast as the ice will carry them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breathing a little hard between her teeth, blood pumping, Billie gives one last shove to Wheeler. His hair is tousled from the struggle, cheeks splotchy and unattractive where he flushes. One of the guards comes between them, the other already lecturing Wheeler. Like he’d started it. Because he’s a boy, and girls can’t start shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie grins nasty at him and flicks him off, drawling, “Get fucked, bitch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She so deeply enjoys the way it raises his hackles. It’s the last bit of burning satisfaction Billie gets before she turns her eyes outside, finally breaking her intense focus on Wheeler. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The whole rink has come to a stop. Some younger kids crowd behind their parents, trying to get a good seat for a big-kid fight. Steph’s cluster is caught amongst itself, Eleven and Destiny stopped in motion, clearly wanting to head straight for them. Luckily, Max is there to block everyone, arms out. He knows better than to let anyone between Billie and her fists. Billie’s breaths calm slowly, gaze slipping from the looky-loos to Wheeler’s red face, Byers trying not to cower, and then…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph trying and failing to push herself up from ice, legs curled and useless where she’s fallen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last of Billie’s adrenaline drains with dread hot on its heels and a hushed, “Shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie pushes herself away from the guard who talks at her. Saying something, not worth even a lick of Billie’s attention. She already has a hand out for Steph. Not that Steph looks like she’s interested in taking it, glaring up at Billie. She must have fallen pretty hard. Because of Billie. Wincing, Billie ignores Steph’s struggling, her, “Get off, let me go, Billie!” And pulls her right back up like it’s nothing. Once Steph has her feet under her, she slaps Billie’s hands away and makes for the entrance to the rink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Steph, don’t be like that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mindless of their huge audience, Steph spits, “Screw you,” over her shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Party scrambles amongst itself, a tangle of arms, legs, and winter coats, to speed after her. Billie stands there numb and empty from the adrenaline, just watching Steph burst through the doors to the lobby. The crowd is starting to move again, the guard boys tentatively returning to the center. Billie doesn’t care about any of that, just stares where Steph has gone, fingers still clasped where Steph yanked her hand away. Like she was burned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Byers is at her elbow, then, silent as a mouse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should… give her space.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head snapping around, Billie growls, “What’s it to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To her credit, Byers doesn’t flinch in the face of all that bristling rage. Just meets Billie’s eyes, deep browns always tired and a little puffy, voice weak and much the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s gonna be mad at you for a little while. Don’t go, like, running outside and try to convince her to see it your way.” Byers glances behind them, and Billie catches Wheeler standing a safe distance away. Annoyed with his arms crossed over his chest, chin jutted out. But respectful of their conversation. “Let her work it out for herself. Just some advice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s exactly what Billie had been about to do. Throw these crappy skates off and fight through Steph’s rugrats if she had to. Not really fight, even she wouldn’t put hands on a kid. Maybe scare them a little. But Byers lingers long enough to share a meaningful look with Billie, and then turns to find her way back to Wheeler. Wheeler already has a hand out for her, and Byers accepts it with a smile. They hug, and then glide away without further attention to Billie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hates inaction. She hates sitting around and waiting. How long is she supposed to wait? How long before it’s safe to seek Steph out on her own? Billie has half a mind, fists in her pockets and scowl hot, to just forget Jennifer Byers’ warning and do things her own way. Still… It sours Billie’s stomach something awful to admit Jennifer has known Steph longer. Would know better. Why even offer that information to the enemy of your lover, though? As Billie steps off the ice, she turns narrowed eyes towards them. The couple is all smiles and happiness again, cuddling close despite Jennifer’s uncertainty on the ice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Billie finally has the damn skates off and bursts outside, it’s to the sight of everyone climbing into the BMW. Except Max, who loiters right at the sidewalk, hands in his pockets and coat tight to his ears. Billie shuffles to stand next to him, and they watch Steph pack everyone up, get in, and drive away. Not once does she turn a look to the community center. To Billie. When Max looks up at her, Max doesn’t say a word. Doesn’t need to. The little, disappointed shake off his head says it all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blew it. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph gives Billie an ultimatum.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is like the last short chapter until uhhhh chapter 12, god damn! We're just two chapters away from that marathon sex I promised in the tags lol. Juuuust one more after this, and then the following is where y'all gonna live deliciously. I won't even make you sign a book. Kudos to anyone who gets the reference. Also please comment lol.</p><p>If you're feeling the vibe of this story and want more of Billy and Steve, then maybe give my ABO fic <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935445">"Drop (The Game)"</a> a read. It's the Stancy break up "it's bullshit" scene, but ABO style hot and ready. =3c And Billy is there. It's pretty good, give it a shot if you like ABO.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The scuffle at the ice rink had happened Friday. Steph half expects the roar of the Camaro to shock her awake Saturday morning. Not that she would allow Billie a single word, would chase her with the bat she still has in her trunk. But Saturday and Sunday are quiet as she nurses her frustration, her shame, and anger alone in her house. Monday is a new day, though, the last week before Winter Break. Two blissful weeks off school. Her parents have invited her up to Chicago, to the condo they own downtown. She’s considering it. </p><p>Still Monday, she doesn’t see Billie. Actually doesn’t see her, never a glimpse, but the Camaro is in the lot so. Billie doesn’t show for second-period English, must have skipped. She could pass this class asleep, though. Still, the desk right behind Steph is a bottomless pit without Billie splayed and lazy in it, murmuring just loud enough for Steph to hear. Usually shit talking the teacher. Steph even catches herself glancing over her shoulder, about to poke Billie awake. But she isn’t there. </p><p>Lunch is an absence, too. She sits with Nathan and Jennifer despite her great hesitation. But Jennifer smiles shyly at her and asks if she’s ready for the snow, if she has sandbags ready for the trunk of the BMW. If she needs help with it. Nathan spares her kindness and a polite smile but otherwise allows Jennifer to fill the silence. Steph’s face still flushes a little from their brush on the ice. </p><p>‘She’s bad news, Steph, how can you hang around her? Did you forget she punched you in the face? Did you just forgive her so easily?’</p><p>Like Nathan is angry at Steph more than Billie for the act. Like Steph’s forgiveness is a mistake he just can’t get over. Steph’s defense of Billie had been ready on her lips when the devil came and inserted herself into the situation. As if Billie somehow knew it was about her. Or maybe she just knew the longer Nathan went on, talking badly about her, the more upset Steph was about it.</p><p>Which is funny, because two months ago, Steph had been right there with Nathan. In the thick of talking Billie down, saying horrible things about her. In the rush of the scuffle and Billie looking like she was out for blood, the shove is what did it. And sure Billie didn’t mean it, Steph knew that immediately under the flush of her embarrassment but…</p><p>In the bathroom with Jennifer, alone together, Steph sighs against the door. </p><p>“I just didn’t want her jumping in. She was the one who saw you guys first, and I knew she would start something, which is funny because before that she literally”—Steph crosses the small space, hopping at Jennifer’s elbow while she washes her hands—“told me to ignore you guys and just have a good time. Like! What a hypocrite! She just, uhg!”</p><p>A little smile ticks over Jennifer’s smile like a moth dipping into light from the shadows. </p><p>“Maybe she did that because she… likes you. You guys are friends now, right? You’d do the same thing for her or me.”</p><p>Steph sighs again and rubs her hands over her hair. Once, twice, until Jennifer catches her wrist and makes her stop. </p><p>“I wouldn’t try to start a fight over… over a relationship or something like that,” Steph points out, exasperated even more when Jennifer flicks a thin eyebrow up at her. </p><p>“That’s not how I remember it.”</p><p>Steph pulls her hand away so she can gesture with both when she says, “That-that was different. That was me being a jerk and being jealous, I shouldn’t have hit you… Crap, I said I was sorry for that, right?”</p><p>“I think you apologized to Nathan,” Jennifer says with a wider smile, loving Steph’s humility. “But I know you’re sorry. We’re friends now.”</p><p>Steph softens immediately and hugs one of Jennifer’s arms to her. </p><p>“Of course. I really am sorry for being a-a bitch to you our whole lives. The fact that you wanna be friends with me is…”</p><p>Jennifer shrugs, takes her arm back without remorse or regret. </p><p>“You changed. Maybe it was all that stuff with Winnie and Eleven last year or something, but you’re different now. And maybe Billie is different in a way Nathan can’t see. Like… he can’t see Billie how you do. Like how some people still think you’re Queen Stephanie or whatever it was.”</p><p>Another groan pops out of Steph at the old moniker. </p><p>“I used to think that was so cool,” she laments loudly and with her hands in her hair. “Destiny is right, I was so lame…”</p><p>Jennifer turns towards her at that point, not meeting her eyes, and confesses, “I talked to Billie after you left. She was still standing on the rink, looking like she was gonna run after you. Make it worse.”</p><p>She hadn’t, of course, so Jennifer must have said something. </p><p>“Yea? Did she… say anything?”</p><p>A shrug and, “Not really. I just… told her to leave you be. That she wouldn’t be doing either of you guys a favor by running out and trying to talk to you so quickly after.”</p><p>Steph holds her little chin thoughtful and quiet as she watches Jennifer squirm under her intense focus. </p><p>“I mean you’re right, I just would have blown up at her and told her to go fuck herself so…”</p><p>Jennifer’s smile and the soft laugh she gives help Steph unwind, help push her shoulders down from her ears. </p><p>“So is that why I haven’t seen or even heard from Billie since Friday night?” Steph holds her own hips. “Why would you do that? Why do you care? I’m not, like, mad or anything, I just don’t get it. Don’t you hate her, too?”</p><p>Jennifer shakes her head, dirty dishwater hair in her eyes. </p><p>“Just because Nathan doesn’t like her doesn’t mean I just fall in line and go along with him.”</p><p>“Sorry…”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Jennifer stares somewhere near the thick collar of Steph’s sweater, the collar of her shirt popping over it. Quiet blankets them easy, no tension, as she gathers what she wants to say. Always careful and considerate. “I don’t think I could ever be friends with her. But I can admit that I don’t know the whole story. And if you like her enough to spend time with her, then there’s merit there, you know?”</p><p>Steph sighs happily and says, “Exactly, man, that was my point I was trying to make to Nathan.”</p><p>“I doubt you’ll ever get through to him.”</p><p>“Yea…”</p><p>Steph searches for something to add to that, but what else can she possibly say? She likes spending time with Billie. Billie is funny and smart, nice in her own, rough way once you get through the bullshit. Steph chews on her lip and recalls now her parents offer to have her come up to Chicago for Winter Break. She thinks back to Billie sleeping in her car. And of course she’s not Billie’s mother, has no obligation to give her a place to stay. Steph doesn’t know if she could live with herself if she came back to school in January only to find out Billie slept a single second in her car. In the snow and cold. </p><p>“Do you think…” Steph swallows hard to steady her voice. It’s soft when it bounces off the cinderblock walls. “Do you think I should go talk to her?”</p><p>Another little moth smile from Jennifer. </p><p>“If you’re asking me, don’t you think you already know the answer?”</p><p>Steph’s next breath is a stuttering one like the cage on her heart is finally open. She doesn’t realize until that second how tense she’s been. How much she wanted to talk to Billie, only now it won’t be a shouting match. </p><p>“Lunch is almost over,” she laments. “I don’t even know where she is.”</p><p>“Check your locker? Maybe she’s there, her’s is right next to yours, isn’t it?”</p><p>Steph could just kiss her right on the cheek. Instead, Steph threads her arms carefully around Jennifer’s waist and hugs her from the side. When Jennifer doesn’t push her away, she tightens the embrace. Jennifer has an inch or two on her, so when she sighs, the exhale tickles her nose. And then Jennifer hugs her back, arms almost timid around her neck. </p><p>“I’m gonna go straight there,” Steph tells her when they separate. “Tell Nathan I said bye or whatever.”</p><p>Jennifer’s easy, “Okay,” slips out as Steph flicks the lock open on the door and spills into the hallway. Someone waiting glares at her, but with a sheepish grin Steph is off. She’s not quite running, Keds silent on the linoleum. But she makes quick work of the halls to where the senior lockers are. As soon as she rounds that last corner, though, she slows to a shuffle. </p><p>Billie isn’t here. Face falling a little, Steph leans against the painted door, looking around with hope that maybe Billie will appear. Billie always seems to do that when Steph thinks about her. There isn’t much time between now and when the bell will ring to send them to class after lunch. At least she can grab her bag this way. Sighing, she spins through the numbers to her locker and tugs it open. It sticks on the bottom where the corner of the door is a little bent. </p><p>A slip of paper falls out. One, and then another, until three scraps of notebook paper lie at her feet. </p><p>She admits she keeps a messy locker, but…</p><p>The bell rings, startling her. Students will flood the hallway any second now, so she drops down to her feet to scoop the scraps up. Maybe they’re just things she’s thrown in here or slipped out of her bag. They weren’t here this morning, although Steph didn’t visit her locker after collecting her books this morning… Even throwing her bag in there for lunch was a quick affair, too focused on getting to the cafeteria and maybe catch a peek of Billie. She won’t know if the scraps are important or not until she gets to American History. Which she doesn’t have with Billie, unfortunately. </p><p>Normally she would claim a seat in the back just to avoid being called on. Now, she does it so that no one can read over her shoulder. If the scraps are notes like she thinks they are. She has no idea what order they’d ended up in her locker. As people gather, picking seats and some extending their lunch, she hunches over her desk and unfolds the scraps. </p><p>The first says, in smooth handwriting, ‘I’m sorry.’</p><p>And then, ‘I messed up.’</p><p>And finally, ‘Can I see you?’</p><p>The room continues to fill and bustle around Steph, but she’s too caught up in reading the simple notes over and over again. Billie had actually listened to Jennifer’s advice. Actually stayed away, although it’s strangely sweet that she couldn’t entirely stay away. She must have come to Steph’s locker and secreted the notes through the vents throughout the day. And Steph still doesn’t know where she is, tries to think if she knows which class Billie has right now. </p><p>Scribbling, ‘Meet me at my car,’ on the back of the last note, Steph springs from her desk and runs for the door. She’ll probably miss the tardy bell, but she doesn’t care. Shoes slipping at a corner, Steph rounds the hallway back to the senior lockers. For once, she’s happy Billie’s is right next to hers. To the left.</p><p>There’s no sign of Billie when she gets there, but that’s okay. Billie will at least come back to her locker at the end of the day to unload books. Folding the note once so that Billie’s handwriting is out, Steph feeds it through. Her hopes high, she checks her locker again, but isn’t surprised to find nothing. She makes it back to the classroom, opening the door, when the bell rings. She doesn’t even care that her hair is a mess and everyone stares at her. </p><p>The wind is brisk and rude for December when Steph throws herself into her car. She wants to wait for Billie outside. But not in this weather. It’s easier to be nervous in her car anyway, where she has a semblance of privacy to fidget and talk to herself. With the windows up, no one can walk by and hear her mutter. </p><p>“I mean, she’s not sorry for what she did, I know that much, so what is she actually sorry for?” She sighs and flops back into the seat, staring at the roof. “She’s never gonna like Nathan, and that’s fine, whatever, but I don’t want her starting fights with him. Like, I can’t have that.” A shake of her head. “Out of the question. She either needs to just ignore Nathan’s existence and be my friend, or…”</p><p>It occurs to her then that this might be the end. Billie is just as stubborn as her, maybe more so. But Steph doesn’t want a compromise on this. She has to be the one to get over Nathan and their relationship. Billie is her friend and can support her, but she can’t fight Steph’s battles for her. Her rambling has been worth at least that small revelation. She’s glad she came upon it, because Billie standing next to her door startles her, casting her carefully constructed plan to the wind. When Billie just blinks at her, eyebrow flicked up, Steph points to the passenger door. </p><p>It’s unlocked when Billie pops the door open. The BMW gives a satisfying lurch when Billie sits, pressure making Steph’s ears pop when the door shuts again. She needs something to do with her hands, so she loops her fingers over the bottom of the steering wheel. They just sit and watch for a spell as more and more teenagers spill out of the high school. They have about half an hour before the middle school releases, too. So that’s their time limit. Not that Steph thinks they’ll need that long.</p><p>Sighing and shifting to face Steph as best she can, Billie asks carefully, “So… should I start?”</p><p>Steph remains facing the windshield, drumming her fingers on the wheel. </p><p>“Actually, I have something I want to say first.” In her peripheral vision, she watches Billie tense. Ready for a fight. For rejection, most like. Steph keeps facing forward when she says, “I wanna tell you why I was upset after you pushed Nathan. Cuz it’s important.”</p><p>“… Okay.”</p><p>A long breath blows out through Steph’s lips. Why does this feel like talking to Nathan about him cheating on her all over again? It’s not nearly as bad as that time. Just uncomfortable. She doesn’t want to do this, just wants to sweep everything under the rug and forget about it. She needs to stop doing that. </p><p>“I was mad, because I knew you were gonna do something. As soon as you came over, I knew there was nothing I could say or do to stop you from starting something. A fight, a screaming match, something. And then you pushed me—”</p><p>“I didn’t mean to—”</p><p>Hair whipping around, Steph frowns at Billie’s grimace and says, “Let me finish.”</p><p>Billie’s mouth snaps shut in a frown. And she’s quiet. She looks tired and her hair isn’t as big as it usually is. But she’s quiet.  </p><p>Swallowing hard, Steph faces the windshield again and continues, “And then you pushed me, and it wasn’t about me anymore. It was about you fighting with Nathan, because you hold a grudge against him for what he did to me. And that’s fine, you can be upset.” She laughs a little, too nervous to stop it. Too nervous to look at Billie. “You can be upset. You can’t fight my battles for me. You can’t punch Nathan and undo what he did. It’s something I have to live with and work on.”</p><p>She risks a glance sideways and finds Billie soft and considerate, eyes on her but not angry. Just listening. So, Steph turns to her a little, too. She wants to smile like a fool, but she isn’t done. She can’t help the softness in her voice, though. </p><p>“I know you care about me.” Billie tenses right back up, but Steph continues. “I know you meant to defend my honor or whatever, that’s just what you do. But I don’t want you to do that. I don’t want you fighting for me. It makes me feel like I can’t do anything myself. And I know I can’t make you and Nathan get along. That would be stupid to try.”</p><p>Billie relaxes somewhat, snorts at Steph’s comment, but still says nothing. Still listens. Hope climbs up Steph’s throat and speeds her words along. </p><p>“But I mean it when I say I don’t want you fighting for me. So if you can’t ignore Nathan or just… work out your aggression another way, then…” Steph’s heart crowds behind her hope. She doesn’t want to say this last part, so badly doesn’t want to watch Billie harden to her again, not after all this… “If you can’t, then I can’t be friends with you.”</p><p>Billie’s lips purse into a flat line when she takes her next breath. Steph doesn’t want to hurt her. She’d needed to say it, though, needed to set the record straight. If she doesn’t set this boundary now, Billie will just keep picking fights. What happened on Friday can’t happen again.</p><p>Steph’s slim fingers find the hem of her sweater and play with it, looping the material over her nails. They’re only half blue from Billie painting them, polish chipping quickly without a top and base coat. Steph didn’t know she needed them, apparently. </p><p>Another long, loud breath from Billie winds the tension in the car tighter. </p><p>“You consider us friends? Right now?”</p><p>It’s not what Steph had expected to hear, but she nods before she thinks about it. </p><p>“Yea, I do.”</p><p>“Since when?”</p><p>She wants to crack a joke so badly. ‘Let me go home to check my diary.’ Billie would smile that sweet, warm way she does with her eyes crinkling so much… To defuse the tension, of course. But they’re not done talking, so she can’t do that. </p><p>“Since I broke down crying to you about my ex and you told me I was okay instead of making fun of me. You were the first person who said I would be okay and meant I could move on. Everyone else just meant I’d find someone else and it wouldn’t matter. Like my feelings didn’t matter.” Now she smiles, although it isn’t very big. “I wish I could have been that honest with Nathan. It felt so easy with you.”</p><p>A tiny expression ripples over Billie’s pretty face. It is hurt in her mouth, anger in her brow, and then something else in her eyes. But Billie’s eyes are always changing, so Steph doesn’t catch the distant blip of that star. All that matters is that Billie looks down where Steph’s hands are stiff and tense in her sweater. Her knuckles are pale from where she holds tension in them. Steph steels herself for whatever will come next. </p><p>On her own thighs, Billie’s hands twitch. A quiet breath rushes through her little nose, and then her left hand reaches across the center console. Boldly, she reaches for Steph without hesitation or request for permission. Steph flinches back. Not yet. She enjoys physical affection so much, misses it and had coveted it so much with Nathan. It’s maybe why she joined girls basketball, so that she could always be within reach of the hands of camaraderie. But she can’t do that right now. If Billie touches her, then Steph is saying everything is okay. And it’s not. </p><p>Steph doesn’t miss the way Billie’s face falls before she can cover it up. Steph does offer her a hopeful look. </p><p>“Tell me what you were gonna say first…” Her hands flex in her sweater. “I wanna hear. You wanted to see me, so.”</p><p>Billie’s hand ends up back on her thigh with its sister. Although she retreats with slowness that speaks of reluctance, she is even slower to begin her part of this.  </p><p>“… I wanted to see if you wanted to talk to me, although I guess we’re past that point.”</p><p>Steph nods, and Billie gives her one back. </p><p>“I am sorry for knocking you over. I really didn’t mean that part, and I’m sorry for that. I’m not sorry for picking a fight with Wheeler, though. He deserved it. And I won’t take it back.”</p><p>Steph’s heart falls with her face, and she says, “Okay,” to the center console. Billie must not be willing to let Steph have this. She can’t deny that it hurts, that she sees something incredible and wild in Billie and wants to know it. </p><p>“… I will admit that maybe I could pick fewer fights.”</p><p>Steph picks her head right back up, hope so quick to change the tides. Billie doesn’t look at her anymore, instead frowning while staring out the windshield on Steph’s side. She glances Steph’s way maybe on accident, but just closes her eyes to stop it from happening again. </p><p>“I could pick fewer fights,” she says again. “And it’s easy enough to avoid Wheeler. And his purse.”</p><p>“Be nice,” Steph warns. It’s so easy to fall into stride with Billie. “Jennifer is my friend.”</p><p>Billie huffs. </p><p>“I will… try to be better about it.” Blue eyes open again and finally meet hers. It feels like it’s been years. “You’re not gonna ask me to apologize to Wheeler and Byers are you?”</p><p>Steph gives her a look, feeling a bit like Nathan with her, and then shakes her head.</p><p>“You’re not a little kid. Plus…” She can’t help the grin, can’t keep it in anymore with her heart growing lighter as the seconds go by. “I know you wouldn’t mean it.”</p><p>Billie’s nod is slow, considering. Her glance drops down to Steph’s hands and then right back up to her face. An exact repeat of earlier, Billie reaches her hand out. She stops short of grabbing Steph this time. But the want is there. Steph flushes under the power of it, so relieved that they’re okay. How good it feels to be near Billie again. </p><p>“So…” Her thick fingers twitch towards herself. “Are we still friends, princess?”</p><p>Steph finally gives in to the instinct she has denied the moment Billie slung herself into the passenger seat. She turns over her hand to Billie and smiles into that stern face when Billie’s fingers cradle hers. Her hug with Jennifer earlier and now this… Steph sighs and drops her head down until her chin is in her chest. When she inhales, she throws her head back, hair smacking the window in silence. Billie just sits there and watches her, thumb petting the bumps of Steph’s knuckles. </p><p>“Well?”</p><p>“Yes,” Steph says with a smile. “If you say you’ll do it, then I trust you. And I accept your apology.”</p><p>Billie’s sternness slips. It’s not quite the ease she usually wears around Steph. But it’s warm, and Billie is holding her hand, and it’s nice. Should she ask about Winter Break now, while everything is peaceful?</p><p>Teeth sink into Steph’s lower lip, and then she asks, “Are you ready for Winter Break? Like are you doing anything… going anywhere…”</p><p>Billie shrugs. Still she pets Steph’s knuckles back and forth.</p><p>“My mom’s office is closed the week of Christmas, and I’d rather not be there.”</p><p>A wince from Steph.</p><p>“I’m sorry. That sort of makes me telling you about my parents asking me to come to their condo in Chicago sound… kiddish.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Billie says with a glance down to their hands. It’s not fine. “When do you leave? Will you be gone the full two weeks?”</p><p>Steph had considered it in anger at the time. But it would only hurt herself. Even if Billie doesn’t take Steph up on her offer, there’s nothing stopping Billie from swinging by and hanging out. Or they could meet up somewhere in town, drive, whatever. Whatever Billie feels like doing.</p><p>“Actually…” Steph now tightens her hand in Billie’s, returning their little embrace. “I think it would be lonely and suck up there. My parents are never around even when we’re together, so I think I’m gonna stay home… If you want, um, you could…”</p><p>“Yea?” Billie says hushed. “I could what?”</p><p>If she doesn’t blurt it out in one go, she’ll just “um” and “uh” her way to nowhere.</p><p>“You could come hang out with me like when I was stuck at home and you were suspended…”</p><p>Billie’s lips are parted while she stares, eyes big and so terribly blue.</p><p>“You mean like for a few days or… ?”</p><p>“No, like… the whole break. If you want.”</p><p>Steph is thankful the wave of her hair is long enough to block her eyes. With practised ease, she knows how to scrunch one shoulder up, tip her head down, and then people can’t look at her anymore. She has to do it now or she’ll start rambling. Making excuses, saying it’s fine, going on and on to mask what she really wants. She’s safe like this until Billie makes her decision.</p><p>Billie doesn’t play fair, though. Steph’s eyes snap shut behind her hair when Billie trades Steph’s hand in hers to the right. It’s barely a breath and then thick fingers are in Steph’s hair, sweeping her bangs off. Gentle fingertips find Steph’s jaw at her shoulder, worm so carefully between, and then give the subtle suggestion that Steph should look up. She does with a certain amount of heat in her cheeks and a shyness to her eyes that Billie is sure not to miss.</p><p>They’re quiet for a spell, just looking at each other.</p><p>“You’re inviting me over to stay with you. For Winter Break. The whole break.”</p><p>Steph nods in Billie’s fingers. She doesn’t even care about their peers walking to their cars. Doesn’t care who sees. It’s freeing, considering the fact that two months ago she would have cared so very much. The distinction is not lost to Steph, but the reason for her change of heart eludes her. She has no time to dwell on it in the crosshairs of Billie’s intense stare. It’s electrifying to be back there, Billie’s undivided attention a little addictive.</p><p>Billie’s fingers twitch at her jaw, and she murmurs, “You in there, baby girl?”</p><p>“Hah, yea, yea, I’m fine, um…” Steph’s voice goes high and tries to betray her, tries to break. She has to clear it a few times and shove her shoulders back out of her ears. Billie still holds her hand and jaw. “Stay as long as you want. It’s whatever, um… I really don’t want to think about you sleeping in your car.”</p><p>“Then I won’t,” Billie says like it’s that easy. “If you’ll have me.”</p><p>The smoothness makes Steph snort. Sometimes Billie talks like she’s in a movie from the 40s. Like she’s one of those jaded men who are too handsy with women, yelling at them in one second and biting forceful kisses on them the next. Steph can just imagine Billie’s broad shoulders in one of those suits. She wouldn’t even need the shoulder pads.</p><p>“Just let me know when you wanna come over. My parents always have like an allowance for me so I can buy groceries and other stuff. I need to actually go grocery shopping.”</p><p>At last Billie drops her hand from Steph’s face. The time has passed for that, even though the points of contact along Steph’s jaw are warm. Buzzing a little, and she wants to rub the area with the back of her hand. That’s still Billie’s, though, and Steph isn’t ready to take her hand back.</p><p>“Do you want help?”</p><p>A little shrug and a smile.</p><p>“I wouldn’t say no. More hands make less work, isn’t that the saying?”</p><p>“Friday is the last day of school. Is your teacher letting you leave once you finish your last exam?”</p><p>“Garbinski is cool like that, so yep.” She grins. “I’m gonna fail his midterm anyway, I don’t even care. He knows I’m a lost cause, too stupid to—”</p><p>“Wait.”</p><p>Steph’s words freeze in her mouth, lips already parted around the next one. Billie frowns at her without any heat.</p><p>“That’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, and now is as good a time as any. If you want me to deal with my issues with Wheeler, then I want you to do something for me.”</p><p>Steph’s mouth closes again, nerves winding her lips tight, and then she says, “Okay?”</p><p>Billie squeezes her hand.</p><p>“Stop calling yourself stupid. You’re not stupid, and I hate it when you say that.”</p><p>“Pft, Billie, come on”—nervous laughter—“it’s a joke.”</p><p>“I don’t think it’s funny,” Billie insists. “If I’m gonna try, then so can you. I won’t rearrange Wheeler’s face, and you stop calling yourself stupid. Please?”</p><p>There it is again. Billie Hargrove asking her please. She’d done a favor for Billie the last time. Something Steph somehow knows Billie is extremely grateful for. The please alone makes her want to try, despite the fact that “stupid” is the first thing that comes to mind when she thinks about herself. It’s always been that way, at least to her. Billie must think differently.</p><p>“I’ll… try. I don’t really even think about it when I say it, Billie, really.”</p><p>Billie’s mouth tightens like she wants to push this. Steph holds her breath, so desperately doesn’t want another argument. She doesn’t want to hop from conflict to conflict with Billie.</p><p>“I said I’ll try!” Steph pleads. “I don’t expect you to suddenly do a 360 and change, so don’t expect me to.”</p><p>“180,” Billie says, fighting a smile. “You mean doing a 180. 360 degrees is all the way back around to the start.”</p><p>Steph just stares at her. Billie Hargrove is holding her hand, fighting a smile and now a laugh. And just told her something that’s essential to know for the geometry midterm that she’d thought she finally got sorted.</p><p>“Shit,” she sighs. “I’m really gonna fail Garbinski’s exam.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph and Billie go grocery shopping for Winter Break.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we go, folks! This chapter kicks off the longer length chapters. Next chapter =3c is what you've been waiting for. If you've been waiting for the sex to hurry up and start. They gotta be sweet with each other first, you horn dogs, chill out! We'll get to the finger banging and muff eating SOON ENOUGH. Anyway, please comment and also enjoy this shameless plug.</p>
<p>If you're feeling the vibe of this story and want more of Billy and Steve, then maybe give my ABO fic <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935445">"Drop (The Game)"</a> a read. It's the Stancy break up "it's bullshit" scene, but ABO style hot and ready. =3c And Billy is there. It's pretty good, give it a shot if you like ABO.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Friday is a flurry of activity the moment Billie is done with her final midterm. She walks out of Senior Chem after slapping her exam down long before the nervous energy even settles. Her leaving so quickly only thickens the brew, and she exits the classroom with a single bark of laughter. Poor bastards, thinking these exams hold any sort of relevance to the rest of their lives. These Midwest kids are so whipped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This morning, she’d left the locks popped on the Camaro. So Steph could slip in and wait for her, in case she was done first. They decided this morning smoking at their cars that Billie would drive them into town, they would grocery shop for the two weeks, and then Billie would bring Steph back to pick up her car. Billie knows Max will end up either with the Party tonight or just Louise, won’t need a private taxi to ferry him around. Billie can’t help the reflexive scolding she gives Max about not taking advantage of girls, of watching himself around Louise. Billie means well, just doesn’t come across well. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Billie walks fast up the hill that leads to the asphalt lot, Steph is already there. All according to plan. It’s the first time Steph has ever been in the Camaro, and Billie pauses before Steph sees her to just watch. They’d made all these plans on Monday to hang out, for Billie to sleep over… And now it’s here, and Billie is torn between wanting to dive in but also restrain herself. She should listen to her own advice to Max this morning. Steph doesn’t know about Billie’s lust for her, gradually changing into something else. If this were Billie’s first time at the rodeo, she’d be terrified. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Instead, she’s in awe as she watches Steph look around inside the car. So curious and adorable. She ducks down, clearly checking out the glove box. There’s nothing in there except an extra lighter, maybe old copies of the car registration from California. Leaning towards the driver's seat, Steph squints at the gauges in the dash, the knobs on either side for the headlights and the cigarette lighter. Billie wonders how different the Camaro is to more familiar territory. Billie wonders if she could make Steph squeal while taking the BMW for a spin, show her how to really drive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>To stand here in the brisk, December wind would freeze her to death, though, so Billie abandons her peep show and finally finishes her approach. She smiles when Steph lights up the moment brown eyes find her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey baby girl, how’d the geometry midterm go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph makes a face and then turns away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna talk about it. I know I did super bad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie gets to work on slotting a cigarette between her lips and flicking her Zippo open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fair enough. Let’s forget about all that shit starting now, yea? You ready to go grocery shopping like we’re old and married?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s smile is back when she asks, “Do you still have the list?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Leaning to the right, Billie digs in the pocket of her jeans. The note is there, right where she’d left it. She holds it between her fingers and offers it to Steph across the center console. Just as quickly, Billie fights with the crank of the window to let it open just enough to blow smoke outside. It’s too cold to keep it open like she prefers. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The paper crinkles when Steph unfolds it. The sound startles Billie into action, brake to the floor as she turns the engine over. Maybe she should have given Steph the keys so she could sit here with the heat on, let the engine warm up. Oh well, it’s fine. That’s what their jackets are for. The plastic of the gear shift almost hurts in Billie’s hand when she drags it down to reverse, all the way down into drive after she backs out. Steph hums beside her as they get going, and Billie glances between her and the road. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s pretty face twists into a knowing smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t remember writing whiskey down,” she teases with a finger tapped on the obviously different handwriting. “And unless you have a fake ID or think you can pass yourself off as 21…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie shrugs with one hand on the wheel, the other pinching her cigarette. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know a guy. He likes looking at my tits, and if he’s supplying, then I’m buying.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That coaxes Steph’s eyes down to the tight t-shirt stretched desperately across Billie’s chest. If it weren’t black, Billie knows her bra would be visible through the material. It’s vintage thin and well-worn. Softness on softness. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh… I guess,” Steph says in a vacant sort of way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her focus is still on Billie’s chest. Billie almost wishes she’d taken her jacket off so Steph can appreciate all of her. But oh well. They’ll have plenty of time for that. Billie drives over the bump of the rounded curb before the grocery store parking lot, and that jars Steph out of her stare. She’s pleasantly flustered with herself and turns her head away to hide the color in her cheeks. They see each other naked plenty, but this is different. Billie appreciates that difference. So she just grins around the last of her cigarette and keeps the little moment to herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie will work her magic with the liquor counter guy last. She’ll send Steph out to the parking lot ahead of her, if only to shield her from the guy’s gross vibe. But for now, Billie is hands in her pockets and casual glances as she follows behind Steph. Grocery shopping is a parent affair. She’s only relegated to bag hauling and heavy lifting. So to watch Steph go through the motions, stopping first at produce as the layout intends, is a novelty to Billie. She almost wants to wander around, bored, but that’s a deadbeat kind of thing to do. Instead, she steps up slightly behind Steph investigating vegetables. The spray comes on to lightly shower them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you want me to do anything?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph startles and whips a wide-eyed look at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus, what did I say about putting a bell on you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie smirks right back and purrs, “And I said put one on me, baby.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph snorts and nudges her away with a gentle hand on Billie’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, if you wanna help, go grab like three plastic bags for the vegetables. I hope you like broccoli and cauliflower.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The temptation to make a face presents itself, just for fun. But Billie steps away and does as she’s told, holding the empty bags while Steph wrestles big heads of broccoli into one, cauliflower in another. The third is for lettuce, and Steph takes her time picking over those, too. Billie isn’t sure how to tell if they’re good. If it’s a smell, a look. Steph knows somehow, so she trusts Steph. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you like tomatoes in salad? Or olives? Onions?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie does make a face now and mumbles, “Not much of a salad guy, really…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph pouts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, why not? It’s so good, maybe you haven’t tried one with stuff you like.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A scarred eyebrow flicks up at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Salad is just a vehicle to get the salad dressing in your mouth, because people generally object to you drinking it straight from the bottle like an animal.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s mouth drops open in a laugh, and then she spins back to the vegetables before said laugh barks out of her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god, are you for real right now? Seriously?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s the truth, and no one has the balls to admit they just like the taste of salad dressing!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s pretty giggle echoes over the displays and shelves around them. She eventually slaps a hand over her mouth until just her shoulders shake. Billie tries to keep up her stern face, but she’s weak to Steph’s adorable amusement. So she cracks a grin when brown eyes peer open to blink at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A little calmer now, Steph drops her hand and shakes her head. She goes back to picking out whatever greens she wants and says softly, “You are incredible, Billie Hargrove.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If that isn’t the strongest vote of confidence, Billie doesn’t know what is. Making a pretty girl like Steph laugh is a rush, and Billie sees herself chasing that high. It’s what she’s good at, after all. The chase; the pursuit. The catch being her favorite part, and Steph eluding her just makes her all the more hungry. So she sticks close to Steph all during the trip: answers her easy question about what Billie will eat, what she won’t; sneaks snacks into the cart when Steph isn’t looking; makes the appropriate innuendo when Steph picks up breakfast sausage. Breakfast with Steph after a night together…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Billie? Are you listening to me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie still has the little styrofoam plate in her hand when she blinks back to herself. Steph purses her lips to hide a smile, like she thinks Billie is cute. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie flashes her a grin, hands off the sausage links and says, “Absolutely I was listening.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A snort and then Steph accepts the hand off. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, then what did I say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ah, Steph’s got her there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Playing it off, Billie shrugs and says with a wink, “Something about sausage.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Brown eyes rolling, but still amused, Steph repeats herself, “I asked you if you generally eat breakfast. Or if you’re bad like me and never have time. Or forget.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I usually wake up pretty queasy, to be honest.” She’s never told anyone before. Mostly because it doesn’t matter—what can anyone do about it? “So even if I’m hungry, I don’t eat. Not gonna risk getting sick in my car.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s face immediately falls, and she forgets all about grocery shopping when she shuffles closer, puts a hand on Billie’s arm. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does it happen every morning? Is it bad?” She leans close like she’ll touch Billie more, fuss over her. “How long has it been happening?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s open concern, raw and true, is the exact opposite of the frozen wind outside. Billie heats right up, feels that heat crowd in her chest until she has to cough, glance away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It-It’s fine, don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” A wink will throw Steph off, surely. “I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not enough to completely assuage Steph’s worry. She hums, stubborn, and takes her hand away. At least she doesn’t go on and on about it. Billie is gaga for Steph, but she can’t stand nagging. Reminds her too much of her mom, and Billie would like to keep thoughts of the woman as far from her mind as possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So we almost done?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph gives her a careful look, clearly not done with Billie’s issue, but she answers anyway, “Still need eggs and milk. They’re all the way in the back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hands in her pockets and making idle conversation as they walk, Billie asks, “You ever wonder why every grocery store is set up like this? They make you walk all the way to the back of the store for basic ingredients.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph shrugs behind the cart. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Never really thought about it. I’ve lived here my whole life, and this is the only grocery store in town.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s the worst sort of small talk. When Billie isn’t nearly purring with flirtatious remarks or giving Steph advice… Yikes, she has no idea what to say to Steph. What do friends talk about? She’d just said some pointless shit about grocery store layouts. For a split second, Billie wants to dive down the chip aisle and run away. It’s like she’s having her first crush all over again, only she’s not a child and Steph isn’t some girl she took turns pushing on the swings. The bubble of chilly air coming off the open cooler, eggs and cheese side by side, helps Billie back to herself. It’s fine. Everything is fine. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You do have a point though, I guess,” Steph says while checking every egg for cracks. “There’s probably a reason if every store is like this. I bet they’re just trying to make you buy more stuff. Gotta walk past all the cookies and the bakery to get back here, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph grins up at her, cake mix sitting in the cart as she speaks. She catches Billie’s distant look, though, and the grin drops away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, are you okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Startling for the hundredth time, Billie breathes, “I… just said the dumbest thing to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eggs forgotten, Steph stands back up from her bent position. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It wasn’t dumb. It was an honest observation. And besides,” Steph shrugs and takes a step closer, almost in Billie’s personal space. “I like hearing what you have to say. It’s nice to hear you talk when it’s not a bunch of bullshit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still unsteady, waiting for Steph to reject her despite Steph’s amused smile, Billie asks, “Yea?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph must sense she’s not convinced. A quick glance around, and then Steph takes her hand. Steph’s fingers are curious at Billie’s ring, and they try to play with it despite the snug fit. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yea, dork, so don’t worry about it. If I had a nickel for every time I rambled, well, I wouldn’t need an allowance for groceries.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shit,” Billie spits, hand pulling out of Steph’s to slap for her wallet. “Do you? Need money for any of this? You’re feeding me, I should have—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A muffled giggle stops her useless search. Her wallet is in the pocket of her jacket, not that she’d checked there yet. She’s too absorbed in watching Steph’s eyes sparkle at her. How her flush accentuates the beauty marks on her left cheek. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anticipation heavy on Billie’s shoulders, Steph finally opens her mouth to say, “You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.” Steph holds the look for a second more, so fond, and then adds, “Don’t worry about the money. My parents think buying me whatever I want constitutes them parenting me. I don’t need your money.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A choked noise sneaks past Billie’s parted lips. Then she feigns annoyance, grumbling and shoving her hands in her pockets. Looking anywhere but at Steph as her face burns an unattractive shade of red. Another round of giggling bubbles out of Steph, but she returns to the eggs, giving Billie space. The silence is… calm. Nice. It doesn’t need filling, she just wants to talk to Steph about anything. Everything. Just to see Steph react and talk back. When Steph picks up the perfect carton of eggs, Billie is back in herself. Her cheeks are still a little ruddy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mumbling nearly out the side of her mouth, Billie asks, “Can I complain to you about how everything is set up for right-handed people? Like gas pumps and bathrooms?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s smile is so sweet. She just nods and lets Billie talk, chipping in every so often. They only part, with great reluctance from Billie, when they stand in line at the register. Billie has an appointment with a man about an underage sale and would rather not rope Steph into it. Steph isn’t a “good girl” by society measures, but Billie thinks she’s good enough. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keys jingling in her hand, Billie passes them to Steph with a gruff, “Here. I’ll be out there to help, so don’t rush thinking you have to load all this shit yourself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph accepts the keys with a grin. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds like a plan. You’re the one who’s lifting these cases of soda.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a deal, baby girl,” Billie says softer than she means to. “Don’t wait up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The encounter with the employee at the liquor counter is as skeevy and gross as it is every time. All Billie needs to do is give the collar of her t-shirt a tug, expose the golden softness of her cleavage, and then she’s hooked up. This lucrative connection of hers will eventually wear out its use. The guy tries to get handsy every time, more aggressive about it. Not that she can’t protect herself. He’s in for a world of hurt if he ever tries it. As Billie marches to the parking lot with her glass bottle wrapped in a paper bag, she almost wishes it were a woman running the counter. She might be inclined to give a little more in that case. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knows she has it bad for Steph, probably has for a while now. The distance and bullying sort of helped tap it all down. But now Billie wishes there were one, just one other dyke in town she knew of so she could just… work all this frustration out. She can’t handle Steph like she wants to, can’t cozy up to her and make Steph fluster with her body. She’s tried that, and it usually just hurts Billie more than it’s worth. And now she has two weeks inside a house with the oblivious object of her ravenous desires….</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Head thrown back and mouth aching for a cigarette, Billie curses, “Fuck me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her sigh plumes into the fading light, winter sky darkening at 5 now. She’s elated that Steph had already told her they’re eating pizza tonight. She’s not cooking after grocery shopping, and Billie will not object. It wasn’t half bad last time, although Billie will make request for something other than Steph’s plain cheese pizza this time. Who eats just cheese pizza…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s head shoots up from the trunk. If only the chassis of the Camaro were higher, Steph would have to lean her belly into it to get all the way in the back…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey!” Her smile is bright despite the cold whipping at them. “You got it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie draws out the paper sack like an offering, jiggling it by the neck so Steph can hear whiskey slosh inside. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Got it.” A wink. “Hope you’re ready for it, princess.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not drinking that tonight,” Steph warns with a laugh. “I have some beers Jennifer grabbed for me, but that’s as hard as I’m going.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The mention of Steph’s friend sours Billie a little. But she needs to work on that, so she wipes the grimace away before Steph sees it. She steps close, pushes the bottle into Steph’s hands, and then takes over loading the groceries. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could have gotten the rest,” Steph pouts a little. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s freezing out here, just sit in the car, I’ll do it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My hero,” Steph drawls, but doesn’t need to be told twice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It should say something that every time Steph obeys her, something tumbles in Billie’s stomach. Steph used to fight her on principal, at the beginning of the year when Billie had been all teeth and snapping jaws. And that was fun in the way the first rush of love is. Wild and breathtaking. Something Billie didn’t turn down, because she was hurting over lost relationships and time in California. Steph was something fun. Something to sniff just to see if Steph would catch her, look harder and longer like Billie wanted to be caught. But now that they’re wound down and Steph trusts her, does what she asks… Billie slams the trunk shut and wants to curse again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Keep it cool, Hargrove,” she warns herself, both hands clawing through her hair. Frustrated. She’d packed a bag this morning—well two bags—and is extremely thankful for them. Worse comes to worst, she can just take care of the… frustration herself. She’d said as much to Steph, that she’s a big girl. “It’s fine, everything is cool.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph is none the wiser when Billie falls into the driver’s seat. She’s all smiles, easy and happy. Billie steels herself with a breath and a tight hand around the steering wheel. They retrace their steps to the school where Billie pulls up next to the BMW, the only car left. Steph doesn’t even linger, just hops out with a whine at the cold that tussles her skirt. Billie manages to keep her face straight despite wanting to leer and bite her lip. Steph flashes her a pout before swinging the door shut and wiggling as fast as she can into the BMW. So as to not ruin their night with a speeding ticket, Billie opts to follow instead of leading. Not that she needs a guide. And even if Steph drives like a grandma. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie waves Steph away from the trunk, from grocery duty, to urge her inside and call for the pizzas. They could have easily just picked them up. Would have saved on a delivery fee. But neither of them were thinking about it. Billie can’t speak for Steph, but she certainly hadn’t been thinking about pizza while driving behind her, watching Steph bob her head and dance a little to whatever song she was listening to. And once they arrive and put everything away, they collapse on a stiff, unused couch to just relax. They’re not leaving again anytime soon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neither of them even moves until Steph’s doorbell rings. Billie lingers long enough to make sure the delivery guy doesn’t try anything funny before lugging her two bags into the downstairs guest room. The same one as last time. It’s like a hotel in here: bed along the window that looks out near the pool, a dresser, and a little desk with a chair. Billie half-expects the damn duvet to be tucked into oblivion, but it’s not. While lifting her bags to the desk with a little grunt, she wonders if Steph has washed the sheets since last time. Not that Billie did anything in here, too pained and not into the clean up. Plus, she got off in the tub while Steph talked to her. An orgasm did better for her cramps than the damn Midol.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph is a soft noise at the open door to the guest room, and Billie flicks a look over her shoulder. The little dear almost looks… upset?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph first braces her hands on the doorjamb slightly above her, then decides against it just as quickly and crosses her arms over her chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re gonna sleep in this room again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie shrugs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not? I slept good here last time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s mostly so that later when Billie is either riding her own fingers or torturing herself with a vibrator that Steph doesn’t hear her punched-out moans. That’s actually the only reason, and Billie shrugs instead of offering a better reason to herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph nods, looks up through her bangs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. Do you wanna eat upstairs with me again?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie rips open the bag with her clothes and calls over her shoulder, “Let me put on something comfortable and I’ll come up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She can just feel Steph’s smirk at the back of her head when she drawls, “Something comfortable, huh? Are you gonna surprise me with something from that adult store that just opened up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie only stumbles once through whipping her shirt off, and that’s with her head still trapped in it. She’d rather see lingerie on a girl than wear it herself. Makes her think back to Steph’s secret box and the lingerie inside. But she’d do it for Steph, if only to see Steph turn a deep, impossible red at the sight of her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hair wild when Billie frees herself, she glances over her shoulder and asks, husky, “Only if you’re on your best behavior, baby.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s next noise is a nervous laugh—too loud to be anything other than nervous—with color creeping into her face. Billie finishes her with a wink and then hooks her arms behind her to undo her bra. She can’t wait to take it off and get the fucking wires out of her skin. She knew she should have bought new ones before leaving California. By the looks of things around Hawkins and the fact that only smaller towns are nearby, she might have to drive all the way to Indianapolis to find a shop that carries her size. Or maybe Chicago is closer. Who knows. Maybe she can swing by this adult store she didn’t know about and ask if they can special order real bras and not shit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you gonna stand there and enjoy the show or you gonna go change too?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She only knows Steph is still there because the whole of her broad back is on fire with intense focus. Billie maybe spends a moment rolling her shoulders a few times, letting the play of muscles and bones entertain Steph. Give her a taste of what she could have, could rake those pretty little nails all over sun-kissed skin. Billie shakes out a shiver, thankful she’s facing away from Steph, and flicks the tongue out of her belt. The zip is especially loud with just their breaths playing backup. When Steph continues to stand there, breaths constrained and slow, Billie again looks over her shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Like what you see?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’ve seen each other naked so many times. But again, this is different. And Steph has been at the game for so long that she nearly perfected casual observation. Almost. Billie only noticed because she’s been at it even longer still. That and she was—still is—hyper aware of anyone putting down that familiar vibe. That vibe of interest—are you like me? Is that look curiosity or… She knew right away that Steph was just curious. Flabbergasted by her. Never seen or dealt with anything like her before. The novelty still hasn’t worn off, rears its head in moments like these when Billie maintains that eye contact while letting her jeans fall in a whoosh down her legs. No underwear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A squeak fights its way out of Steph. Then, she points sort of vaguely in the direction of her room, still staring, and shuffles out of the doorway. Billie holds the stare until little doe feet patter as fast as they can up the stairs, stumbling only once near the top. That done, Billie smirks to herself and finishes the rest without fanfare. Give Steph enough tastes and she’ll come crawling to have the whole meal. Billie has no plans for tonight or the next thirteen nights. Only ideas. Only wishes. Only her hunger.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Billie arrives in Steph’s room, black pajama pants and a white tank top, she waggles a VHS in her hand. It’s time to act on her hunger, see what she can get with a little bit of fright. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wanna watch a scary movie? It’s rated R.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It already smells like pizza in here, and Billie’s stomach gives an appreciative grumble. Steph has broken into one of the boxes, the other left for Billie. Some Supreme monstrosity with every ingredient under the sun on it. Doesn’t reheat well, but fuck it, she’s starving. She wanders over casually to Steph’s desk to start working on that, gesturing with the tape when Steph doesn’t immediately give her input on the movie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph sits in the middle of her bed, arms braced behind her and her legs relaxed, splayed. She’s in… a nightgown. Buttery soft from all the way where Billie stands, silvery grey from multiple washes. It’s long-sleeved with the hems stopping midway down Steph’s thin forearms. Billie could just groan and roll her eyes at how modest it is, all the way to Steph’s knees. Plus, all this time Billie had figured Steph for a pajamas girl. On account of the first two nights she slept here, Steph wore pajamas. It perks Billie right up, makes her think maybe she’s dealing with something special.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sitting up off her hands, Steph grins and asks, “Which one? Is it that </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nightmare on Elm Street</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie shakes her head while waggling the tape again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, I want to sleep sometime tonight, that movie is scary as shit. This”—Billie hefts the tape in her palm—“is sure to be a horror staple. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Alien</span>
  </em>
  <span> directed by Ridley Scott.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph flicks up an eyebrow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Snorting, Billie tosses a crust back in the box, licks her fingers, and then takes a few steps to bring her to the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I forget you don’t care about movies. It’s a creature feature, you know. Gotta kill the monster, that shit. So? How about it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s mouth does a funny half-frown, half-grimace as she shrugs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t have a TV in here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie bends down, knows the movement attracts Steph’s eyes right where she wants them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do your parents have a TV in their room?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“… Yea?”    </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Head cocking just so, Billie murmurs, “Why don’t we watch it in there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie expects Steph to object. The parental suite is sacred ground, not to be entered unless instructed, and then still with great trepidation. But Steph just shrugs, scoots herself to the edge of the bed, and pops up. Right in Billie’s space, her scent and warmth a suggestion. Steph doesn’t smell like school or the grocery store. She hasn’t taken a shower in the quick time they’ve been apart, but she smells… clean. Just soft skin smell and maybe perfume faded through the day. It’s delicate in the hollows around her neck. She must apply it there, a little rub from the inside of her wrist. Billie startles back a step when Steph meets her eyes, so close Billie could see herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Steph says, easy and happy. “But first…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She skitters around to her nightstand, picking up a cigarette case. Billie hasn’t seen one since California. They’re a dying breed, except for the drug users she knew. Some of the coke and heroine users kept a little kit like that. That’s not what this is as Steph comes bounding back to her, nearly slipping on socked feet, and then pries the case open like a clam.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like to… partake?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She needn’t angle the case down for Billie to see the two joints nestled next to a few Parliament Lights under a clip. She does so for effect, and Billie’s smirk is more sweetness than wickedness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby doll,” she drawls, “didn’t know you had it in you. Since when have you smoked weed?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Pft, you’re late to that scene, Hargrove, I’ve been there and done that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie steps closer, leans up so that their grins are more level.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yea, baby? Bring me back a nice souvenir?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nah, I forgot,” Steph says with a laugh, nudging the case between them. “Think you can forgive me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie hums deep and full before helping herself. Steph snaps the case shut and tosses it to the head of her bed. Billie has to tuck the VHS case under her arm to free a hand and slap around her thighs for her lighter. Ah. No fucking pockets. Billie growls through her teeth, but Steph is there with a light in her slim hands. Billie’s annoyance snuffs out immediately, and she tries to hand the joint back to Steph. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Steph shakes her head instead and lifts the lighter, cupping it and ready to light it for Billie. To go first. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure? It’s your weed, Steph.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” Steph says while nudging the lighter, sure of herself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shrugging, Billie mumbles, “Don’t need to tell me twice,” and then leans forward for the flame.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whoever’d rolled these did a nice job. Not too tight, plenty of space left at the end to maybe not burn their lips, unless Steph has a little binder clip or something around here. Whatever, a little waste isn’t the end of the world. On the first real drag, past the excess paper meant to take the light, Billie wonders if she can teach Steph how to use a pipe instead. Billie’s lefty pipe hidden in her room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But smoke tickles the back of her throat as she breathes it in, and she focuses instead on inhaling nice and smooth. Blue eyes drift to Steph’s closed window as she pulls off, taking a little sip of air. Carefully, Billie nudges Steph out of the way of the window, shoves it open, and exhales into the night. Luckily, the wind doesn’t carry the smoke right back into the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Feeling just a bit greedy, Billie nurses the joint for a few more drags before handing it off. She watches through another exhale, head comfortably full of cotton and neck loose, as Steph takes a drink of water first. Aw, poor little baby’s throat. Billie watches and watches Steph’s lips at the end, the inhale, how her body fills out the inside of the nightgown and then… Steph slides up in front of her, Billie’s pajama bottoms caressing the length of Steph’s nightgown, and then Steph exhales with her throat exposed, eyes closed nice and soft.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie throbs from top to bottom and all the way back up. But especially where she’s been aching for Steph for so long, now. Billie has to force a hard swallow, mouth so dry already, and tries to keep the hunger out of her grin. She can’t help but watch Steph take the deepest drag she can manage, putting a show on again, and then yes the pale column of her throat. Beauty marks dot that throat, and oh how Billie wants to touch and connect every single one with her fingers, lips, and tongue. Billie swims on her feet for a second, and then Steph pushes the joint back between her thick fingers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Smoke as much as you want,” Steph says with a voice warm, a little rough from the smoke. “I’m gonna… go downstairs and grab something to drink.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whiskey,” Billie suggests with her tongue in her teeth already. She leans closer to Steph, partially boxing her in against the window. She shouldn’t, but she can’t help it, can’t help but want to touch Steph. It’s only because of the joint held near her lips she doesn’t grab Steph by the hips. “You really wanna get this going, then whiskey.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hands cup over her shoulders, the delicate slope down from her neck, and gently push her away. Not out of distaste, no. A giggle is on Steph’s lips and in her eyes when she does it. Oh, and that pretty blush is back so fast under said eyes. Billie chuckles through the wisp of smoke coming off the cherry, wasting weed like this, and then inhales.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No whiskey,” Steph scolds, although Billie already knew that’s what she would say. “But I will grab a soda for you. Tab okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie looks her up and down despite Steph leaving and drawls through an exhale, “Nah, RC Cola. Hate Tab.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re lame,” Steph fires back with a little poke of her tongue. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She bounds away before Billie can do anything about it. Steph gone, though, Billie searches for an ashtray. Hopefully there’s enough in it to smother the joint, because at this point she’s wasting it. And she’s definitely not smoking it all herself. There are no concrete plans tonight, only suggestions of setting something into motion. She couldn’t exactly say no to this, hates how she has to subject herself to the lowest dregs of the school to get what she had in California for basically free. Plus it’s shit here. And her fear is that Steph has to use the same methods available to her, and the idea of Steph around those guys is…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie grumbles through tingling lips, licks them to feel the difference in sensation. Feet tap quietly up the stairs, and then Steph slips back in through the open door. Almost literally, but Billie is there in a step and a half to meet her momentum. Steph doesn’t quite fall on Billie but rather against her. Billie is unmoving, wouldn’t budge even for Steph’s full weight. And all that height doesn’t add up to a featherweight. Billie carefully leans forward on her feet to set Steph back on her own. With her hands each gripping an aluminum can, balance is lost to Steph. She’s a little shy when she offers the RC Cola, as requested.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, baby,” she rumbles, popping the can with one hand and guiding it to her lips. The cold is soothing, and then bubbles help break up the scratch in her voice. “Just want I needed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Somehow, Billie still has the VHS pinned between her arm and her chest. She doesn’t even feel the case digging into her. Steph snorts and wiggles it loose like a diamond from rock. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph considers the bland Family Video plastic case and hums.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You said this was scary? Like… how scary?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Scary enough to have Steph cuddled up under Billie’s arm in no time, pizza dragged in with them long forgotten. Sigourney Weaver is beautiful, spunky like Steph and stubborn. But Billie has the real thing right here, arm wrapped around her and cradling her hip with every flinch, yelp, and quiver. Steph jumps reliably every time the creature shows up, killing people, dragging them into the air vents. Eventually, with half the crew gone, Steph gives up trying to watch it sitting up. Billie’s whole right side is for Steph to hide in. Her head feels right resting on Billie’s breast, and when Steph screams again, Billie doesn’t mind holding her tighter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t say stuff was gonna explode out of people! I hate that!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie grins into the messy hair under her chin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No spoilers, baby, I couldn’t ruin it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph just buries her head more into Billie’s shoulder. She’s all squirmy, silky warmth in that damn nightgown. Billie has half a mind to tug the blanket over Steph to weigh her down. Or just scoop her up and dump the princess in a throne befitting of her. Steph is practically in her lap already, especially when she curls up for the final showdown in the escape pod. Billie is still stuck back on Sigourney Weaver stripping down, slim and powerful. She squeezes Steph’s hip on reflex, hand at home and right. Steph makes a noise in Billie’s shoulder, so she does it again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Billie,” Steph whines to her shoulder, Steph’s mouth uncaring as it drags over bare skin. “You’re a jerk.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sucking her teeth, Billie leans her head and nuzzles Steph. She gets a happy noise back, like a chirp, so she doesn’t stop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie hums and simpers, “I’m sorry, baby girl. Can I make it up to you somehow?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s not expecting Steph to sit up, almost cracking her head into Billie’s jaw. Billie startles all the same, and they’re missing the end of the movie. But she doesn’t care as Steph sits up, up, until she’s above Billie. And Billie is nothing if not a woman of want, and her eyes drop quickly down from Bambi browns to the faintest outline of Steph’s body through her nightgown. All night, Billie has avoided this lecherous wonder of her’s. Trying to be good, trying to keep her hands to herself. Steph doesn’t make it easy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slim hands reach up for Billie’s face and then her hair. It’s such a smooth movement that Billie doesn’t even flinch this time. Just blinks up a little at Steph’s easy relaxed face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wanna touch your hair. Can I play with it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie just stares, a soft, “Uh,” leaking out. Not a refusal, not by a long shot, just entirely too much confusion. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph’s hands flinch back, embarrassed, and she explains, “You have really pretty hair. And when I was growing up, I liked to sit with the other girls and we would just…” Steph twirls her fingers in her own locks. “Play with each other’s hair. It was fun.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie can’t think about it too long or she’ll wonder when that stopped. She’ll wonder when was the last time Steph touched others so easily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay… Lemme turn the tape off so it doesn’t turn to static.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence seems like a bad idea. If they’re near each other, Steph’s hands in her hair, anything is liable to be heard. Hitched breaths, aborted moans. Anything. So, Billie fiddles with the input on the TV until cable comes through. Actual cable, not coming over an ancient antenna on top of the set. It’s the late-night news coming out of Chicago, so Billie leaves it. Life on the outside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she climbs back up in Steph’s parents bed—a waste of a king-sized bed on people who are never here—it’s to find Steph shoving the pillows against the headboard. Making a little nest for herself. She falls into it when she’s satisfied, scoots until the pillows cradle her under her chest, and then she waves Billie closer. Billie doesn’t come as she’s called right away, watching Steph try to settle the length of her nightgown. Long legs spread and shuffle her nightgown, and then Steph pats the spot between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want me to… sit there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph nods, like it’s simple.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yep. Back to me so I can reach everywhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie can’t even snort at the double entendre. She’s too excited and useless from the prospect of Steph inviting her to lie down between her legs. Yea, it’s not for the reason she wants, but it’s damn close enough. Plus she… misses stuff like this. Just companionship and platonic hands. She had it all the time back home and now finds she misses it more than she let herself realize. Besides, she’s mostly sober anyway. So it’s not like a few scratches to her scalp will make anything embarrassing happen. Billie knee-walks the rest of the way up the bed and shuffles around carefully, mindful of sharp elbows and knees. When her body first reclines and touches Steph, she hesitates.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Over her shoulder, Billie murmurs, “I don’t wanna crush you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hands slide over her shoulders, entirely too intimate on naked skin, and Steph urges her all the way back. Even when they’re pressed together all along Steph’s front, those hands linger there. Like Steph thinks she’ll run away. She almost wants to, but not for the reason Steph might think.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You won’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, Billie is a nervous creature even as Steph gently gathers up the length of her hair and works it out from between them. Billie’s nerves welcome the fresh air across the back of her neck. Holding Steph all through the movie, squirming and jumping, had been more work that she thought. Sweat dampens the skin there, would soak into a collar of a t-shirt given the chance. Billie is thankful now more than ever she threw on the tank top as opposed to a t-shirt. She would be overheated, engine in the red, if she had any more clothes on. Even now, her hands smooth up and down the tops of her thighs, wiping her palms and just trying to keep it cool. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph gives a wiggle behind her. Before Billie can sit up, freeing her, Steph starts at the nape of Billie’s neck. Billie freezes, tensed so tightly with all ten of Steph’s fingers in her hair. The first gentle rake of nails up her scalp has Billie sucking in a breath through her teeth. Steph pauses. Billie holds her breath. A moment of consideration passes, and then Steph starts over. Slim fingertips twirl baby hairs at Billie’s nape, tickling, before diving back in. Billie breathes again, but only just. She knows she’s as tense as a spring ready to break. Steph shuffles behind her. Pausing again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is this okay?” So unsure where she’d once been confident. “We can stop…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie huffs out a bitter laugh, mostly under her breath, and then tries to relax again. Steph misses the hilarity of her saying that to Billie, but it’s only ironic to Billie. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Trying for a calming exhale, Billie forces the tension out of her shoulders and says casually, “No, I’m fine. Just… not used to people touching me anymore. I’m not exactly anyone’s favorite person here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie touches people. The distinction is only obvious to her. Others don’t touch Billie Hargrove. It’s just not something that happens. But Steph is warm and soft behind her, comfortable, and Billie wishes it didn’t have to be that way. She can’t see it working any other way, though.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sighing, Steph slips her fingers free of sandy-blonde curls. Before Billie can protest and insist that it’s fine, everything is fine, Steph surprises her. Her left arm comes wiggling around, mindless of the thin material of Billie’s tank top, and… holds Billie just under her breasts. Billie has to stare down at beauty marks scattered on Steph’s forearm to believe it. Steph drags her closer, urging her to lie all the way down. Put her full weight on Steph, stop worrying about hurting her. She can take it. Billie blinks up at the far corner where the wall meets the ceiling. For once, she has nothing to say. It works out, because Steph’s right hand is back at it, carding hair behind Billie’s ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Almost as an afterthought, Steph sighs and murmurs, “I like you just fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie hopes Steph can’t feel where her heart thunders a little above the arm slung over her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Y-yea?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All the little hairs on the back of Billie’s neck strain until it hurts when Steph nods, squeezes her tightly. If only Steph could hear Billie’s skin cry out, touch me, too, kiss me, bite me. The exposed side of Billie’s neck feels raw and burned like a wool scarf had choked her until recently. Each of Steph’s calm breaths just hurts her more, but Billie swallows the pain and bears it. It wouldn’t occur to Steph to take advantage of their positions. That’s not what this is about—in more ways that one, the biggest being Steph is straight. Billie uses that sourness, that bitter disappointment, to finally throw her tension away and resign herself to this. It’s not even unpleasant. Not physically, anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean it,” Steph murmurs sometime later like the conversation had never lapsed. Her voice is thicker and quieter than before. She’s moved on to Billie’s hairline above her brow, heavy head supported on Steph’s shoulder, eyes closed. “We’re friends. You don’t get to say nobody likes you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Billie could start a fight over that. A nasty explosion of hurt and loneliness like a wounded dog abandoned on the side of the road. Her upper lip even tries to twitch into a snarl on reflex, but she doesn’t want to do that shit right now. She just wants to enjoy this, regardless of how platonic it is and how badly she wishes it weren’t. Billie is the best at hurting herself, though, and does the foolish thing of covering Steph’s hand on her stomach. Steph’s hand twitches, Billie’s heart falling to think this is too much, and then Steph surprises her again. Slim fingers welcome themselves between Billie’s thicker ones. Lacing and holding on without demand, Steph hugs her tightly again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t… don’t ever say that about yourself again. That no one likes you. I like you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another huff of laughter shifts their hands on Billie’s stomach. But she lets the topic die with a nod. Steph is stubborn to a fault, and no matter the truth, she will not be swayed. Billie’s eyes peer open slowly, blinking at the TV without seeing it. Steph’s right arm slips around her, too, across her collarbones to pay attention to the left side of her head. Billie even tilts her head to make it easier, and Steph makes that noise again from early. Not a whine or whimper, just a little chirp. Billie closes her eyes again to Steph’s warmth, her closeness, and wonders distantly what it would take to draw that sound of out Steph on purpose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t remember closing her eyes or drifting off. Maybe it’s her high finally wearing off and dragging her into unconsciousness. Maybe it’s her stormy stomach, nothing but pizza with too many toppings, wanting nothing more to do with Billie’s melancholy. Something. But she is awake to the sounds of Steph petting her hair and breathing and then the next she blinks awake to an infomercial being obnoxious with its host and sound effects. She watches it for a spell, clearly someone just selling snake oil to people at 1 AM, before waking the rest of the way up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steph is still pinned to the bed under her. They haven’t moved, haven’t even separated their hands on Billie’s stomach. Billie does so now with great reluctance and one last squeeze. Both hands free, now, Billie goes about lifting Steph’s other arm across her collarbones up and off. Steph goes as pliant as a doll, breathing deeply in Billie’s hair. Billie knows the moment she sits up that Steph may stir. From the pressure or chill. Billie just wants to clean up, take Steph back to her room, and then fuck off to the guest room downstairs. She’d fallen asleep bitter and wakes up much the same. Not at Steph, never, just at herself and the stupid games she plays.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Much like plucking Steph from the gym floor—that fucking cow Tammy had better watch herself for the rest of her life—Billie lifts her again so easily. She has to shrug Steph’s head to the crook of her arm or let the poor girl go flopping during the short trip. Once Steph is curled up in Billie’s arms, she lifts Steph like she’s nothing and carefully maneuvers them out of the master suite, down the hall, and back into Steph’s room. It’s cold and dark, fuck she forgot to close the window, and smells heavily of grease and cheese. There’s that to deal with in a moment, probably collecting the cans and tape from the master suite, too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Wrinkling her nose, Billie sighs at the clean up and deals with the most important part first. She gets Steph’s lower body down on the bed to free a hand, flicking Steph’s heavy comforter back. The bed is cold, she knows, and Billie expects Steph’s little whine when she slides long legs in. Billie finds it in her, through the bitterness, to shush Steph and murmur sweet nothings to her. Billie lingers over Steph until she shuffles around, gets comfortable, and then doesn’t move again. Window locked and cans cradled against her chest, Billie spares the darling girl one more glance. A flick of the light and pulling Steph’s door shut leaves her in blissful darkness.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Discussing Steph's relationship with Nathan leads to a discovery.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here it is! Finally, the first sex chapter lol. I've been debating about spacing these chapters out. Cuz UHHHH it's literally half the word count of this fic I'm about to throw at y'all. It's mostly sex lol. I may have been High Key Extremely Horny at the end of January when I wrote these chapters. But enjoy!</p><p>Please slap a comment on this bitch and also keep an eye open for some new ABO fics coming from me.</p><p>"Please, Please, Please" is inspired by a tweet about alphas fighting for an omega, and I love writing Billy as a fucking loser, so he loses. Every fight. But he and Steve are in some mutual pining bullshit, so you know the boy gets the girl at the end lol. "Aloe" is my pool boy Billy and rich bitch season 1 Steve ABO fic. It uhhh... gets rough lol. There will be a dubious consent warning. And then finally "Hand-me-down" which is the worst thing I've written so far for this ship. That will have a full on non-con tag as I write alphas Billy and Tommy spitroasting Steve and then Billy invites some team mates to have sloppy seconds. While he watches. Oops.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pizza ends up in the fridge for later. Billie wonders what Steph had made of the last pizza they ate. If she just picked at it like a scavenger, didn’t even reheat it, or slapped it in the microwave for a minute. Maybe went the full gamut and got the oven involved. Billie looks around the opulent kitchen, the empty house that heaves like a sigh. Steph must be lonely, too. Billie thinks back to their heart-to-heart in the BMW, how Steph said being honest with her was so easy. They’re just a pair of lonely peas in neighboring pods, seams popped open a little so they can see each other. But nothing else.</p><p>Shaking her head at herself, Billie kills the kitchen light and moves through darkness like it’s welcoming her back. She doesn’t bother with the light in the guest bedroom either, just flops on the bed to stare at the ceiling until her eyes adjust, stop blooming colors that aren’t real in the dark.</p><p>She knows she won’t sleep. At least not for a little while. She could get up and read, maybe set the clothes she’s brought along out, make use of the surely empty dresser. Maybe Steph wouldn’t wake up to the sound of the shower going. They’re all possibilities, but Billie just finds herself lying there in the cold dark with her hands on her stomach. She can’t help but shift her left arm to blanket where Steph held her earlier. The weight of her own arm is a disappointment. </p><p>Slamming her head into the pillow under her, Billie grumbles, “Fuck this.”</p><p>Storming off the bed in a tangle of sheets, Billie stomps over to her second bag. The least she can do is distract herself. It won’t be the first time she jerks off to forget for a little while how pathetic she is. It’s all she ever gets now anyway, just the company of her hands and the toys she’d amassed back home. Where it was easy to have someone buy them for her. No shame. But also even easier to call a girlfriend for a hookup. She’s fucked the game up, now, and likes Steph more than that. All the girls in California, they don’t spring up first in her mind. To think about Steph would be unfair to herself, though. Billie shoves herself back to bed, scowl angry and legs splayed, and thinks about anything other than the pretty doe softly snoring upstairs. </p><p>At least this way her frustrations won’t be wasted, now. Nothing worse than sporting a hard on for hours, literally hours, only to do nothing with it. Just had to sit there, look at Steph, lie down on top of her and pretend she wasn’t throbbing and wet the entire time. She could do it hard and fast, just make herself come with the vibrator on high. But that would hurt, and she doesn’t want to do that. Doesn’t want to see Steph tomorrow morning with a guilty numbness between her legs and feel sorry for herself all over again. Head tilted back in the pillow until it blocks her ears, Billie sighs with a scowl. </p><p>Just calm down. No use getting all pissed off. She’ll never come that way. Just don’t think about it, she reasons with herself, already fiddling with the button on the bottom of the toy. Not turning it on yet. Just rocking the pad of her thumb over the soft material that covers it and makes the toy waterproof. Which is helpful when the bathroom at home is the only door with a lock on it besides the front and back. But she can’t think about home either, or she’ll just get pissed off all over again. No, she needs something nice, something easy. </p><p>Brittany or Mackenzie. Or Rosio or Leshawnda. Or that exchange girl from Jerusalem, what was her name…. Shoshanna? Fuck, she was gorgeous. Shy and apologetic for her English, a sweet little thing. Olive skin and big, dark eyes Billie could see herself in when she’d lean in real close, like she does with all pretty girls. Not that Shoshanna put out the vibe Billie was hoping for, always a sucker for a good time, but damn if she wasn’t pretty enough to remember in rose-tinted glasses. </p><p>Shuffling her shoulders, Billie sets the vibrator aside for now. Her body is a poor approximation for a slim darling like Shoshanna or any of the others… Steph, whom she refuses to think about right now. But it’s easy enough to use her body like theirs, touch herself how she would them. Careful and gentle, quick to pull away at the slightest tinge of discomfort or shyness that isn’t based in hunger. Exhaling long and low through her nose, Billie’s left hand palms herself through her pajamas. Gently for now, like she needs to acquaint herself with the sensation of someone touching her. Like she needs all the gentleness in the world to not close her legs and turn bashful. </p><p>She won’t go as far as to talk to herself. No, that’s just for other girls. Still, she tilts her head back like someone watches her from above and draws her right hand up and down the thin cotton of her tank top. So carefully while the heat of her left hand soaks through the pajamas to sink between her legs, already wanting to squirm a little bit. Just move a little, just a light squeeze of her hand, four fingers covering her from clit to hole and her thumb petting her mound. When it’s not enough, too much clothing separating and numbing the sensation, she pulls away. It’s easy to tease herself along the waistband of her pajamas. Pretending like she won’t slip her hand under the elastic and on top of her panties. </p><p>Finally, glorious and finally, some tension slips out of Billie’s shoulders and neck. They’re sore from how tightly she’d held herself all night. Licking the dryness from her lips, Billie digs her feet into the bed to give herself leverage. She can rock against the heel of her palm this way. A little back and forth, grinding into her hand until her hand plays back, following her hips down when she tries to get away. Billie presses her heel a little harder than she needs to, holding herself down and letting herself squirm. This is when a pretty little thing would whine and make big eyes at her, maybe whisper, ‘Please,’ as her fingertips twitch over the damp spot they’ve found. </p><p>Billie’s other hand has squirreled under her shirt, fingers poised to brush teasing and light over a nipple, when a thump from above startles her. Eyes flying open, Billie freezes on the bed with her left hand still tight between her legs, still burning pressure over her clit. She waits with calm breaths so she can strain her ears. When she hears nothing for a spell, she grumbles and closes her eyes, spreads her legs a little wider. Thinks about pulling her panties aside to feel how wet she is. </p><p>And then another thump, louder this time. </p><p>“For fuck’s sake,” she snaps. </p><p>She can’t just ignore it. The only other person in the house is Steph, and she could be hurt. She can only imagine Steph has stumbled and fallen, hopefully didn’t flail wildly to catch herself on something only to bring the whole house down. Left hand buzzing and warm, Billie forces herself to stop with a groan. Unsatisfied. Unfulfilled. Again. The story of her life, really.</p><p>Frustrated beyond belief, now, Billie kicks her legs to sit up in a huff and shoves herself from the bed. Her pajamas fall in a puddle around her ankles, and she kicks them off. Fuck it, because when she comes back after checking on Steph, she’s setting the vibrator to high and fucking herself until she passes out. She’s over this. </p><p>The toilet upstairs flushes when Billie opens the guest room door, hinge thankfully silent. Along the open hallway above, feet pad silently back to Steph’s room, light cutting through the darkness, and then she shuts the door behind her. Billie considers the stairs in the darkness, but detours to the kitchen to wash her hands.</p><p>No point in going up there smelling as heady and turned on as she is. Steph might find the stink of her repulsive, wouldn’t surprise Billie at all if Steph’s mind is warped to find the smell of her own body something to be ashamed of. Shaking her head while drying her hands, Billie throws the dish towel to the granite counter. The stairs are silent under her, because the two times she’s been here, she paid attention to which groan. Steph’s door is still shut when Billie raps her knuckles on it. </p><p>“Steph? You okay?”</p><p>Nothing. A light is on, bleeding soft and golden under the door. So most likely the lamp beside Steph’s bed. Billie presses an ear to the door and picks up the low whine of Madonna and Steph humming. It’s the exact opposite of Billie’s taste in music, and she would tease Steph about it. But she’s not in the mood. She just wants confirmation that Steph is okay, nothing wrong. Then Billie can go back to the cold bed downstairs. It’s actually fucking freezing on this landing, and the ache from the cold slips into Billie’s knees. </p><p>“Fuck it,” she sighs, taking the doorknob in hand. </p><p>“… Feels like I’m going to lose my mind,” Steph mumble-sings, magazine too close to her face to notice Billie peeking in. “You just keep on pushing my love! Over the borderline. Borderline!”</p><p>Billie clears her throat and receives no small pleasure watching Steph flail and almost roll off her bed. Too caught up in her magazine and singing along. Billie wants to grin and tease her, but she doesn’t have it in her right now. Steph’s magazine goes slipping to the floor as she sits up. Her hair spills over her shoulders, damn nightgown still in its place. Billie huffs out a breath and then takes two steps into the room proper. She keeps a hand on the doorknob. No intention of staying. </p><p>“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me,” Steph whispers, hand in the center of her chest. “Fuck…”</p><p>That little, hushed curse does it for Billie, and she relaxes her severe resting face. </p><p>“You okay up here? Sounds like you fell.”</p><p>Sheepish and grinning, Steph admits, “Yea, I got my feet tangled in the blanket and fell… And then fell again when I stood up too fast. My knees kinda hurt, but I’m okay.” She takes a long look up and down Billie, and then asks softly, “Are you okay?”</p><p>A shrug. </p><p>“Fine. Just came up here to check on you.”</p><p>“Did I wake you?”</p><p>“No, I was already awake.” Billie waves away Steph’s concern with her free hand and turns slowly towards the open door behind her. To leave. “Anyway, good night, princess, try not to take any more tumbles tonight.”</p><p>“Wait,” she gasps, sitting up straight, ready to leap across the room to get to Billie. </p><p>Billie freezes on command, one foot already back in the chilly hallway. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>Steph chews on her lip while staring full on at her. Which is unusual, because Steph usually shies away from intense eye contact. And Billie isn’t the least bit flirtatious or warm right now. Is actually growing physically colder as time ticks on. Billie frowns and leans to the right, to leave if Steph is just gonna sit on her ass, mouth agape. </p><p>“Will you… stay? Please?”</p><p>The request is so delicate, so ready for rejection. Billie stands up straighter with her eyebrows climbing high. </p><p>“Stay? You mean like…”</p><p>She doesn’t want to assume or put pressure. She deliberately leaves her sentence hanging for Steph to fill in the blanks. </p><p>Swallowing hard, Steph asks, finally breaking their stare, “Will you sleep with me? Like before?”</p><p>She means for Billie to share the bed. Not the other meaning. Steph is oblivious to the cruelty of her words, staring somewhere near Billie’s chest as she waits for the rejection. The tease. Big baby watches a scary movie and can’t sleep on her own, how pathetic. </p><p>“What, did the movie scare you?”</p><p>A tiny bit of confusion, and then Steph shakes her head. </p><p>“No, it’s not that. Trust me, I’ll never watch it again if I can help it. I just…” She rolls her lips and turns her head away. “It’s stupid.”</p><p>“Must not be if you’re asking me to stay.” Billie steps back into the room and lets the doorknob go. “So what is it?”</p><p>Steph’s face goes red and she holds her breath, keeping it all in. Billie moves to leave, but not really, and it does the trick when Steph lets her breath out. </p><p>“I don’t like waking up alone when I fall asleep next to someone.”</p><p>She says it in a rush and then closes her eyes, waiting for Billie to really give it to her. It never comes, though, because Billie has no ridicule to give. She stands stock still, the tension she’d wrung out of her shoulders and neck already creeping back in. Bright blues watch Steph for a long moment. Long enough for Steph to crack an eye open and find her still there. It breaks Billie’s heart a little how Steph perks up, looks surprised that she didn’t scoff and just leave. </p><p>Billie doesn’t need any more reason than that. Doesn’t need an explanation, although she wouldn’t turn one down. She can deny Steph nothing, even when all of her screams that this is a bad idea, that this will end in more hurt for her. Instead of listening, Billie flattens her hand to the door behind her, eyes still on Steph, and pushes it until it clicks shut. Only after that sound, that confirmation, does Steph take a damn breath and relax. She practically collapses back to the bed with relief. It must mean a lot to her. Especially if she’s this embarrassed about it. </p><p>That embarrassment passes in a flash as Steph hops to make room for her. She even tugs back the blanket, come here, come close to me, I want you to. It’s too much permission, too much enthusiastic permission. But Billie eats it up while looking down her nose at Steph, eyes half-lidded out of reflex. It has the impact she wants as Steph presses a smile flat between her lips.</p><p>Steph’s bed is plush and warm when Billie hikes a knee up. They don’t even need to be that close, Steph’s bed a luxurious queen-size. Billie can’t help but think back to her own bed on Cherry Street. She thinks the mattress had been in the house when they moved in, which is disgusting. No need for thoughts of home right now when she has big eyes looking up at her, waiting for Billie to lie down, too. </p><p>Billie has entertained fantasies of this exact thing. Climbing up the bed, between Steph’s long legs to peel her clothes off, chasing the fabric away with lips and teeth. And Steph would quiver and make pretty noises, embarrassed when Billie watched her up her freckled body the entire time. Billie shakes herself as she falls to her right side, happy that Steph has given her this space. Like this, Billie won’t have to fumble with her right hand awkwardly when she reaches for Steph’s cheek with the curl of her knuckles. She nearly groans when Steph turns her face into the caress, breaths threading through Billie’s fingers. </p><p>Touching Steph so freely is dangerous, though, so Billie stops shortly after she begins. Even though Steph makes an unhappy face when she stops. Arm curled under her head, Billie lies down to watch. Steph mirrors her in a flash, has to sit up again to tug the blanket over them. Billie welcomes the warmth, especially in her knees that are like ice. Steph hops a little closer still and leaves her right hand just beside Billie’s. She could take it, if she wants. Billie only shuffles her legs under the blanket to move warmth around. She brushes Steph’s legs, and the poor dear yelps and flinches back. </p><p>“Jesus you’re fucking freezing!” </p><p>Billie shrugs. </p><p>“It was cold in the hallway, not much warmer in here.”</p><p>Smiling, Steph shakes her head and laughs, “Put some pants on, then!”</p><p>Billie just blinks at her and rumbles, “No.”</p><p>Billie doesn’t have the desire or energy to play tag with Steph right now. She’s exhausted. Not in a tired sort of way. Just exhausted emotionally and spiritually, she supposes. The isolation is terrible, alienates Billie from herself despite knowing exactly who she is and what she’s about. And playing these games with Steph is… difficult. Maybe she should just make Steph tough it out and go back downstairs. </p><p>Timid like earlier when Steph had asked about breakfast, fussing over Billie, she asks carefully, “Are you sure you’re okay? Did I like… piss you off?”</p><p>Blue eyes shuttering, Billie sighs, “Just thinking a lot. Too much.” She opens her eyes again. She knows damn well she’s not going anywhere with Steph warm and pretty beside her. And she hates that she can’t convince herself to do what’s best for her heart. “It’s nothing.”</p><p>Steph purses her lips like she won’t let this go. Billie is the one to break their eye contact, choosing to close her eyes. Maybe she’ll fall asleep and everything will be better in the morning. It’s only the first night, for Christ’s sake. What is she supposed to do the other thirteen? She startles out of that thought when Steph reaches for her hand, slotting her fingers in the divots between Billie’s. Billie needs only to unclench her fist to let Steph in. She does with a sigh, resigned. </p><p>“So,” Billie grumbles, eyes still closed. “You woke up because you were alone?”</p><p>The pillow case ruffles. A nod most likely. </p><p>“Why does that bother you?”</p><p>Steph squirms a little. </p><p>“You’ll be upset if I tell you.”</p><p>A blue eye cracks open. </p><p>“Try me.”</p><p>When Steph continues to lie there and pussyfoot around, Billie sends her eyes rolling. She shakes her fist free of Steph’s fingers, reaches under the blanket, and squeezes Steph’s hip. Hard. The bump of her hipbone is easy to find under the silky nightgown, and Billie’s thumb fits perfectly in the dip. Steph flinches and shoots her a dirty look, throws her abandoned hand to Billie’s bicep, scratching a little. </p><p>“That hurt, asshole.”</p><p>“I bet, brat,” she murmurs right back, amused despite herself. Billie thumbs the pain away until Steph is a squirming thing beside her again. “Now. How about you tell me why you don’t like waking up alone?”</p><p>A little coaxing, a little firmness is all it takes to break Steph’s resistance down. She’s perfect with her animated sigh, throwing her head in the pillow and spreading her soft hair out. She relaxes under Billie’s hand, is warm and feels so good, and then she looks at Billie again. They’re entirely too close and yet miles apart. </p><p>“It’s because of Nathan.”</p><p>Blue eyes narrow and a small noise of disapproval tickles in Billie’s throat. It’s not quite a growl, but…</p><p>“Told you.”</p><p>Billie closes her eyes for the duration of a breath. Just to wrangle in the immediate, acidic anger that crawls up the back of her throat. </p><p>“What did Wheeler do?”</p><p>Steph looks away, now, and she huddles under Billie’s hand. Billie twists the knife in her deeper when she sighs and drags Steph closer, nuzzles her hair a little. She wants to kiss Steph more now than ever before, wants to hold her and trace her hands over every inch that fucker Wheeler was before. Instead, Billie sighs in Steph’s hair and then leans back, enjoys the rosy color under her beauty marks. </p><p>Steph gives her own sigh and explains somewhere near Billie’s chin, “He… He wouldn’t stay.” A flash of brown eyes up to hers and then back down. “The first time and every time after that. When we had sex, he would stay for a little while when we were… done, but then he’d always leave. Even if we were here for a weekend together, he’d go sleep in a guest room. I never figured out why…”</p><p>‘And I bet he has no fucking problem cuddling up to that creep Byers,’ Billie thinks to herself, red bleeding in the corners of her vision. She just blinks it away and thumbs Steph’s hip. A reward for telling her. Steph’s legs twitch, encouraged, and then slip across the small space between them to tangle with Billie’s. She must not mind the chilly graze of Billie’s skin anymore. </p><p>“You said he wouldn’t stay after you were done,” Billie says, despite Steph’s little, embarrassed noise. “Did he at least hold you and comfort you at the end?”</p><p>Steph gives a vague shrug which means, ‘No,’ to Billie. </p><p>Billie grumbles a warning, “Steph…”</p><p>“I mean yea, we’d hug until we calmed down, and I’d fall asleep eventually, and then I’d wake up alone. I’m worried now that he waited for me to fall asleep so he could leave… why would he do that?”</p><p>Billie bites the inside of her cheek instead of saying what she really wants to. Unbelievable. Guy fucks his girlfriend and then after barely takes care of her, doesn’t stay with her, makes her feel alone and unwanted, probably didn’t even make her—</p><p>Billie startles and rears back, Steph catching her wide eyes. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>Billie’s anger rises in her all over again. Her question will embarrass Steph deeply, but she needs to know. </p><p>“Did he make you come?”</p><p>Steph sputters and barks a nervous laugh. Same as earlier, ‘See something you like,’ but this time it’s not funny. </p><p>“What-what does that, why do you wanna know?”</p><p>Blue eyes narrow. This isn’t a joke. </p><p>“Because it occurred to me just now that he got his and didn’t care if you got yours.”</p><p>“He cared—”</p><p>“Did he? Did he really?”</p><p>Steph’s cheeks are splotchy red when she reasons, “See, this is why I didn’t wanna tell you. I knew you’d get pissed off and just-just—”</p><p>“I’m not tearing down the street to his house to beat his ass, am I?!”</p><p>She doesn’t mean to shout. Steph is overly frustrating right now, defending Wheeler on something that intimately concerns her. And she’d rather just excuse him or give him the benefit of the doubt than admit Wheeler could do wrong. Even after fucking her over, Steph still holds him on a pedestal. </p><p>Steph blinks at her with her mouth tight. Probably to hide the emotions there, a tremor. Sighing and drained again, Billie let’s her hip go to run a hand over her own face. She leaves it there for a few breaths, just to calm down. </p><p>“I’m sorry I yelled,” she says after a while, dropping her hand between them. </p><p>Steph’s stern face relaxes. She reaches out carefully for Billie’s hand, fingertips brushing the knob of Billie’s wrist. Requesting permission. Billie tries to catch Steph’s fingers in hers, to give her what she wants. When Billie gives over to Steph, that slim hand just steals hers and guides it back under the covers, back to Steph’s hip. It’s a surprise, and Billie blinks at her with wide eyes. Steph looks… ashamed. Like she might cry. </p><p>“I… I really don’t know,” Steph admits, eyes down. “I guess he did? I always thought he did? But now that I’m thinking about it…” Big brown eyes turn up to hers. “How would I know?”</p><p>“… What do you mean ‘how would I know?’ You mean how would you know if he made you come?”</p><p>Steph makes a little face at the phrasing, but she nods. </p><p>It’s just a baffling question. It’s so obvious to Billie, but how does she even begin to explain it?</p><p>“Um…” The urge to rub the back of her neck is overwhelming, but she holds off. She'd rather keep a hand on Steph, keep her grounded. “I mean? It’s an orgasm, Steph, it’s not like rocket science or anything. You know what it feels like when you jerk off so…”</p><p>Quiet. Intense color in Steph’s cheeks. And then she shakes her head. </p><p>“… What?”</p><p>Steph’s shoulders crawl up near her ears, even those are pink now, and she admits quietly, “I don’t really… I’m not… good. At it. Doing it myself. I don’t think I’ve ever…”</p><p>The last part comes out so strained Billie worries she’s going to pop something. Marveling silently, needing to collect her thoughts, Billie just pets Steph through her nightgown. Just a few breaths, just so that she can sort out Steph’s words in her head. </p><p>“Do you jerk off at all?”</p><p>“Oh my god,” Steph wheezes under her breath. “You’re really gonna make me talk about this, aren’t you?”</p><p>An irritated twist of Billie’s mouth and then, “Don't let me twist your arm or anything.”</p><p>“It’s embarrassing!” Steph pleads. </p><p>Billie insists right back, “It’s important. If you’re having sex with someone and you want to come and you don’t and then that person just fucks off, that’s not okay. It’s not fair that he used… That he got to enjoy himself and you didn’t.”</p><p>“I had a good time,” she grumbles. “It’s not like he forced me or anything. I asked him the first time, I’ll have you know.”</p><p>That makes Billie a little sick with envy, so she doesn’t go over that detail too deeply.  </p><p>“Okay, whatever, that’s besides the point.” She could just scream in total frustration. Taking a deep breath, Billie tries to reason, “My point is that it’s not fair. If he came, then you should have, too. It’s not fair. Can you at least see it that way? Regardless of Wheeler, okay? Regardless of him, don’t you think it’s not fair?”</p><p>This would be infinitely easier if Steph weren’t straight. Billie grits her teeth and rants to herself that only a straight girl would let a guy fuck her and not get hers while he got his. It’s infuriating and makes Billie hate Wheeler all the more. Absolute fucking prick, rotten rat—</p><p>“I guess… you have a point,” Steph says soft and small after a while. “He seemed to enjoy what we did together. I thought I did, too. But maybe I just liked being with him, I don’t know. It all looks different in hindsight.” She turns her head towards the pillow to hide. When she comes back out a few seconds later, she asks, “What is it supposed to feel like?”</p><p>Big eyes plead for mercy, for gentleness. To please not ridicule her. Billie relaxes her hand on Steph’s hip, isn’t aware until now how tightly she’d been holding the poor girl. Steph just waits for as long as it takes for Billie to gather herself, to phrase things delicately. She likes embarrassing Steph, but not like this. This just sucks the joy right out of her. </p><p>“Please be more specific,” Billie almost stutters. “Do you mean when you’re with someone else?”</p><p>Steph gives a little shrug, but she says, “I don’t really know if I’ve ever…” She rolls her eyes as she fusses, making herself say, “I don’t know if I’ve had an orgasm ever.”</p><p>Billie so wishes she could enjoy Steph flustering over talking about this. She’s so cute like this. Billie just taps it all down and thinks about herself, how it feels to her. She’d certainly tried about ten minutes ago, so…</p><p>“It feels…” A breath, a sigh, a little bit of heat creeping into her own cheeks. “It feels like you forget your body. And everything is intense in just one area.” She gives Steph a look, glancing down lightning fast. She’s only playing coy for Steph’s sake. She has no problem talking about this, dirty words and all. “And it can last for a long time, you just drifting and feeling so good. Better than a stretch first thing when you wake up, better than sitting down after being on your feet all day. There’s nothing like it.”</p><p>Steph’s color is back in her cheeks, and she wiggles a little under Billie’s hand. </p><p>“Definitely not.” She licks her lips and then, “That sounds like a lot? Is it always like that?”</p><p>“Not always,” Billie says with a shrug. “Sometimes it’s over quickly, sometimes it’s not as good, sometimes it comes from different places. Depending on what you’re doing, how someone is touching you.”</p><p>Turning shy, Steph gives a helpless little shrug. She stares down at the space between them, her own hand, anywhere but Billie’s face. </p><p>“If it’s as good as you say it is, then… maybe you’re right. Maybe Nathan and I… Maybe he really didn’t…”</p><p>And she sounds so crushed, just like when she’d called herself pathetic over trying to get Wheeler back. And just like then, Billie’s heart climbs up in her throat and makes it hard to breath, to swallow. She just pulls Steph that much closer until they’re almost nose to nose. If Steph doesn’t want it, she can roll away, push Billie back. And she would go, if asked.</p><p>Steph’s mouth screws up as she fights with herself. She does a double take at Billie, much closer than a second ago. Billie catches the little flutter in her breath, feels it on her face when Steph goes to bite her lip again. Her embarrassment turns up to 11 again, but somehow she holds their heavy eye contact. Billie doesn’t dare to breathe. </p><p>Quietly, more so than before, Steph also admits, “I’m pretty sure I’ve never gotten there alone, either. I don’t really know, like, what to do or…”</p><p>“The schools here really don’t do you guys any favors, huh? Just ‘don’t have sex or you’ll go to Hell’ right?”</p><p>That gets a tiny smile out of Steph. </p><p>“They don’t even say sex, didn’t even show us pictures. Just made us watch this cheesy short from the 50s about sex and then watch a baby be born. I think maybe that’s where I get all this… stuff about talking about it. Why it’s like pulling teeth. They want you to be ashamed, and it sucks. I don’t even know how to… you know.” She shrugs again and says, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Billie’s hand goes slipping over Steph’s hip to just hold her. She says to soft eyes watching her, “Don't be sorry. It’s not your fault. It’s different in California. And I had a lot of friends growing up.” Billie shrugs. “We weren’t ashamed like you guys are. We just experimented and had fun, it’s just sex to me, it’s not all wrapped up in this hellfire shit they feed you here.”</p><p>Steph says with a laugh and smile, “I bet you never had to deal with this. A guy screwing you and being unfair, like you said.”</p><p>“Did I ever let someone fuck me and not make me come? Absolutely not,” Billie says, exaggerated and shaking her head. Deliberately vague on gender. Besides that, this is almost normal for them, because Steph laughs a little louder than before. “Too much effort for no pay off, no thanks to that shit.”</p><p>Another giggle, and Billie squeezes Steph’s waist. If they shuffle a little, their thighs will brush. Billie distantly wonders if Steph’s nightgown has ridden up with all her squirming and wiggling. It at least won’t go past Billie’s heavy arm, which is a shame. Billie is lighter now than when she gave up rubbing one out. Is almost happy again. At least Steph looks at her, smiles and then bites her lip when Billie returns that smile. </p><p>Steph’s side rises high under Billie’s arm when she sucks down a deep breath. Billie waits for her, feeling along the tension winding Steph tight again. She flattens her hand on Steph’s back, feels the little shiver that runs through her. It’s electric all at once, and Billie holds her breath again. They’re still in each other’s personal space, close enough to breathe each other in and kiss. If only. </p><p>“Billie?”</p><p>Blue eyes blink and finds Steph watching her from behind the wave of her hair. Billie wants to reach up and scoop it away, but she shows mercy on Steph instead. </p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>Teeth in her lip again. And then so quietly, “Will you… tell me? How to do it? I wanna know, and I don’t think I’m doing it right. Like… I guess it’s easy just”—she shakes her hand, jazz hands, voice turning goofy—“put your hands down your pants and feel around, but…”</p><p>They’re quiet, then. Billie feels like her life is being recorded in front of a live studio audience. They know what she wants to say, hiss and heckle her not to do it. To just play it cool, just give Steph some advice and let the little straight girl go on her merry way, don’t fucking get involved, don’t fucking do it—</p><p>“Do you want me to show you?”</p><p>And then the audience crashes down on her, booing and heckling in earnest. Heat and frustration creep into the nape of her neck, make her flush like she’s about to start screaming. At herself. Not Steph, Steph hadn’t blurted the most absurd, dumbest thing Billie thinks she ever said in her life. She’s about to backpedal, about to apologize, when she tunes into Steph staring at her. Eyes huge, lips parted. </p><p>“Holy shit,” she breathes. “R-Really? You mean like…” And her face flames red all the way to her hairline. “Do you mean like I should watch or…”</p><p>“I was thinking more like let me touch you, but if—”</p><p>“Yes,” Steph rushes out, body rocking forward with her eagerness. Her hand jumps to Billie’s arm, like she can claw the offer back before Billie rescinds it. “Yea, um, please, but only, but only if you want to, you don’t—”</p><p>“I want to.”</p><p>Billie’s imaginary audience is a roar in her ears, going apeshit and tearing the studio apart. Throwing chairs, starting fights amongst themselves. Like how could she play herself for such a big fool? Shouldn’t she know better by now not to fuck straight girls, even if they’re curious? Even if they’re adorable and beautiful and lovely like Steph? It never works out!</p><p>But Steph is sweet under her arm, trembling again and tightening her legs around Billie’s. Keeping her here. No take backs. Her hand relaxes on Billie’s arm, thumb petting her honey skin not unlike Billie at Steph’s hip. Steph takes another deep breath under her arm and finally has to look away, teeth in her lip again. </p><p>“Okay.” Small voice again, so shy. “Really? I mean it, you don’t have to, I wasn’t like expecting you to… go that far. For me.”</p><p>Billie would go that far and much, much further for Steph. If only she knew, but it would kill Billie now to tell her. Kill her and the simmering arousal she already has. Still unsatisfied and eager to taste if only once the object of her affection.</p><p>Great big exhale through her nose, Billie draws her hand up, up Steph’s back to touch her face. Knuckles gentle when they’ve been known to draw blood and then Billie’s palm cups Steph’s blushing cheek. It’s a tight squeeze with them so close together, but Billie wants to feel Steph’s permission. </p><p>“I want to,” she says again, eyes intense and searching. “Do you trust me?”</p><p>Steph nods in Billie’s hand like her head is connected to her shoulders by a string. Adorable. But it’s not the answer Billie wants. </p><p>Thumb stroking over Steph’s blush, Billie murmurs, “Say it.”</p><p>She almost adds a please, but she thinks it’s worth it when Steph shudders against her. </p><p>Shoulders high again, Steph nods again and breathes, “I trust you, Billie.” She swallows hard and adds, “Please?”</p><p>It’s what she’s wanted to do practically since the first time she ever saw Steph. She needs to be careful, gentle. More so than she thinks. Steph glows under her hand, trying to scald her maybe. Billie offers her a smile to comfort her. Her jaw is so tense. Probably grinding her teeth without even knowing it. Billie can fix that. </p><p>Head nudging that much closer, obvious what she wants, she asks instead, “Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Steph should know this much. This is familiar ground. Billie is pretty sure, even though it sours her stomach, that she’d seen Steph and Wheeler kiss at school. At least once. Steph reeling the taller boy in and laughing when he cringed and held her at bay by her shoulders. Billie would never deny Steph like that, couldn’t even if she wanted to. She wants to give Steph everything. </p><p>Steph breathes hard in her hand and nods wildly again, grip tightening once more over Billie’s skin. Billie will have to show her what to reach for, where to hold her. That’s for later. For now, she gives in to the foolish desire in her, tilting Steph’s jaw just the right way and covering the little gap already there with her lips. Steph knows it’s coming, watches Billie through hooded eyes until the last moment.</p><p>Still, the surprised whine that tickles between their mouths is so sweet. Billie risks going too far too fast, flicks her tongue quick over Steph’s parted lips. Steph sucks in a breath through her nose. Not shy about this, she returns the kiss and follows Billie back across the divide. They make a noise together—pleased, happy, this feels good, more—and then Billie urges Steph back, little tongue still trying to play with hers. </p><p>It’s a pleasant surprise despite Billie knowing Steph isn’t a virgin. This makes things easier. She doesn’t have to start from nothing and build Steph up. The groundwork is already there, already honed—at least when it comes to kissing. It’s promising. </p><p>Some of Billie’s hair had slipped over her shoulder during the kiss. Now, Steph tangles her fingers in the curl and gives it a tug, pout on her pretty mouth. </p><p>“Why did you stop?”</p><p>For the first time in hours, Billie cracks a grin. Feels like herself. Whatever the consequences of this will be, she can set it aside. If just for a little while. Long enough to hold Steph and discover her, help Steph discover herself. </p><p>Billie tugs her forward for a chaste kiss, grins even wider when Steph tries to dive past her lips. Billie smirks against that eagerness and once more nudges Steph away. </p><p>“Billie,” she whines immediately. </p><p>“Such a princess,” Billie rumbles right back. “Didn’t know you were gonna be so good at this, should have kissed you a lot sooner.”</p><p>Steph scoffs and rolls her eyes, steals her own fast kiss much to Billie’s raised eyebrows.</p><p>“You happen to be kissing the Queen of Making Out. Gotta crawl before you can walk, right?”</p><p>“Perfect,” Billie murmurs against her lips, almost kissing with each word, “Now I’m gonna teach you how to run, baby.”</p><p>Steph’s laugh stutters out of her, and Billie eats her, “Oh my god,” before it even gets to the Almighty. It feels amazing, heart-soaring to make Steph laugh again. It’s what Billie does best—make Steph react. She bites kisses to Steph’s mouth to earn a hum, drops her hand almost to Steph’s ass for a twitch, and nudges her thigh between Steph’s for a shudder. Billie doesn’t draw that thigh all the way up. Steph wouldn’t even know what to do with it. Still, just the act of opening Steph up, taking a piece of her apart has her whimpering into the next kiss. It’s a sound Billie wants to remember forever.</p><p>Between them, Steph’s hands jump to life. First she grabs Billie's arm then her side. Her hands settle so briefly, like a mistake, on Billie’s breast. A familiar motion that would usually result in firmness, no doubt. They’re quick to flutter away despite the appreciative hum Billie feeds Steph one lick at a time. To feel Steph squirm against her, mouth vibrating with each sound, curls a tight coil deep inside her. It turns just that much tighter when Steph’s hands slip down and gather the length of her nightgown, trying to pull it off while lying on it.</p><p>Billie breaks them off with numb lips and a murmurs, “No, not yet, leave it.”</p><p>Steph whines, keeps tugging. Deep sound in her throat, Billie’s stronger hands loop around Steph’s wrists to stop her. If Billie’s fingers were longer, her thumbs would touch her middle fingers around Steph’s wrists. That’s a delicious thought, but she’s more occupied with a wiggling Steph. She pouts and aims big eyes at Billie, the perfect picture of needy.</p><p>“Billie, come on…”</p><p>Steph’s strength doesn’t even budge Billie’s hands around her wrists. Billie leans close, practically rolling Steph onto her back. It’s where she’ll end up in the end, Billie’s head full of ideas and so little time, but she wants Steph spread out on her back. Mostly so she can stare with full intensity up soft skin and beauty marks to Steph’s face while fucking Steph with her tongue. Billie’s grin is full of promises and she pins Steph’s hands to the bed, truly on top of her, now.</p><p>Mouth just out of range, Billie smirks warm and inviting when she asks, “You said you trusted me, right, baby girl?”</p><p>Steph relents with a loud exhale, a shy nod of her head.</p><p>Billie leans more of her weight into Steph, to feel her strain and bow up to meet her, and murmurs into her mouth, “Then let me take care of you.”</p><p>Steph’s squeal is a thing of beauty when Billie grinds her thigh just once between her long legs. Just a little, just a taste. Without pajama bottoms, Billie gives herself just a taste, too, of how warm Steph is against her skin. Only cotton panties separate them. Steph’s body chases the friction, hips stuttering up despite Billie’s bulk. Billie doesn’t give her any more than that. Not yet. She wants Steph shaking with every breath, uncontrollable. Watery eyes and hazy, loopy from need. Billie sucks down a loud breath through her nose, bites Steph’s lower lip, and then sits up. She savors Steph’s little gasp the whole way.</p><p>Taking Steph’s wrists and lifting them, up, up to the pillow, Billie leans on them and asks with a wink, “Will you be good for me, baby doll? Behave yourself while I dote on you?”</p><p>Steph flexes her hands above Billie’s grip, pouts a second longer like that will work, and then sags under Billie. Little chin tilted up, Steph nods. Shivering, Billie cranes up on her knees to nose at Steph’s neck, to finally draw her lips over freckles and moles. Arching under her, Steph rallies against her strength again. Trembling. Billie lets her have teeth, a bite. Steph’s startled cry from the sucking kiss Billie mouths over the same exact spot tingles on her lips. Squirming, Steph tries to find friction again despite Billie’s thigh being nowhere near. Steph collapses into the mattress and pillows once more when Billie pulls back, sits up again.</p><p>She’s not quite there. Can still turn her head and blink her eyes clear. Billie has plenty more, forces Steph’s hands into the pillow with enough pressure to make her wince. It’s just to give her a little scare, let her know Billie can hold her down. If she wants. A lot of girls like it, and Steph is no exception. Her trembling increases, flush glowing bright in her cheeks, down her throat. She’s beautiful.</p><p>“Keep your hands right here, okay?” Billie bows her lips towards Steph in a fake-out, grins when Steph whines for her. “Can you do that, princess? I wanna make you feel so good, but you have to listen to me.”</p><p>“Billie,” she sighs, still squirming. “C-come on…”</p><p>“Are you gonna behave? I need to hear it.”</p><p>“Okay, okay, I will!” Steph whines. She aims big eyes up at her, this time without the pout. “You’ll give me something good if I do, right?”</p><p>A flush of heat pumps through Billie despite kneeling here in nothing but panties and a thin tank top. Every inch of her tingles, skin hyper aware and aching. Every shuffle on her knees reminds her how much she’s wanted this, burned for it like never before. How dare Steph say that so sweetly, playing along so well. Billie will give it to her good until she can’t take it anymore.</p><p>Breathes slightly heavy, Billie rumbles, “You’re goddamn right, baby girl, something real good.” She smacks a hard kiss to Steph’s pink mouth, equal parts teeth and lips. “Only the best for my princess.”</p><p>Billie slips away, hands dragging down Steph’s bent arms. Her name tickles Billie’s ears on a stuttering exhale from Steph. A soft, needy noise like a coo sweeps it away, though. Billie makes no move to flick up the front of Steph’s nightgown and get to the sweet desserts. That’s never been in her vague not-plan. She wants Steph to experience true seduction, the slow sort of loving that will have her sleep through until morning. None of this half-assed bullshit from straight boys like Wheeler. </p><p>Promising herself that will be her last thought of Wheeler, Billie gets to work. Her nails are not so long and sharp that they will hurt Steph—dragged gently down her body or thrusting inside her. Billie thinks maybe she’s been keeping her nails short recently subconsciously. It works to her advantage as Billie sits up on her knees to have access to every bit of Steph. She’s lying on her nightgown, but that’s of no consequence right now. Billie shuffles down from the V of Steph’s legs, drawing her wicked finger down with her. Steph arches and strains into those light caresses. But she does not move her hands.</p><p>When Billie rocks back up, wrists flipped to run over Steph in reverse, Billie purrs above her, “Such a good girl for me, Steph. How do you feel?”</p><p>Billie finds the shy peak of a nipple through Steph’s nightgown and gently claws over it. All just as Steph gathers enough strength to stop shaking, to clear her mouth to talk. Steph chokes on whatever she’d been about to say, throat working over the sounds anyway, and belts out a loud moan. Billie feels it all the way to her guts and rushes up to do it again. Harder this time to watch the little nub stiffen. Billie’s right hand cups Steph’s other breast, just holding it with her thumb teasingly close to the other nub, not hard yet. Steph’s fingers are twisted into the pillowcase. She flops her head down, spreading her hair in her face, beside her hands, rather than disappoint Billie.</p><p>A groan of her own works its way out of Billie, a whine in the end for how much she wants Steph to feel good. Her hands tremble when she pauses at the hem of Steph’s nightgown, draped like silk along her quivering thighs. How badly Billie wants to slip a hand between her own thighs just to get some relief. She feels split open and molten inside, all that heat rubbing on the inside of her underwear. Billie bites the corner of her lip as she skates the edge of Steph’s nightgown up, eyes hungry to watch Steph close her legs in shyness, to shield the little wet spot she’s surely made of herself. </p><p>Steph is warm and alive when Billie uncovers her. Her thighs do flinch shut just as Billie had wanted. They gradually part again, Steph relaxing into the bed as Billie gives her a break. Just breathe, just feel everything. Billie takes a breath too, just enjoying Steph almost naked. So close with her nightgown pooled just under her breasts. They’re smaller without Steph’s little cheater push-up bras, but they are perfect. All of her is, especially the sprinkle of dark marks over her stomach and ribs. They arch up under skin with every huge breath Steph takes. Billie flattens her hands there and rides the wave of Steph’s next inhale, exhale.</p><p>“You’re so pretty right now, baby girl,” she murmurs low while letting her hands roam smooth and slow over Steph’s belly.</p><p>Steph gives her a quiet whine, a quieter, “Billie…” </p><p>Billie will continue, but only once she’s sure Steph wants her to. It’s new, like this, Billie knows no one has ever touched Steph like this before. She doesn’t want to scare Steph for real. </p><p>“Still want that running lesson, Steph? Can I take your nightgown off?”</p><p>Steph almost moves her hands. Almost. Billie wouldn’t have punished her for it. She knows Steph would have only meant to help lift the edge of the gown over her own head. Billie wants to do that for her. Steph’s frantic nod grants her that power. Billie glides her big hands under the buttery fabric. Up ribs, up the soft sides of breasts, and then to Steph’s under arms. Billie allows Steph to sit up just enough to gather the gown from under her bottom and then the whole thing over her head. With that done, flush high and burning warm in Steph’s cheeks, Billie nudges her to lie back down. She does so, fingers twisting back into the pillow case. Right where they were.</p><p>Another groan tears out of Billie at the sight. One of Steph’s shoulders rides high, and she turns her head to hide there. Billie lets her for now just to be greedy and get her fill. Steph lies there in nothing but her underwear. Knees gently bent with her feet flat on the bed, them swaying as she teeters between opening her legs and keeping them shut. Hiding, so shy.</p><p>Licking her lips, Billie slides her hands down from Steph’s shoulders. Thick fingers, boyish fingers, go tripping over Steph’s nipples again. This time skin on skin, this time circling back up from Steph’s ticklish navel to linger. Rosy buds the same color as Steph’s bitten lips stiffen from repeated squeezes. Just enough to coax a soft noise out of her. A coo, and then Billie lets them go just as quickly.</p><p>Tossing her head the other way, Steph pants through her parted lips. Billie’s heavy gaze is on her face at once, finds wet eyes hidden behind strands of messy hair. Steph flinches and shivers harder than ever, long legs drawing up as she curls in on herself. Billie wonders how terribly Steph hurts between her legs. If it’s a throbbing sort of ache or a burning one. She has what Steph needs to fulfill either, will give it to her soon enough. Steph is almost ready. A nearly constant stream of whiny breaths or moans falls out of her. She’s almost ready.</p><p>Billie’s hands cupping and squeezing Steph’s breasts, gently with their softness, leave her be when Steph gives a bossy huff. An impatient noise. Bratty. Billie’s body shakes with a few chuckles. She reaches back up to flick Steph, grins mean and filthy when Steph yelps high in the back of her throat. Steph pouts up at her and jerks her head to displace some of her hair. Tutting, Billie’s hands finally slip down, down, down over shapely thighs to Steph’s knees. They’re chilly like hers earlier, but Billie will have Steph good and warm soon.</p><p>Heavy blues, bright and wild, focus on Steph’s teeth in her lip as Billie turns her hands to smooth down the insides of Steph’s thighs. They quake and flinch for a moment, but the deeper between them Billie caresses, the weaker they become. Billie pets Steph apart with a few runs up and down until surely her inner thighs are buzzing and oversensitive. Billie guides Steph flat to the bed with her knees gently bent, thighs splayed wide. Perfect.</p><p>As Billie sits up to crawl between them, Steph flinches and whimpers, “Wait…”</p><p>Startled out of her head like a cold rain falls on her, Billie jars on her hands and knees above Steph.</p><p>“Of course, baby doll, what’s wrong? Should I slow down?”</p><p>Steph shudders hard under her, in Billie’s soft shadow, and then whips her head no.</p><p>Billie still hesitates.</p><p>“Okay, I won’t, I’m right here… What do you need, baby, tell me, whatever it is, I’ll—”</p><p>“Your shirt,” she blurts out, tears her lip out of her teeth. Steph turns shy again and murmurs with her shoulders hunched to her ears, “You too. Take it off.”</p><p>It’s a great relief like receiving the best sort of news. Billie’s whole body relaxes, head tilted back to the ceiling as she lets out a triumphant sound. Satisfied and so full, Billie leans back over Steph, almost straddling her so Steph can get a good seat for the show. Billie doesn’t need to look down her body to know Steph can see her through the tank top. No one’s had to touch Billie’s breasts or any part of her to get her going. Steph purses her lips flat and then just as quickly bites them when Billie’s hands pet over herself, pushing her breasts together through her shirt.</p><p>“You want this off?”</p><p>Steph’s fists give a bratty smack into the pillow. Her noise seals the deal on spoiled brat. </p><p>“Take it off, Billie.”</p><p>Steph is probably the cutest person to ever say that and not be screaming or begging. Billie gives her a smoking grin that’s all crinkled eyes and dimples.</p><p>“You did behave very well, and I promised I’d give you something good.”</p><p>She’s mastered the ridiculous art of guys crossing their arms in front of them and whipping their shirts off in a fluid motion. All to impress a girl in California, a tomboy, but Steph doesn’t need to know. It has the intended impact, Steph’s big eyes going wide, a lock of hair falling away from them so she can see everything. It’s nothing Steph hasn’t seen before. In this light, with this heaviness between them, it’s entirely different. Billie feels the same when she looks down and watches Steph’s chest shake with every breath. Billie wants to remember the warm, gentle vision of Steph long past tonight.</p><p>Billie shuffles her way back between Steph’s thighs. She should show Steph some mercy, let her sit up and touch. That can be for another time. If Steph allows, if Steph wants to explore again. Billie hopes she does, hopes these next twelve days alone together have Steph’s mind racing and her body humming. Steph’s body certainly welcomes her down right now. Billie’s hands are flat to the bed just bracketing Steph’s chest. This gives Billie the reach to mouth under Steph’s jaw and trace a warm, suckling path down her body. Soon.</p><p>When Billie settles her weight against Steph, just for a moment, Steph bucks against her. All Billie needs to do is arch her back to break the connection.</p><p>“No, no, baby girl, not yet. You’re not ready for that.”</p><p>Steph’s neck is tight when she moans, “Please…”</p><p>Humming, Billie rocks forward and mouths a biting kiss to Steph’s throat. The other side this time. Steph flinches hard and then goes still. Only her heavy breaths and little whimpers remain, and so Billie kisses the red mark her teeth have scratched into Steph. It and Billie’s next mark will have plenty of time to heal. Billie blows cool air over the saliva she leaves behind, grins when all the little hairs on Steph make her fuzzy. Billie swoops down again, pressing full-mouthed kisses across Steph’s windpipe, over to the other side, and then to the crook of her neck.</p><p>Here is where Billie purrs against freckles, “Can I leave marks on you, princess? Make a mess out of you so anyone who saw knew what I did to you? Pretty please, baby?”</p><p>Steph just tosses her head in the other direction, arching off the pillow to present all the unblemished skin Billie could ask for. Sandy-blonde hair tickles over Steph’s chest, some in her face when Billie draws nearer. Billie groans, falls into Steph’s neck, and pins Steph back to the bed with her teeth. Steph’s pulse struggles like a wild thing in her jaws, and Billie bites down harder. She tastes Steph’s strangled gasp, sucks and teethes the skin to lap up more of it.</p><p>Without her hands to hold Steph down, Billie only has the weight of her pelvis and her teeth. Her teeth are more persuading, and Steph’s noises are a shock of glass breaking on a floor in Billie’s ear with the next hard bite. Pure music in its most animal form. When she’s done with one bruise, she trails down and starts another, two more on Steph’s collarbones before Billie’s lips are buzzing and her teeth hurt from biting so much. Billie sits up, shoves hair out of her face, and stares down at her handiwork. </p><p>Now Steph is ready. Those doe eyes are glassy and so warm, about to close from how heavy her lids are. Steph’s breaths hitch sometimes, and Billie cannot help the hand she reaches out for the bruises up and down her throat. Thick fingers caress one, connect the dots to touch all of them. Each time, Steph shakes and whimpers, never takes her eyes away from Billie. Her shyness has mostly melted away, and Steph bites her lip while rocking her body up. She’s ready, so ready for what Billie wants to do. Hopefully Steph lasts more than a few teasing licks.</p><p>Steph’s nipples must be sore from how much Billie has already pinched and flicked them. Steph’s chest bows away when Billie begins the trail down. Of course she makes that brief detour to both, needing to feel rosy flesh pebble between swipes of her lips and then suck tenderly. Just to see if Steph even likes it. She quakes and moans in that soft way of hers when something new is happening. Billie could listen to it all night, will hear it on repeat once she slips Steph’s underwear off. To speed up now would play into Billie’s greed, though. This is about Steph. She wants to give Steph everything.</p><p>Down and down Billie scoots back until she’s lying on her front. Her feet hook off the edge of the queen bed, but it doesn’t matter. Billie shushes the uptick in Steph’s breaths, knows she needs to talk to the poor girl before she shakes apart. Billie sighs with Steph’s thighs already tensing up, already folding a little to cage her head. And it’s too early for that just yet. But not much longer.</p><p>Left elbow under her to free that hand, Billie flattens it to one of Steph’s thighs and purrs, “You still with me, princess? You still want me?”</p><p>“Please,” Steph slurs, so far away at the headboard. Billie can still see her hands shaking in the pillow. Steph’s hips pop, just a little, and she pleads with her voice breaking a little, “Please Billie, please, it-it’s so much, I’ve never-not like this, please it hurts, it hurts so bad…”</p><p>She trails off in a whimper, hips still rocking all on their own. Billie bites the corner of her lips again, smacks a biting kiss to Steph’s inner thigh, and sighs, “That was so pretty, baby, hearing you say all that. I know what you need, I’m right here, okay? Take your hands down, baby, come here.”</p><p>Steph rips her hands from the pillow, finally free, and throws them down her body. Billie takes one and flattens it over Steph’s belly. Right where she heaves when she takes huge breaths, when she moans. The other she claims for herself, laces their fingers together so Steph can hold on. Billie will have to shake that hand free at some point to hook her fingers in Steph’s panties and take them off. But Billie has one more step, one more bit of teasing. She doesn’t want Steph to form words. That’s when she’ll give Steph what she deserves.</p><p>Hunkering down and wiggling to get comfortable, Billie wedges her shoulders against Steph’s thighs. To deny her shyness, to not let her hide anymore. She’s warm and so squirmy even now. Billie hums with her heavy head poised above the cotton front of Steph’s panties. They’re pastel orange, of all things. An odd color choice, but Steph is adorable in them. Billie hums again with her head lower, mouth and chin poised just above a soft mound.</p><p>With any luck, Steph is nearly melted right now. Billie slips her left arm around to get a handle on Steph’s hips. The last thing Billie wants is Steph to buck her and get a pelvis straight into her nose. She’s broken it like that before, luckily it healed straight. That done and Billie nearly dizzy with want, squeezing her own thighs together for relief, Billie presses her mouth and chin to Steph’s underwear.</p><p>Softly at first to not scare her. Steph at this point has no idea what Billie will do, and Billie can’t find it in her to care. Harder and harder she presses forward, gradually until there’s some pressure where Steph needs it. She flinches under Billie’s powerful grip, but does not buck. Billie hums with her lips tight to where she thinks Steph’s clit is and grins something awful when Steph moans again. There’s no one in the house to hear her except Billie. And Billie will continue to soak up all noises Steph gives her, because of her. Steph trembles at the biting kiss on the other side of her panties, so Billie does it again to see if she’ll whimper. She does, but she muffles it behind her teeth. Billie pulls away to suck her teeth and shake her head. </p><p>“No biting yourself, baby girl, I can’t hear all those pretty noises you make for me. You know I wanna hear you, Steph, don’t be shy.”</p><p>Steph is more tight-lipped than ever when she mumbles, “Embarrassing.”</p><p>“As if,” Billie scoffs, darting forward to bite the softness of Steph’s inner thigh instead, smiling at Steph’s gasp. “It’s beautiful, the prettiest thing I’ve ever heard. Will you stop biting yourself for me, princess? Can you do that?”</p><p>Steph nods and does indeed let her lip fall from her teeth. Now is when Billie shakes their clasped hands free. She’ll give Steph something else to hold on to, doesn’t mind losing a few strands if Steph gets rough.</p><p>“Gonna make you feel so good, baby, you’ll lose your mind,” she says with her voice rough, fingertips rougher where they hook in Steph’s panties, scooting and tugging them down. “Can’t wait to get my mouth on you, wanted a bite of you since I first saw you.”</p><p>It’s safe to tell a little bit of the truth. Steph either won’t remember or will think it’s all part of the play. Either way, it’s damn near therapeutic for Billie, and once she starts, she can’t stop.</p><p>“Do you know how much I’ve thought about this, Steph?”</p><p>Billie arches forward to bite under Steph’s navel, lapping at the hair growing up. She bets Steph normally shaves, hasn’t since becoming single. Right now, she’s got a dusting of hair that is so fine and dark, not long enough to curl yet. Billie can’t help licking at it, just to hear Steph hiccup and giggle, ticklish here too somehow. A smile tugs on Billie’s mouth, but she can’t get distracted. Both hands hold Steph down, now. She’ll need it from the first lap to the last. But even with this, Billie is slow, careful. Teasing.</p><p>Steph’s next noise is another high thing in the back of her throat. Newness. Billie starts at the bottom of Steph’s labia, no strength or weight behind her tongue as she licks up. There’d been a wet patch, sticky in the bottom of Steph’s panties when Billie dragged them away. Now that wetness finally bursts on her tongue, tasting nothing like herself. Billie groans and starts all over again, bottom to top with the flat of her tongue, just acquainting Steph to the feel of something so new touching her. It’s not like fingers or a dick, something in a league of its own. Steph is thick on her tongue, and each time Billie flicks to the top, her little clit is bigger, more sensitive with blood.</p><p>Bottling a groan, Billie laps a wet kiss right over the little bud, minding her teeth. Steph bucks straight into Billie’s hands, but her strength is there to catch Steph. Billie shoves Steph back into the mattress, and it’s only then that Steph finds the air to cry out. Her mouth hangs open as whimper after moan bubbles out of her. Billie’s own noises remain trapped in her throat, mouth too busy licking and suckling to spare a single second on anything else. Billie grins around her tongue when she slips it down, down, all the way to wiggle against Steph’s opening. Steph gushes from here, is wetter all the time, and Billie laps it right up.</p><p>“Billie, Billie,” she cries from the headboard, Billie’s name barely more than an animal sound. “Please, please, ohhh…”</p><p>It’s a prayer if Billie has ever heard one. Finally allowing herself a groan, Billie presses her mouth flush to Steph. Her chin is drenched immediately, and Billie waggles her head to spread it around, to open Steph all the way. Steph’s hips and thighs tense around Billie where they crowd her ears. Billie is sure she’s flushed as bright red as Steph, especially her ears. They’re on fire from all the pretty music spouting from Steph’s free mouth. Somehow, Steph has kept it in her mind that Billie wants to hear her. So well behaved.</p><p>“So good,” Billie murmurs between stabs of her tongue into Steph. “You’re such a good girl, Steph, my good girl.”</p><p>Steph gives another wailed cry and sobs, “Billie!”</p><p>Billie smears her mouth back up to Steph’s clit, steals a hand from her trembling hips. She wants Steph to come on her tongue, but that might not be enough. Steph is used to having a dick in her. Billie has that downstairs, too, leather harness supple and ready to go. She’d brought it as a high hope. The highest hope. She wants to feed that hard, thick dick into Steph and watch her fall apart to real fucking. A dick that doesn’t stop just because Billie comes. Billie shudders with another throb through her entire being, squeezes her muscles tightly for relief. She’ll come soon enough. Steph first. This is about Steph.</p><p>Billie’s lips and tongue are relentless with Steph’s little clit while thick fingers play with the wetness pouring out of her. Gathering it up to slick digits and make the slide inside Steph molten and smooth. Billie groans with her mouth open against Steph’s soft mound, nose and lungs full of the warm smell of her, ears still burning with every slick drag. Billie’s eyes flutter and threaten to shut, but she won’t give in. She stares down when the tip of her middle finger rests just outside Steph, pressure full of intent. Steph goes still, like she knows what comes next. It won’t take much more. She’s shaking all over from head to toe, toes actually curling down the bed.</p><p>“Steph, baby,” Billie sighs to blood-hot skin, lips tight around her clit. “You’re gonna come soon, and I’ll be right here the whole time. I won’t leave you, I won’t leave you, baby girl.”</p><p>Gaze heavy and liquid, Billie blinks back moisture and sinks her middle finger into Steph. She expects the tightness, expects the silken warmth and glide in. Billie flips her wrist to face up, pulls back, and then nudges two fingertips to Steph’s wet hole. Steph strains under Billie’s right hand still pinning her down. She’s aching for it, needs something back inside her or she’ll go crazy. Billie hears it in the babble in Steph’s broken voice, how she shakes. Billie presses another open-mouth kiss to Steph’s clit and glides back in her, spreading her fingers as far apart as Steph’s body allows.</p><p>Billie’s pace is measured and exact, the sort of rhythm Steph can ride out and clench around until she’s shaking apart. Steph’s body guides Billie’s fingers right to her sweet spot, fingers just rushing past it, enough for Steph. Any more and Billie will rip the orgasm out of her, deny Steph that steady rise, drop, rise again, faster, and then tumbling fall.</p><p>At the first, timid graze of fingers in Billie’s hair, Billie barks out a moan around the little bump against her lips, sucks it harder until Steph is twisting, yanking, pulling blonde hair. It’s the sort of burn Billie needs, wants, and her palm slams wet and messy between Steph’s thighs when she thrusts in. Again and again, fast until her bicep and forearm burn with the strain. Steph throbs around her, tightens in waves, and Billie just maintains the pressure of her lips and graze of her fingers. Steph arches under her one last time, last breath choked in her open mouth.</p><p>Steph’s orgasm creeps up on her from the depths of her just as Billie had planned. She feels it in Steph’s thighs around her head first as they lift up on their own. It changes the angle of Steph’s body, and Billie’s fingers glide that much better, faster, wetter into her. Steph’s hands have Billie’s hair tight in them like reigns, clinging to curls as she bucks. Billie flicks little licks over Steph’s clit as she comes, walls snapping around just two fingers. Steph could take much more. Billie cracks an eye open to watch her own hand slow down, watch how shiny slick clings to her skin, the ring on her middle finger. Oops.</p><p>A laugh huffs silently out of Billie. She mouths one last kiss to Steph’s clit, already trying to shy away and hide in its hood. Sighing, Billie ducks down to lap one last time as Steph’s hole, too, grins when she pulls away with Steph’s little whimper hot in her ears. Billie stumbles a little when she shoves herself up into a sitting position, left hand a mess but she nudges sticky wetness off her chin with the back of it anyway. It’s nothing a washcloth or quick dip under a faucet won’t take care of. Not until Steph is ready to let her go, that is. For now, Billie just snatches her tank top up and wipes her hand off on it. Billie leaves the shirt on the bed in case she needs it again. She might, to be honest. It’s her turn, now.</p><p>Steph is bleary eyed and twitching still when Billie crawls up beside her. Billie chuckles warm and low in her throat as she gathers Steph up. Warm and completely relaxed, Steph rolls without any resistance. Billie brushes the tips of their noses together, waits to see if Steph will snap out of it. Billie doesn’t mind getting herself off. Steph has pushed her to that edge. It won’t take much, just a couple of fingers jammed in her will do it. Maybe thumbing at her clit, who knows. Of course… she’d rather Steph touch her. It’s not a deal breaker.</p><p>“Hey baby,” Billie coos at her, smiles wide when wet eyes snap to hers. “You were so great, felt so good just now. How do you feel?”</p><p>Steph’s lips twitch when she tries to talk. She doesn’t manage anything, just leans her chin up.</p><p>A sweet sound whispers out of Billie, a quiet, “Oh, of course, princess,” and then she meets Steph halfway. Their kiss is lazy, their heads bowing and rising together. Steph’s tongue flinches away from hers at first, tasting herself bitter in Billie’s mouth. But after careful consideration lapping at Billie’s lower lip, Steph must not find the taste so bad. Billie opens wide for her, lets Steph lick over her teeth, curl their tongues around and around each other. Steph whimpers into her mouth and pulls away, lips wet and Billie already chasing her for more. But Steph turns her head away, and it freezes Billie a little.</p><p>Steph turns back in range only to mumble, sleepy, “Want you, Billie mmm… Let me…”</p><p>Steph wants to help her. Shuddering through another throb between her legs, Billie searches blindly Steph’s right hand. That one will be stronger, more sure of itself. Hand found, Billie doesn’t bother with shoving her panties down. Fuck it. It may be a sweaty slide of Steph’s hand down her underwear, but Steph smiles beside her, so Billie keeps going. Their fingers encounter sopping wetness together, and Billie gasps with Steph’s warm eyes on her. Groaning as Billie grinds into their hands as one, she slumps closer to seal her mouth to Steph’s. Even if Steph only lets Billie lick into her mouth, sucking on her lower lip, it’s perfect. Steph’s slim hand smashed against her isn’t too bad, either.</p><p>“Steph,” Billie pants between a messy kiss. “Baby can you, mmm, can you bend your fingers a little? Just curl them, I…”</p><p>Billie throws her left leg over Steph’s to open herself up. She’s the one to guide Steph’s long, slim fingers through hair, skin, and then finally inside herself. Her shuddering around Steph must spark something, because Steph sucks down a loud breath. Billie blinks moisture out of her eyes and finds Steph a little more lucid, blush heavy under her eyes. Steph draws her teeth over her bottom lip, not quite biting it, and sinks her fingers deeper into Billie. Billie rocks against her, desperate for a rhythm, desperate for Steph to find that sore spot inside her and thunder into it.</p><p>“Steph, God.” Billie grits through a shudder, doesn’t want to come just yet. “Fuck me, baby, come on, please, lemme feel you, make me come on your fingers, I know you can do it, make me come, make me…”</p><p>She runs out of breath when Steph’s hand moves. Like Billie eons ago, Steph shifts her hand to plunge two fingers into Billie, her thumb the perfect length to dive between wet folds, bullying the clit she finds. Billie’s hips snap into that caress, and Steph wags her thumb back and forth. A familiar motion, something she’s maybe tried on herself. It may not have worked for Steph, but it’s doing everything for Billie. Billie rocks forward to shove her tongue back in Steph’s mouth, helps Steph fuck her by rocking her hips in time. Billie’s left foot goes slipping when she tries for a better angle, but Steph just changes for her. Those fingertips curl so perfectly, find the slight roughness of Billie’s g-spot and press, Steph’s thumb faster just like she needs.</p><p>“Fuck, fuck, Steph,” Billie moans through a pant. “Like that, just like that, fuck baby, god!”</p><p>Billie grips Steph’s wrist to the point of bruising, helps slam Steph into her those last few times. She uses Steph’s fingers to ride out the rolling waves of her orgasm, body snapping tight around Steph. Distantly through the haze in her brain, Billie hopes Steph can feel every clench, hopes Steph knows this is all for her. Steph did this to her, made her come. Billie shudders through her next exhale, searches blindly for some part of Steph to kiss. Lips, cheek, anything.</p><p>Steph does her one better, offers the bow of her lips for Billie to kiss. These are the softest kisses of all. Despite Billie’s grip on Steph’s wrist, her fingers are still as deep as they’ll go. Billie isn’t ready to be empty, isn’t ready to let Steph go. And Steph doesn’t try to pull away. </p><p>Eventually, through lazy kisses that grow to nothing but their noses bumping and their lips catching sometimes, Billie does let Steph go. Billie groans against Steph’s mouth when she does, grinning at the gush of her body. Damn, a shower would be nice right now. She’s not much of a sleeper after an orgasm. Not unless she’s come a handful of times. Certainly not just the one. It’s been a perfect one time, though, and Billie would do it all over again. Maybe she’ll let Steph eat her out next time. Or the time after that. All these hypothetical “times.” A girl can dream.</p><p>Smiling through a stretch, Billie rolls on her back to work out the soreness in her shoulders, her neck. It’s such a familiar pain, a labor of love. She’s sore in good places, too, biting her lip as she squeezes her thighs together, just to feel her clit give a little kick. A shudder, and then Billie relaxes flat on her back. She could definitely use a shower, but it can wait. Her right hand pats blindly for Steph and finds Steph’s shaking, already reaching for her. </p><p>Billie’s shakes the bed when she goes hopping back on her side. She catches a brief flash of Steph’s lonely expression, lips tugged down and eyes big, pleading. Billie shushes her and scoops her up. Soft kisses flutter over her forehead, mindless of the salt and sweat dry there. Steph’s muffled noise, that cute chirp again, tickles Billie under her chin. Left hand sweeping up and down Steph’s back, Billie hugs her tightly until all the tension drains out of Steph once more. She’s Billie’s sweet and soft girl again, no more fear that Billie will leave. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Billie whispers against Steph’s hair. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t leaving, I promise.”</p><p>A little noise, no words. Steph threads her own arm, weak and heavy, over Billie’s hips. </p><p>Billie’s next kiss to Steph’s forehead lingers, eyes closed, and she says, “I’m all yours, baby, I promise. Hold me tight, okay?”</p><p>Steph’s head shifts, and then a shy kiss to her chin. It’s a shock for Billie, whose loneliness had just about started to stir. Thinking about climbing into her ear again. But then Steph is huffing and whining like a brat like before, needy. Billie’s heart does a funny thing inside her, dropping into her stomach and then rocketing up in her throat like a carnival game. Steph’s lips are slack on hers, trying to kiss. It takes a few plush and pull kisses from Steph for Billie to snap out of it, to nudge their heads into a better angle. Steph is kissing her. But they’re done… so why?</p><p>When Billie goes to pull back, to ask for permission all over again, Steph finally whines, “No.”</p><p>“No?”</p><p>Steph slides their lips together again, tip of her tongue playing games with the space between Billie’s. Not slipping past, just content to trace it over and over. A subtle approximation of Billie eating her out, tender and yet delicious at the same time. Billie shudders under Steph’s arm and licks her back on the next pass. </p><p>They pause their kisses to breathe against each other, Steph slower than her. A shy, “Don’t stop,” sneaks past Steph’s lips and into Billie’s mouth. It’s a plea, an order, and permission all at once. But Billie has to stop, because Steph is practically falling asleep in the middle of their kisses. Billie bobs her head one more time and does stop despite Steph’s whine. </p><p>“Gotta stop, princess, or you’ll get me going again,” she says with a smirk. Steph’s eyes are barely open. “Why don’t you sleep for a little while? We can get up later, take a shower, eat, all that shit. Okay?”</p><p>Steph’s hand twitches on Billie’s lower back, arm tightening around her. Keeping her. </p><p>“I won’t leave,” Billie adds with a laugh, another lazy kiss. “I’ll be right here when you wake up, so go to sleep.”</p><p>Big eyes shine at her, no hair for protection, and Steph mumbles, “Promise?”</p><p>“Absolutely.”</p><p>A frown and then, “Aren’t you tired?”</p><p>Billie shakes her head. </p><p>“No, but that’s okay. I don’t usually sleep after sex anyway, but it’s okay if you do. I don’t mind.”</p><p>Steph’s frown persists. She wiggles on the pillows, rubbing the warmth in her cheek into the case. She must still be hot all over. Tingly. She shifts her thighs like she is. Billie just lies there watching and waiting. Steph still has more to say. </p><p>“On the nightstand, um… The novel we’re reading next semester, I have it, if you want…”</p><p>“Already?” Billie asks, eyebrow high. </p><p>Steph shrugs. </p><p>“I need a head start,” she slurs. “Reading is hard.”</p><p>She’s always suspected that Steph has some kind of issue with reading. Dyslexia or something similar. Billie lifts her head enough to glance at the nightstand. Sure enough, leaning against the lamp is a soft-bound book. A dime store copy, used and worn. The print is probably tiny, pages cheap and crumbly. Maybe Steph likes the small format? It’s certainly easier to carry than all their hardcover textbooks, what moron thought that was a good idea…</p><p>“How about I read it to you later? So we can both get a head start.”</p><p>Steph’s smile, slow to grow through her exhaustion, is big in her cheeks and so sweet. </p><p>“Really?” She asks, eyes closed. </p><p>“Really.” A kiss to her forehead. “I’ll read the whole thing to you if you want.”</p><p>Steph just cuddles up to her, tucking her face under Billie’s chin. Billie keeps still for a moment, waits for Steph to relax with an exhale, and then holds her back. She’s a little choked up as she draws her lips through Steph’s hair. It feels so good to be held again like this, after sex. For the first time since leaving California, and just when Billie had thought her dry spell would persist until she burned rubber out of this town in May, back to where she fucking belongs. She finds those thoughts so far away from her, now, just relaxes with Steph’s arm tight and warm around her, lying there blissful as Steph falls asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph and Billie wash off last night.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's the end of the world as we know it lol. I was debating about skipping this week, because Animal Crossing came out and I assume everyone is playing it except me lol. But whatever, just post the shit lol. Who cares. Enjoy the shower sex. And comment.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/missraygillette">@missraygillette</a> I tweet about things I'm working on. Come love these stupid girls/boys with me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>All along her front is warm. Burning. The room is pleasantly hot over her naked back, too. Steph startles for a second, just that quick flash of fear when waking up to something new. But dirty blonde hair in her face, almost in her mouth, calms her right back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh yea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s body reminds her with aches and humming skin exactly what they’d done hours ago. Her neck flares the most, and Steph swallows hard to think about the color there. The hickies she practically begged Billie to give to her. She wants to reach up and touch them, press in their centers where they’re most tender. Mostly because Nathan wouldn’t let her do this to him, even though she promised to do it where no one would see. He couldn’t understand her desire, snuffed it out with a stern no. And that was that. Billie though… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph smiles in the nest of curls tickling her, resists a laugh when Billie snores softly next to her. They’re still naked from last night, although they’ve rolled around. Kicked Steph’s blanket off them, the heat of each other enough. Steph knows it’s chilly outside, but it’s always warm in her room. Something about the sun and what side of the house her room is on. Whatever. Steph just loops her arm tighter around Billie out of instinct and kisses her back. She does it two more times before she freezes, lips still on golden skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What is she doing? Billie is asleep for one, her friend for two. They’re not like together or anything. She shouldn’t be doing this, kissing and loving on Billie like this. Nerves souring her stomach first thing in the morning is the worst. In the heat of the moment earlier this morning, kissing and feeling like she couldn’t get enough of Billie… Where had all that come from? Was she just that horny and eager to try something new? She’s not even into girls like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Billie is more than the nebulous idea of “girl” in Steph’s head. Billie is wicked and playful, knows Steph’s body like she’s played with it a hundred times. That knowledge is secret, somehow, from California. Steph always imagined boys being the ones Billie learned it from, a simple assumption, but now she’s not so sure…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie stirs under her arm, snore cut off, and she groans through a stretch. Arms above her head, she claws at the headboard while her legs kick, toes even getting into it. The hair under her arms is the same as between her legs, and Steph tears her eyes from the sight. Steph tries to slip her arm away, tries to make space, but Billie slaps her hand on top of Steph’s. She’s trapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, I take it you’re awake?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s voice is incredibly rough, almost boyish even as she clears her throat a few times. Like she’s smoked a whole pack of cigarettes at one time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yea…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Humming, Billie grumbles, “Good,” and then flops and kicks herself to roll over. Steph gets a glimpse of all that skin, Billie’s necklace missing and only just now Steph noticing. Steph’s eyes look for her all over Billie even though she’s sour with tension, can’t help but marvel at skin and softness that had pressed to her hours ago. They face each other, the nudity tender and not at all like at school, and Steph carefully keeps her eyes up. It’s different in the light of the day, Billie all soft edges, eyes blinking heavy and lazy. Billie watches her for a spell, considering, and then a smile twitches in the corner of her mouth. It doesn’t look happy. Maybe… scared? Nervous?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay, princess? Feelin all right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods wildly, and her voice cracks a little when she rambles, “Yea, yea, I’m great, feelin good, great like uh… like a hundred bucks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie just stares at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Weird waking up next to someone without a dick poking you, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Flinching and wincing, is she that transparent, Steph nods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little, yea… Um, Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sigh aggravated, Billie’s face remains bored and severe, none of those smiles and blissed faces from before. Steph recalls them now, Billie’s punched-out, ‘Fuck,’ when she…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about this making you gay or anything, princess, you’re fine. It’s just sex, it’s… nothing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t feel like nothing, never has for her. She likes making out as much as the next person, but sex is…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t nothing,” she insists hotly, a little angry Billie would think that. “I don’t have sex with just anyone, you know, it wasn’t—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Implying I do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why is this happening? Why are they bickering like this? Billie’s expression hardens into something mean. They’re not even holding each other anymore. Not touching despite how close they are. Steph shakes her head, eyes and heart falling so fast. She just keeps shaking her head while reaching for one of Billie’s hands. She can’t tell which had… touched her last night, but she doesn’t care. She clings to one, threads her longer fingers through, and holds on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, that’s not what I meant, please don’t-please don’t do this, please don’t be upset, I don’t-don’t want that, Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blue eyes blink, and then the simmering anger is gone. Just like that. Billie’s hand in hers is still limp, though. Billie could rip her hand back at any second. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just…” Steph goes back to biting herself, slips her teeth away after only a little nibble. “I feel weird waking up next to you, but not bad. Last night was um…” Her voice is tight, embarrassed, and she can’t look at Billie when she forces out, “amazing…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Billie’s fingers twitch in hers and Billie’s body rises in a deep breath, Steph continues with shy glances to Billie’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one’s ever made me feel like that before. I was… scared that you’d, I don’t know… Be mad at me or something when we woke up. Mad that I was cuddling you or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can just hear it in her head, Billie’s meanness and, “I’m not your girlfriend, you little queer.” And she hates, hates, hates that Billie’s voice is spot on in her head. Like Billie has already sneered that to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tenderly, so tenderly that Steph startles, Billie shuffles closer and pets her cheek. It must hurt to do it with the arm she’s lying on. But Steph won’t give up Billie’s other hand, the one with the ring on the middle finger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hush,” Billie murmurs, their noses brushing, heads bobbing like they’ll kiss. “You fell asleep cuddled up to me, why would I be angry when we woke up? I’m not mad, not even a tiny bit.” She shakes her head like she can’t understand. “Tell me what’s wrong. What are you thinking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shrugs, hopeless and yet so hopeful, and throws out, “I thought it would be weird, I guess. I’ve only ever had sex with… Nathan. When we were dating, so…” She turns her face away. “I thought you’d be mad, I don’t know, it’s dumb.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s fingers chase after her into her hiding place but don’t pull her out of it. Fingers thread into her hair, just petting and scratching. They lie like that for what feels like an hour, Steph’s hand a vice around Billie’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while, she takes a breath and admits, “I didn’t want you to… decide it was a mistake and not be my friend anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s fingers twitch in her hair. And then Billie’s big hand cups the back of her head, pulling Steph to her. Steph expects maybe a kiss, something aggressive and all Billie. Instead, she gets a warm cheek rubbing against hers, Billie’s voice sleep rough and shushing her. Sweet nothings and, “baby, never, hush now, I got you,” and Steph’s throat grows stupidly thick with each one. Like she’ll start crying—from relief? From guilt? It doesn’t matter, because she nuzzles Billie back and gets a smile pressed to her cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry you feel like that,” Billie says softly to her. “That must be awful, baby, I wish I knew sooner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Billie kisses her, but only chaste and on her cheek. She pulls back, not far, and watches Steph for a spell. Steph is just glad her eyes are only a little wet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she croaks after a second. “I’m a fuckin softie, I guess, pretty dumb, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A scarred eyebrow flicks up at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did I say about calling yourself stupid?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph flashes a sheepish grin, dipping her head to hide behind her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Apology accepted,” Billie says with a smirk. She nudges her head close again, plants a longer, more meaningful kiss to the corner of Steph’s mouth this time. “I had a lot of fun with you. Haven’t fucked anybody since moving here, so sorry if I was rusty. I didn’t hurt you at all, did I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head no but then just as quickly shoots Billie a surprised look, eyes big and eyebrows high. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You… haven’t? Slept with anyone since moving?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie flicks an eyebrow up again, and Steph sputters through her backpedaling. Billie snorts over her rambling and leans close to kiss her cheek again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just teasing you, chill out,” she teases. “Yea, I had girlfriends back home, Steph. Ones I fucked with regularity. This shit hole is backwards and all uptight, so I’d rather not get chased out with pitchforks and torches, you feel me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not the image Steph had defaulted in her head, thinking about Billie with someone. She feels stupid and ashamed all at once, just doesn’t make a comment about it. Does she? Know anyone of that persuasion? Steph doesn’t think so, at least not girls. Nathan’s best friend Barney maybe… Oh, maybe Winnie Byers? She’s always hanging on to Michelle, is upset by her being over the moon for El… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A soft, “Oh,” is all she can manage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The corner of Billie’s mouth gives a twitch of a humorless smile. She finally breaks her intense eye contact and sighs, hand flexing in Steph’s hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not gonna go blabbing that to everyone, right? I wasn’t ever gonna tell anyone I’m a dyke, and I’d like to keep it that way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The word is like an elbow to her stomach. Steph knows Billie catches her flinch. She nods her head wildly, thinks about it, and then shakes her head no just as strongly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-no, man, I would never do that, I wouldn’t call you out like that, I—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kinda like that story I heard when I first got here. Something about you and Tammy H and Darryl passing some gossip around about Wheeler the school year prior? Something about him having a small dick or whatever…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s face flames, mortified and angry at herself all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I told everyone he couldn’t get it up. It was one time, and we fought about it, because I thought he didn’t want me, and he yelled at me about it, so I… told everyone that.” Her shoulders hunched up. “That was a mistake, I shouldn’t have done that. If I could go back in time and stop myself, I would…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Billie just continues to stare at her, eyebrows still high, Steph pleads, “Billie please, I would never tell anyone about you. People here fucking suck, and-and I don’t want anyone messing with you. Please, I’m not gonna tell anyone, I-I’m a great secret keeper, cuz I usually just forget the secret. I promise, okay? Come on, man…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s heart is in her throat the entire time Billie lies there, watching her. Searching for something. Steph so desperately wants her to find whatever it is she’s looking for, hopes it’s something good. After the long silence, Steph so tense where she has Billie by the hand, Billie finally sighs, closes her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she opens them again, Steph is waiting for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I trust you,” Billie says, like that’s all she needs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s heart skips a beat, drums at double speed when she breathes, “I-I know. I trust you too, Billie.” She squeezes Billie’s hand. “I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hums at that, shrugs her shoulders to work out some tension. She returns Steph’s squeeze to her hand, and then shakes herself free. Steph doesn’t want to let her go, but she does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting up and fluffing her hair, Billie angles a look down at Steph and drawls, “I’m not gonna tell people what we did either, if you were worried. Besides”—a shrug, another humorless smile twitching her mouth—“what’s sex between friends?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie immediately looks down and away, though, scoots to the edge of the bed. Steph sits up and reaches for her, but Billie stands and stretches. It’s over. Steph reclaims her hand slowly, curls it between her breasts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yea…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arching up on her toes, Billie groans again before relaxing back to the floor. She spins around on a foot, completely unashamed of her nudity, and grins with her hands on her hips. Business as usual. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know about you, princess, but I’m fucking disgusting! And starving. I’m gonna take a shower if you don’t mind, take a crack at breakfast after that. You don’t gotta wait up or any—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you wanna shower together?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph blurts it out before she lets herself think about it too much. She showers with Billie all the time, Billie practically refusing to use any other nozzle in the shower room except immediately next to Steph. So why does she want this? Why does she ask with the simmering intention warming her belly, making her squirm where she sits up? Maybe Billie knows, because she huffs a few laughs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, so you can shove me to the back where it’s cold? Yea, I’ll pass on that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, um, the shower in my parents’ bathroom is huge. It has like, three showerheads…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s eyebrows waggle suggestively as she licks her teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Any of them removable?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph immediately knows what she means, the suggestion, and flushes pretty all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, just… the one in my bathroom.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is the devil himself with that wicked grin and sparkling eyes, stalking around the bed. Steph watches her like an animal caught in the crossfires, unable to convince herself to move or run. She doesn’t want to run. She wants to be caught. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie stares at her hard and heavy while looping a strong hand around Steph’s upper arm. She tugs gently until Steph unfolds from the bed. Until Steph stands on legs that already shake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a shame,” Billie rumbles up at her, the inch between them meaningless when Steph shakes this much. “Bet you get a lot of use out of that showerhead, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing hard, Steph points out, “I-I mean it feels good, yea, but it’s like… not enough… you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s grin is slick, Steph has seen it probably a thousand times by now, and she winks when Steph just glows brighter with color in her cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can fix that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph cannot deny that showering in her parents’ en suite makes her a little wary. They’re never here, never use this giant house they’d bought when Steph was born. It’s pretty much all for her. Still, it feels weird to watch Billie be the one to turn the shower on, hum appreciative when sure enough three different heads spit with water. Steam builds up quickly, and the tiles under Steph’s feet are cold. She shuffles back to the light switch and flicks a different one, knows the floor will heat up quickly. She knows when it starts, because Billie throws a wild look down at her feet and stands in her toes. Adorably startled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just the tiles heating up, they won’t burn you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie whistles and then drawls, “Fancy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back flat on her feet, she holds a hand out to Steph. Beckoning with just her hooded eyes, the promise in her wicked lips. Steph gives her hand without hesitation, smile a little shy with a dip of her head. Will there ever be a moment where she isn’t shy around Billie? What makes her different to anyone else? She’d never been this flustered with Nathan or any boy she made out with…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan could rarely make her heart race like this. Anticipation churning hot and bright in her stomach like the look Billie gives while pulling her into the spray. Steph expects Billie to back her into the tile wall and do a little repeat of last night. Steph’s head swims as she remembers the slow route Billie had taken, patient and waiting, touching her in ways that were new and terrifying and so good. She’s ready for that, presses her thighs together to feel that ache again. But then Billie is kissing her cheek and handing her a bottle of shampoo from a shelf. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna wash my hair? I’ll do yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Steph is soaring, holding the bottle so tightly she almost squeezes it right out of the wet grip of her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes!” She thinks she could get used to Billie looking at her full of surprise. Steph coughs to cover up her loud, eager admission and says calmer, “Uh, yea sure, uh, turn around. I’ll try not to get any in your eyes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie snorts loudly, but doesn’t say anything. It’s only when Steph catches her grin that she realizes what she’s done. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha, very fun,” she groans. “The shampoo is white, get it in your eyes, yea haha.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said it, princess, not me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph makes mocking faces at the back of Billie’s head. But she’d be absolutely off her rocker to not jump on this opportunity. Maybe… Billie took to heart her little story last night. About growing up around girls and playing with their hair. She always wanted to do this. To Billie yes, but also in general. Even if Billie was a jerk at first, Steph can’t deny she’s beautiful from head to toe. Steph nurses a healthy flush high on her cheeks as she steps close, shampoo rubbed between her hands. Billie trusts her so much…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie relaxes at the first touch, tickles Steph’s ears with a moan and, “Fuck yea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph laughs instead of letting the lewd noise get to her. Billie tilts her head back so Steph can get everywhere, every drenched curl. They hold their shape a little even when wet. Steph takes her time with her hands deep in those locks, getting every inch of Billie’s scalp with gentle fingers. She washes Billie with more tenderness than she would herself, anyway. When Billie bows her head into the spray to wash it away, Steph is close behind, hands pulling hair off her neck, squeezing the length to let suds splat on the floor. The moment Steph’s hands leave her, Billie turns around tightly against her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your turn, baby girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph bites through a grin and can’t help but tease, “You want me to get on my knees or…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Real funny, brat.” Billie snatches the shampoo and pours enough in her left hand, rubs them together a little when she’s ready. “You’re not that much taller than me. Keep it up, though, and I will have you on your knees. And you just might like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph sputters at that, catches the wink Billie gives her, and then has to close her eyes when big hands reach for her hair. Steph bows her head anyway, not that Billie needs the extra reach. Billie’s hands seem made for work, are strong and rough in the palms from some labor. Maybe the steering wheel on her car. Maybe all the punches she throws. Something. Then again with all that muscle in her arms and back, Steph wouldn’t be surprised if Billie works out. And isn’t that a thought that makes her stumble a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Careful,” murmured admonishment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Steph breathes back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s fingers slow to tight circles over the planes of Steph’s scalp. Gentle all over, especially the back of her head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s that feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing hard with her chin tucked down, Steph murmurs, “Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s next breath is a stuttering thing through her nose. Her shoulders wind up as she fights a shiver. Billie is just washing her hair, not even doing anything to her. Why does it feel so much better than when she washes her hair herself?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” soft in her ear. “C’mere, lemme rinse you off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Conditioner is next, and both girls do this part themselves. Mostly because Billie takes one look at the modest dollop in Steph’s hand when Steph offers and wheezes out a laugh, slaps her thigh for good measure. It’s good natured ribbing, though, so Steph just sticks her tongue out at Billie and uses the conditioner on herself instead. No use wasting it, it’s some expensive shit from a boutique in Chicago. Steph doesn’t want to know how much it costs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is done smoothing her hands through and over her hair before Billie. To Billie’s credit, Billie has more length. Although Steph thinks her own brown locks are thicker. Whatever. Without a washcloth handy, Steph makes do with body wash squirted in her hands instead, rubbed over her face, in her ears, and down her neck. If she were in her own bathroom, not thinking this through, she has some sort of face wash she’d bought at Billie’s recommendation. It is helping her occasional breakouts. The oiliness on her nose. Skipping one day won’t hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she rinses, she finds Billie watching her. Thoughtful. Although the expression shifts to a more provocative one as her own soapy hands slide down from her collarbones, over her breasts, and then back up again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Steph blurts with a laugh. “Please do not wash yourself like that, you look ridiculous.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie gives her best attempt at a pout, lower lip too big when she rolls it out, and asks, “What? You don’t like the show?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph just snorts again, turns around, and reaches to attend to her own body. Warm hands gliding up the water spilling down her sides stops her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hands blanket Steph’s ribs, just a little under her small breasts. Steph tries to say something a few times, but her mouth ends up opening and closing. Useless. But Billie waits for a yes or no, is a warm presence behind Steph. Not touching her, not pressing out the space between them. Not yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voice tight with excitement, Steph nods and breathes, “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie doesn’t disappoint her. Those big hands do actually come back with soap and wash her. They don’t even try to cop a feel immediately, the first brush of Billie’s hands over her breasts purely functional. She’s back though, once Steph is sufficiently clean and covered in suds. They rinse slowly from water beading up on her, spray almost a mist when she’s turned away like this. Steph’s next breath catches in her throat when Billie’s hands come back up, cupping and squeezing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thumbs flick casually over soft nipples until they’re firm, and Steph shudders hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yea”—Steph bites back a little sound—“Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should I stop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head just as wildly as the rest of her trembles. It’s a lot of attention to such a small part of her. Not that she hasn’t experimented, knows she’s sensitive enough to get everything warm and excited just from pinching her nipples. Billie is a whole different league, knows somehow that sweeping her thumbs along the soft sides of Steph’s breasts gets her moaning, squeezing them and letting them fall makes her giggle. Billie hums warm and deep behind her with every twitch and shy noise from Steph. Steph’s hands are useless things on the tile wall. Her fingers claw a little with her nipples caught in Billie’s fingers, rolling and pinching harder than before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dropping her head, Steph pants to the floor, “Billie…” She gulps down a breath. “Please…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s next pinch is syrupy pain that shoots a bolt straight between her legs, makes Steph’s entire body buck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lips kiss across the trembling shelf of Steph’s shoulders and then purr in her ear, “Let me take care of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not a question but a request edging into a demand. Steph bites through a moan and nods wildly. Her head swims when Billie finally pulls away, takes her wicked hands with her. They ghost over her back, a few kisses following, and then Billie nudges her to stand almost flush with the wall. Steph doesn’t understand why until soapy hands curl over her hips. Billie isn’t shy about washing between Steph’s legs, twisting fingers over black hair and reaching deeper. Billie’s fingertips dragging hard on her outer labia force the pressure deeper, curling and reaching inside her where Billie’s fingers were last night. Steph smashes her burning face to the tiles and coos a little when the ceramic sucks some of the fire away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sighs behind her, fond and sweet, and murmurs, “Beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, she’s clean from head to toe, front to back. Billie pulls Steph into the spray to rinse soap away from her thighs, between her legs. Once that’s done, though, Billie guides Steph right back to the wall. Steph’s hands find purchase again, leaning heavily with Billie’s hand in the center of her back. The other takes her hip. Together Billie’s hands coax her to stick her butt out a little. Steph snorts against the inside of her upper arm. She does Billie the favor of shuffling her feet apart. She thinks she knows what comes next. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hands are back, but this time so is the rest of her. Billie isn’t shy about pressing every inch of herself to Steph’s ass and back. Like this, their heights allow Billie to nibble Steph’s shoulders. If Steph didn’t think she’d slip to the floor, she’d bare her neck and let Billie mark her up more. It’s a heady thought that has her body throbbing, aching again in a way she’s never felt with anyone else. Billie’s right hand flattens just under Steph’s navel. Holding her up. Pinning them together. That leaves the left to toy with her—Billie’s thick fingers petting her mound, the hair there, and then tripping over her clit. Steph buries a noise against her arm and snaps her hips into the caress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wants to rock into Billie’s fingers, wants to rub herself on them. She’s done this to herself in the shower. Trying to get into it. Even with a shower head pointed between her legs, it doesn’t amount to much. Frustration and disappointment. Steph doesn’t think, with her eyes fluttering and rolling already, that Billie could ever disappoint her like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bite to her shoulder, so close to the crook of her neck and Billie’s marks, and then warmly, “Feel good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s nods and claws at the wall above her head, hands slipping on wet tiles. She’s shaking and covered in a fine dew, mist coming off the showerheads reaching them against the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nuzzles the bite she’d just given and adds, “Wanna come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph knows the magic words, knows through the fog in her head that Billie wants to hear her say it. Even if it piles more and more heat into her cheeks, they’ll never lose their color, she wants to say it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” she breathes. “I-I want to. Please make me come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything for my princess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie uses her powerful body as leverage when she stops the swirling path of her fingers and reaches down, down to Steph’s center and dips her fingers in. The reach is awkward with Steph standing, so she cants her hips forward, rocks onto her toes despite the danger. Billie’s quiet groan bouncing off the tiles is encouraging, and thick digits slip that much better into Steph. Not enough, not so that they’re thrusting and rubbing past where she wants them. This feels good, too, fingers dipping just inside her only to slide right back out, in and out fast like she’s already been used. Like Billie’s tongue last night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Desperate for relief, Steph slumps onto a shoulder so she can throw her right hand down with Billie’s left. She barely pets her fingers over her clit, just teasing around it, when Billie pulls out of her. Steph can’t even get a whine out before Billie pinches the back of her hand. Hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yelping, Steph rips her hand away. So betrayed, she throws a pitiful look over her other shoulder, finds Billie’s blues on fire and intense. Waiting for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She holds their stare while curling her fingers back inside Steph, darting in and out again. Steph can’t keep her eyes open, just whines with her mouth agape and shaking against the wall. The tiles are no longer a relief for the furnace in her cheeks. Steph makes do with Billie’s fingers just slipping an inch or two in her, thumb shoved between her folds to rub back and forth over her clit. She can’t decide which to rock into. Too much movement and Billie will slip out of her. Or worse, Steph will fall to the puddles below. Already it builds up inside her, that pressure and anticipation. She could never make herself come like this. It’s all Billie; Billie does this to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shudders hard between the wall and Billie, and then warm in her ear, “Baby girl, you’re so close, I can feel it right here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie finds the extra reach, maybe had it all along, to thrust her middle finger deeper than before. Almost to Steph’s sweet spot. Steph’s hips buck, begging for more, but Billie returns to flicking fingertips just barely in and out. Over and over, in and out, thumb drawing circles, in and out, in and out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s breaths are frantic, pointless things as she shakes apart, sobbing against the tiles. Billie grunts behind her and sinks her middle finger all the way in. Straining for the angle, but Steph is already squeezing and shaking around that little bit of penetration. Mouth hung open, Steph’s voice leaks through every pant high and fluttery. Embarrassing to her ears, but some part of her knows Billie wants to hear. So she doesn’t try to control herself. This orgasm isn’t as powerful as the one last night. She’s not as loud. But it leaves her breathless and trembling all the same, slick heat jumping in waves around Billie’s finger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is right there to help pin her fully to the wall when her legs give a threatening shake. She won’t end up as a pile on the floor. They smash Billie’s left arm to the wall a bit, but it’s a small price to pay. Her thighs and pelvis press all to Steph’s, too. Billie hums at her back and goes about kissing across her spots again. Steph whines when Billie pulls out of her, no resistance and body missing her immediately. Steph throws out a hand to catch Billie’s wrist, head still caught in the heat of the moment, and urges Billie’s wet fingers up to her mouth. Billie flinches hard against her when Steph seals her mouth around short fingers, sucking them clean and then playing with them even after that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Billie croaks behind her, voice rough without even having wailed like Steph. “Baby doll please, you’re gonna drive me crazy. Do you even know how beautiful you are right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph trembles under the praise. She only manages to stop sucking on Billie’s fingers because she needs something. Can’t get it out of her head, needs to try it at least once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want you,” she gasps with Billie’s fingers still on her bottom lip. “Billie, can I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie presses impossibly tighter to Steph’s back, rumbles in her ear, “What do you want? Lay it on me, lemme hear you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You, can I…” Heat behind her eyes, forcing them closed, and then, “Can I touch you? With my mouth?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie startles hard all along Steph’s back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna eat me out? Is that what you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Giving her own shudder, Steph kisses Billie’s fingertips and nods. Billie gives her that for a breath, and then takes her hand back. It doesn’t go far, gets Steph by a shoulder and flips her to slam her into the wall. Billie is on her, then, eating the whimper that doesn’t even make it past Steph’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie kisses like she’s fighting, pulling on Steph’s hair and shoving her way through the slack in Steph’s mouth, over and over until it feels like Billie is fucking her here, too. She uses Steph’s thigh, too, grinding on Steph while they kiss. The steam and spray from the showerheads help their bodies slide together. Billie doesn’t need it with her thighs bracketing Steph’s, hips swirling, seeking friction. Taking the edge off. Steph moans again with her mouth full, and the sound trips out of her when Billie pulls back. She doesn’t relax her burning grip on Steph’s hair. It feels good. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hisses. “Fuck yes. Fuck yes you can. Jesus, Steph, you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t find the words, stunned. That thrills Steph, makes her throb in interest already. She’s only had her first orgasm this morning, the second just now, and has no idea the lengths she could go. She could definitely come again, though, with help. But she wants Billie, wants to make her feel good, too. Steph forces watery eyes open and finds Billie breathing hard with wet hair stuck to her forehead, watching her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna… eat you out.” The words are so awkward in Steph’s mouth, speaking a foreign language, but she says them to watch Billie’s eyes flutter. “I wanna make you come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph expects Billie to reel her back in for more kisses. The gentle plush of lips, mouthing at hers, is a surprise. Billie kisses her a few times before Steph hums nice and sweet, kisses back to feel Billie’s tongue swipe over her lips. This is a slow dance compared to the headbanging just before, kisses almost mean in their roughness. No, this gives Steph something to hold, and she does hold Billie by the shoulders while their heads bob. Chasing each other back and forth until they work it out, lean with their foreheads touching. The static of water hitting the floor consumes them in blissful calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is the first to speak, Steph has been waiting, and she says through a breath, “I want that too, baby girl.” She grimaces like she’s in pain, and then gasps, “Fuck, I want your mouth on me so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She takes a step back then and glances around. Steph watches her from the safety of the wall. If she moves, she thinks she might tip over. Billie is back in front of her again, face soft and eyes bright when she kisses Steph’s cheek. The heat is still there, red washing out slowly. Oddly, the hot water of their shower helps. It‘s almost freezing on Steph’s cheeks, the nape of her neck, her throat. Billie nuzzles her then, and with big hands at Steph’s hips, sort of nudges her down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to sit on the floor for me,” Billie tells her. “Slide down the wall and sit, I won’t let you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods to that, it makes sense to her, and lets Billie and gravity guide her. It only gets tricky halfway when Billie has to take her weight. Steph braces her hands on the tiles to help slow that descent. Steph’s butt on the floor, Billie stays bent down with her to kiss Steph’s forehead a few times. All too quickly, though, she stands back up to her full height. A careful graze to the outsides of Steph’s knees tells her where they need to go. Steph almost feels drunk as he closes them and Billie makes the step over, straddling her now. Billie needs only to shuffle forward, maybe brace her hands on the wall or stoop down and…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph tilts her head back to stare up the golden length of Billie’s body. She understands now why Billie wants her to sit on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smirk on her lips, Billie winks down at her and murmurs, “Don’t worry baby, she doesn’t bite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph manages to bite back the giggle and smile that try to rip out of her. Billie’s smirk softens into fondness, genuine and so excited. Steph turns her eyes down lest her face heat up again. The sight in front of her is pretty and enticing anyway. Hair a few shades darker than what’s on Billie’s head covers her mound. Billie hasn’t stepped forward yet, so Steph knows it’s not time. But she wants this so badly, wants to give Billie the same pleasure back this time. Not her terrible excuse last night. She wants to make it up to Billie and… be good for her. Steph whines, needs Billie to know. Billie watches her from on high while lathering some soap in her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A show first, then. Steph squirms on the floor to watch Billie’s soapy hands pet through curly hair, slide out to Billie’s inner thighs, and then back up. Steph won’t bite her lip—Billie doesn’t like that—but she will seal her teeth around the desperate noise she makes. Billie holds herself open with one hand only to wash herself with the other. It’s dramatized, Steph knows, but she can’t not watch Billie tease her, withhold from her. Steph finds the strength to lift her right hand, shaking so terribly, to reach for Billie’s wrist. Billie just steps back into the spray, repeats the motions all over. All out of reach. All with her eyes heavy and half-lidded, watching Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Steph whines louder than ever before, almost pouting now, Billie finally steps out of the water. She’s burning hot to the touch when she steps into Steph’s hands. Steph doesn’t grab Billie by her thighs very hard, too afraid she’ll upset Billie’s balance. Steph also doesn’t try to help guide or direct Billie as she comes walking up Steph’s legs. Steph shudders when the first brush of Bille’s body heat rushes over her. Only Steph’s cheeks and ears burn. The rest of her is cold with adrenaline. And she can barely keep her eyes open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fingers card into Steph’s hair. They startle Steph enough to open her eyes, looking up Billie’s arms to her face. She has her head bent to watch, curls slipping off her shoulder to dangle. Breathing through parted lips, Steph turns her head to Billie’s palm and mouths a kiss there. Billie’s fingers graze her ear, tickling just a little. It has Steph shuffling on her rear and smiling nice and shy up at Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna help you, okay baby girl? You’ve never done this before, and I want you to have a good time. Yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives a little nod, a loopy, “Yea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hips pitch forward. Steph already leans to meet her halfway, Billie’s hands slide gently between them before Steph makes contact, though. She grabs light brown curls in her fingers, pulling and tugging on them. Billie must like it, because she hums towering over Steph and does it again. Steph’s hands twitch on Billie’s thighs, but she bets she shouldn’t try to move them. She's not the smartest dog at the park, but she can sense a pattern while she’s caught up in one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s already licking her lips and digging her fingers into Billie’s thighs when Billie finally staggers that last step and rolls her hips forward. Her hands cover the hair and also hold herself open. It’s obscene and incredibly exciting, Steph having only ever snuck peeks in the locker room, only seen herself this lewd before. She may have a pocket mirror in her nightstand, sometimes curling up on her back with her knees in her ears, just looking at herself. Sometimes her thoughts are heady enough to make her wet, and then she holds the mirror shaking in her right hand and dips left, timid fingers through the slick. Fingering herself is boring after a little while, and she always stops. Burning and unfulfilled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph baby? You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s eyes startle open, unsure of when she’d closed them. Billie is standing up straight instead of how Steph last saw her. Shaking herself, Steph gently squeezes Billie’s thighs, wanting her close again. She’s feeling it, now, wants to know what this is like, what Billie tastes like. Probably the remnants of soap and bitter, but who cares, she just wants Billie so badly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay,” she says through a shake. Closing doe eyes, Steph draws her teeth over her bottom lip and breathes, “Want you, Billie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph has to peer her eyes open a little to watch Billie lean into her again. Billie looks different than her, pink where the sun can’t honey her. Whereas Steph is the same rosy color as her mouth. Steph swallows hard while barely watching through squinting eyes as Billie’s hands shift down. This way, Billie’s fingers curl from hair to pink folds and pull them up, drawing her hood back herself. Steph muffles a whine between her teeth, cranes forward, and flicks her tongue out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie jumps hard under Steph’s hands, punches out a noise that bounces off all the tiles. It slips right down through Steph’s ears and into her gut where she’s all warm again. Steph pauses for a second, just to breathe and congratulate herself that she’s done it, and then dives deeper. Billie shakes against her mouth as Steph explores on her own, tests what gets Billie breathing hard or just humming. Steph traces paths up and down, circling with the tip of her tongue. Billie is already so slick, and Steph drags some of that wetness around with her tongue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm, baby, mmm fuck that’s nice.” Billie rocks a little to try and follow Steph’s tongue. “Baby girl, will you kiss my clit a little? Be gentle with her, she’s lonely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She says that and then lets loose a light laugh, twinkling like far-off church bells. Steph breathes, “Yes,” and laps the flat of her tongue back up. Steph avoids Billie’s clit directly, swiping alongside it instead and drawing her tongue over the hood, Billie’s fingers holding it back. Under Steph’s hands, the muscles in Billie’s thighs snap when they tense, stopping Billie’s hip from rutting against Steph’s face. If not for the fear of Billie bashing into her nose, teeth, or chin, Steph wouldn’t mind letting her go. Steph pulls back to breathe, to eye her prize, and then mouths a kiss over it. Gentle and careful like Billie had requested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Over the static of the shower, Steph thinks she hears her name bounce off the tiles. It’s a pretty, deep groan that tickles the back of Steph’s throat. Steph hums with Billie’s clit caught between her lips, slipping across them as Steph drags her lips back and forth over it. Billie shakes more and more. Above, she must be breathing hard. Steph wonders, lapping fast and noisy at Billie’s clit, if she can make her come just like this. Maybe Billie would like it better how she did it last night… Can she do that to Billie again? Feel Billie warm around her fingers and twitching when she comes? Steph mouths one last, sucking kiss to the little nub and then turns her head. She can’t lean back with her skull already flush to the wall. That’s how far Billie has leaned into her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie, c-can I put my fingers in you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She chances a glance up golden skin to find Billie with her head thrown back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus baby, yes, yes.” Her head drops forward with a groan, their eyes meeting for a split second. Too intense. “Let me ride your fingers while you suck me off, baby, wanna feel you so deep in me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph will never get used to Billie pleading like that. Or at least she hopes she never gets used to it. Or when Billie praises her. That’s what she wants, wants to hear Billie tell her it feels good, that Steph makes her feel good. Steph shakes her right hand free from Billie’s thigh, tucks long fingers between Billie’s legs. She has to trust that Billie won’t hurt her with all this power wrapped up under her sun-kissed skin. Steph pets past tight hair, scratching her nails through it like she’d seen Billie do earlier. When Billie shudders, Steph pets her fingers up and down the seam, coaxing, asking to be let in. Billie is molten heat when Steph slips past her folds and tries to squeeze a finger in her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sucks a hiss through her teeth and gasps, “Ow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That shocks Steph away, knocking her head on the wall even though she’s already tight to it. She throws a wild, terrified look up at Billie, meets a sheepish smile. Billie’s hair hangs in the circle of her arms against the wall. Her wince wears away, and Billie licks her lips. It’s only then Steph breathes again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m sorry, Billie, I, oh god, did I hurt you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shakes her head and makes a soft noise down at her. When Steph just blinks up huge, remorseful eyes, Billie shakes her left hand free to pet Steph’s wet hair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hush your mouth,” she says gently. “You didn’t hurt me, just… gotta change your angle.” Billie moves her hand up between them and then curls two fingers towards herself. “Gotta angle your fingers towards yourself like this, baby girl. Straight up like you did is like missing the hole completely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ouch and Steph knows how that feels. She twitches in sympathy. Nodding a little, Steph kisses Billie’s clit as an apology. To warm her back up. Steph flicks her tongue a few times until Billie shudders again. She wants to try again with her fingers. Hurting Billie is the last thing she wants to do, but now she knows what to do. Curl her fingers towards herself…. Steph flips her wrist over so that the soft inside faces up. Steph smooths her hand over soft curls once more, squeezing to really get Billie going, and tries again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This time, this time, oh. Billie’s body sucks her right in. Steph’s fingers are longer than Billie’s. And the direct angle adds more, welcoming Steph’s middle finger right against Billie’s g-spot. She feels the roughness of it again and presses down. Billie throbs around her, squeezing and tight. Billie deserves more, so Steph backs out to return with two. Billie moans louder than ever before above her. Steph can’t quite open her eyes yet. She wants to so she can watch Billie’s face again when she comes. Billie isn’t there yet, she thinks. Steph’s lips have been still around Billie’s clit this whole time. Thinking that, Steph pinches her lips around it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-Steph, fuck,” she cries, voice burning Steph’s ears. “Just like that, god baby girl you feel so good.” Billie staggers a little as her body tries to move with Steph’s fingers. “Harder, harder baby, come on I’m almost there, I wanna come so bad, fuck Steph!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie always groans so deeply. How does she do it? How does she stop her voice from going high when Steph times her fingers and the pressure of her mouth together? Steph knows she would be howling right now. Whining, Steph softens the seal of her lips around Billie, but only so that she can suck with the lightest pressure. Billie gushes in her hand, fingers filthy with how fast and easily they glide in. Steph whines with her tongue flicking again over Billie’s clit, in time with her fingers still. Gradual, even pace. Steph shudders at the first pulse of Billie around her, and then waves of tightness. She remembers at that second to open her eyes and turn them up to catch Billie’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus baby girl, S-Steph, fuck!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph keeps thrusting through every pulse of Billie’s orgasm. She knows better this time what it feels like, slick heat around her going tight like a vice over and over. Steph takes the pressure of her lips from Billie’s clit to lap at her instead. When Billie had made her come like this, Steph’s senses shrank down to where Billie was sunk inside her, writhing there and tightening around those thick digits. So maybe Billie would like lighter attention to her clit when she comes. Her comfort and pleasure are foremost in Steph’s mind. She doesn’t even feel the empty burn between her own legs anymore. It’s all for Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time since Steph had sunk to her butt on the floor, Billie’s weight leans into Step’s grip on her thigh. Steph lets Billie push her out with one last tight twitch. She has to slap that hand back to Billie’s thigh, slips up to her hip when Billie’s knees buckle. Luckily, Billie doesn’t fall. Her hands splayed on the wall help her drag down instead of just tumbling on her ass. Steph’s hands follow up Billie’s stomach, ribs, and then catch Billie under her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph pulls Billie into her lap, their legs tangling almost instantly. Bille paws at her, trying to sit up. Steph moves to help, gets a mouth full of lips and teeth when Billie rockets up to catch her mouth. Billie’s hands shake something terrible when they grip Steph’s hair, starting to dry closer to her neck. Billie holds Steph like that and then, with little kitten licks, laps her way into Steph’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sweet noise, what feels to Steph like a squeal, passes from her lips to Billie’s. Billie answers with her own moan, huge and deep in Steph’s mouth, tickling her teeth. Steph gives as good as she gets, tongue following Billie’s like puppy love. Billie gives her damp hair a tug, ripping a cry out of her. They separate with a gasp, but Billie just drags biting kisses down Steph’s jaw and to her neck. The side Billie hadn’t marked up in the wee hours this morning. Steph throws her head into those throbbing bruises, manages to fling her hands to Billie’s curls and draw her mouth down. Billie’s sharp teeth scratch at her, stinging, and then her mouth latches around the burn and sucks blood to the surface. It’s like yanking on a cord strung taut in her. She can’t squirm how she wants with Billie all over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes fluttering, Steph thumps her head into the wall and gasps, “Billie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lips release her with a groan, and then Billie nuzzles under Steph’s jaw. Her hands in Steph’s hair slip to the wall and slap when they reach it. Like this, she pushes herself up, rearranges her legs under her until she’s straddling Steph’s thighs. Billie huffs and sits back on Steph. She must be comfortable there, so Steph shifts her hands to Billie’s thighs again. Billie’s hands are in her damp curls, running shaking fingers over her scalp again and again. When Steph touches her, Billie jumps and makes a little rumble in her throat. A blue eye cracks open, and then she smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey there, baby girl. Fuck I missed you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie slumps forward on her knees to cuddle up to Steph. It’s… strange to have Billie’s bare chest pressed against hers. It’s heavy and soft at the same time. She doesn’t remember it well last night, mind too blown away from everything that’d happened. She catches up to what Billie just said, and then her body shakes with a few laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You missed me? What’s that supposed to mean, Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie cuddles against her chest and neck, murmuring at Steph’s lobe, “Couldn’t hold you or kiss you, princess. Harder to see your face down here, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some more laughter bubbles out of Steph. It bounces Billie in her lap a little, and Billie hides a smile to Steph’s jaw. She sneaks in a kiss or two over beauty marks. Steph’s laughter melts into pleased sounds. It sounds so much like squeals to Steph, so she bites them back after the first two. Billie grumbles against her neck, rises, and then glares at her. It’s Billie’s version of a pout. It’s cute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you do that? Try to keep quiet like that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s shoulders rise in an embarrassed shrug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It sounds weird. Like I’m a kitten or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s faux-glare flips into an eye roll.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t sound like an animal, Steph. You sound like a pretty girl who’s having the time of her life.” She grins next with her tongue already out. “Unless I’m wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It only takes a look from Billie to get her spirits up. Her laughter tugging on her lips. Steph cranes forward barely an inch for a kiss, but Billie is on her that instant. Just a few fast kisses, more lips than anything. Billie tries to steal one more, but Steph denies her with a bitten smirk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not wrong,” Steph admits, eyes down. “You make me feel… amazing. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before, Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A kiss to the corner of her mouth, not quite cheating, and then a deeply pleased, “Good. You never have to hide with me, Steph. Anything, everything, you don’t have to hide.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too.” Steph rubs their cheeks together. “If I can’t hide, neither can you. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s cheek is pressed to the side of Billie’s head when the conversation falls silent. Longer than a breath or to gather a response. Steph tenses a little under Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie startles out of herself. She takes a breath and then turns her head to Steph’s cheek, kisses leaving moisture behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, baby girl, no hiding. That’s the deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie doesn’t sound so sure. Steph wants to protest, wants to let the conversation breathe a little. But Billie’s stomach growls against her. Or maybe Steph’s had. Whoever, they share a smile after the fact.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think before we climbed in here and shared some orgasms that I said something about breakfast. Please, please correct me if I’m wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sits up with her hands on Steph’s shoulders, massaging them a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is this you trying to butter me up into cooking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie bats her eyes at Steph and murmurs, “I’ll do the dishes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey buddy”—Steph smiles and hops Billie in her lap—“you got yourself a deal there.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie falls into her all smiles and crinkled eyes, beautiful with her hair stuck to her forehead. Steph comes aglow under all that beauty. She can’t help the gravity between them that pulls her forward. Slim fingers even dent Billie’s hip to urge her closer. Billie’s smile takes on some heat, and then they meet in the middle. Steph finds each kiss easier and better than the last. Can’t remember how to kiss anyone else, can’t think of anyone she’d rather kiss than Billie. Steph’s cheeks are a lovely shade of rose, and Billie reaches up to cup that warmth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beautiful,” Billie breaths against her mouth. “Jesus, you’re beautiful, baby girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph looks down with a sweet smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says you, looking like an ancient god or something. Like Thor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie snorts and snarks, “Thor with a pussy maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god, get off and away with your filthy mouth, Jesus…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie smacks a messy kiss to her mouth, a little hard, and then springs out of Steph’s lap. She wanders into the spray, eyes beckoning Steph follow, and makes quick work of the clean up. Soap up and down legs, faces washed once more. Steph is barely done before strong hands wrap around her upper arm and tug her from the dripping heads. Billie aims a big smile at her to coax her along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby please, I’m fucking starving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know food takes time to prepare and cook, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing dramatic and loud, her head thrown back, Billie grumbles, “Fine, but please at least tell me you have a cute apron you wear? Frills and a big bow above your ass?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie rights her head just as Steph turns away with another fresh blush.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s… a dumb cheesy one. Says ‘kiss the cook’ across the chest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is on her in a second, just as Steph knew she would. She knew Billie would launch smiling, laughing kisses onto her lips once the word ‘apron’ had left her mouth. Steph thinks, stumbling back with Billie’s hands in her hair again, that she might even allow Billie to steal a few kisses. Only a few, though, if she wants pancakes that aren’t burned.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph and Billie go to an adult store.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Buckle up, it's 16,000 words lol. Happy Monday, please comment lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s the day after Christmas, the end of their first week, when they try to crack into the required reading for next semester. Billie has read aloud the first chapter of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Brave New World</span>
  </em>
  <span> twice to Steph without much of it sticking or making sense. Now on her third attempt, them lying in bed in the guest room, Billie suspects this attempt will end in failure too. Mostly because Steph is cuddled under her arm, nuzzling her breast and drawing her hand back and forth over Billie’s stomach. She keeps squirming. Like she doesn’t think Billie catches her every time she rubs her thighs together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nudging Steph’s head, Billie grumbles, “Hey, I’m not reading this for shits and grins. Are you listening?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” Steph hums, cheek never pausing where she still nuzzles Billie. “I like the sound of your voice, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s sweet. Billie would still rather be doing almost anything other than read this, though. She’s sure it gets better past the opening, the author needing to world build and all, but fuck if it’s not boring. The premise is interesting which is what will make this easier come time to discuss it in class and probably write the same paper as everyone else on it. Billie already sees herself, months from now, helping Steph. At least this way, now that they’re friends, if the teacher decides to throw a group project at them Billie will have a willing partner. This time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sighs, considers stopping and just taking a nap, when Steph sits up. Just enough so that she can look down at Billie propped against the headboard, pillows under her. Billie lets slip the yellowing pages of the paperback shut and sets it down on the bed beside her leg.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph sits back on her shins, knees under her, and rubs the back of her neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I? Ask you for a favor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is close enough to touch. By now, Billie has long since given up trying to withhold. For these two weeks sequestered together, Steph is hers. And she’s Steph’s. She can pretend for a little while. Steph makes that easier when she kisses and touches Billie of her own accord. They’re past Steph being shy about that. She doesn’t ask Billie to kiss or do her nervous-shy glances anymore, trying to tell Billie without words what she wants. Not that it isn’t cute to watch Steph struggle with herself. So when Steph keeps at her neck and chews over her words, Billie smooths a hand up her leg with a smile. Just feeling her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Steph, it’s not a big deal. Just ask me, the worst I can say is no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shoulders deflating where they’d crowded her ears, Steph asks, resigned, “Will you move your stuff up to my room and stop sleeping down here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’d slept separately last night. Mostly because Billie passed out, full from dinner and a little drunk, halfway through taking Steph’s clothes off. She woke up alone, but she suspects Steph tried sleeping beside her. Tried and failed, because it’s only a twin. Barely big enough for Billie by herself. The request is a simple one. Billie wonders why they haven’t done that already, but it must be important for Steph if she’s so nervous about asking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she agrees with a squeeze to Steph’s thigh. “No use beating around the bush now, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s nerves melt away, and she says with a grin, “I feel like there’s a joke in there somewhere about bush, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe we can beat on the bush, but—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god,” Steph laughs. “You are so lame.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the person who wants to sleep next to me for the rest of the week. You know I snore, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Snorting, Steph drawls, “How could I not? If you lie on your back, you could wake the dead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sits up, book completely forgotten now, and leans into Steph’s space. She doesn’t lean back, just flashes warm eyes down to Billie’s lips. All according to plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guess you’ll just have to cuddle me all night so I don’t toss and turn, yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their heads already bow together. Somehow they resist diving into each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t-don’t threaten a girl with a good time,” Steph says with a shiver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hums with a smirk still on her lips when she finally kisses Steph. She gives Steph’s nervous hands something to do as they card into her hair. With blanket permission to touch Billie whenever she wants, Steph has migrated towards those sandy curls. Not that Billie is complaining. Steph may not know how to wear make-up or paint her fingernails—or even how to take care of them except biting them off—but she knows hair. Steph’s hands are practiced at combing fingers through Billie’s locks, rubbing her fingers in tight circles over Billie’s scalp. She’s never been so pampered before, never been happier to make out with someone who doesn’t just pull on hair. It’s refreshing, especially considering her dry spell.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They separate naturally, sensing the end of their kissing. It’s not quite been marathon sex since the first time, but they don’t hesitate to turn making out into something more. Billie already considers and toys with ideas of what she wants to do to Steph next when the little doe goes bounding off the bed. Billie can’t even be upset about it, hands empty where they’d felt all up and down Steph’s thighs. Anticipating. Now they scramble to shove herself after Steph before Steph can grab the bag she already has her hands on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help you bring your stuff up,” she says, oblivious of what she’s about to touch under the open zipper of the bag. Billie had forgotten to zip it shut this morning after… “Didn’t you bring two bags? Did you need to bring that much stuff for two weeks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She says as much with a laugh, poking fun, and then the unzipped edges of the bag fall open when she grabs one of the straps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is at her back a second too late. She’s not ashamed of her horde, god no, she just doesn’t want Steph to feel ashamed. Girls like Steph… Billie has yet to meet one who hadn’t been a little uptight about sex toys. Especially the quantity Billie owns for someone so young. She has a collection that could put some housewives to shame, she thinks. Did she ever intend on telling Steph about them?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s entertained fantasy after fantasy of getting Steph off with a vibrator, testing all the modes on her. Don’t even get Billie started about her strap-on. Before that first night, stepping into Steph’s room like temptation in the flesh and fucking her, there was no reason for Billie to bring it. She did so out of some wild, foolish hope. And now Steph picks it up off the top of the pile and stares with wide eyes between the leather and buckles. And Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The buckles click a little when Steph jerks the harness higher, dangling from her pinched fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… Hey Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice goes a little high. Billie forces hers to stay low.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s eyes are big and bright when she holds the harness in her hands for real. She handles it like someone might a snake, fingers coiled over the leather and draped across both palms so that none of it swings loose. Picking her head up, Steph beams pink cheeks at Billie as she gathers her words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What um… what is this?” She glances back to the open bag. “What is all of this, actually…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Keep it cool. Gotta keep it cool so Steph doesn’t flip out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging, Billie blinks at her and says plainly, “Sex toys.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An expression flinches over Steph’s face. Something terribly insecure, the part of Steph that hates herself and looks for any validation that she should hate herself. Billie happens upon it in a moment of instinct, sensing where Steph is going before she can even frown and start throwing accusations around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I brought them for myself. Did you think I was gonna stay here for two weeks and not get off? Pft.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some of Steph’s betrayal, her suspicion, slips away. But her eyes still narrow at Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? You’re not bullshitting me? You didn’t”—Steph lifts the harness in her hands a few times—“bring all this stuff with the intent to—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To fuck myself? Yea. To make up some convoluted, contrived plot to get into your pants? No.” Billie holds herself by the hips and shakes her head at Steph. “I could have done that a long time ago, you know. Hate sex is hot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s disgusted grimace is somehow still cute. That or Billie just has it bad. Steph turns her attention back down to the harness, and she lets the straps fall out of her hands. Turning it around and flipping it over, she has no idea which way is the way it’s supposed to be. Just as she lets out a frustrated sound, Billie steps toe-to-toe with her and takes it gently from her hands. It only takes her a second to shake it out and hold it by the straps that go around her hips, the space where a dildo goes facing Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like this,” she says carefully. “You wear it like this and a toy goes through that hole so you can fuck someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods like she isn’t listening and then turns her head slowly to the bag slightly behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And yes, before you ask, I did bring the dick I use in it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hands are nervous things in the bottom of her t-shirt—an old, stretched thing with the graphic faded, undecipherable. Billie gathers the harness up in one hand and reaches out with the left to touch Steph. If only to bring her back out of herself. She’s so still, so quiet, Billie can’t tell if she’s panicking or not. Steph startles under Billie’s hand on her shoulder, and Billie almost rips her hand back. If not for Steph’s ears blushing and the color dripping down her throat, that is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I see it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why Steph is so excited to see a dildo, Billie isn’t sure. It’s not like the toy is one of those realistic ones, flesh-colored and ugly. Billie won’t let someone fuck her with one of those, let alone using it on someone else, an extension of her body. She shudders, disgusted, just thinking about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, sure.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harness set aside on the little desk next to Billie’s bag, Billie needs only to reach inside and grab thick, matte-black silicone. The only feature on it that approaches realism is how the head is a bit wider than the shaft. For that pop that drives girls crazy, apparently. But it’s not the thick ridge of an actual dickhead, so Billie can ignore that. Plus… she has to admit that it feels good. She can’t blame her body for enjoying the sensations of a particular shape. If it feels right, then let it ride, yea?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She holds the toy out for Steph to take, if she wants. To feel its heft and squeeze it. Back in California, it had been recommended to Billie because of how “real” it feels. Like people can tell the difference between a flesh and blood dick in them versus a toy. Billie wouldn’t know, would sooner gut a man than let him touch her. In hindsight, Billie is thankful she set aside her disgust at the time and bought it. It served her well in California, and if Steph is inclined… Billie wonders how it measures up. If it feels as real as her girlfriends said it did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Doe eyes huge, Steph accepts the hand off. She jumps a little, hands uncertain as she tries not to wrap a fist around it. Billie swallows a snort, too amused for her own good. It would be natural for Steph to grip it like a real dick. She knows how. Billie doesn’t let that thought sour her or the moment. Steph isn’t fucking Wheeler anymore, and Billie is secure on where her notch falls on Steph’s bed post. At the top, of course.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s um…” Steph blushes and bites herself, just a little. “It heavier than I thought it would be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyebrow flicking high, Billie asks, “You never held a dildo before?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Steph shakes her head with her teeth drawn over her lip, Billie asks further, “You don’t own a vibrator either, huh? Probably never used one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head, red to her hairline, as Billie reaches past her again. It’s the same, black vibrator from the first night here. Before Billie would know all the things she and Steph have done together. How they’ve held each other. The surface is smooth, hard plastic, easy to wipe down and hide in a bag. It’s only six or so inches long. Getting herself off with it doesn’t take some massive girth. If she plays her cards right, she can come in about a minute with this. That takes a special sort of horny, the desperate and lonely sort. That’s not who she is right now. Right now, she’s the girl staring down another girl, taller than her even, and making smoky bedroom eyes at her just to see Steph shudder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This little guy would rock your whole world, baby girl.” Her thumb flicks over the button on the bottom, and the plastic shakes at its lowest setting. In the silence of the bedroom, it’s like a buzzer ringing to Steph. “It’ll make you shake and gush before you can say please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s throat struggles with a swallow before she says, hushed, “Y-yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hands are tight around the dildo’s shaft. Billie smirks and tugs it free by the tip, sets it aside so there’s nothing between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re already so close, and it only takes a slight cock of Billie’s head to rumble in Steph’s ear, “Yea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph turns her head, and her lips smear across Billie’s cheek. Billie gives Steph what she wants, a kiss with enough power in it to back Steph up against the desk. She goes to stumble back, hands searching for purchase. But Billie is there to keep her grounded. Unsteady for Billie’s intentions, but grounded. Billie’s right arm is the one to snake around Steph’s waist and hold the squirming girl hostage between Billie’s pelvis and the desk. In Billie’s left hand, the vibrator still tingles. She leaves it at that lowest setting when she breaks their kiss and presses the rounded tip to Steph’s breast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s right arm is ready for Steph’s weight when she jumps, startled, and then quivers just like Billie had warned. Billie is all smug grins when Steph turns her head away, embarrassment too much. Steph’s hands shake where they cling to Billie’s upper arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Told you, baby. Shouldn’t have doubted me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s chest heaves a little when she pleads, “Can we-will you, um…” Her slim shoulders hitch, and she forces herself to say, “Will you use that on me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie rubs the buzzing plastic over Steph’s t-shirt again, poking her a little harder to watch doe eyes flutter. A lightning-fast glance down shows a little nub firm under Steph’s t-shirt, and Billie slides the vibrator over it. Steph shakes even harder against her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Use it on you where, princess?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s beauty marks on her jaw and cheek blend in a little when she blushes this deeply. Billie bends some weight into her, drags Steph forward and onto her thigh. She allows Steph to rub herself, just a little, only their pajama bottoms separating them. Billie had convinced Steph to stop wearing underwear yesterday. So Billie knows Steph might already be rubbing a wet spot into the silk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their mouths are close again and breathing on each other when Steph stammers out, “M-my clit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie lets her lips roam over the heat in Steph’s cheek when she purrs back, “Hell yea, baby girl, I’ll use it on that little clit of yours.” She grinds her thigh into Steph and savors her little whine. “Can I stick it inside you, too? I wanna watch you come with it in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s nails are too short to bite into Billie’s biceps. So she can only scramble a little at Billie’s skin, giving a weak thrash of desire, groaning, “Please Billie, I-god, I need you so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A fast, filthy kiss to Steph’s pouting mouth, and Billie rumbles, “Me too, baby, wanna fuck you so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please,” Steph begs one more time, lips trembling when she kisses Billie again. “Please fuck me, Billie, I need-need you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all the pleading Billie can take. All the begging Steph needs to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh,” Billie coos to her. “So good to me, Steph, my good girl. I’ll give you what you want.” She takes a step back so that Steph can shuffle away from the desk. Billie clicks the toy off and then thumbs Steph’s chin to coax those melting eyes up. “Go upstairs. Take your clothes off and lie down on your back.” Billie lifts an eyebrow. “No touching your clit. That’s mine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives a whole-body shiver, downy hair on her arms sticking up. Billie bets it must hurt, must sting a little to be so excited. She takes her hands away and the last step to clear the way to the bedroom door. Billie watches without turning her head as Steph darts for the hallway like a deer sprung from a trap. Billie is unable to keep the devilish grin off her face, but Steph doesn’t see it anyway. She’s too busy taking the corner too fast, having to use the doorjamb to catch herself. After that stumble, she’s off again. Billie stands there barely breathing at the heavy, frantic footsteps up the stairs, stumbling again in their haste, and then Steph running to her bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s chest and stomach rise with the deep breath she takes. She needs it to clear her head. Steph might need a minute to rip her clothes off anyway. Probably is tangled up in them right now while trying to take off everything at the same time. Head tilted back, Billie smiles on the exhale. Ah, Steph is so cute, so fun to tease and send her running, shivering. Billie bites the corner of her mouth and gives a little hop, almost dancing out her excitement. Sucking another breath through her teeth, Billie runs boyish hands through her hair. Her fingers on her scalp feel good, take some of the edge off. She has to do this carefully, can’t hurt Steph while she’s discovering herself. Pain can come later, if Steph wants it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Setting the vibrator on the bed, Billie whips her clothes off in what seems a blink of an eye. A little rub of her thighs soothes some of that ache inside her. She’s given Steph enough time to get ready. The poor dear will be a nervous wreck if Billie delays much longer. Oh, but Billie almost wants to hear Steph call out for her, beckoning her hurry. Or to walk in and find Steph playing with herself, against the rules. The unsaid, unmentioned rules between them that Billie speaks and Steph listens. How naturally Steph has fallen into that role and snaps to it so quickly when the mood shifts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s just one more thing to add to the list of reasons why Billie has it so damn bad for this girl. Billie has to control herself walking up the stairs, vibrator in her free hand. She wants to give everything to Steph, anything she wants. It’s what she’s trying to do in this sanctum they have until school starts again. Billie shivers as she slides her hand up the banister, each step bringing her closer to Steph. She’s past the point of trying to keep herself safe and not fall more for Steph. She’d been done in the first time they kissed. From the top stair, Billie has a perfect view of Steph lying on the bed, trembling with her fists on the pillow by her head. Being good just for Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s eyes are tightly shut when Billie arrives. She must hear something or maybe just startles at the right time, but Steph opens her eyes the moment Billie appears in the door. They turn hopeful and excited, staring Billie up and down with such burning need.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” Steph whines, desperate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Billie can ever take the two strides it would to bring her to the bed, Steph has her own idea of enticement. Gripping the pillow hard and tugging, Steph turns her face away and curls her legs up. Not quite rocking onto her back, but her knees are folded high and her thighs fall apart. A most irrefutable invitation. Steph rolls her lips into a trembling line to bite back her sounds. So, Billie stands there a moment longer, waiting for Steph to break and moan. When a doe eye cracks open, so bright with the amber in Steph’s iris, Billie reaches a hand down to squeeze herself. Her short fingers dive obscenely through light-brown curls and then through slick skin. She knows Steph can see from where she lies like a Sunday-dinner spread. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s only when Billie drags her hand up from between her legs, fingers shiny, to lick them clean does Steph sob, “Billie, please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie takes her two strides to the side of the bed, out of reach of Steph’s hands should she choose to move them. She doesn’t, just turns her head to stare watery eyes up at her. Still bent, Steph’s legs tremble a little. She’s trying to keep them up, to invite Billie to look at her. Look at me, how can you be over there when I’m here? Touch me, touch me, I’m yours. Billie breathes deeply with those pleas screaming at her. She has to keep her cool. Steph just makes her want to push it to full throttle. Instead, Billie keeps the electricity between them at a low purr instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you a good girl for me, princess? Did you touch this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She dips her right hand, less sure but effective enough, between shivering thighs. Billie draws her thumb up from Steph’s entrance to her clit, flicking quick back and forth just once. Steph’s cry shreds past her teeth. She bows off the bed with the noise. Billie hums where she towers above, drawing her tongue across her thumb to taste Steph. Steph collapses back to the bed with a pretty trill, that chirp Billie loves so much. Billie savors it until Steph blinks her eyes open again, almost in tears. She quivers with every breath when she shakes her head to Billie’s question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s left hand around the vibrator lifts it to attract Steph’s attention. She has to swallow a deep groan that wants to rattle out of her when Steph gives another wiggle. Eager.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so good for me, Steph. Do you still want this?” Billie twists the black vibe in her fingers. “You want me to use it on your clit and inside you, right baby girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hair rustles on the pillow when she nods. She gives another little wiggle and whimpers, “Please, Billie. Need you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie stoops down to cup Steve’s cheek, thumb petting the color just under her eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here, baby girl, can’t wait to touch you. Do you want me between your legs or up here beside you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph cranes her head up a little, straining for Billie’s face above hers. Billie shakes her hand free from Steph’s jaw to flatten it in the bed. Like this, she lowers herself into the kiss Steph desperately needs, although Billie does not allow it to get too deep. She pulls back when Steph gets greedy, smirking at Steph’s impatient huff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I take it you want to kiss while I fuck you, yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph trying to dart up and steal a kiss tells Billie everything she needs to know. Smirking with a deep hum, Billie straightens back to her full height. So that Steph won’t panic and think she’s leaving or delaying any longer, Billie keeps her intense eyes on Steph as she walks around the queen-sized bed. Steph had left that space beside her especially for Billie. Always to Steph’s left so that Billie can lie down on her right side, leaving her dominant hand free. It touches Billie’s heart more than Steph could know—how much that consideration means to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie fills that space beside Steph in a matter of seconds. She slips the vibe between their bodies for safe keeping while curling over Steph to get at her mouth again. This time, Billie shoves her way past Steph’s lips to lap up the pretty sound she knows is coming. Steph shakes under her and tugs frantically on the pillowcase. Every lap of Billie’s tongue rips another whine out of Steph. Steph tries to give as much as she gets, but her head falls back into the pillow from meeting Billie halfway. She has to pant with her head turned away to catch her breath. Billie lets her go, takes the momentary pause to dig between them for the vibe again. It’s a comfortable weight in her hand, and she can’t wait for Steph to feel it rumble inside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not too often she’s ever met a girl who didn’t use a vibrator at least once. Even if they didn’t own one themselves, they all at least used one at some point. But, Billie supposes with the vibe in her hand and rounded tip petting over Steph’s mound, that everyone has to start somewhere. It makes Billie want to squirm in excitement that she’s been Steph’s first for so much. First orgasm, first toy… What else can she claim first on Steph, erasing the memory of Wheeler and every boy with each successive orgasm? She’s dying to find out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gonna turn it on, okay? If it’s too much and you need me to stop, say my last name. I’ll stop immediately, can you do that, baby doll?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph saying “Hargrove” at any point during them having sex is exactly 0. Steph is demanding with her huffs and whines, but never goads Billie with the attitudes they use around others. When people are watching and they must play back and forth. That and Steph would have a reason to say “Hargrove” versus her own last name, might remember Billie’s command in the heat of the moment. Why make it overly complicated? Plus, Billie doesn’t have the time or desire to explain something like safewords to Steph right now. What a mood killer that would be. She can explain it later, just so long as Steph understands her right now. Vibes can be too intense for some girls. Billie doesn’t want to hurt her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph? Are you listening to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods with her hair all messy on the pillow. She lifts her chin for Billie, lips already parted a little to tempt her. Billie doesn’t come down, though, glances instead down Steph’s freckled body to the vibrator. Billie’s thumb twitches familiar over the controls, the motor still at the lowest setting. She loves that it somehow remembers the last mode used. Regardless of strength or Billie starting at her pretty mound, Steph still flinches and gasps. Billie draws the toy higher, father away from Steph’s little clit. When Steph stops straining, returns to just shaking, Billie wanders back down. Steph takes the sensation well this time and rocks her hips a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hurry,” she breathes, head still tilted for a kiss. “Billie please, wanna… feel you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie meets her for that kiss Steph has been begging for. Below, Billie shifts the vibrator down alongside slick skin, still not dipping in yet. Steph rocks her hips a little more, stuttered movements interrupted by powerful twitches. After circling up and down, all over coarse, black hair, Billie finally draws the tip of the toy up the center of Steph. Billie lightens the pressure considerably when she reaches Steph’s clit, lifting off it completely at the top of the stroke. Their kiss breaks that second so Billie isn’t in the way of Steph’s pretty noises. Steph’s body bucks like Billie knew it would, rutting up to chase the whirr of the motor. Steph pants to breathe, twitches again, and then relaxes on the bed. Her thighs still folded to her belly and open shake something terrible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie has to breathe hard, too, as she takes to watching every flinch of Steph’s face. The way her eyebrows come together when the toy circles her clit, how Steph’s face relaxes when Billie takes it away again. Steph struggles with herself on every brush of the toy where Billie knows it’s intense, so much sensation. Direct contact would be too much, would probably numb Steph immediately. Billie almost wishes Steph had chosen for her to lie between her legs instead. She could just suck Steph off, something she’s used to, and fuck her with the vibe instead, still something new. Instead, Billie balances little swipes over Steph’s hood with diving down to let her entrance feel the rumble of the motor. Billie holds the tip there, testing with the barest amount of pressure to see what Steph will do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>During this, Steph’s legs had started to fall. Billie didn’t begrudge her it. If Steph had her hands under her knees, she could keep them up longer. Her hands aren’t allowed for any of this, and she’s behaving so well, remembering that. But when Billie focuses on her wet hole, pressing firm, backing off, pressing firm again over and over, Steph’s legs snap right back up. Billie laps a kiss to her panting mouth, eats her moan as a reward. Billie risks Steph biting her tongue when she increases the pressure on Steph’s hole, about to slip into her. Steph’s moans turning high and whiny in Billie’s mouth push Billie over the edge from teasing to desire. A twist of the rounded head slick over Steph’s entrance and the tightness gives in, sucking the toy down a few inches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie pulls back just before Steph shouts, jerking harder than before with the toy purring in her. She can take more, though. Those three inches are fine, but Billie rolls a finger over the controls. The motor kicks up a notch. Steph’s body snaps in kind, impaling herself on the plastic. Billie takes her time feeding the rest into Steph, just the modest six inches overall. Steph is aroused enough, needy enough to take all of it. Head in a fog, Billie wonders what else Steph could take, what her limit is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shiver knocks those filthy, obscene images out of Billie’s head. Later. She can dwell on them later. For now, Billie cups her hand behind the controls and nuzzles Steph’s burning cheek. She lies there flat on her back, panting steadily with her eyes fluttering and rolling. Not coming yet, but she will. She’s already lasted much longer than Billie thought. Billie mouths a kiss over heated skin and then turns her head down to be level with Steph’s ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you hear me, baby doll?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods through a soft whine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, I wanna try something now that you took the vibe so well. It’s all the way inside you, baby. Feel good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It-it’s… deep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie knows exactly what she means. The vibrations shaking through until she’s tingling and so numb inside, just wants to ride the length inside her to spread the sensation around. Billie nuzzles Steph again, affection too great not to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you’d like it. If you wanna feel something amazing, try to push the toy out. Like when fingers are in you and you tighten right up? Do that, I won’t let the vibe fall out of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whether through words or previous knowledge, Steph does exactly what Billie wants. The controls of the vibe hit Billie’s palm when the plastic goes sliding out, slick and filthy. Billie guides it right back in, forcing Steph to open for it. When Billie stops pushing, weakens the resistance in her hand, Steph does it again. Like that, Billie helps Steph find those muscles, helps her learn how to use them. Kegels, she thinks they’re technically called, but she doesn’t give a fuck about that. Thick fingers find the end of the toy, wrapping around where it’s not wet to the touch, and shoves it back into Steph again. Harder than last time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Billie is in control. The hand she’s lying on fists in the sheets as she watches in awe as Steph shivers so hard she shakes the bed. Her pretty mouth falls open in a torrent of sounds, some breathless and near sobs, others from deep inside Steph, punched-out. Steph’s hips snap into Billie’s fast rhythm, trying to meet Billie with every thrust. Fucking herself. She’s almost there, almost at the edge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie pants a breath in the shell of Steph’s ear and growls, “Touch yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph does not need to be told twice. Her right hand zips over freckled skin, three fingers tucked to her pink clit. Slim fingers flick down to collect slick and drag it up so Steph can swirl tight circles where she needs them. She’ll come when she’s ready, and until then, Billie will keep up this brutal pace. If the vibrator were longer, this pace might hurt. If Steph couldn’t take something bigger. But it’s perfect and wet and loud, and Steph’s voice has gone even higher and squeals through every exhale, and then her body is bucking into her hand with a strangled gasp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie does not slow her pace through these first, intense surges of Steph’s orgasm. Billie tries to time her thrusts with those waves, instead just matches them to Steph’s whines. They’re usually pretty in sync, at least at the start. Steph’s squeals lessen to long moans. That’s when Billie slows her pace and angles the toy up towards Steph’s navel on every stroke. Steph shudders hard, body gripping the plastic and making the pull out difficult. Billie lets loose a deeply pleased hum from low in her throat. Steph doesn’t want to let the toy go, doesn’t want to be empty. Biting the corner of her mouth, Billie slides the toy back home and just holds it there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” Steph whispers. “Oh Billie mmm.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My sweet baby girl, so good for me,” Billie murmurs right back, lips still tickling Steph’s ear with every word. “You’re so damn beautiful when I make you come, making all those pretty noises for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels like hours since Billie has seen Steph’s warm eyes open, blinking up at her. Some of the moisture escapes, running down to her ear. Not in pain, just overwhelmed. So although Steph makes no mention of Billie’s last name, Billie turns the vibe off and slowly draws it out of Steph, tickled when Steph twitches the moment it’s gone. She squirms in slow-motion—rubbing her thighs together, fingers curled up on her mound. Setting the toy between them, Billie scoops up Steph’s right hand. She guides it up, up their bodies until she can get her lips around each pad, licking away any stickiness. Steph’s eyes are on her and watch her through the moisture in them still yet to fall. Billie watches her right back, lids hooded until all Steph sees is blue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie pulls off sucking tightly to Steph’s middle finger. The longest and the one Steph favors when Billie has watched Steph finger herself. She did so yesterday, wanting to see how Steph does it. What she can do better. The images are burned permanently into her mind, and she recalls them like she’s right back there, holding Steph behind her knees so she could see every twitch, every quiver. Steph admitted in the afterglow that was the first time she ever made herself come. She didn’t think it was possible, and Billie spent extra time holding her and kissing her. She does much the same now, scooping Steph up and tucking that pretty head under her chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re amazing every time, baby.” Billie kisses the top of Steph’s head. “Can’t get enough of you, how good you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She continues in this way, kissing Steph’s forehead and tickling fingers against her ear between praise. Steph cuddling closer and brushing lax lips over Billie’s skin sends her heart soaring. Little teeth nip the swell of her breast, and Billie lets loose a hiss. She’s aching but not too terribly interested in fingering herself. Hand in Steph’s hair pausing, Billie glances down the bed to the vibrator. She should wash it off first. But she’s not about to get up from the bed, from Steph, and do that. Grumbling, Billie decides to go the quick route. Vibe in hand and tip bullying her clit, she turns it to the third highest speed. It’s like a punch to her stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie turns her head back to Steph, moaning into Steph’s hair. Steph getting off gets Billie off in return. Billie only needs this little extra boost, this express lane. Below Billie’s panting lips on Steph’s forehead, a noise twists its way out of Steph’s throat. Something draws Steph out of that cozy space just under Billie’s jaw. Maybe Billie’s fast breaths, maybe Billie whispering warm praises into her hair. Billie can’t be sure as she clicks the vibrator to its last speed setting, motor a noticeable hum in the near-silence of Steph’s bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Still on her side from when she’d cuddled Steph, Billie braces her weight on her right leg. Left foot flat on the bed, Billie has the leverage now to rock her body into the toy. Now she can grind on it how she wants. Mean and fast with herself, wanting to come just because she can, because Steph makes her unbelievably hot. She strains against the pressure on her clit with every thrust. Steph’s lips at her throat make it all worth it, and Bille groans to feel gentle suction in every kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bite me, baby girl,” she pleads with her voice rough and tight. “Make a big bruise on me, let everybody know I’m mmm, I’m yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph moans against Billie’s throat, but she does as Billie asks. Steph sits up, rolls Billie onto her back with a firm nudge, and then tucks her face back to Billie’s neck. Like this, her teeth have a perfect grip on honey skin, worrying it and then sucking back and forth until Billie’s heartbeat throbs at that buzzing point. It sends a bright zap straight to her clit caught between her firm body and the vibe. It’s enough to finally shove her over the edge. Down the length of their bodies, Billie’s legs twitch and her toes curl at the beginning swell of her orgasm. She loses feeling in them while throwing her head back and riding the waves. The first twitches of her body knock the air out of her, but she breathes again when she peels her hands away from between her legs, taking the vibe with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She drops it with it still going, but Steph must find it, figure out how to turn it off. When Billie blinks back to the room, Steph is perched above her on an elbow. Short jaw in her hand, she smiles down at Billie while her other hand laces fingers with Billie’s. Their hands rest together on Billie’s stomach on top of the blanket Steph must have drawn over them. Billie is not trembling anymore, and Steph’s eyes are clear. Not much of her blush remains, just the typical glow and heavy eyes after they finish. Billie’s lips tug up into a soft grin, the sort she knows is only for Steph. She only shows it to Steph, anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shrugs her right shoulder, irritating the love bite at her neck, and drawls, “That was just what I needed, baby doll. C’mere and let me kiss you a while.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slipping off her elbow, Steph comes down as she’s called. She is soft and sweetness, tilting her head to meet Billie’s lips for the kiss. It’s mostly just gentle, lazy slide of lips. Billie doesn’t have the energy for much else at the moment. Passing out for a little while isn’t like Billie. She blames it on the toy and how rough she’d been with herself. She’s just happy Steph didn’t come super fast, was able to enjoy it to the fullest. Billie hums with Steph’s tongue flicking across her lips and decides they should absolutely do that again. Not right this second, but the day is long, and Billie is curious how many shaking, trembling, screaming orgasms she could coax out of Steph with the toy. With other toys. Later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is the one to pull back, although she tucks herself close and murmurs, “I gotta get me one of those. That was…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Incredible?” Billie’s eyes aren’t even open anymore, but she smirks like she can see Steph’s embarrassment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yea, that’s a word for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A blue eye cracks open and finds Steph watching her, worrying her bottom lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did make mention of an adult store earlier… Do you wanna go? Look around? You could buy one there, you know, cuz you definitely can’t have mine, I need that thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives her a thoughtful frown, eyebrows coming together, and asks, “Don’t you gotta be like 18 to walk into those places?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My birthday is the day before Halloween, I’ve been 18 practically the entire time you’ve known me,” Billy teases.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haha, I turned 18 in April.” Steph grins at her. “I’m older than you. And taller, I’m 2 for 2.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scowl fake, Billie grumbles, “Shut up, loser,” and rolls away from her, making a show out of it by yanking the blanket over her head. She doesn’t care she’s shorter or apparently younger than Steph. It’s all numbers that don’t add up to anything between them. Billie’s rejection has her desired outcome, though, of Steph cuddling close to Billie’s back and worming her hands under the blanket. When Steph finds warm skin, she slips her fingers over Billie’s side and grazes coarse hair below Billie’s navel. Billie gives an interested noise, even shifts her thighs apart if Steph wants more. But she’s content to just hold Billie loosely, fingers lazy as they scratch through short curls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?” Billie asks, smirk on her face. “You wanna go again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Steph says small, behind her. She just as quickly backpedals with, “Well, maybe later, probably, I just…” Her arm tightens around Billie. “I just like touching you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well good. I like you touching me, too, glad we can agree on that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s easy and light, gets Steph’s shoulders shaking with the giggle she surely muffles. To think at the start of this, Steph would have only touched Billie out of reflex. Would have never welcomed herself into Billie’s personal space like they are now. It’s a remarkable transformation from the Steph who shyly asked Billie how to touch herself to this Steph who knows what her body likes. Knows how to give pleasure in return. They have so much more to explore and discover, and Billie’s imagination cannot help but wander back to her harness downstairs. Maybe Steph would let her…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mattress shakes when Steph sits up, taking her warmth with her. She stretches where she sits, leaning back a bit to claw her hands into the air. Really getting into it with a little squeal. Billie watches from over her shoulder but wiggles around for a better view of warm skin shifting over Steph’s shoulder blades, her ribs. Steph drags fingers through her hair, in need of a good brushing, and Billie can’t lie idly and just watch anymore. Silent, she draws the blanket off her and crawls closer. Steph gives a little noise and looks over her shoulder in time for Billie’s hands to smooth over freckles and moles on her back. Steph relaxes immediately and even leans back into Billie when Billie presses flush all along her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s too much skin, too much opportunity for Billie to resist. Plus the love bites on Steph’s neck call to her. Some are faded while others are red-purple. Fresh. Billie hums when she brushes her lips over any she can reach, and her hands are there over Steph’s belly to catch the hitch in her breath. Steph wiggles in her arms, so quick to warm up again. The nape of Steph’s neck is perfect for nibbles and kisses—all the while Billie’s rough hands drag up to Steph’s breasts, just holding them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thumbs pet casual and light over rosy nipples when Steph gasps, “B-Billie, I…” Another shiver when Billie bites her and pinches a nipple at the same time. Steph giggles a little when she insists, “I thought we were going to check out that adult store.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the rush?” Billie pinches Steph’s other nipple, too, rolling it to spread the feeling out. “We can go whenever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Steph’s turn to hum. She reaches up to gently grasp Billie’s wrists and coax them away from playing with her. Billie huffs along her neck, nips her once more just to be a brat, and then untangles them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing like she’s put-out, Billie throws her head back and groans, “Fine, let’s throw some clothes on and go. Do you know exactly where this place is?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bed shifts when she stands, bobbing Steph a little. She needs to go back downstairs and collect her bags… move everything up here and just share Steph’s bed for the remainder of their nights. Billie is thankful Steph is still on the bed, only Billie’s broad back visible. Billie wouldn’t know how to explain the soft fondness on her face. The remainder of their nights… What a hopeless, terrible way to think about it. It’s not like school will start up and they’ll go back to being enemies or anything. They can continue this charade for however long they want.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s fondness slips away when she grimaces to herself. It’s only a charade to her, because she knows the truth. Knows just how deeply her fondness for Steph goes. More than friends. She’s been dancing around it since their first night together when Step had let Billie take her apart and put her back together again. It’s… difficult.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, I know where it is.” Steph’s voice floats through to Billie’s ears like she’s underwater and breaking the surface. “I um… maybe drove by there a few times. Just to look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie schools her remorse into something familiar, something that is easy grins and quick wit that makes Steph giggle. It’s what Steph is used to, what she expects.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yea? Too scared to park and go in, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turns to see Steph cross her arms over her chest, eyes narrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was just men stumbling out all guilty and gross. I didn’t wanna go in there and subject myself to that kind of harassment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is already in the hallway, on her way to collect her things, when she calls out, “Yea, I get that, cuz you’re very fun to harass, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s groan slips down the stairs with Billie. She smiles over it, over how easy it is to rile the girl up, all through picking up the guest room. When she lugs everything upstairs, she finds Steph already dressed. Jeans for the cold outside and a green turtleneck. For the hickies all over her. Billie’s smirk is full of teeth as she watches Steph fall back to the bed, socks in hand. Each long leg takes a turn bent across the opposite thigh for Steph to pull socks on. Billie just stands there to get her fill, ears catching Steph humming so softly. Probably more Madonna or some other pop shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s closet is as good as anywhere else to dump her bags. The bottom of it is still spotless, minus the shoeboxes in the corner. The Keds one is still on the very bottom of the pile. Billie wonders, hooking up a bra and twisting it around, if Steph had noticed her snooping. Billie doubts it. Steph would have said something, would have found offense at Billie snooping so early in their friendship. Hopping as she pulls her own jeans up, Billie bets she could dig the lingerie out now, butter Steph up, and then finally see her in it. And isn’t that a thought that has her aching all over again. Later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Billie turns around, sliding a hand down her t-shirt to tuck it in, Steph is right behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus!” Billie stumbles back into the closet, hangers getting caught in her hair. “Warn a girl, Steph, fuck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arms crossed over her chest, Steph smirks and says snottily, “Yea, doesn’t feel too good to have someone sneak up on you and scare the daylights outta you, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie loses some hair prying herself free from Steph’s clothes and the closet. Lips twisted, the meanness there in name only, she stalks up to Steph. But Steph doesn’t back down, just lowers her arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should put a bell on you, too.” And then her meanness melts away as she leans up, closer to Steph’s face. Her posture isn’t looking for a fight anymore, and Steph responds in kind when she relaxes. Head tilted as if for a kiss, Billie murmurs instead, “You know they make nipples clamps with bells on them, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph blushing and sputtering, diving around Billie to hide her fluster, is all according to plan. Ah, she’s just so fun to poke and tease! Billie holds herself when she laughs great, big guffaws at Steph’s expense. Of course the animal part of Billie’s brain holds on to that image—Steph with her knees in her ears, bed and body trembling while Billie fucks her. The little twinkle of bells with every thrust…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are ridiculous, Billie Hargrove,” Steph snaps back, head shaking. Her blush hasn’t gone down at all when she glances at Billie across the room. “Is that-is that all you’re wearing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jeans and a t-shirt, what else does Steph expect?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging, Billie’s thumbs are in her pockets already when she drawls, “My jacket is downstairs, mom, don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s face pinches like when she’s about to be prissy about something. Billie has seen her do it to the kids. Steph marches right back to the closet, nudging Billie away from her the moment Billie tries to crowd in on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop, I’m trying to look for something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she means it. Stop. It’s the first time Steph has told her a firm ‘no,’ and it almost doesn’t sit right in the cage of Billie’s ribs. Like she’s swallowed something wrong and it hurts all the way down. Steph glances at her during her search, must catch something on Billies face, because she shuffles close enough to kiss Billie’s cheek. Billie doesn’t try to steal one back, the ‘stop’ too forceful on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… It’s freezing outside, and I don’t wanna see you shiver until the heater kicks on in the car, okay?” Steph pulls out a sweater shoved to the back, red and warm, and holds it up to Billie’s chest like they’re shopping. “I haven’t worn this one recently, but I washed everything when I changed to fall and winter clothes. It should fit you, it’s too big on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie doesn’t take it, just blinks at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nudges the sweater into Billie’s chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What… do you want me to do with this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… maybe put it on and wear it? Isn’t that obvious?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s nose wrinkles. Aggression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The one word jars Steph right out of her pinched annoyance. She actually looks hurt for a second, head moving back to protect herself. Billie is surprised she doesn’t take an actual step back. And then it passes and Steph’s softness is there, cloying and gentle like Billie is a stray cat hissing under a porch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I want you to be warm, because you’re my friend and I care about you. I know that must be a novel concept to you, but friends care about each other.” She carefully nudges the sweater into Billie again. “Please? You’re always… taking care of me.” More color in her cheeks. “Let me take care of you, too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Can’t they just call off this little road trip and go back to bed? Billie already knows she’s going to put the fucking sweater on. She hates that she’s going to do it, because it means something. It means giving a little more of herself to Steph when she already has so little to give in the first place. She can only entertain, flirt, fuck, fight… Whatever this is, she doesn’t know how to do it. No one ‘takes care’ of her. It’s just not done. It’s right up there with no one touches her. She touches people. The distinction is only obvious to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grumbling and warm mood gone, Billie snatches the damn sweater harder than necessary. If she lets it touch her bare skin directly, she might go crazy. Because it smells exactly like all of Steph’s things. Not quite the girl herself, but her possessions. Billie doesn’t know how she feels about smelling like that, so she tugs the sweater over her t-shirt. Hopefully her leather jacket will fit over this nonsense. Steph is ruining her entire look, especially when the sweater’s collar covers up the hickey on Billie’s neck. Fantastic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it makes Steph happy, so Billie swallows her mean, hot words. No use in pushing Steph away right now. That would make for an awkward car ride, and Billie thinks she’d rather let the car run over her than entertain that. Speaking of car…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So whose car are we taking?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph already has her keys in hand, purse on her shoulder, at the front door with Billie close behind. Billie’s keys are heavy in the left pocket of her leather jacket. It still zips up. Barely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… I was thinking mine? Do you mind me driving us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s car is neither in better shape nor inherently better than the Camaro. Billie just… prefers to drive herself. She doesn’t trust others, even if Steph drives like a grandmother.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, a compromise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie holds out her hand, fingers flicking, and says, “Your car. I’ll drive.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph hesitates.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure? We can just take your car, it doesn’t matter.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie just curls her fingers again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, the engine hates the cold, isn’t used to it. Wish I had one of those things diesel engines do where you plug them in and they start better.” A vacant stare from Steph. Sighing, Billie flops her hand down and grumbles, “I have a thing about people driving me around, okay? Can I please just drive your stupid car?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Careful silence. And then the weight of Steph’s keys in Billie’s rough palm. Billie’s head snaps back up to meet Steph’s eyes. Steph just offers her a little shrug and a little smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I trust you.” A wider smile, teasing now. “You have to put my seat and all the mirrors back how I have them when we come back, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie groans and crows, “I’m not that much shorter than you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She does have to move the seat up a little. That and she feels stupid when Steph has to point out that the BMW has power seats. She says that about the time Billie slaps a hand under the seat, searching in vain for the adjustment bar. Luckily for Billie’s ruffled nerves, Steph doesn’t poke fun at her for it. She just shrugs and points out that Billie would have no reason to know about the power seats. It’s not Billie’s car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They have to sit there for a minute or two so that Billie can find the headlights, windshield wipers. The essentials. Billie is mildly impressed when Steph’s car starts right up in the frigid afternoon. The Camaro would probably need a little begging, a few curses and threats to turn over… She should probably drive it around sometime soon, unless she wants a dead battery on her hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph directs her out of town, down the state highway south. The signs proclaim Indianapolis x-miles away, like it’s supposed to spark hope or something. Their destination isn’t nearly that far. Steph tells her an exit to look for, some road, and warns her it comes up suddenly. Until then, though, it’s just them and the crisp, December day. Main Street in Hawkins had been nearly dead when they drove through it. The general store is open, gas station. The essentials. It’s Wednesday, and they go back to school next week. Why the school has them come back for three fucking days instead of starting on the Monday after that, Billie doesn’t get why. She’s just greedy for more time. For more Steph. Always more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The car is Steph’s. Therefore, Billie keeps her mouth shut when Steph flicks on the radio to a station that plays a little bit of everything. ‘Variety’ station. More like the Top 40 Hits, but whatever. Billie draws the line at ‘99 Luftballons,’ though, and slaps a hand out. Frantic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, I will not sit here and listen to that fucking song.” She glances to Steph staring wide-eyed at her. It’s silent in the car, now. “I’ll crash this car, Steph, don’t think I won’t. I will crash the fuck out of your car with us in it so fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph turns away with the first jump of her shoulders, covers her mouth even though Billie can’t see her smile. She can hear Steph’s muffled giggles, her snorts, though. With a glance of those doe eyes, squinting with amusement, Billie breaks into her own grin. Of course she’s full of it and would never jeopardize Steph’s safety. Plus, if she drives like an asshole in Steph’s car, Steph might get upset. So Billie won’t even pretend to goof off, won’t even sneak a brake check in. It’s tempting like all opportunities to rile Steph up are, but Billie doesn’t want to ruin the easy vibe they’ve built up again. It’s still a bit fragile after Billie made a big deal out of wearing Steph’s sweater. That delicateness between them drives Billie’s nerves up and makes her want to fill the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” She drums her fingers on the steering wheel. “Do you have any idea what to expect when we walk in?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nods, watching the road over her knuckles, and explains, “So, depending on how big the store is, it’ll either be mostly toys and some porn. If it’s a bigger store? They might have cheap lingerie. With any luck they’ll have dildos and vibrators just out that you can pick up and turn on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Squirming next to her, Steph asks, “Why would… they do that? That sounds weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean… when you buy a cucumber in the store, you pick it up and touch it first, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t help her devilish grin. That’s more like it. More like normal between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What! I’m just saying it’s nice when they have samples out so you know what you’re getting into. The worst is when you buy a vibrator that you think is hummy but is actually buzzy. Unless you like that sort of thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence from Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The one I have is hummy, by the way, if you like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More silence, embarrassed now, and then a small, “I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie glances over to find Steph shy, staring down at her knees with her hands sandwiched between her thighs. Her shiver isn’t entirely from interest in their conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Figuring out the heating in here isn’t that complicated. After splitting her attention between the straightaway in front of them and the controls in the dash, the BMW’s vents pour out heat. Steph hums next to her and throws her hands in front of the vents. She sighs and then relaxes back into the seat, touching the backs of her fingers to her cheeks. Billie almost wants to pull over so she can do that instead. Her hands are almost uncomfortably warm where they grip the wheel. Billie sneaks a glance at Steph when brown eyes open and catch her. There’s still plenty of color staining under them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s soft, the sort of softness Steph gets right before she asks something embarrassing. Billie forces herself to relax, to melt into the driver’s seat. Casual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea baby girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What um… What else do you have in your uh… in your bag?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could tease Steph. Could feign ignorance and start listing off clothes she brought. But she knows what Steph means, and when it comes to their exploration, Billie would rather be direct than tease. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, just a grab-bag full of stuff.” She shrugs, still trying for casual. She lists off like ingredients to a cake, “You saw the harness and dildo, but there’s also lube in there, some wrist restraints, blindfold, nipple clamps… I think that’s it? I just grabbed whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s a bit of a white lie, but Steph doesn’t need to know that. Billie had snuck over the things she wanted to use most on Steph, if the universe would smile on her for one damn second. And now they’re here, right in the midst of that smile, and Billie hopes Steph’s mind works a mile a minute. Imagining all the possibilities, one act of debauchery rolling into the next and the next, orgasms with every image. Steph is quiet and squirmy like she’s thinking about it. The passenger seat whines occasionally when she shuffles around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie gives her that peaceful moment of silence so they can collect themselves. Clearing her throat, Billie asks carefully, “Penny for your thoughts?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s exhale is long and loud through her lips, and then, voice a little rough, “Are you gonna… use all that? On me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’ve already settled Steph’s suspicions on Billie’s motives for bringing sex toys in the first place. This isn’t more suspicion or suspicion undead. Curiosity. Hungry curiosity, no longer timid or scared of rejection. Billie glances down at the speedometer, finds she’s going about twenty over the speed limit, and lets off. During the coast, she turns her head to catch warm eyes and flushed cheeks. It’s almost a shock to see Steph like this in broad daylight, outside the sanctum of her bedroom. Like they could pull over anywhere and they could…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie fights the heat in her own face when she turns back to the road, at the speed limit once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you want, princess. We can do whatever you want, just gotta tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t mean that like she would if they were back in Steph’s bedroom. And Steph knows that, just nods and stares out the windshield. What Billie wouldn’t give to hear Steph stutter and ‘um’ while asking her to do more wicked things to her. They can’t have that aspect of themselves bleed into the outside world, though. Maybe if they were in California. But not here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A sign with a road name on it that sounds vaguely familiar catches Billie’s attention. She slows down to take the little nub of the off-ramp, has to otherwise she’d probably miss it. Steph hadn’t been kidding about that. There’s no one at the top of the ramp when Billie coasts up to the stop sign, so she rolls it. If a cop didn’t see her, then she didn’t do it. From here, she can already see the strip of buildings along the country road, across the way from a truck stop. With a billboard behind that with just ‘Jesus’ in bold letters. Billie snorts at the irony.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need gas or anything? Since we’re right here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph takes one look at the truck stop, big rigs at a low growl as they idle in their parking spaces. She makes a face and then shakes her head. Billie glances down to the gas gauge anyway. Half a tank. They’ll be fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One trip to a world of sin, coming right up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph snorts as Billie pulls off the paved road and onto the gravel and dirt of what serves as a parking lot for the three businesses here. The back tires of the BMW slam into the ground, making a lot more ruckus than they really need to. Billie winces in sympathy and throws a sheepish grin to Steph. Steph grins right back at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mess up my car, Billie, I said I trusted you!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll mess you up,” she fires back with a wink, killing the engine at last.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They climb out together, Billie fiddling with the key in the lock like she doesn’t know how to lock a car door. Steph wanders around the hood of the BMW to stand beside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, yea, I know how to lock a door.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shuffles that much closer. They would touch if Billie’s left hand weren’t trying to convince the door to lock. Steph snorts, reaches over, and covers Billie’s hand. Billie fights her for a second, but there’s not much she’s willing to risk out in the open like this. So with a grumble, she shoves the car keys in Steph’s hand and lets her lock her own damn car. It works on the first try with Steph, and she pockets her keys in her jacket.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two other store fronts bracket the sex shop on either side. A Chinese restaurant on one end and the other space vacant. The cursive, neon signs for both businesses flash on and off, spelling out O-P-E-N. Billie takes the lead, hands in her pockets, and doesn’t even jump when a bell above the door rings. Steph’s BMW is the only car in the gravel lot, but that doesn’t mean someone from the truck stop hasn’t wandered over here. Perhaps finding the tit magazines on offer not enough and crossing the road for greener pastures. Blessedly, besides the clerk in her mid-40s smoking a cigarette, the store is empty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nod to them and, “Afternoon ladies, can I see some ID?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie glances her up and down while digging in her back pocket for her wallet. Either this woman just has the rugged, hick-ness of Indiana… Or she’s an old butch. It’s hard for Billie to tell, honestly. Women out here frequently wear what she’s in: jeans and flannel. The short hair doesn’t mean anything, either, although the salt and pepper bleeding through the black is handsome. It’s a damn shame. Dangerous, too, for Billie’s sort. When the clerk—name tag in red cursive, Charlotte—doesn’t eye her back, just holds her hand out for their IDs, Billie lets it drop. Just another hick, then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me know if you have any questions,” she says to Billie, ignoring Steph entirely once Steph takes her ID back with a, “Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hopefully the clerk will be casual while monitoring them. If Steph picks up on them being watched like hawks, she’ll get nervous and want to leave. Most likely without buying anything, defeating the whole purpose of them leaving the house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The store is a modest size for being in the Middle of Nowhere, Indiana. Billie thinks she recalls Steph having said the place recently opened up. If that’s true, then Billie wonders how long it will last. There’s enough square footage in here for a little bit of everything: lingerie in the front, shelves of VHS tapes in the middle, and then the sex toys in the back. Billie ignores it all except the latter, heading straight for shelves hanging from the wall, display cases organized and clean. Steph lags behind, but there’s no harm in letting her just look around. Exploration is what these two weeks are about, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As blue eyes drift over all shapes and sizes and purposes of toys, she thinks back to the damn lingerie again. She hates how she can’t get over it, can’t stop thinking about it. If only Steph hadn’t bought it with Wheeler in mind. Billie rolls her eyes even now, scowls a little because that’s her default setting when she thinks about the fucker. She’s not about to let him ruin her good time, though. She has no intention of buying anything for herself, but she picks up a curved vibrator and turns it on. Just to see how strong the motor is, if it’s a piece of crap or not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Boots click on the floor, and then the clerk, Charlotte, leans on a glass counter next to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just looking,” Billie says without glancing at her, not being as rude as she could be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte sounds like someone’s aunt, voice rough from cigarettes and age, when she murmurs right back, “Cute femme you brought in with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Age doesn’t mean anything to Billie. She still finds it weird on first instinct to hear this woman, old enough to be their mother, talk about an 18 year old. She’s not wrong, though. Clicking the toy in her hands off, Billie glances over her shoulder to find Steph wandering amongst VHS tapes. Teeth grazing over her lower lip and hands tight at the strap of her purse, Steph’s eyes are huge as they take in lewd title after lewd title. Billie has to look away before she marches over there to see just what has Steph blushing so brightly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s, uh, not… She’s straight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte sucks her teeth, not as yellow as they could be from smoking. At least she has all of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? That’s a damn shame.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Walking outside to a downpour is a damn shame. Someone stepping on your new sneakers is a damn shame. Steph being straight is the sort of catastrophe that would only happen to Billie. The story of her life, really. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Little bit,” Billie sighs instead. “So what would you recommend to a straight girl shopping for her first toy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte smiles and nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That I can help with. She want something small and discreet or… ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph had liked the vibrator inside her, seemed to get off on it. It’s too bad Billie doesn’t see the one she owns here. That would be too easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, it can be big. Nothing over six inches, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte shows Billie and chats her up over various toys on the shelf like they’re discussing lumber at a hardware store. Each toy that makes it past Billie’s initial judgment ends up in her hands so she can test the controls. She wants to sort of future-proof this first toy for Steph. Something gentle at a lower setting but powerful at the upper range. Some pattern modes would be nice, not a deal breaker. Waterproof is a must since Steph had already confessed to using the detachable showerhead in her bathroom. Plus they’re just easier to clean, no worries about getting water—or anything else—in where it doesn’t belong. Charlotte recommends and offers Billie a bright red vibrator. It’s okay, but Billie prefers a different one. Billie has something silicone smooth and baby blue in her hands when Steph finally shuffles up next to her, face fully flushed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lets it slip, doesn’t mean to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glad you could join us, baby girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph startles on her feet, throws an unsure look Charlotte’s way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlotte eyes Steph up and down despite Billie between them and then drawls, “Hey there, cutie pie, find anything you like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s teeth hurt when she grinds them. Her eyes are narrowed to blue points at Charlotte, but the older woman pays her no mind. Like a lioness dismissing the tantrums of a cub.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie offers the red vibrator to Steph with the off-hand comment, “She’s cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She” meaning Charlotte and “cool” meaning not going to harass them for the gay thing. Well, Billie’s gay thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods, eyes still on Charlotte and face still red, when her thumb turns the toy on. It’s an amusing game of hot potato then as Steph tries not to drop the buzzing thing to the floor. To her left, Billie catches Charlotte’s snort. She knows that sound well, makes it all the time when Steph does something cute. Billie grumbles low in her throat and snatches the toy back from Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That one you have to cycle through all the modes to turn off. It has three speeds and two patterns.” Billie presents her own pick next. “This one turns off exactly like mine, just hold the button down until it stops. Four speeds, four patterns. Go wild.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie of course prefers her own choice. Partially because it’s blue, and Steph likes blue. Partially because she likes the matte texture of it and wishes hers were like that, too. Steph considers both, flipping them awkwardly in her hands until the controls are under thumbs. They’re both hummy instead of buzzy, but Billie is still biased towards her pick. It’s just better overall. Steph should pick that one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can look through the toys yourself if you want, cutie pie,” Charlotte says just behind Billie, a wall of aftershave and cigarettes. Billie knows the smell well, just doesn’t react to it. “Take your time, I’m open until 10.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head in a flurry of hair, the wave of her bangs falling into her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I like this one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is smug with her chin held high and chest puffed even after they pile back in the car and kick up dust when they leave the parking lot. She’s caught up in herself, her prideful eyes staring back at her in the rearview mirror. She’d won the contest she created between herself and the clerk. Steph chose the blue vibrator, Billie’s pick. Just as Billie hoped she would. It’s arguably better than Charlotte’s, not that Billie doesn’t appreciate her input. It brings her such aggressive, animalistic pride that Steph chose hers. Billie is full of ego until Steph squirming in the passenger seat finally breaks through to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up, baby girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph flings a hand into her hair, scooping her bangs back to the right. After that, her hand zips right back down to its sister in her lap, fingers tangling together.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think um…” Her voice cracks a little, eager, and Steph has to swallow a few times to try again, “Do you think the vibrator has any charge in it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie blinks into the fading light of the northeast. It’s criminal how soon the sun sets here in winter. Like this place couldn’t suck more, it has to start getting dark at 4.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh…” Billie has to repeat Steph’s question in her head a few times. “No, baby doll, I don’t think so. I think the instructions actually tell you to charge it for a few hours before the first use… Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She knows why. She would recognize Steph squirming like that anywhere. Rubbing herself against her underwear, the thicker material of her jeans and even the seat under her. That same wild part of Billie so chuffed over Steph picking the blue toy wishes with ridiculous abandon that she could somehow smell Steph getting wet. It’s a thought that makes her dizzy, makes her want to pull over just to get her head on straight. She blames it on the way Steph tugs at the collar of her turtleneck, easing tension and pressure off the many bruises staining her throat. Or the way Steph is trying to be sneaky and press the heel of her left hand down on the crotch of her jeans. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before higher thought processes can weigh the pros and cons, Billie throws out her right hand to grip Steph’s left thigh. Steph startles, nearly bangs her head on the roof. This is easier to do in her BMW than it would be in the Camaro. Billie’s car is wider. For the first time since they’d left Steph’s house, Billie is thankful they’re in Steph’s car. Billie would never have the reach to lean just a little to the right and slide her hand up Steph’s thigh. If it weren’t fucking December and Steph were wearing a skirt… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Billie’s turn to jump when Steph covers her hand, drags it even higher. Billie’s fingers squeeze between Steph’s thighs just to feel her. In the passenger seat, Steph slumps into the back rest, slides down the seat a little, and splays her legs as wide as the floor allows. Her throat works hard over a swallow, clicking in the silent space around them. Billie can’t look too long, has to focus on driving. Steph doesn’t make it easy for her, drawing in deep, unsteady breaths and having her voice catch on the exhales. Desperate. Needy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie?” She asks softly, voice thick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s isn’t much better when she answers, “What is it, baby, I’m right here…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph breathes in loud and heavy again and asks, “Is it… weird that being in the store turned me on? Like…” She presses Billie’s hand harder to her thigh. “Really. Turned me on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shakes her head and has to try a few times to get her voice to work through the roughness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, princess, it’s normal. You… probably saw a bunch of stuff and got curious. That’s just how you are, you’re curious, there’s no shame in that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie catches a brief glance of a smile on Steph’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you picked something out for me so we could hurry up and go. Wish we were back at my house now…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pauses, hand starting to sweat on top of Billie’s. Another glance from the road and Billie watches Steph worry at her bottom lip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did I say about biting yourself?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Steph gasps. “I was just thinking about something I saw, when I was looking through the, um, tapes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That part of the store hadn’t even occurred to Billie as a source of Steph’s frustration. It’s all for gross men. She’s known women who watch porn, but the images and poses are so clearly for the male eye. Despite Billie’s simmering arousal, she finds herself sneering to the windshield. Whatever Steph saw, it must have tickled her brain something fierce. Or confused her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me what you saw, baby, I wanna hear it. What got you going, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph scrunches up on herself, embarrassment at its peak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel dumb asking this, because-because I feel like I know what it is but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie squeezes Steph’s thigh until she gives a muffled whimper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A little forceful, “Tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph grips tightly to Billie’s hand and blurts out, “What’s fisting?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s earlier threat about crashing the car flows back into her head. Only this time it’s not a hypothetical. Billie definitely feels like a car careening out of control. Only her instincts honed from driving a faster, wilder car than this keep them on the road. Billie needs to find somewhere to pull over, though, and fast. She can’t even let her imagination wander like it wants to, has to put a firm mental block on all thoughts except ‘find a place to park.’ She leaves Steph’s question unanswered for now. Answering will make her think about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph makes a confused noise when Billie takes the next exit off the state highway. She has no idea where she’s going, where they might be able to find a spot. It’s still a little light out, and that helps Billie squint through the darkness. Headlights would help, and Billie thanks Steph for keeping the BMW in good condition. The front-end alignment is straight and true, so Billie can sacrifice a few seconds to turn the headlights on, no hands on the wheel. She couldn’t do that in the Camaro. It pulls to the left, needs something looked at in the suspension to fix it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she doesn’t give a shit about her car as they go bumping and shaking down a path that’s just tire ruts and gravel, dead grass in the center. Billie has to slow down, doesn’t trust or know Steph’s car enough to tear through here. She just needs a spot off the path, somewhere that nobody would see them from the paved road… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On Steph’s thigh, Billie’s hand tightens until her short nails catch on the denim. Found it!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph whines confused again when Billie reverses into a tiny off-shoot from the back road. The nose of the BMW faces the gravel road, trunk pointed towards darkness. Privacy. Billie throws the car in park a little harder than necessary, turns the headlights right back off. Car off and keys thrown into a cup holder in the center console, Billie finally does what she’s wanted to for the past five minutes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She may accidentally pull Steph’s hair when she drags the other girl halfway to crash into a kiss. Steph gives the appropriate squeal, the appropriate moan after when Billie shoves past the little gap in her lips. Billie contents herself there, flicking and diving obscenely until she rips them apart just to hear Steph’s wet gasp. She has Steph by her hair, can’t help herself when she tightens her fist. Maybe it’s the clerk at the adult store who’s made her so possessive. Maybe she always feels this way and never lets it out. Both options are entirely likely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trembling, Steph licks her lips and pleads, “Billie… T-tell me what it is, I-I wanna know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh right. She’d asked a question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nods and licks her own lips, tightens her hand in Steph’s hair just to watch her shiver, eyes flutter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask me again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trembling ratcheted up to eleven, Steph repeats, “What’s fisting?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie lets out a ragged exhale and then softens the grip of her hand. She scratches Steph’s scalp a little as an apology, holds her by the back of her neck instead. So Steph feels her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fisting…” Billie shivers and has to start again. “A simple explanation is it’s when you put your fist”—she lifts her left hand, fingers together like a puppet’s mouth and then twists to form a fist, exactly how she’s done it before—“inside someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph stares with huge eyes at Billie’s fist, clearly running the logistics of it through her head. It’s like watching a clock tick over to midnight. One second at a time. All the color drains out of Steph’s face, but surges back like a tidal wave a second later. Hand still on her neck, Billie feels and sees Steph shudder hard. The sort of shudder that normally shakes her bed, breathless squeals accompanying it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-oh…” But her voice screws up, too thick in her throat, and she has to swallow a few times to get it right. “That’s um…” And now she can’t meet Billie’s intense eyes in the fading light. “That’s… a lot… Do people really do that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She must have seen a VHS tape boasting about it. Billie hadn’t looked, now wishes with great regret that she was standing there to watch Steph ponder over it. To maybe lean close and murmur in her ear exactly what she said just now. Just to watch Steph do this nervous squirm in the store. Then again, the clerk, Charlotte, would have been in on the show. Billie would rather no one see Steph like this. So curious despite her nervous glances up to Billie’s fist, her face and then back down, over and over again. Billie relaxes her hand just to cup Steph’s cheek and make her look up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, people really do it. It’s trickier than I’m making it seem, you don’t just shove into someone. It takes a lot of time.” She smirks. “A lot of lube and time. Especially for someone with big hands. Like me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yea…” Steph’s face flames impossibly hotter under Billie’s palm. The back of her neck is damp with sweat despite the car interior bleeding warmth every second. “Does it, um, feel good? Sounds like it hurts…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie smears a humming kiss to Steph’s nervous lips, smiles when Steph bobs her head with it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It can be a little uncomfortable,” Billie admits with a sigh. “If you go too fast, if her hands are too big, shit like that. It’s…” She shivers again, just now letting herself imagine Steph squirming on her wrist. “It’s very intense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph flinches hard, squeezes her thighs back together. Billie can just imagine how damp Steph must be against her underwear. Aroused for so long, no relief but relief so near. Billie has already parked the car, semi-privacy, no one will find them…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes and whimpers, “Billie…” just as Billie smacks another kiss to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, I want you so bad right now, baby girl,” she hisses against Steph’s bitten lips. “I wanna throw you in the backseats and eat you out right here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods wildly, throws both her hands up from her lap to scramble at Billie’s leather jacket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, please,” she whines, kissing sloppy and breathless at the corner of Billie’s mouth. “Please Billie, it hurts so much, I need you in me, please, please…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her shaking is too much, words devolving into incoherent whimpering. Billie shushes her and laps up those precious noises. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, baby doll, I didn’t know you were hurting so bad, let me make it up to you?” Billie pauses for Steph’s inevitable, frantic nod. She sits back a bit and squeezes Steph’s neck to get her to open her eyes. “Take your pants off and get back there. I’ll give you what you need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph can’t get the car door open fast enough, curses at the lock when she has to pry it up with her fingernails. Billie lets loose a terrible snort when the poor girl flails out of the car, almost rolling into the grass on either side of them. Billie waits until she’s alone in the car for a split second to slowly turn and begin her journey to the backseats. The car is full of Steph’s heavy breathing when she tears open the back door and shoves herself in. Silly girl should have shucked her jeans and panties standing up outside, but Billie understands well that wild, frantic need. Just do as you’re told, don’t bother with the details. She stands alone outside the car, breathing coming out in puffs as she laughs to the December air. She can’t get enough of this girl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shrugs her leather jacket off, intent on throwing it over Steph’s upper body to keep her warm. Billie is plenty warm in Steph’s sweater and they haven’t even started. She watches with sick glee through the windows, already fogging up a little, as Steph kicks like a turtle on her back. Trying to disrobe as she’d been told in the small space, head flung back when she finally slides her panties down. When doe eyes open, vision upside down, Billie is there on the other side of the window. Towering and close, yet so far away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie can’t take it anymore when Steph hikes her legs up with shaking hands behind her knees and pleads muffled, “Billie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie bites the corner of her mouth to bottle the noise she wants to make. She can’t assume they’re entirely alone in the woods. It’s hushed and frigid out here. That crisp sort of silence only winter air provides. There’s probably no one. She’d just rather not press her luck with Steph ready and begging on her back. Billie loses sight of her while walking around the trunk. It’s warmer inside when Billie tugs the back door open just like Steph had. And now she can smell it in the cramped space, Steph shivering from want and cold with her thighs pressed to her chest. Exposed. Wet in the low light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a tight squeeze to bunch herself up between Steph’s legs and the door Billie shuts behind her. She fucking hates screwing around in cars, but if she has to wait until they get back to Hawkins, she’ll lose it. As it is, she wants to get Steph off fast. Poor baby has been squirming and wet this whole time, probably even before they’d walked into the store. The anticipation and excitement were too much for her body to deny. Billie throws her jacket over Steph’s upper body as planned. Steph coos to her as Billie hunkers between shivering thighs. Billie needs only roll up the sleeves of her borrowed sweater to dig in. She doesn’t want them to get dirty from what she’s about to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sticky warmth between Steph’s legs is a shock when Billie licks her the first time. Steph’s thighs around Billie’s ears are silky cold to the touch. Burning on Billie’s even colder ears. Billie wags her head to get her tongue deeper, flicking wet folds apart to open Steph up. Billie’s left elbow will probably go numb from how she’s propped up on it, intent of cramming her fingers into Steph shortly. This will be a fast one. Something unusual between them when they get this far. There has been plenty of slow make-outs, make-outs that start heavy, grinding on each other, and then they just lose steam and cuddle instead. This will be something new, though. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph mewls and shakes under Billie when she brushes sucking lips over her clit, not teasing this time. Steph’s hips give a little snap, shoving herself against Billie’s mouth. Not hard enough to hurt her. Just eager. Billie hums with Steph’s clit caught between her lips just to hear Steph mewl again. That’s a new noise, much needier and louder than Steph’s library of sounds. Billie wonders with short fingers squeezing under her chin to scratch through coarse hair how Steph will cry with three or four fingers stuffed in her. Billie has never given her that much, needs to be inside her the moment she thinks about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph bucks again, panting frantic between moans, when Billie digs two fingers into her. Little preamble, a few slick thrusts, and then diving in with three. It’s a tight squeeze, Steph’s wet heat fighting her every inch she sinks down, incredibly tight at Billie’s knuckles. Billie doesn’t back down, spreads her fingers against that resistance to force Steph open. Obscene and slick and warm, Billie groans with her mouth tight to Steph’s clit, tongue running in circles like a dog chasing its tail. Steph’s noises, mouth certainly slack and agape, bounce off the roof, the windows, all to swirl thickly around them. They turn high and desperate when Billie thrusts into her to shove all that pressure against Steph’s sweet spot. Steph’s body gives a threatening spasm. Keep that up and she’ll come fast. Exactly as Billie has planned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” Steph pants, body trying to rock to Billie’s thrusts in the tight space. She slurs out of her mind, “Please, fa-faster, harder, need you, need you Billie nnnn…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s ears burn from Steph’s words and the lewd sound of her around thick fingers. Her own belly gives a snap and tumble—aroused beyond belief without anyone touching her, Steph’s body enough. If they weren’t in the cramped seats of a fucking car, Billie would worm her right hand down to get herself off. It wouldn’t take much. She’s already about to boil over with Steph nearly wailing all around her. Billie shoves her mouth tighter, harder around Steph’s clit, mindless of the mess on her chin and cheeks, and sucks in time with her fingers curling up. Reaching, pressing, rubbing until Steph clamps tightly and screams. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s name is in there somewhere. Between the drawn out vowels. Bleeding into Steph’s voice going rough and soundless with each snap of her body around Billie. Showing some mercy to Steph’s bullied clit, she backs off and mouths biting kisses to her mound, her inner thighs. It’s a tight squeeze with Steph’s thighs boxing her head in. It’s wonderful, though, to feel each breath and shiver so close. Billie groans against trembling flesh when she slips out—more like Steph pushes her out. She’s wet to her wrist like they’ve just done the lewd act Steph had such curiosity about. Billie bites Steph’s thigh next, holding it in her teeth, and finally shoves her hand down her down body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her fingers are still warm and wet when she touches herself. She hadn’t even undone her belt, just needed to get her hand down her worn jeans to get off fast and dirty. Billie sucks angry, possessive marks into Steph’s thighs, along the slight swell of her belly under her navel, all while rocking into her own fingers. Her clit is already burning and sensitive from being aroused this long, it won’t take much, just a little harder, just flicking a little faster, like that—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie muffles a grunt with Steph’s skin in her teeth when she comes. It’s more like a firecracker going off compared to the grand finale spectacular of Steph’s orgasm. It doesn’t matter to Billie right now. Any orgasm she has with Steph involved is better than nothing. Or getting off pathetic and alone. She doesn’t allow that swell of sadness to get to her. Not when Steph’s legs tremble in her grasp one last time before she lets them fall. Splayed like that, Billie welcomes herself on top of Steph and lies down, mindless of the wet spot that will soak into the front of her jeans. Who cares?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nosing bruises at Steph’s neck, Billie murmurs thickly, “Hi baby, you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hands wiggle up from her sides to sneak under Billie’s sweater. They’re like ice from when Steph had held her legs open for Billie. Steph lingers there with chilly fingertips rubbing and stealing warmth from Billie’s broad back. When she has her fill, Steph wiggles and digs between their bodies and the backrest of the seats. Searching for something. Billie almost sits up, thinking maybe Steph actually wants her to get up, but then long fingers wrap around Billie’s left wrist. Steph’s makes an impatient, bratty noise and pout as she tugs Billie’s hand where it’s wedged between their bodies and the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Gimme.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blinking up at sleepy, brown eyes, Billie gives up her left hand without a fight. Her sleeve is still rolled up, skin tacky from both of them. Steph isn’t coy when she brings Billie’s fingers, a little pruny, to her lips and sucks on them. Just two, just the middle and index despite the three that had actually stretched her open. Warm and sticky in her underwear, Billy’s center gives a wanton kick despite her recent orgasm. Steph’s lips are bitten bruised and scraped from her teeth, tight even when she controls Billie’s wrist. Gently in and out, over Steph’s tongue. Steph tries to hold their intense stare, but her boldness runs out when she whines and shivers, can’t stare Billie’s molten desire in the face anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Steph,” Billie breathes. “What are you doing to me, baby girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph has to pull off Billie’s fingers to talk, although she makes a show of nibbling the pads of both. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Face flushed dark again, Steph grumbles, “I wanna go home. I want you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again?” Billie blurts out, eyebrows impossibly high and eyes wide. “Yea? You mean it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods, frowns a little as she looks down, somewhere past Billie’s head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I wanna go home and touch you, too.” Doe eyes come back to Billie, amber catching what little light remains of the day. “I want you to feel good, too. I don’t-I don’t touch you enough.” She looks away again, so much shame forcing her eyes down. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is a more serious conversation than post-coitus love talk can handle. Billie’s fingers twitch in Steph’s grip, straining for her face. Steph is the one to guide Billie’s palm to her cheek, mindless of the drying mess there, and nuzzles the rough lines she finds. Each of Billie’s breaths is a struggle even though she’s the one squashing Steph under her bulk. She cannot parse this beautiful girl under her, cannot fathom how much Steph wants to give her pleasure despite them… despite them being only friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heart sinking fast and Billie desperate to not allow it to become meanness, she rocks up Steph’s body to kiss her cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything,” she gasps like a prayer. “Anything you want, Steph, you can have it. You can have me.” More kisses until Steph gives her little chirp and turns her head to catch Billie’s lips. “Don’t be sorry, baby, you always make me feel so good, better than I’ve felt in so long, so good to me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph eats every word, and they’re breathless and rocking their bodies by the time they separate. Again, Steph had said. Billie can’t dwell on the vulnerability, can’t handle poking at the edges of that wound right now. She’s already in much too deep, deeper than she’d ever meant to go. Steph just keeps pulling her down, down, down without even trying. Billie shakes through another tight exhale and kisses the beauty marks on Steph’s cheek, under her left eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you back home, then. We can let your new toy charge while we take a shower.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph rushes out, “Can I help you wash again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Another peck to those pretty marks. “Anything you want, baby, just ask. I’ll give you everything.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a Steph-focused chapter, and golly it's great. I'm so satisfied with how this chapter turned out. We really get a chance to meet Steph's sexuality and get a vibe for what she likes, how she feels during sex when she's confident. It's just a great character study chapter. With sex LOL. Enjoy that strap, lads!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Something poppy and a little screechy plays on Steph’s mini-turntable, but it’s turned to a low cry just to give them background music. Steph knows the lyrics Billie barely picks out over the twin hums of vibrators, their breaths heavy as they watch each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When the working day is done, Oh girls, they wanna have fun. Oh girls just want to have fun!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Flat on their backs with their bodies rocking sometimes, they only have eyes for each other. Steph has never been happier that Billie is a lefty than right now. So she can tease herself with her vibrator in her left and lace her fingers through Steph’s with her right. Steph is her mirror, and their hands clasped in the little space between their bodies. When either of them strains or shakes through a sensation, they hold each other tighter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s just a warm up, Steph playing catch-up after stirring awake naked and soft next to Billie. Only for the low whine of a vibrator to catch her ears. And then opening her eyes to Billie blushing and panting a little. Watching Steph sleep while rubbing the vibrator through slick skin. Steph had wished at the time Billie just touched her in her sleep, woke her up like this. She said as much while pouting and grabbing her vibrator from the nightstand, eager to tease and not let Billie have any. But oh well. This is nice, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s grip on her hand has been tight for too long now, and Steph laughs, “Hey, slow down, you’re not-you’re not supposed to come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie just grinds her body harder into her toy with a cheeky grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea? Says who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s own thighs twitch and fight to either snap shut or splay wide open. It feels good, she just doesn’t want it to end like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me,” she says like it’s obvious. “I wanna… do something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A deep hum rumbles in Billie’s throat, and she cranes her head towards Steph. Steph already does the same, wanting to meet her halfway. Billie denies her, though, and just bumps the tips of their noses. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?” She rasps, husky. “What do you want, baby girl? Lay it on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph can’t help her eager glance down their bodies, farther down the bed, and then into the closet where Billie’s bag of goodies has found a home. Ever since the day after Christmas, now Saturday, she hasn’t been able to get the sight and sensation of Billie’s harness out of her head. She doesn’t know how it works or how a dildo feels, but she wants to. She wants to feel that with Billie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph fiddles with the controls, button under silicone soft, and holds it down to turn it off. She gives a little hum when the tingling stops, but she has to restrain herself. She wants this with Billie more than anything they’ve done yet. There is of course one last thing, a sort of penultimate desire, but… One step at a time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling to face Billie, Steph wiggles with nerves and asks, “Can we use your harness this time?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blue eyes glance exactly where Steph had looked moments ago. Below, Billie’s vibrator silences, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You mean my strap?” And then intense eyes zip right back on Steph. “You want me to fuck you with it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>White teeth over Steph’s bottom lip and then an enthusiastic nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some slickness creeps into Billie’s grin, and Steph knows she’s in for something special.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure about that, princess? My dick is bigger than anything you’ve ever ridden before. Think you can handle it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph snorts at Billie’s ‘my dick’ comment. Because it’s funny and absolutely a Billie-thing to call a dildo her ‘dick.’ But that just makes her imagine Billy as a guy. Still godly hot, still an asshole. But with a thick, rock hard—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie reaching out to pinch her nipple sends a hard wave through her. Steph shies away purely on instinct, but her little gasp thickens into a moan when Billie rolls her nipple instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shoulders wiggling when Billie soon lets her go, Steph laughs, “Y-yea, I can take you. Can I do that? Um… ride you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph always feels like she’s the one who blushes easily. Or sometimes too much. So to make Billie go a little rosy under her tan is a treat. The opportunity to take advantage of this moment is too great. Lips pursed to conceal her grin, Steph rolls onto her side, Billie almost flat again, and reaches down to twist her fingers through light-brown curls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I, Billie? Can I ride you?” She tries not to stutter, focuses on teasing Billie instead. “I wanna… sit in your lap while you fuck me. I’ll be a good girl, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sure, her ears and face burn like mad when saying it. And sure she thinks normally Billie would bark in laughter at her and the little pout she ends on. But it’s all worth that private humiliation when Billie’s blush bleeds down her neck. She’s an angry blusher, gritting her teeth and narrowing her eyes. Steph readies herself for anything. For big hands to grab her and manhandle her. Or thick fingers to tickle her ribs. Anything, because she knows her ridiculous words have gone straight to Billie’s head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So it’s no surprise, although she does yelp, when a boyish hand snatches hers. Billie takes that momentum and flips them around. Her knees bracket Steph’s hip, and Billie only needs one of her hands to take both of Steph’s wrists. It’s a grip she isn’t afraid of. Even when Billie bears her weight down on Steph’s wrists, pushing them into the pillow until they’re a little numb. Steph moans with her throat on display and writhes under the bulk on her hips. No matter how she wiggles or bucks into Billie, she doesn’t even flinch. It’s exhausting and turns her on so much more. Steph collapses back to her bed in a pile, panting from all her thrashing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s shadow falls over Steph when she bends down. Lips suckle gently at Steph’s neck. At first. And then teeth gradually join in, a nibble here, a pinch there. Until Billie is drawing blood up through her skin in a fresh hickey, noises obscene in Steph’s ear. Her own cry can’t block it out, and Steph tugs on her wrists once more, wanting so badly to touch back. Billie had taken Steph’s request to heart back in the BMW. They came back and Steph ate Billie out, getting her fill of touch. But now Billie denies her again, and it’s not that it’s upsetting. Steph just wishes it didn’t make her so wet. To have Billie pin her down however she wants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Teeth and lips give up at Steph’s neck only to attack her ear next, purring warm and suggestive, “You’re gonna feel so good in my lap, baby girl, can’t wait to watch you from the best seat in the house.” Lips sucking on her lobe shouldn’t rip a squeal out of Steph, but they do. “You wanna come while riding me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shivers from the puffs of air ghosting over the shell of her ear. She turns her head the other way and stutters, “M-maybe…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aww,” Billie coos in her ear. “Just maybe? Well… why don’t we get you warmed up and see how you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods to that, hums happily under Billie’s kiss to her cheek, and doesn’t immediately move when Billie gets off her. Distantly, the mattress shifts under Steph when Billie climbs completely off. She just wants to lie there for a moment longer. Remember the way Billie’s strength had pressed her deeply into the pillows. Rough fingertips caressing the hollows of Steph’s throat startle her a little, but she blinks big eyes up at Billie’s soft smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you sit up a little for me? I wanna start with you on your back so we can go slow.” Billie’s hand lifts up to pet those same fingertips along Steph’s jaw. “So I can watch your pretty face when you take me like a good girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shudders and turns her head to kiss Billie’s fingers, but the other girl denies her. Billie drops her hand and takes a step back. She stands and watches until Steph flinches to life and sits up as Billie had asked. That satisfies Billie’s intense gaze. Steph slowly drags herself onto her hip near the headboard while watching Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The click of the buckles on the harness are pretty, twinkling things. Steph has her back to the headboard when Billie shakes loose all the bends and loops. Somehow she knows how to step into it, to adjust any of the buckles. Breathing a little hard again, Steph licks her lips when Billie grabs both the matte black dildo and lube from her bag.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We, um… we need the lube for this? Hah, Billie, you uh know I’ve slept with—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s different with sex toys, princess,” Billie snaps her off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan’s name is sour in Steph’s mouth. She huffs and turns her head away from Billie approaching, almost pouting. She’s taken more dick than Billie. How would Billie know it’s different? As Steph huffs and wiggles against the headboard, Billie has already climbed up and reaches for her. Steph yelps as she’s tugged down the bed, just her head and shoulders on a pillow. Grumbling, Steph sends a little glare up at Billie. On her knees, Billie has already helped herself between Steph’s legs. She hums thick and rich in her throat while gliding rough hands up Steph’s inner thighs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Billie speaks, all her gruffness from a moment ago is gone. No, her voice is all honey and spice when she coos, “Open up for me, baby. Gotta get you nice and wet for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dildo isn’t in the harness yet. Billie will either have to loosen a buckle to feed it through or somehow? Squeeze the damn thing between her and the leather? Steph opens her mouth to ask, but then the tip of the toy is at her lips. Nudging rather gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I see you chewing gum at school, lollipops sticking out of your mouth.” Billie smirks above her, down the length of her arm holding the toy to her lips. “I don’t like the image of dick in your mouth, but I can admit the appeal. You do have fuckable lips.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s a knock to her gut, reaching deep inside her, and Steph moans against the dildo. She can’t watch Billie touch her while doing this. For Billie’s sake, Steph won’t admit how much she’d enjoyed blowing Nathan. He wasn’t comfortable with it. Steph never figured out why. Isn’t that the joke, though? That girls don’t like putting their mouths on boys, so a blowjob is hard to come by? Nathan wouldn’t even have to ask, but he didn’t want it in the first place. The cruelest irony. Steph sighs a little sad, just another disappointment in their past relationship, and turns her thoughts away from those things. Billie is already a warm presence between Steph’s thighs. The A side of the Cyndi Lauper record is on its first repeat, but over that, the controlled rasps of Billie’s breaths roar in her ears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Plush lips kiss and mouth over the tip of the dildo. Steph’s face heats up immediately at the wet sounds of her kisses, how she’s already moaning a little. The only way this could be better is if the dildo were in the harness. Steph could really give Billie a show, then. But as Steph seals her lips around the tip, suckling softly, she suspects Billie would enjoy watching her either way. Steph doesn’t imagine Nathan while licking and dragging saliva around so her lips don’t catch on the silicone. The fantasy of Billie as a guy flashes like a betrayal in her mind, but she viciously shoves it away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She likes Billie how she is. Billie as a man… Well, he wouldn’t be Billie. He'd be different, and Steph knows what she wants right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Between her legs, the tip of her vibrator comes to rest just a bit below her clit. Billie flicks the toy on, and Steph can’t help her filthy gasp of, “Billie” when she yanks her mouth off the dildo.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie just nudges it right back to her lips and purrs, “Thinking about me, baby girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A whine and Steph nods when she parts her lips, lets Billie push the toy a little deeper. The subtle ridge of the head is almost to her lips, but Billie teases her with gentle, mirrored movements of both toys. Just barely moving, in-out, up-down. First together, silicone almost popping past her lips at the same time as Billie almost touches her clit with the vibe. And then opposites, her mouth empty but her clit horribly teased. Billie has Steph wiggling and snapping her hips in no time, body greedy. She whines with her lips stretched wide, too, and it melts into a moan when Billie finally pushes the head all the way past her lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby, baby,” Billie sighs. “I hate to say it, but you’re gorgeous like this. Never thought I’d like seeing your pretty mouth stretched so big…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph relaxes the back of her throat and bobs her head up, intent on taking more. Billie groans behind Steph’s eyelids and gives it to her, not quite dipping into her throat. Steph whines when she can, encouraging Billie the only way she knows how. Billie loves her sounds no matter how they burn Steph’s ears. The tip of the vibrator diving through her folds, teasing from hole to clit, has her collapsing back to the bed. Her moan cuts off when the dildo slips deeper, filling the back of her mouth and then down her throat. She gives a full-body flinch, gushes between her legs. She doesn’t mean to almost come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie swears, “Jesus,” and then Steph’s mouth is empty once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s what saves her from tipping over the edge. Although it leaves a hollowness deep inside her that burns worse than before. Steph gasps and coughs a few times when her mouth is free. The very back of her throat is hollow and a little sore. But god, she’d loved it all over again. Steph’s body shakes as she heaves down huge breaths. Doesn’t need them to catch her breath, just needs to calm down and not come like this. Billie might not understand or… might make that disgusted face whenever Nathan is mentioned. So instead, Steph just smiles and nuzzles the fingers that brush her cheek. The vibe is gone from between her legs, but Steph doesn’t miss it too much. She’s ready for more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck, baby girl, you’re incredible.” Billie’s fingers ghost over the corner of Steph’s mouth, and Steph nips at them. “Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stones weigh down Steph’s eyelids, but she cracks one open anyway to catch a glimpse of Billie. Kneeling beside her, Billie’s right hand is flat in the bed so she can lean over Steph to cradle her cheek. Steph smiles up at her, closing her eye so she can wiggle without too much embarrassment. Below, her thighs are still spread wide, but she almost wants to close them so she can rub them together. To roll that ache around inside her and maybe take the edge off. Or keep it glowing hot. Steph smothers a cheeky grin as she goes to do just that, making a mess between her thighs as she rubs them together. Steph lays it on thicker when she draws both arms down from around her head to squeeze her breasts, too. Mostly because she knows Billie will punish her in some way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie doesn’t disappoint her. Steph kicks her legs a little and yelps when Billie spanks her hand to the outside of Steph’s right thigh. Steph’s hands can’t flee her little breasts fast enough, long fingers tearing at her pillow case once more. The whole bed shakes with Steph’s flinch, headboard rattling a little against the wall. Billie’s palm lingers over the blooming heat. A few circling rubs spreads the warmth out, sinks tendrils right to where she’s burning to have Billie inside her. Legs falling open again, Steph pops her hips a few times to hopefully entice Billie. Instead, Billie slaps the inside of her thigh. Harder this time, and Steph’s throat arches in a moan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Body heat floats over her, and then Billie’s husky voice is a growl in her ear, “Baby girl, you better behave, or it’ll be your little pussy next.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie pinches the crease where her thigh meets her pelvis. A warning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shuddering, Steph leans her head back again and moans, “Billie mmm…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna see”—Billie gets Steph behind her knees and shoves them up, up to Steph’s ears, bending her in half—“everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she will if she keeps Steph like this. Big hands hold Steph there for a glance. Just a burning up-down once with blue eyes, although they linger over the most obscene parts. Billie bending her like this doesn’t even hurt—just burns where she needs the other girl right now. Steph could almost laugh while Billie gets her fill. A week ago, Steph would have thrown down timid hands to cover herself. Don’t look, it’s dirty, it’s shameful. Now, she relaxes her legs in Billie’s hands, arches her hips up in a welcome. I want you to see, look at what you do to me, you can take it, it’s yours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trembling, Steph begs with big eyes and her face heating up, “Touch me? I pro-promise I’ll be good, Billie, please touch me, I’m ready, please, please…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie likes to hear her. No matter what little whine or plea. Billie likes to hear her. Steph knows her words have done the trick and reached some hungry part of Billie that’s always just under the surface. There’s no reason to withhold anymore, and Billie shivers above her with half-lidded eyes. Steph has her, now, and she arches all pretty in triumph. She doesn’t even mind the pressure of Billie sweeping down to bite at her jaw, trailing harsh lips up until she can steal Steph’s whines and hums straight from the source. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph strains once more in Billie’s hands. She wants to hook her legs over Billie’s hips and draw her down, in. But no matter how heavily Billie leans into her, a promise in every drag of their tongues, her strength is absolute. It just piles on more and more heat inside her. The burn is unbearable now, hotter than she’s ever been, and Steph rips her mouth away from Billie’s to keen to the headboard. Billie can have her throat instead, and sharp teeth catch Steph’s fluttering pulse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph thinks maybe Billie is wild enough that she could bite right through, and no matter how twisted and morbid the thought, Steph finds herself breathing, “Please,” through every pant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, after what feels like an eon, Billie sits back up. Steph’s legs fall useless and heavy to the bed without Billie holding them up. She doesn’t care about the new mark at her neck, how her chest heaves, or how it looks like someone has left her out to dry. Steph’s shoulders climb up by her ears as the twinkling of a buckle reaches her. Finally. She could just howl with how badly she wants this, say all manner of filthy nonsense just to get Billie in her faster. She’s about to make a fool of herself when Billie’s warmth sinks back between her thighs. Steph’s melty eyes peer open in time to watch Billie drizzle lube into her left hand. She’s probably been watching Steph this whole time, pins her down with hooded eyes when their gazes meet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready?” The slick sound of Billie’s fist over the dildo is terribly obscene, but Steph lets it wash over her anyway. “I wanna watch you take all of me, baby girl, make you feel so good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods wildly, hair slapping around the pillowcase, and even tries to help. A shaky hand reaches down for her own leg, the soft spot behind her knee buzzing from Billie’s grip moments ago. She hopes Billie doesn’t think she’s trying to hide or touch anything she’s not supposed to. Even with her head in a thick fog like this, Steph knows her body is Billie’s right now. Billie’s to caress and pinch, Billie’s to make her cry and scream. She just wants to help. So she flinches and whimpers when Billie scoops up her wandering hand. But Billie just guides it right back up to the pillow, laces their fingers together to hold her down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s shadow falls over her again, and Steph pleads with her eyes closed, “I-I’ll be good for you, Billie, just-just hurry, I want you so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A warm hum above her, Billie’s right hand tightening in hers. Steph barely peeks her eyes open to watch down the midline of her body at the glistening, black length waiting for her. It is bigger, thicker than anything she’s ever had before. But god, she wants it, wants Billie to be the one to give it to her. She hasn’t been fucked in so long and misses it more than she can explain. How good it feels to have someone above her, covering her and moving inside her. Steph bites the inside of her cheek while watching Billie’s confident fingers grip the head of the dildo, shuffling closer, and guiding it down. Forward. Smooth silicone slipping between slick skin to rub her up and down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s voice is husky as ever when she purrs, “Lemme hear you, baby doll. If you keep quiet, I won’t know how good I’m making you feel.” Another wet glide of the toy up from her entrance to her buzzing clit and then back down. Pressure not quite enough to push into her. Just to let her feel the threat, the promise of spearing her open. “You know what to say to get me to stop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breath stuttering past her lips, Steph nods and whispers, “H-Hargrove.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She understands the meaning behind that, now. Billie had explained it to her. If it’s too much, if Billie is hurting her in a way that doesn’t feel good, if she’s scared… Everything stops with that one name. She’s not had to resort to that yet, doesn’t think there’s anything Billie could do to her to make her shout the girl’s last name. Steph shudders with the thought and gathers her bravery to stare back at Billie above her. Waiting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I trust you,” Steph reminds her, hushed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Billie’s turn to shudder. Something soft and vulnerable passes over her face, but she looks away from Steph’s big eyes to focus below. Steph grits her teeth to not bite herself and looks down, too. With the pillows under her shoulders and head, she has just enough leverage to watch the heavy swing of the toy between Billie’s legs. The fingers of her left hand are slippery, but they hold true to the shaft to guide it forward. Holding so it goes in smoothly. So Steph can’t fight it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s legs hitch up on their own, trying to curl towards her chest. Billie wants to see everything, hear everything. Billie groans above her with blue eyes glued to the sight of Steph opening under insistent pressure. Steph blushes wildly at the spread of her body, how she feels herself opening in a familiar way. It’s thicker than she expects, stretching her already and Billie barely has the head in her. She waits with tension rising in her shoulders and sinking into her throat, waiting, waiting for that moment the head slips past and then…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ohhhh god,” Steph groans, punched-out. “Billie, f-fuck…!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Arching up, Steph tries to impale herself on all that thickness. The head popping into her is just as delicious as she knew it would be. But the thickness of it almost hurts, is almost too much without having fingers or a tongue work her open. Something. Not enough to stop, hell no, and as Billie holds still inside her and lets Steph clench and wiggle, Steph grows used to it. The burn from the toy sinking into her just joins the general burn of her arousal. She needs more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Warm eyes peering open again, Steph whimpers and finally hooks her legs around Billie like she’s wanted. It’s worth it to watch Billie startle at the contact. Her focus is still below, watching more and more of the toy disappear into Steph. It slips forward faster, Steph’s body sucking the length down, when Steph tightens her legs. She knows how to reel a body in, knows how to grind herself against someone’s pelvis to feel full. She does that to Billie now and catches blue eyes going wide, gaze flying up to meet hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods with a little grin, panting, “That’s the idea.” Her ankles cross above Billie’s ass and drag her that much closer. “You f-feel so good in me, Billie. I want-I want more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The praise feels strange coming out of her mouth. But it’s what she wants to hear from Billie, so it still feels good to say. Especially when Billie bites through a noise and a shiver, finally shuffles on her knees. Her right hand keeps tight in Steph’s left, holding her down. The other finds that familiar soft spot behind Steph’s knee and wrenches Steph’s right leg up, up, until it hooks over Billie’s shoulder instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That opens her up more, and they groan together when Billie slips all the way in. The leather of the harness is warm when it presses between Steph’s thighs. It’s not a real dick, but Steph tightens around it like it is. She wishes, staring up at Billie’s flushed face, that Billie could feel it. How full she is, how tight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes fluttering shut, Steph bares her throat and begs, “Please Billie, please fuck me, god I-I need you…” A shift inside her, and she pleads louder, “Fuck me hard, I need it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t want gentle. Doesn’t want sweet nothings. She wants this bed shaking and the headboard cracking against the wall with every slam of Billie’s hips. She wants those big hands on her again, holding her down and making her take every inch all the way to the hilt, over and over. Steph’s belly heaves with every breath. She’s desperate for it, needs this from Billie more than anything ever before. The pressure inside her increases when Billie stoops down, noses at the color in her cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s beautiful, baby girl,” she growls. “You don’t gotta beg anymore, I know what you need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph doesn’t have a moment to trill or gasp. Billie holds her thigh with a crushing grip, rears back until the dildo is almost out, and then shoves it all back in with a filthy glide. A squelch. She’s already wet enough, and the lube makes it obscene. Blissfully, the sound drowns out under the immediate torrent of moans and cries that flow from Steph’s open mouth. Billie doesn’t slow down after that first pop of hips. She doesn’t need to pull out so far after that first one, just snaps her hips back and forth in a tight loop. Steph’s leg over Billie’s shoulder bounces to the rhythm of each thrust while the other around Billie’s hips holds on for dear life. Rocking with Billie to feel more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their hands clasped in Steph’s pillow shake as they hold each other. Steph’s free hand flies up to Billie’s hair, head still bowed close, and shoves Billie into her neck. Billie’s surprised noise tickles, but sharp teeth and wicked lips soon follow. Billie pins her down with a bite like so many times before and is content then to give Steph little thrusts, just rubbing the blunt head of the toy over her walls. Steph’s body trembles like a shock each time the silicone brushes past her sweet spot. And maybe Billie knows exactly where it is. Knows exactly how she has to splay her own knees to get lower, to fuck up and hit the nail on the head every time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A slight sheen of sweat already covers them when Billie lifts her head, drags their cheeks together. Her pace is still short in-out, but the smack of their bodies is plenty brutal. Plenty of what Steph wants, and so she welcomes this bit of tenderness. Even the soft kiss Billie mouths over her parted lips is welcomed. Her hand in Billie’s hair, trembling, shakes itself free so she can throw that arm around Billie, palm flat on her back. Her toes behind Billie’s back and in the air curl until they’re numb. Steph gives her a little noise, soft and sweet, when she thinks she can feel Billie’s heart drumming away under her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They part and breathe on each other, just memorizing the other’s face. Steph doesn’t know when Billie stops thrusting—not that Billie filling her up doesn’t feel good. But it’s around that time that Billie lowers her leg back to the bed and just huddles close on top of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Squirming on silicone, Steph breathes, “Don't stop, I don’t want you to stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“M not,” hums against her buzzing lips. “Just wanna look at you under me before I move us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s eyebrows come together, and Billie laughs nice and light before kissing her forehead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn baby girl, knew I was good but not that good.” When Steph pouts up at her, gives another wiggle to move Billie in her, Billie reminds her, “I believe your original request was to ride me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She perks right back up and gasps, “Yes, yes, fuck yes, I wanna-I want that so bad, come on”—Steph tugs her hands free from Billie’s skin and pushes at her broad shoulders, bratty and impatient—“come on! Get up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s laugh is back in Steph’s burning ears as she throws all her strength into hurrying Billie along. It doesn’t speak for much. Billie hadn’t budged while holding her down by her wrists. She doesn’t budge much now, either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a princess,” Billie laughs, voice turning husky once more when she teases, “Spoiled little girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fussing more with her hands useless at Billie’s shoulders, Steph curls up to sink her teeth in the gentle swell of one of Billie’s breasts. Not to hurt, absolutely not. Just to retaliate for Billie being mean to her. Billie’s whole-body flinch makes the strain worth it, knocks the dildo hard into Steph. She groans with her teeth still in Billie’s golden skin, whines when a hand grabs her by the back of her neck to draw her away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The grip on her is careful not to truly hurt her, but it’s a commanding grip all the same. Billie guides her back, back, back to the pillows and then splays her left hand at the bottom of Steph’s throat. Billie’s hand is big enough to span her like a collar, and Steph doubts she could buck under that hand. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t with the full brunt of Billie’s intense eyes staring down at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You bit me,” she breathes, like the words said aloud will make the action more believable. “You little brat…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph just huffs, reaches for Billie’s hips, and tugs Billie deeper between her thighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re taking too long. I want it now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s stomach jumps with the hushed laugh that bubbles out of her. Her eyes are still intense and a little wide—with wonder or mild outrage, Steph can’t be sure. Doesn’t care, either, because Billie isn’t fucking her, and that’s what she wants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Incredulous and shaking her head, Billie throws Steph’s hands off her and says, “Fine, that’s how you want it, then you can do everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph doesn’t know what she means until Billie is pulling out of her too fast and too soon, only to flop down next to her. Steph can’t help how her thighs clamp together from the emptiness, how she tightens around nothing and pouts at Billie to her left. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sprawled on the pillows like a king, Billie gestures to the glistening length sticking up from her pelvis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have at it, princess. Take a seat on your throne.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives a little whine, but Billie drapes her arms over the pillows, shrugs, and just lies there. So either Steph climbs up for her ride or…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The mattress dips under Steph’s knees when she straddles Billie with a muffled, “Jerk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie just flicks an eyebrow up at her. With Steph on top of her now, Billie laces her fingers together to cup them behind her head. The perfect image of comfort while Steph watches her from on high, fresh color staining her cheeks. Billie is just going to watch her squirm and struggle through this. At least their positions are flipped finally. Steph needs only to hunch forward on her knees and slip the dildo back in her. Take a seat on her throne indeed…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not-you’re not gonna help me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both eyebrows waggle at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you can handle it. Don’t wanna cramp your style and go too slow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Billie were genuinely upset, she’d say something. Besides, the hotter Steph blushes, the more Billie can’t fight the shit-eating grin that’s trying to split her face. She’s already messy hair, casual shoulders, and tongue in her teeth. Herself. Steph tucks her chin to her own shoulder as she gathers her pride, sits up on her knees, and grabs the dildo with a timid hand. Billie shuffles under her, legs behind Steph spreading a little. Steph swallows hard, the click of her throat so loud in the quiet bedroom, and tries to find the angle to pop the toy back in. It’s… not as easy as she’d hoped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she huffs and whines, Billie drawls, “Well, princess? Thought you wanted to ride me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head still turned away, Steph whines, “I do! I’m getting there, jeez, just give me a second…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tick tock,” Billie eggs her on more, voice curling with amusement. “Good thing for you my dick will never get soft.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph purses her lips to keep her retort to herself. She leans farther forward and slaps her left hand to the headboard for balance. Now, finally, now she has the angle right to guide the toy back inside her. It won’t hurt this way, won’t pinch against her skin while trying to sink in. Steph has the blunt head, finger slippery with leftover lube and her own slick yet to dry, when twin pinches to her nipples shocks her out of concentrating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H-Hey!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie just blinks up at her, the picture of casual innocence despite her thick fingertips now rolling Steph’s nipples. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mind me,” she says like they’ve bumped into each other at the grocery store. “Continue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But each pinch is delicious and just on the pleasurable side of cruel. Billie’s fingers send little zaps down to Steph’s clit, her empty hole where she’d just been about to fill it again. Steph trembles harder when, done pinching and rolling, Billie’s hands cup her breasts to just squeeze and play with them. She can’t leave well enough alone for long, thumbs sweeping out to flick at rosy nubs. To keep them hard and Steph wound tightly from each caress. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie's voice drops down, now, all the casual playfulness gone. Just the hunger left. The rumble in it draws a shy eye open where Steph still brushes her hot cheek to her shoulder. Billie already watches her, eyes intense as ever. And then she cocks her head just so, thumbs flicking so she can watch Steph flinch again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you gonna sit on my dick or not? I’m waiting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shoulders climbing in her ears, Steph can’t help but run her mouth and blurt, “Ask me nicely.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hands still on her breasts. Steph’s heart skips a beat when she thinks Billie will go back to pinching her. It would be a Billie-thing to do. To punish her just a little. And Steph would play along with that meanness and mewl and plead with her eyes until Billie gave in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t have to do all that. Instead, Billie sits up smoothly from the pillows to tuck her face between Steph’s breasts. Steph frowns, thinking Billie will do something stupid or embarrassing. Something boyish. Soft lips just press kisses over Steph’s breastbone, wander to supple skin to suckle gentle kisses. Steph startles in Billie’s lap when strong arms curl around her waist and hold her close. Heart in her throat, Steph just stays up on her knees with her hands above Billie’s curls. Unsure of what she should do. If anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A gentle nibble to the delicate swell of a breast and then Billie murmurs, “I thought you were gonna be my good girl and ride me, hmm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tension unwinds from the pit of Steph’s stomach. She allows herself the pleasure of combing her long fingers through Billie’s hair. Billie smells like her, has since the first night. Steph bows her back to nuzzle Billie just as gently as Billie does her, mouth wandering closer to a nipple all the time. She throbs while thinking about what those lips can do to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were being mean,” Steph huffs in her hair, twirling curls around and around her fingers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s purr tingles just beside a nipple still a little hard. Steph can’t control her next shudder when Billie’s words puff over her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph curls closer, body tingling for Billie’s touch, and stutters, “A-a little…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hums at that, keeps her hum up even as her lips finally brush Steph’s nipple. Steph tries not to flinch too hard, doesn’t want to hurt Billie with her wild flailing. She doesn’t quite hold Billie to her breast even though Billie welcomes herself to it with gentle pressure and flicks of her tongue. Each one is another bolt shooting straight between Steph’s legs. She’s still plenty warm, still wants Billie in her again. Steph’s arms tighten around Billie’s neck as she holds on, trembling harder when Billie’s hand at her other breasts fondles it. All so carefully, so gently. Steph may want to be fucked hard, but she loves this tenderness, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulls off with a wet noise like a kiss, blows cool air over Steph’s nipple, and asks, “Can I make it up to you, baby girl? I wanna make you come on my dick so bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph bites back a smile, feeds the tension into a shiver when fingers pluck at her other nipple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re ridiculous, Billie,” she says with twinkling laughter. Steph thinks nothing of it when she kisses Billie’s hair and hugs her tightly. “Help me put it in? And then… And then talk to me? Tell me how-how good I make you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s all she wants. The praise and for Billie to look up at her in that awestruck way. Like Billie has never seen someone like Steph before and can’t get enough. It’s all she’s ever wanted—someone to be in awe of her as much as she is in awe of them. Equal ground. Solidarity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another hum at her breast, one more squeeze and suckling kiss, and then Billie sits back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think I can do that,” she says with a warm smirk, her hands slipping down to rub Steph’s thighs. Billie nods somewhere behind Steph and says, “Grab the lube by my leg and hand it to me. It’s dry by now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head and hair flapping in a nod, Steph twists and leans back to slap at the bottle. She hands it to Billie and then has to hobble back so Billie can slick up the silicone again. It’s an obscene gesture and wet noise again, Steph just doesn’t watch this time. She’s too caught up in Billie’s heady expression, knows it well and knows Billie will give her something special. Just like every time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lube tucked under a pillow, Billie curls her fingers towards herself to draw Steph close again. Huffed laughter whispers out of Steph’s nose when she scoots back up Billie’s body, the dildo swaying a little and bumping wet and sticky on her stomach. Not unlike a real dick, only a little less pathetic. She has to climb over, but this time Billie helps her by pushing the toy down to make room for her. Like this, when Billie lets go, the wet tip smacks Steph’s ass. She jumps to one of Billie’s amused smirks. Billie’d done that on purpose. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lean forward like you did before, baby, and I’ll give you what you want.” She smooths her right hand, dry, up Steph’s thigh to hold her hip. The left, tacky with lube, pets ever so gently between her legs. Thick fingers easily slip between folds, light pressure at her entrance, and then swirling a few times over her clit. “You still ready for me, or do I need to warm you up again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph slaps both hands to the headboard and leans up, forward on her knees. Billie won’t let her wobble and fall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shaking her head, Steph pleads, “N-no, just-just touch me, Billie, I’m ready, wanna feel you in me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie slips a warm arm between Steph’s legs to reach for the dildo. The tip goes bumping and dragging from Steph’s ass to the sore spot between her legs that wants to be filled again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding this time, she goes on, “I need you so bad, please f-fuck me hard, I wanna feel it, don’t be gentle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Straddling Billie like this, Steph feels every second of her shudder. Electricity races up sympathetic under Steph’s skin. She’s shaking, too, about to fly apart from how badly she wants Billie to fuck her like earlier. On her back with abandon, making her take every thick inch of the toy. Steph whines and tucks her chin to her shoulder again as Billie teases her like before, too, just rubbing the blunt head from hole to clit, back and forth, up and down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie!” She whines. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Down one more time, Billie rubbing and swiping at her entrance, and she rumbles up at Steph, “Sit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s nails scratch at the headboard when she forces herself down. Billie’s hand at her hip helps steady her, guiding her back and down. Her left is still under Steph to feed the first few inches in her. Billie doesn’t let Steph sit down hopping quick like Steph wants. Her thighs strain against Billie’s strength, but the more she fights Billie, the slower Billie moves her. Sitting up like this, Steph is just on the side off too tight. Not relaxed enough. The angle makes it hurt, and she pauses of her own accord, whimpers when Billie squeezes her hip to coax her down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hurts,” she rushes out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then Billie’s hand at her hip is trying to lift her, and Steph scrambles to get her hands on Billie’s shoulders. To stop her. Steph puts her weight on Billie where she lies against the pillow and shakes her head, throwing her hair around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, don’t stop, just…” Steph’s shoulders rise to her ears, and she digs her nails into Billie’s skin. Letting her breath go with a gasp, Steph shakes her head again and pleads, “Just wait, I’m okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s right hand tightens at her hip.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m hurting you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph rocks a little on her knees, just exploring how her body moves on the toy in this position. Perhaps she could use a little warming up again, but she doesn’t want to stop. Billie’s hand is still a vice at her hip, so Steph throws one of hers down to cover the tense knuckles there. From that touch alone, Billie relaxes. If only a bit, but it’s better than nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sweating a little, Steph flicks her head to knock hair out of her eyes and says, “I trust you. You’re not hurting me, Billie, I promise.” She offers Billie’s severe resting face a smile. “Will you just, um… will you touch me a little? Talk to me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s sternness holds. Holds for a few more breaths. Steph considers breaking out a pout when Billie sighs and finally breaks. She doesn’t need to keep her left hand scooped down to hold on to the dildo. She wipes her tacky fingers on her own stomach before she takes Steph by both hips. Not pulling or pushing. Just holding her, thumbs running over the jut of bone. It tickles, and Steph forces her vulnerable wiggle into her shoulders. If she moves around too much, the slick toy will just slip right out of her. And then Billie will have every reason to stop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie?” Steph shivers with the next drag of rough thumbs over her skin. She cracks an eye open, squeezes Billie’s shoulders, and asks, “Talk to me? Do I feel… good on top of you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie being quiet is so strange. She doesn’t like it, would do anything to have Billie grinning and saying ridiculous things. Like normal. Steph shuffles on her knees, shifts down a bit more on the toy, and slides her hand away from Billie’s. Touching herself is usually against the rules—the unsaid rules between them. Biting her lip is against the rules, too. Like earlier, she’ll pull out all the stops until Billie growls up at her to behave. Just the phantom husk of that voice in her ear has Steph shivering, squeezing around the few inches in her. If Billie could feel her like that, she’d know just how much Steph wants this. Instead, Steph will have to show her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph lets her knees slide a little farther apart. She blows out a cool breath to calm her racing heart. Nerves are inevitable when she misbehaves. Billie always gives it to her good, makes the punishment fit the crime. Again, the phantom voice and weight of Billie’s voice tickles her ear. Warning what would be slapped next if she didn’t behave. Teeth denting her lip, Steph keeps melty eyes on Billie while reaching for herself. Her left hand slides up the flat space between her breasts, ready to play with either. Steph releases her bottom lip long enough to lap at three fingers on her right only to cup her little clit. She’s exposed and open for Billie to see, knows exactly what she’s doing. What she shouldn’t be doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she breathes with another shiver. Nipple between her thumb and the side of her index finger, she rolls it while wiggling her hips down. “Gimme more, I-I need you so bad, please make me mmm, make me feel good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie may be quiet and with her sternness still lurking, no smiles or grins, she is not unaffected. Steph bites back her own smile as she watches color blend Billie’s freckles into her blush. All the red concentrates in her cheeks, sometimes gets into her ears. Steph wants to reach down and pet Billie’s hair, to press her palm to Billie’s blush. She can after she coaxes Billie out of her doubt. Billie just thinks this is hurting her, and Steph knows it. Humming with her head tilted back, Steph snaps her hips between rubbing on her fingers and grinding farther down on the dildo. If she just leans a little forward, breasts more in Billie’s face and presented, maybe she can…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The angle is what does it. She’d needed to lean forward, like Billie tried to coax her into doing. Like this, her body doesn’t fight the curved angle of the dildo. Like before on her back, her body can’t stuff itself fast enough. At once, she is halfway down. At the next, her ass nestles on top of Billie’s thighs, and she’s full. Her head swims, but Billie’s arms are there to catch her. And Billie’s legs that fold up on instinct—a wall of strength behind her bottom. Steph’s hand between her breasts still flounders for balance, though, and ends up grappling for the headboard. Some hair spills over her shoulder to shield her from Billie’s intense eyes. They’ve awoken again, bright and electric, to the sight of Steph impaling herself deep and hard. They soak up Steph’s gasp and flutter, roll of her eyes, and then Billie is there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie takes Steph’s wrist from between her legs and draws those trembling fingers to her mouth. She licks them clean, just a little warm and wet from the brief fondling Steph had stolen. Steph peeks from behind her hair and grinds herself into Billie’s lap. Cheeky. Bratty. What ever shall Billie do out of retribution? Steph hums and goes about rocking herself a little off the dildo, sinks back down, and does it all again. Barely an inch or two. Just enough to make filthy sounds between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now will come the retribution. But no, Billie just guides Steph’s hand to her shoulder, fingers petting over her as she leaves. Billie exhales long and hard, closes her eyes. Steph takes her fill of Billie then without those intense eyes on her. She admires the muscles in Billie’s biceps, shyly her breasts even with this temporary privacy. They have freckles on them, kissed by the sun. Billie’s skin is smooth and a furnace under Steph’s hand when it goes sliding down from freckled shoulder to freckled breast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The touch coaxes Billie’s eyes open. Just murky blues blank, and then intense all at once with a glance up. Steph’s shiver starts at her hips and drizzles slowly up her back and into her hair. Electrifying. A blink, and then Billie peels her left hand from where she holds Steph at her hips. Still while looking up at Steph pink cheeks, Billie copies her motions earlier to lap at three fingers. Steph sucks in a loud breath through her teeth and squirms in Billie’s lap, hopping as Billie’s hand slips down, where she wants those thick fingers teasing and rubbing her. Just that little bit of motion rocks their bodies and gets the bedframe squeaking again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, please, please,” Steph breathes with each bounce of her ass in Billie’s lap. Steph threads her free hand into her hair, desperate for relief from the heat in her head. “Please touch me, o-ohhh, Billie, touch me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Billie’s fingers, wet and firm, just graze her, Steph rolls her body down and into them. She’s seated fully in Billie’s lap again to grind her clit into thick digits. Billie even lets her for a few swirls of her body. In the end, she drags her fingers harsh and firm over Steph’s clit the last time before pulling away. Steph’s moan cuts off in the middle into a whine. She even cranes up on her knees, silicone half out of her, to chase the sensation. Billie’s grip at her hips doesn’t accept that, though, and Billie swiftly yanks her back down. And even does Steph the service of snapping her hips off the bed to meet her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It pops a bellow of a moan out of Steph, head tilted back and breathless. Blue eyes burn up and down, over every inch of her. Steph feels that ache on her throat, breasts, shivering belly, and then finally between her legs. Billie lifts her up again only to meet her a second time, powerful hips bucking Steph forward. She doesn’t fall, though, just slaps both hands to the headboard. Billie has already scooted them up the bed a little. Steph doesn’t have to strain so much to brace herself against the headboard. She’ll need it to hold on to when Billie holds her still and thunders into her from below.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not the sort of riding Steph had imagined. She’s almost not moving at this point, held still with bruising hands at her hips while Billie fucks up into her. It’s not unlike Steph bent on her back while Billie’s hips slammed her over and over. Only now she’s above Billie with brown hair falling around her and her breasts shaking from the impact. Touching herself would be incredible right now, but a little pain helps the pleasure stretch farther. Steph grins around the flow of her noises as she dares to cup a hand around one of her small breasts and squeeze, pinching the nipple particularly hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hips pop her in the ass at that exact moment. Billie must know right where Steph needs it. That thrust sends the blunt head of the dildo gliding hard along Steph’s walls. So full and tightening to feel more, Steph bows over Billie and can’t keep her eyes open when she whines so loudly. Billie is all eyes on her, observing and cataloguing every twitch, every tremble in Steph’s face. Steph’s only relief is Billie’s gaze drifting down. It’s a brand on the back of her slim hand. How dare she touch. Steph’s hand tightens over softness once more out of pure rebellion and blind desire. Billie repays her with boyish fingers at her other breast, quick to pinch and pluck the other nipple. Not as nicely as Steph had done it to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you’re not supposed to touch these, baby girl.” A harder pinch, and then a tender roll. “Not gonna be a good girl for me, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head wildly and throws her naughty hand back to the head board. Billie switches to that one, flicking fingers harder and harder on the poor bud. Steph strains in the half grip on her hip, desperate to move. She wiggles, lifts herself against Billie’s strength, thighs quivering. Maybe Billie lets her do it, maybe Billie wants her to do it, Steph isn’t sure. But she manages to rise up on her knees and then slide right back down to fuck herself. That’s the burn she wants, of driving the toy deep inside her and drop her weight on Billie. So Billie feels her. So she can watch blue eyes flutter a little and Billie’s lips part with a sigh. She’ll do it again and again just to give Billie that pleasure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she pants. “You f-feel incredible. So mmm so deep, Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s encouraging, and Billie tilts her head back into the pillow. Like this, she abandons Steph’s sore breasts with a warm, slow slide down her stomach, tugging on coarse hair, and then delicately fluttering fingers over her clit. Billie slips down to gather silky lube and slick to drag up and soften her fingers against Steph. She pets and flicks, drives Steph wild like a well-calibrated engine. Nerves firing perfectly and faster, more than Steph’s noises can keep up with. The burning inside her swells as Steph’s strength in her thighs falters. It’s rigorous even for her, but she’s almost there, could cry from how close she is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie never disappoints her. Never lets her down. Billie must feel her falter or see it. Her fingers pick up a rhythm over Steph’s clit as her hips stir back to life under the wailing girl. Billie meets the drop of Steph’s body onto hers, popping into her at that sweetest of angles, makes her see stars and feel colors. That familiar, cold burning like ice that is her orgasm barrels towards her from that sweet spot inside her. Billie’s fingers draw it out, and then Steph is all tense back muscles and her voice straining through her breaths, moaning when she can sip some air. Somewhere, Billie’s name is tangled in those cries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hips shaking, Steph finally lets the strength in her thighs out. Burning and trembling like the rest of her. Steph’s hands are sweaty things on her headboard, leaving palm prints as they go slipping. Billie is still content to move slow and deep in her, fingers even slower where they pet her through her orgasm. It’s too much, nerves delicate and numb, but Steph doesn’t reach down to stop Billie. If Billie keeps it up, she could probably come again—a frightening, wonderous thought. She’s always so blissed out after one, but Billie tells her it’s possible…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hand at her hip comes slipping up again, through the wave of Steph’s hair hiding her, and then to her face. Billie’s thumb glides over her lower lip, and Steph’s next breath stutters over nail and skin. Steph opens mindless and unashamed, content to swipe her tongue over the lines swirled into Billie’s skin, like she can feel them. The rest of Billie’s fingers hold her jaw so tenderly. She is not made of glass, but Billie knows she is fragile right now. Hips below her snap up hard once, bouncing Steph in her lap. When Steph had closed her eyes, she doesn’t know, but she opens them with a little whine. Billie waits for her—always. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna come again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The option is always hers to come at all. She knows that somehow, although it remains unsaid between them. So much unsaid. Steph drops a hand from the headboard to take Billie’s wrist near her chin. She clings to it while inviting Billie’s thumb deeper past her lips. It surely looks ridiculous and causes her only a modicum of embarrassment, but it feels good, and she wants this with Billie. A nod, and then she grinds herself into Billie’s lap and shivers with a noise around her thumb. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It won’t take long or much. Steph’s body is still heavy and tingling from coming, the sensation not dulled yet. Steph’s grip on Billie’s wrist when she begins to move in earnest is probably too tight. The bones go grinding together under her palm, and Billie sucks a breath through her teeth. But she can’t stop, needs something to hold on to while the toy bullies her to the edge again. It hurts so terribly, nerves swirled and rubbed to vague numbness, but Steph grinds herself as much as her weak strength allows. Chasing that razor’s edge Billie shoves her right up to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie grunts under her with the next slam of hips into her. It doesn’t hurt—Steph plenty wet and warm to make the glide silky and filthy. She just can’t help anymore, can’t move with Billie even though she wants to. The wrist in her hand finally stirs, and Billie draws her thumb out of Steph’s mouth, petulant whine following it out. Steph cannot pout before the world is topsy turvey, one moment on her knees straddling Billie and the next Billie rolls them and towers above Steph again. She gets Steph behind her knees, hikes those long legs over her broad shoulders, and then holds Steph down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still wanna come again?” She breathes, panting a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All Billie needs is a whine and a nod from Steph. It’s just like the first time, Billie hunching over her and rattling the headboard against the wall with her thrusts. Steph’s hands fly up first to the wood to scramble for purchase but then just as quickly loop around Billie’s neck. They bend her together that way with Billie’s big hands pinning her waist, hips bucking long strokes between Steph’s trembling thighs. This is what she needs, the rush of something long and thick driving into her. She doesn’t mind the messy, wet kisses searching along her cheek for her mouth, either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she slurs with boyish lips already on hers. Steph’s heart soars to have Billie kiss her and piston away inside her at the same time. She clings all the tighter to blond curls and pleads when her mouth isn’t full, “Please, please, oh need you, ah Billie harder!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie answers her with, “Touch yourself,” before claiming her mouth again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’ll gladly help this along. It’s a tight squeeze to slip a hand between them, Billie’s skin like a sunburn as they rut together. But between her quivering legs, of course Steph finds the delicate, shy bundle of nerves that will send her over the edge again. She’s almost too sensitive to touch, so Steph swipes trembling fingers back and forth, around and around her hood instead. She finds that delicious rhythm with Billie and feeds Billie whine after whine, growing higher and more frantic until she bucks on the toy and thrashes under Billie’s weight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all floaty and breathless, then, as numbness settles between her legs. Deep, snapping waves have her shaking. Where they’re coming from, she doesn’t know, just feels it in the very center of her being. Distantly, Steph hears Billie groan in her ear when she sits back and slowly pulls out. That hurts, so empty all at once, and Steph curls up on herself. But Billie is right there with hands that only shake a little and warmth that scoops her up. Steph cannot make sense of up or down, front or back, just knows Billie’s husky voice is in her ear and big hands pet her back, her hair. Billie is… everywhere, and Steph’s hands seek her out blindly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m right here, baby girl, you’re okay,” Billie murmurs to her cheek, kissing her. “I’m right here, feel me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie grabs her hand despite Steph’s flinch and whine and flattens in to her heart. Steph works both arms between them—oh, she’s on her side, facing Billie and safe under her heavy arm, harness gone—to tuck herself tightly to golden skin. Steph remembers, now, her brattiness and biting Billie. It’s barely a red mark through the flush in Billie’s chest, but Steph finds it with blurry eyes and nuzzles the spot, kissing it in apology. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” is the first thing she can make her mouth say. “I-I’m…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh, I got you, princess, everything is fine. I’m not leaving.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A little noise, pleased, and then Steph mumbles with a wiggle, “You next.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hand in her hair stills, stutters with hesitation. After a fast breath through her teeth, though, Billie picks up combing her fingers through Steph’s sweaty hair, carding it off the back of her neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry about that right now. Just lie here with me and let me hold you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t argue with that. A nap and a shower—Jesus what is it with them and showering together so much—sound like heaven. Steph’s stomach chimes in. They haven’t eaten yet today. Whatever today is and whatever the time is. She knows what she wants, though, and nuzzles Billie’s chest out of pure affection. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hungry, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?” The friendly, amused purr of Billie’s voice in her ear. “We can get up after a little while and eat. Sorry you gotta be the one to cook, unless you want a science experiment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph kisses the freckles scattered over Billie’s breasts and offers with a sleepy sigh, “I can teach you, if you want. I don’t”—a yawn—“mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t gotta, baby, it’s not a big deal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph struggles and huffs in the circle of Billie’s arms, then. Up and up she wiggles until she finds Billie’s face, some curls spilling in front of it. Steph’s hand only trembles a little when she scoops those curls back behind an ear so she can kiss Billie properly. Nothing fast, nothing filthy. Not now. Just the plush back and forth of their lips. Just feeling each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They part with a wet sound and Steph insisting, “I want to. It’s important, you can’t just… eat gas station food and TV dinners your whole life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie snorts, mumbling under her breath, “Who says I eat that shit right now,” but kisses Steph again instead of making a case out of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want French toast,” Steph sighs when they separate again. Her teeth ache from all their activities. “I hope we still have eggs left. I don’t wanna put clothes on and leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Speaking my language.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph presses a smile to Billie’s cheek while nuzzling her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You just like having unhindered access to me, pervert.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie rolls them a little to put her weight on Steph when she purrs back, “The best kind of access to a pretty girl like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives Billie the access she wants when warm breaths puff over her throat. Suckling kisses could get her going again. Steph threads her arms back around Billie’s broad shoulders and just coos and wiggles under her. Billie always feels so good on top of her. Holding her down or otherwise, Steph just enjoys the weight. She thinks she’s always liked feeling Billie’s raw strength. Even before, when they weren’t friends. And now… Steph tightens her arms around Billie to hold her close. Steph cannot imagine a point in her future without the other girl. Doesn’t want to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie?” She asks soft and low in the shell of her ear. “Can I touch you, now? I really wanna make you feel good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A biting kiss to a fresh mark on her neck and then carefully, “How about after we clean up and eat? We have all the time in the world, Steph. It can wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something stings in her stomach like she’s eaten something bad. She doesn’t like the idea of waiting that long. Their conversation a week ago, about Billie getting hers as good as she gives, echoes in her ears. But Billie is already sitting up with an easy smile, hands cupping Steph’s face to make her look up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not the only hungry one,” Billie points out with a wink. “Maybe we can get started on that cooking lesson. Can’t be too hard, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s skin glows a little under Billie’s palms, and then she’s nodding. It’s… easier to go along with Billie’s sunny happiness than fight it. If Billie is happy, then it’s okay. Billie would tell her if something is wrong, if she is upset. Billie trusts her. So, Steph fills the hollows of Billie’s palms with a smile. She rises easy and light with Billie’s hand clasped in hers, gentle gropes and kisses never far as they go laughing and playful down the stairs, naked and oblivious to the world. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph and Billie make plans on New Year's Eve.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oh Billie =C It's winding down, folks, we're getting closer to the end every week. Just *sigh* these girls, man. You'll see lol. It has to get worse before it can get better lol. No matter what happens!!! Remember the "Happy Ending" tag!!! I will rip your hearts out, stomp on them, spit on them, and then shove them back in your chest cavities... But it'll heal =DDD You'll see, trust me lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Waking up on New Years Eve before noon should be a crime. If they’re going to stay up until midnight, do a cheesy kiss on the New Year. But when Billie stirs awake on her side, Steph flat on her back and covers in disarray, she decides being awake isn’t so bad. It has its perks, like roaming her gaze all over Steph. Thinking. Remembering the conversation they had over French Toast that Billie didn’t burn. A successful first attempt. Edible, although Steph ended up giving Billie the slices she made, eating Billie’s rejects. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph had been quiet over her plate. The embarrassed sort, poking things around while she chewed over something. Billie waited quiet and open for anything, dreading Steph would bring up the conversation on reciprocating. It was not a conversation she wanted to have at that tender moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing hard, Steph finally picked her head up to look shy through her bangs and asked, “When you woke up this morning, you were… you wanted to have sex?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie was thankful her mouth was clear at the time. She probably would have choked from how cute Steph was while asking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean? I wanted to get off, waking up to you all cuddled against me. I woulda waited but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shook her head and then tucked her hands under the table. They threw on pajama pants and t-shirts for this, not feeling like getting even dirtier. She fidgeted for a moment or two, eyes down, before finally gathering the courage to look up again. So adorable, so shy but eager. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Next time um… don’t wait. You can just-you can just… touch me. If you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“While you’re asleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sat there with her fork held loosely in her hand, practically tipping back to her plate. Touch Steph while she was still asleep? Surely she didn’t understand the full scope of that, the issues with consent…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby,” she said carefully, so weak under the power of Steph’s eager stare. “That’s… In general, you don’t fuck with people unless they can say yes, you know? Like if I touched you while you were drunk, I don’t know how I’d feel about that. Like you don’t know what you’re saying yes to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shrugged, a nervous little thing, and said, “You can do whatever you want. I’m fine with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So nonchalantly. Like they were discussing a meet-up to trade notes for class rather than Steph asleep and oblivious to all the wicked things Billie could do…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyebrows high, Billie pushed with, “Whatever I want? So I can eat you out or use toys on you? Fuck you while you’re asleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another hard swallow, and then Steph nodded. The color in her cheeks deepened so pretty and pink under her beauty marks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can, I-I want you to.” A hard shiver and then, “I trust you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trust in hand despite how much it hurts her, Billie now lies in her place at Steph’s side and just. Watches. Considers it. Whatever she wants, she can have. That’s too easy, of course, and untrue. She can’t have anything she wants ever. It’s just not the way things are. And the closer they draw to Wednesday when they go back to school, the more she realizes she’s royally fucked herself over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breath harsh on the way out, Billie knows she should stop this. She should hold a hand up to Steph next time and stop her approach. Gently… decline the eagerness for touch in that smile. She should have established boundaries that first time, told Steph it would be a one-time thing, don’t get attached, don’t touch me like that, don’t kiss me so sweet…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing hard and feeling every bit a fool that she is, Billie turns her head to Steph’s pillow. It smells like them. Or rather Billie smells like Steph, now. Steph’s conditioner, Steph’s soap, Steph’s lotion… All hers. Billie’s next breath chokes her, and she just presses her face harder to the pillow. She could just scream and tear something apart. Just to feel anything other than this. But she doesn’t cry, no matter how her eyes sting. She’s done this to herself. No use crying over it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t need much convincing to reach out a hand to rest it lightly over Steph’s navel. Billie doesn’t want to think right now. Doesn’t want to suffer her own feelings. She just wants Steph’s warmth and to play with the peach fuzz on her. Steph is far enough from her break-up with Wheeler to where all the grooming she’d done for him doesn’t amount to anything. Thin hairs already climb up from between her legs, heading for her navel. Billie wonders, watching her fingers pet over it, if Steph will keep her little treasure trail. Billie wishes she would. It’s fun to lick and watch Steph squirm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sweeps her hand up from that playground to a different sort. Blue eyes cautious as they watch Steph’s sleeping face, like she doesn’t have permission to do this, she cups the underside of a soft breast. Steph fits perfectly in her boyish hands. It’s something Billie had marveled about the first time they ever fisted their hands in each other’s gym t-shirts. How Steph fits so well in her hands, against her body. Until recently, she could not know how well they go together. They share a few common likes, but the desire to just be near each other speaks for so much…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head pillowed on her right arm, Billie sighs and continues to watch Steph’s face. She knows what she wants to do right now. She wants Steph to wake up trembling and cooing to a gentle tongue lapping her up, teasing her until her racing blood forces her awake. Billie has woken to her fair share of hands exploring her, an occasional finger or two testing to see how much they could get away with before she woke up. A heady thought—of Steph writhing awake to her body stretched wide on the dildo—rips a hard shiver out of Billie. But that’s pure fantasy. Steph would wake up long before then. But her first idea has merit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie takes her hand off Steph only so that she can slowly push herself up to sit. First on her hip. Pause to watch Steph, to see if she stirs. Nothing but deep breaths from the slumbering girl. So Billie crawls backwards on elbows and knees. The bed is traitorous, shifting as she goes. But at this slow, careful pace, maybe Steph won’t notice. As a second thought, Billie snatches the thick blanket they usually cuddle under and packs it close to Steph’s left side. Not a replacement for Billie’s warmth and weight, but better than emptiness. Steph doesn’t like waking up alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph lies on her back with her arms loose around her, her legs already splayed a little. How she’s not cold, Billie isn’t sure. Billie hadn’t woken up to the blanket covering them. Just her own radiant body heat soaking into Steph. Her worry that Steph will wake up too soon is all the more real knowing her body heat was most likely keeping Steph content. So Billie makes quick work carefully nudging Steph’s thighs just wide enough to nestle between them. Steph is pliant in her sleep. Easy. Trusting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I trust you,’ she always says. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie wishes she could trust herself like Steph does. Trust herself to not get too deeply into this and fuck over her heart. Again. Billie sighs on her front, boyish hands ghosting up Steph’s inner thighs, and ducks down to kiss her mound. All over from where her hair stops growing down to her hood peeking out. Relaxed and so soft, ready for the rush of arousal and blood to fill it. Billie breathes hard and has to shuffle on her stomach. Steph may just spring awake at the first lick. Hopefully if she does, she’ll entertain Billie until Billie has her fill. She won’t want to stop when Steph wakes up. She… has to make the most of these last days before it’s all over. Before Steph isn’t hers anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tongue just as soft as Steph and lazy, Billie barely traces the seam of her labia. Just a light graze and pausing after to see what Steph will do. Her ribs lift up under her skin in a deep breath, but it all rushes out without eyes fluttering open. Without a sound from Steph. Billie does it again, featherlight and only dragging a little from the dryness. Drawing her tongue back into her mouth fixes that, and the next lap gets Steph’s thighs shuffling around Billie’s ears. A kiss to Steph’s clit gets her a tiny noise. Sleepy. Not here yet. So Billie kisses it a few more times, cheeky swipes of tongue like she’s kissing Steph for real. All just to hear her breaths go a little shallow, her voice to whine through her thick sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie turns her exploration down, deeper. Slipping her tongue so gently between velvet folds to flick and curl against Steph’s entrance. Blue eyes stay firmly at the top of Billie’s vision so she captures every twitch in Steph’s face. Color pools slowly into her cheeks with every breath. Her pretty hands, once relaxed in the pillow and sheets, twist as her panting grows faster. Billie cannot help her deep, satisfied hum at witnessing this. Causing it. Need hounding her and heating up her own face, Billie opens wide to seal her mouth to Steph’s wet skin and draws her tongue around and around even after Steph gasps awake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands are in her hair immediately. No fear, no hesitation. Not pushing back but hauling Billie closer. Her chin is wet, but Billie shakes her head against Steph’s body anyway, spreading it around. Steph’s thighs finally do box her in and nearly clamp around her head. Billie just slides her hands up from the bed to pet up and down the outsides of Steph’s thighs. I’m here, feel me, I’m right here, don’t I make you feel good, can I make you come?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s chest arches off the bed as she squeals, “Billie, god!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She comes delicate and soft like that, body curled up around Billie’s head. Billie lets off her gentle suckling at Steph’s clit to wiggle her tongue as deep as Steph’s clenching body allows. Which isn’t much, but it’s worth it to hear Steph’s cry turn high and twinkling. Steph is so warm and beautiful like this. Her hands are the first things to relax. And then swiftly the rest of her until she melts into the bed. Billie lingers at her altar a moment longer, content to kiss Steph’s clit a few more times despite it turning shy after an orgasm. Steph’s hands reach for her face, and Billie relents. She knows what Steph needs now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s incredibly hot to Billie, gets her moaning and aching between her legs, that Steph likes kissing her after eating her out. Some girls just don’t. But Billie loves it, loves Steph moaning pretty around her tongue and sucking and biting until the taste is gone. She must not mind the bitterness, the it-can’t-be-anything-else tang. That just plants the idea in Billie’s head of Steph shy with herself, alone and horny, and tasting herself for the first time out of pure curiosity. She smiles into their filthy, wide kisses and yanks back just to catch Steph unawares. She’s quick to close her mouth, tongue hanging out one second and gone the next, and then pouts at Billie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you stop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cuz I wanted to see you make this exact face.” Billie kisses the color in her cheek. “When you’re deep in your head and having a good time. You’re adorable, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Huffing, Steph’s pout turns thoughtful, glances down to Billie’s chin. It’s still wet, and Steph flinches forward to lick that clean, too. They stare at each other long after Steph licks her lips. They’re as pink as her cheeks blushing so hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was…” Steph shivers, and then Billie is there on top of her, chasing the cold away. Arms loop around Billie’s neck and she continues, “That was insanely hot. I can’t believe you actually did it, woke me up like that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hums and nuzzles Steph’s hair. It’s soft and clean from their shower last night before piling into bed. No sex, just soft kisses and hands roaming without purpose or intent until they’d fallen asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Been thinking about it a lot. So”—Billie shrugs—“just decided to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nuzzles her back and murmurs low, almost a whisper, “I think about stuff too. To do with you, things we haven’t done yet.” She shakes with a little laugh and then kisses Billie’s jaw. “I know what an orgasm feels like, and I couldn’t say that two weeks ago… Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hears the hesitation in Steph’s voice for what it is. Billie gets her arms under her, elbows bracketing Steph’s chest, and sits up. Not enough to separate—Steph’s arms tighten at her neck to make doubly sure—but enough for Billie to catch shy doe eyes. So shy but meeting hers anyway, because Steph knows she likes it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea baby girl? What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That gets Steph going, coaxes her out like always. She needs tender love and care. Encouragement. Praise so that she’ll be open and honest, say what she wants. It’s not like pulling teeth like it had been. It’s all a part of warming her up until Steph loses her inhibitions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shivering under Billie, Steph plays with blonde hair and mumbles, “Tonight is New Years Eve. Are we gonna do anything… special?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I believe the traditional thing is to kiss at midnight. You must be talking about something else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie keeps the grin off her face but cannot fight it in her voice. She’s aching to know what Steph has in that pretty head of hers. It has to be something good for her to squirm this much. She hasn’t since the adult store and then immediately after in her car when asking about fisting. And Billie still doesn’t let herself think about those images too much. If she thinks about Steph squirming on her wrist, trembling and unbelievably full…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie doesn’t hear Steph’s next shy murmur, too caught up in her own head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Startling, she rushes out, “Sorry, say that again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph grits her teeth and groans, “You’re being mean on purpose!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her face is red from her jaw to her hairline. Billie could just kick herself for not hearing Steph the first time. So she makes amends by ducking her head to Steph’s pale neck and freshens up some of the lovebites spattered all over. She’ll have to stop doing that after today, most likely. Billie doesn’t care if Steph leaves marks on her. She’ll wear them with pride and accept the surge of attention, people trying to shame her. She can take it. She doesn’t want to expose Steph to any of that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nails scratching Billie’s upper back a little, Steph blurts out, “I want you to fist me at midnight!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of all the sensual and filthy ideas Billie had in her head to this point, fisting wasn’t even a hope. Only her wildest fantasy. Never to be realized like so many other things in her life. She lies frozen on top of Steph and can’t even enjoy the way her nervous squirming comes back fiercer than before. Billie just stares into Steph’s messy hair, barely breathing. Steph’s request just echoes between her ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a stretch of silence, Steph calms her wiggling and asks, so delicately like she thinks Billie is upset, “Is-is that okay? We don’t have to, I just-I just think about it a lot and think it would be… fun or it would feel amazing, uh… but we—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It comes out hushed. Nothing more than words drifting on Billie’s exhale when she finally allows herself to breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s tiny, timid nod, nails still biting Billie’s back, and then just as hushed, “I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Especially after we used the harness and that felt…” She shudders. “Amazing. And I know you said it can hurt and that it can be difficult for people with big, uh, big hands but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to try anyway,” Billie finishes Steph’s thought for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another nod. Then silence. They both need a moment, Billie more so than Steph. She still isn’t all there, still floats a little with Steph’s whiny request in her ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I want you to fist me at midnight!’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’ll have to wait that long. Aching and throbbing while they go on about the rest of the day. She should probably work on Steph, get her good and open. Loose. See how much she can take. The dildo isn’t as thick as Billie’s wrist. She can wrap a hand around it, even with her short fingers, and touch middle to thumb. Her own wrist, though? Not to mention the stretch across her palm and the bottom of her thumb…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s done it again, tuned Steph out on accident. Billie startles above her and then slaps messy, loud kisses up her neck, jaw, and then to Steph’s little frown. It’s not a frown for long as Billie bears all her weight down on Steph and swallows Steph’s high whine with tongue and teeth. When Steph kisses back, Billie slows and lingers for a moment to enjoy this with her. Mostly because Steph is an amazing kisser, and Billie knows she’ll miss these tender moments terribly when they go back to school on Wednesday. It breaks her heart, and she doesn’t want Steph to feel the tremble in her lips, so she pulls back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” she gasps. Billie’s words die in her mouth when she meets Steph’s wide eyes, hope so bright in them it hurts. “Y-yea, baby girl, I’m down for that.” She darts down to kiss Steph’s mouth hard one time. “I’d have to be crazy to say no to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And she is crazy. Through them finally crawling out of bed, throwing breakfast together, and then turning on the TV in Steph’s living room: Billie is crazy. Every time she’s had sex with a girl before now doesn’t amount to much. Not even the last time with her two girlfriends, the last sex she had before Steph. And that had been some charged, emotional sex, because she may never see them again. Anything could happen. And the longer she spends with Steph, the more distant her plan of burning rubber back to California in May seems. It was her plan since that moment in August when the move was announced. When her mother broke down screaming later and threw dishes at her until Billie stole her keys back and fled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie? You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re piled on the couch in front of the TV. Clothed, unfortunately, but the Indiana winter is in full swing, so it’s chilly outside Steph’s bedroom without something on. Billie is propped up in the corner of the couch where the arm meets the backrest. Steph is warm and heavy in her lap, lying facing the TV between Billie’s legs. The blanket thrown over Steph is an extra nice touch. She has it clutched up to her chin as she blinks up at Billie. Until just now, she’d rested her head on Billie’s chest, now sits up to meet her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s face falls a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re being quiet… Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie startles under her, then, and figures out her arms are barely around Steph anymore. And she is quiet, stuck in her own head. Caught between imagining tonight—what they’ll do to warm Steph up—and the inevitability of this thing between them ending. These two weeks have been a sanctum. Nothing can hurt them here, and they only have each other. Here, it doesn’t matter that Steph is straight, just having sex with a friend. Here, Billie can take a little more than she should. If she were smart, she’d stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she’s an idiot, so she just grins softly at Steph and winks, satisfied when Steph’s frown melts away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, baby girl.” Billie sits up enough to wrap her arms back around Steph and draw her down, where she belongs. Nuzzling her hair, Billie lies, “I’m just tired is all. We’re gonna stay up until midnight, so I know what’s coming, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph hums and nuzzles her back. Billie waits for Steph to say something, to agree or offer a nap. Instead, Steph unfolds herself from Billie and sits up again. Billie’s arms let her go with great reluctance, but they do let her go. Her hands are empty and alone only long enough for Steph to stagger to her feet. Once she’s there, she bows down to take Billie’s hands and tug on them. Up. Stand up. Billie does so in a daze, curious as to where this is going. Why Steph is being so soft and yet coy at the same time. When Steph leads them to the stairs, Billie knows what Steph has in mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drawing Billie into her bedroom behind her, Steph closes the door and then regards Billie with her back flat to the wood. Billie stands at the foot of Steph’s bed, feeling along her plan. Steph means for them to lie down and take a nap. Going this far without saying anything is tender and sweet, so Billie doesn’t clog the atmosphere with her usual chatter. She does grunt in surprise when Steph pulls her clothes off, slow and making as much eye contact as she can. When she’s done with herself, she steps to Billie naked and plays with the hem of her shirt. Billie needs only to lift her arms, permission, and Steph undresses her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Equals again, slim hands take Billie by an arm and draw her the rest of the way down to the bed. Steph on her knees urges Billie to lie down at the pillows, flat on her back. Like Steph doesn’t intend to join her, which if that’s true then Billie doesn’t want any part of a nap. Steph doesn’t say anything, just pets a hand through Billie’s hair and carefully bends down to kiss her forehead. It’s too much tenderness, and Billie sucks in a loud breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… want to take care of you,” Steph admits into Billie’s hair, safe from her intense eyes. “Tonight when we… You said it’s intense, and I don’t doubt that. So I want to take care of you now, because… Because I want to make you feel good, like you’re always doing to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph muffles Billie’s words with a kiss. It’s a chaste thing, not even a cheeky swipe of tongue. It serves its purpose, though, and Billie remains surprised and quiet when Steph sits back up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please let me do this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So many shoulds and should-nots enter Billie’s head. So many reasons why she needs to stop this now before it’s too late. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chin stiff in a pout, Steph slips down the bed to the space between Billie’s knees. That space is just wide enough. Billie watches with her chest aching with every beat as Steph keeps up her stubborn expression and carefully lowers herself to lie down on her front. It’s a snug fit with Billie’s legs not splayed enough. Can she convince Steph that she doesn’t want this? That she’s not feeling sex right now, why can’t Steph just come up here and nap with her? Some of Steph’s stubbornness sours, looking rejected, and she turns her head to lay her cheek on Billie’s stomach. She’s a warm blanket over Billie’s chilly skin. When had she gotten so cold?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s cheek is soft like cotton but burning like a brand when she draws it back and forth over Billie. The quiet rasp of skin on skin is loud to Billie without a record playing. Billie’s ears strain in the near-silence, and her neck starts to cramp from craning up to look down her body. Steph’s eyes watch her occasionally from under long lashes. When Steph’s hair flops in her face, she snorts with a wiry smile and flicks it away. That smile lingers when she tilts her head up a little more to blink at Billie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, Billie? I really wanna touch you right now.” She gives a wiggle, porcelain on gold, and Billie’s legs fall open a little more. “I wanna be good for you and-and hear your noises, your voice. Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s too weak to tell Steph no. No matter how nervous her stomach is, not aroused or interested in sex at all. Steph has her work cut out for her. Billie draws in a choppy breath like she wants to cry and throws a hand towards the nightstand. Baby blue toy in her grasp, she passes it down to Steph, brown eyes huge when Steph takes it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Be gentle, baby girl,” Billie pleads, holds Steph’s stare with her eyes burning at the edges. “I’m tired and…” She wants so badly to tell Steph she’s fragile right now, that she might cry and might have to ask Steph to stop. But she eats the words and smiles through the burn in her eyes. “Feel kinda out of it right now, but you can have me, if you want me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods with her cheek still grazing skin, and then turns to press full kisses around Billie’s navel. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do, I do-I want you so much, Billie.” She presses a frown to honey skin next and asks quietly, “Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to, I just-I just wanted to make you feel good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shuffles on her back and then draws her legs away from Steph’s body. She doesn’t quite fold up on herself like she would bend Steph, but her feet are flat on the bed and she’s bare for whatever Steph wants to do. Suck her, fuck her, doesn’t matter in the end. Billie throws an arm over her eyes to block her view. She loves watching Steph while they have sex, but she can’t do it right now. Her other hand resting beside her hip flinches when Steph laces their fingers together. But Billie doesn’t let go, just tightens her fingers when Steph’s body comes sliding up between her legs, then fluttering kisses across her breasts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph,” she sighs, tilting her head back so Steph can’t see her face. “You don’t gotta do all that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t mean for her voice to come out so thick. But Steph just bobs kisses across freckles and gold, humming against Billie’s breastbone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” she insists, sucking a little kiss to Billie’s cleavage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A peek under her forearm and Billie watches Steph sit up with an elbow under her, freeing her right hand. While she kisses and nuzzles a breast, her hand cradles the other. Gentle and so careful, fingertips not even denting the skin. And her first drag of lips over a nipple, still soft, has Billie sucking a breath through her teeth. Steph does it again and again, mouth brushing back and forth to coax the peachy nub tight. It trips over her lips until Steph’s little tongue sneaks out, kitten licks teasing Billie until she bucks under Steph. Just once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph hums while sealing her lips around Billie, taking gentle care just like before when she sucks. Billie’s body bows up despite her reluctance to do this. Her body just knows pleasure, knows Steph will give it to her. It doesn’t care that Billie has to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her voice tight in her throat, to not start crying and plead for Steph to stop. And she would. Steph would stop immediately and get that broken look on her face like when she’d cried about that fucker Wheeler. Billie doesn’t want to be the cause behind that expression, so she bottles her sorrow, spreads her legs a little more, and coos for Steph when slim fingers pet at her other nipple. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s enough to grease the wheels. Enough for Billie to get into it. She rocks her hips against Steph lying on top of her—not quite wiggling. Steph does the old song and dance of trailing biting, sucking kisses down from Billie’s chest to her navel and then to light-brown curls. The vibrator is somewhere. Steph had taken it from her with excitement in her eyes. Billie wonders, teeth gritting, when Steph will turn it on and use it. It’s not that Billie wants this to be over for the sake of it being over. She just… She’s doing this for Steph, but it hurts her. And she’d rather it be over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course that doesn’t stop a grunt from rumbling out of her when a shy hand wiggles between them, pets and tugs on coarse hair. She likes that and arches her body away from Steph’s fingers to turn the tug into a pull, until it hurts a little. Steph hums where she bites a mark below Billie’s navel. It’s not quite enough to leave a bruise, but the skin will be red from her teeth. Billie sucks another breath through her own tight teeth. She wishes Steph would just touch her already…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A kiss to the sting on her belly, and then Steph murmurs, “Billie, am I… am I making you feel good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph wants to hear her. Normally Billie is the vocal one, but she doesn’t know if she can do it right now. And she can’t get away with a nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, baby girl, real good.” It’s not entirely a lie. Her body is interested. “You can speed up if you want, stick that vibrator in me and turn it on high.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Steph lies here and luxuriates on Billie like she seems to want, Billie will lose it. She’s already planning on faking it anyway, doesn’t want the sex or the orgasm but still can’t deny Steph this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nods beneath her arm and rocks her body under Steph’s light weight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yea, give it to me hard and fast, princess, I can take it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie can still read the atmosphere even with her eyes tightly shut and arm over them. Steph’s hesitation is a twisted needle in Billie’s stomach. None of this feels right to her, and Billie knows it. Steph feels along the gossamer of Billie’s charade, almost peeking through. Billie doesn’t know how to fix it without rejecting Steph and opening the can of worms she’s already desperately trying to stop from exploding. Sigh harsh and frustrated, Billie throws the arm over her eyes down, down, between them to touch herself. She’s wet enough for this. Just barely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One eye peeking open, staring somewhere just behind Steph’s head, Billie asks, “You wanna take care of me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hard nodding, brown hair tickling Billie’s thighs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie flicks a smirk without any holding power, slips her fingers out of herself, and carefully pets them over Steph’s bottom lip. It’s not a surprise at all when Steph part for them and suckles on the tips, moaning a little and almost closing her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another harsh breath rushes out of Billie, and then she says, “Then fuck me hard and fast until I pass out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gets what she wants. Mostly. Steph’s face is still uncertain as she does as she’s told, guiding the vibrator into Billie with only a little resistance. A little drag, because Billie doesn’t want this like she should. Steph does her the service of turning the toy on high, also like Billie said, and settles between Billie’s legs to play with her clit. It will be easy to fool Steph without any fingers in her. Steph will never know the difference. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she doesn’t minutes later with Billie’s arm thrown her eyes again, peach fuzz on her arm helping to stop tears from sliding down her cheeks. Her anguish-thick voice aids her when the time arrives to rock into Steph’s tongue and lips and cry out like she’s coming. Steph moans against her, like everything is fine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie slaps down a hand again to reach for the vibrator. Faking like it’s too much, like she’s overstimulated and needs it out. Steph pulls away and shoves her hand between them, too, tugging the vibe out. It comes out not much easier than it’d gone in, Billie barely wet from sensation alone. No ardor behind it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie cannot turn her head or hide fast enough before Steph is by her side, reaching to cuddle her and stopping short. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie are you… are you crying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pressure of Steph’s weight hovers above her. Slim fingers at Billie’s jaw ask her to turn back so Steph can see. Billie resists only for a moment, gritting her teeth despite Steph’s fingers probably detecting the tension. But it’s too late now and the cat’s out of the bag. Best chase it off before Steph gets a good look at it and digs deeper, wonders where it came from. Billie turns her head as Steph bids her, but it’s with a grin cracking over her face. Billie hopes it doesn’t look as forced as it feels. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, baby girl, my eyes are just watering. It was intense, you know, but I wanted it like that.” She reaches with both hands for Steph’s face and the worry pulling her expression down. “You did great, made me feel so good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her heart isn’t in it, but it’s enough to fool Steph. At least a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t hurt you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cooing, Billie brings Steph down to hold her with practiced ease. This way, Steph can cuddle her, and Billie won’t have to grind her teeth to save face. Her jaws ache like someone has beaten her to a pulp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, baby, no no, you wouldn’t hurt me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie kisses the top of her head and then lingers there when her throat closes up. Steph would never hurt her of her own volition. But Steph is the knife Billie has plunged into herself, and each day is another twist. It’s only now that she can’t deal with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s voice is thick, Steph’s hair muffling it and hiding it, when she murmurs, “C’mere, lemme just hold you, just like this, baby, so warm and good to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A hum tickles Billie’s skin, and then an arm threads over her. Holding her tightly as Steph kisses over freckles just like at the start of all this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she says shyly after settling down, unaware of how Billie struggles to keep it together. “As long as I didn’t hurt you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never,” Billie gasps when her throat allows it. “Never, Steph.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph hums, asks, “Are you still tired?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exhausted, baby, I could fall asleep just like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you wake up will you… wake me up, too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s so tender, so sweet, and Billie has to cough through the tight ball of emotions choking her. She holds Steph tighter to her and kisses her head again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I won’t leave, baby girl, I’ll be right here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie lies there heavy with remorse long after Steph’s breaths lengthen and deepen. Asleep. Sucking in a ragged breath, Billie shifts them around so that Steph isn’t half on top of her anymore. They’re close enough for Billie to throw an arm over her, but otherwise they don’t touch. Billie can’t risk the tremble in her body disturbing Steph and waking her up. This isn’t the best place or time to choke up and have to shove down mournful wails. But at least Steph is soft in sleep and Billie can just look at her. Hollow and so painfully alone even with Steph warm beside her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s teeth want to break skin when she bites the corner of her mouth. But she won’t do it. Steph will just wake up later all concerned, and then Billie won’t be able to hide it. Surely she can convince herself to pass out until later. It occurs to her that Steph probably still wants to have sex later. And Billie has no fucking clue how she’s supposed to do that, now. She buries her face in the pillow under her to muffle her harsh, gasped breaths. One of her wildest fantasies about to become reality only for her to be breaking down like a little bitch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Billie curses to herself, barely above a whisper. Her anger can’t hold on, though, and she goes from clenching her jaw to trying to stop the wobble in it. “I’m sorry, Steph, I fucked up….”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie runs the risk of Steph waking alone when she slides from the bed, bathroom bound. The nerves and sorrow in her stomach make her want to vomit, but she won’t. She just needs some space, needs to splash some water on herself. Something. Billie braces her hands on the vanity sink in Steph’s bathroom, water running, and just stares down at the fancy granite countertop. A sigh rips out of her to challenge the static of the water. Still stooped over with her shoulders tense, she lifts her head to look at herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can tell she’s been crying. Nobody else could. At least there’s no make-up to smudge or clean up. And Steph isn’t here to fuss over her. Billie still has no idea what she’s going to do about tonight and the next two days with Steph. Maybe… maybe she should go crawling back to Cherry Street. Over these two weeks, she’s made an occasional phone call back home so that her mom doesn’t start anything. Billie closes her eyes to her pathetic reflection and sighs again. That won’t work. She can’t leave Steph like cutting off a limb to free herself from a game trap. And there’s nothing to stop Steph from just driving over and demanding an explanation. Cold shouldering won’t work on Steph without a fight, and Billie’s face crumbles at the thought of that. Of being cruel and mean to Steph again. She doesn’t want that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Telling Steph the truth is an even worse fate. Steph is straight, wouldn’t get it. May even judge her a little, hatred insidious around here where it’s baked in to everyone. Billie misses California with such a rush of longing that she slaps her hands to her face and goes sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. It’s safe here to loosen the leash on some of her anguish. She cannot let out the frustrated, furious screams that want to tear her throat apart. But she can cry into her hands and then her knees when she hugs them to her chest. Great, heaping gasps that shake her. Then dwindling to nothing as she just breathes, tears run dry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she shuffles back to bed, back to Steph, she’s comfortably numb. She doesn’t remember dozing off with her back to Steph, curled up on herself with her clothes covering her. She can’t stand her nudity anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph barely makes a comment about it some hours later, stirring awake and sort of climbing over Billie’s side to kiss her cheek. Billie is awake the moment Steph coos and stretches, has to close her eyes when Steph lingers to nuzzle her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” she sighs, hugging Billie close. “We slept for so long, didn’t even know I was that tired. Did you sleep good?” She plucks at Billie’s clothes. “Did I hog the blanket again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She asks as much with a laugh. Billie’s ruse must have worked. Steph’s worries are completely gone, no suspicions. Trusting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, I guess, I just wanted to put clothes on, whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph accepts that with another kiss to Billie’s cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you hungry?” Steph wiggles beside her, clearly hoping the answer is yes. “I can make us something. Or we can go out, since </span>
  <em>
    <span>somebody</span>
  </em>
  <span> already put clothes on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is just happy that Steph’s nakedness isn’t a bother. She can still look at Steph, still allow their skin to graze and sigh together. She just can’t handle herself bare around Steph anymore. Especially not after faking an orgasm hours ago. That being said, she has no desire to leave or even send Steph out alone. Billie is liable to turn tail and run, play into her earlier idea of fleeing like the coward she is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swallowing hard to school her expression, Billie rolls under Steph in the perfect charade of lazy sleepiness. Steph shuffles to stay above her, long arms holding her up. She’s all soft smiles and a little blush in her cheeks the longer Billie stares. Carefully, Billie feels nothing but still smiles anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, we should eat.” She casts a glance to the near darkness outside Steph’s window. “Wanna hunker down in front of a TV and chill out after we eat?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods, so blissful and happy, and ducks down to kiss the corner of Billie’s mouth. Right where Billie had sunk cruel teeth before to stop herself from crying. Billie shifts to evade the sting and lets Steph have her lips instead. Slotted together and parting with a noise from both, Billie reaches up to cradle Steph’s smooth back in her big hands. Featherlight up and down with fingertips to make Steph squirm into their kisses, and then full contact to rub warmth into her. Steph’s groan is full of appreciation, and her wiggling is encouraging. Billie doesn’t want that right now, though, and separates them with one last stolen peck from Steph. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I watch you cook?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph perks up at that and nods wildly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course! I can show you how to do some more in the kitchen, if you want. Like how to hold a knife or peel potatoes, or…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She rattles off more tasks, and Billie sits up as she carries on. A distraction would be great. Maybe with some distance between them Billie can sort of tape herself back together. Maybe Steph will continue to not see the tears in her and how the ragged edges won’t go back just right. Billie still needs a plan for tonight, for midnight, and she turns her head to stare at the drawer in Steph’s nightstand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cuts off whatever Steph had been saying. Billie wasn’t listening anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie thumbs towards the drawer and asks, “You still got that other joint?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smoking hasn’t been on her mind after the first time. And she hasn’t smoked since, although she thinks Steph finished the other half from that first night. Billie didn’t need or want it, finds now that she might crawl out of her skin if she fucks Steph sober tonight. She won’t be shitfaced, but she needs something to calm her nerves and take the edge off. Alcohol, weed, something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods and grins at her all pretty like she’s in on the dirty deed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should absolutely smoke tonight. Can I be high when we… ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s probably a bad idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Billie says with a shrug. “It’s your weed, do whatever you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods, nibbling on her lip, and then adds, “Everything just feels better and more when I’m high. So I wanna feel that with you later.” More color splashes her cheeks. “You still want to, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie reaches out for her blush, stomping down the rise of sadness in her, and kisses Steph’s other cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she murmurs against pink skin, voice husky. Normal between them. “I’ve been thinking about it ever since you asked what fisting was. Can’t wait to stretch you out, see how much you can take.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All of it,” Steph breathes against her, lips not quite kissing Billie’s cheek but whispering, “Jesus, I want you so bad, Billie. I know I can do it, I can take all of you, I wanna…” She bites herself through a shiver, through her thighs rubbing together. “I wanna feel you so big inside me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s stomach drops like it normally would when Steph works up the guts to say filthy things back to her. Steph is deliciously hot in her shyness, how she forces the words out but can never hope to hold their eye contact while doing it. And of course Billie recalls, right at the beginning, where Steph wouldn’t have said anything like that. She’s different, now. Billie changed her just by being near her. And Steph changed her, too. Billie has no idea how she’s going to go the rest of her life without… this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throat tight again, Billie kisses Steph’s cheek one more time and murmurs, “Absolutely, baby, I’ll give you everything.” A nod to the bedroom door and she adds, still suggestive and husky, “Let’s get to it, food ain’t gonna cook itself.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph and Billie celebrate the ball drop at midnight, New Year's Day.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The chapter summary of this chapter should actually be: the fisting. Cuz it's finally the fisting chapter! Yey! Oh fucking man, next chapter... Oh boy. Oh fuckin boy. Hope y'all are ready (y'aint). Make sure to drop a comment below of just how not ready you are for this fic to take a turn lol. Cuz you know it's about it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steph makes no objections to them eating in her parents’ bed. They opt for the TV in here opposed to the cold living room downstairs. Plus it’s easier to cuddle on a bed where they don’t have to squeeze in next to each other. The bottle of whiskey, mostly untouched, sits on the nightstand with two shot glasses nicked from the liquor cabinet. Alongside is Steph’s little case where she keeps Parliament Lights and her last joint. Eating lessens the high, but whatever, they have hours to enjoy it. It’s tempting, of course, because that would give her an out. She can’t fuck Steph if Steph is comatose, too smoked out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’ve found reruns of some black and white show on a channel, and they settle on that. They’ll tune into a news station closer to midnight. It’s a later dinner, Billie picking at hers while Steph eats like she’s starving. Despite Billie’s nerves and sadness, the sight of Steph enjoying herself brings a smile to her face. Steph catches it with a turn of her head, curious noise muffled with her mouth full. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing, baby girl.” Billie reaches out with a curled finger to wipe sauce from the corner of Steph’s mouth. So messy. “Just lookin at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph swallows and it looks like it hurts. She wheezes, “Don’t, I look gross when I’m eating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She goes so far as to cover her mouth, blushing past her hand. When Billie leans in, can’t help her grin, Steph glares at her over her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop!” She whines. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels so good to tease Steph again, to whine back at her mocking and voice pitched high, “Stop!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If there weren’t plates of food on the bed, Billie would be liable to start tickling Steph. But there are, and her joy is quick to snuff out anyway. Steph keeps the hand over her mouth, eyes narrowed at Billie, as she chews and swallows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be mean to me,” Steph pouts at last, laying it on thick with her big eyes and her slight pout. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hard not to,” Billie admits with a grin. “You make being mean too fun. Always have.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph huffs and whips her head back to face the TV, Billie’s point not refuted or accepted. But she is right. It’s a part of Steph that had drawn Billie to her in the first place. So feisty and yet quick to calm. Quick to carry on like Billie didn’t shove her at practice or knock her into the lockers the day after. Steph is something to poke and rile up. Billie holds fast to that swirling affection in her. They’ll always have that, hopefully. No matter her heartbreak, she’ll have Steph to poke around and laugh as she blushes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph offers to take their plates back down, returns with chips and pretzels, both blessedly unopened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Crap, I should have grabbed sodas, too.” She pouts, still standing with her arms full of snacks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go.” Billie rises from the bed before Steph can object. “You want that nasty Tab again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s actually delicious, and yes, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It almost feels normal. Almost. Like they’ve just carried on with their normal banter, their normal smiles and careful touches. Billie sighs in front of the fridge, kitchen in a bit of a mess, and wonders if she’ll end up down here in the middle of night desperate for a distraction. She doesn’t mind cleaning up. She’s almost useless for the cooking part, although Steph commends her on trying. It’s something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feet skittering light and sneaky in the hallway upstairs draw Billie back with cold cans held in her hands. She’s still in pajama pants and a tank top from earlier, Steph in clothes too from cooking. Billie rounds the corner from the kitchen in time to catch the trailing edge of Steph’s pajamas flapping behind her. She ends up back in her parents’ bedroom. Billie blinks from the bottom of the stairs for a breath or too, just listening. But Steph does not re-emerge, so Billie continues on her journey back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she steps into the room, she understands what Steph had been doing running around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph either does a poor job of hiding Billie’s harness behind her back or sways deliberately so that the black loops beat around the backs of her thighs. Billie isn’t sure, just focuses on not dropping the cans. With her hands behind her back like a bashful school girl, Steph gives Billie a timid smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can only manage a thin, lame, “Yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph twists a little more, and now Billie can almost hear the thwap of the leather swinging back and forth. Almost against her will, her body tightens, thighs shifting slightly closer together. Closing the gap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chin almost tucked to her shoulder, Steph draws her teeth over her lip and says, “I was thinking about ways we could… get started.” Her pretty flush deepens. “Ways we could warm me up for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now is when Steph drops a hand behind and brings the harness swinging around. The dick is missing, but Steph only has to take a step to the side to reveal it lying on the bed. On her parents’ bedspread. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like someone has flipped a switch in her, Billie casts aside her anguish. She was never any good at crying and hurting anyway. No, she takes that hurt that is a knife in her gut and turns it to her teeth, cutting into a sharp grin. Shoulders shaking, Billie sets the sodas down on the dresser by the TV. All the while, she stares Steph down, her grin one Steph has seen before and knows it is full of promises. For this, Billie will swallow and pack her sadness away, all just to see Steph turn to face her with hunger so bright in her eyes. Rife with desire, Billie’s hands act for her, taking the harness in one and Steph’s pajama top in the other. Billie’s fingers pet over Steph’s hand holding the harness, prying it from her ever so gently. It ends up tossed on the bed. Billie’s hand in Steph’s top, though, snaps her forward on her toes until they’re chest to chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s breaths flutter immediately to match the hummingbird-quick pulse in her throat. It attracts Billie’s eyes, and she curves her own neck forward to lap at it, catch it in her teeth. Steph’s hands go scrambling over Billie’s shoulders as she squeals, knees buckling. Billie’s other arm is around her in no time to take her weight, pinning them together. Billie bites harder than she should, will leave a bruise like this that may not fade by Wednesday. But with Steph writhing against her and pawing at her muscles, her hair, Billie cannot deny herself. Distantly, she tastes the iron in Steph’s blood through her skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she gasps high and strained in Billie’s ear, all soft in Billie’s arms and melting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sucks hard on the bruise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Billie please!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph finds a bit of footing and uses it to wiggle in Billie’s arms. Sharp teeth pinching around her pulse have Steph ragdolling again. Her weight is pleasant, and Billie groans into Steph’s neck. Billie drinks up every tremble, every breath, every coo of Steph’s. Everything. When she pulls away, she admires what she’s done. The violence of it. It may only be yellow and green by Wednesday, but it will exist and Steph will know it exists. It will throb with her pulse for now, twinge later, and be delicate in the days ahead. And Steph will know it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph crumbles further in Billie’s arms when teeth finally release her. Billie’s teeth had been the linchpin holding Steph up, and now she is fluid and heavy. Luckily, Billie is ready for the slack. And the bed is half a step away. Billie does Steph one better than just dumping her anywhere on the bed. Billie hikes a knee up on the edge of the mattress so that she can lay Steph down properly, carefully. Steph’s hands slips down honey skin to plop useless and weak—one by her head and the other across her stomach. Billie hovers above her, still with one foot on the floor. Just watching and remembering everything in crisp detail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Squirming on her back, wincing from the fresh pain in her neck, Steph breathes Billie’s name again. A shiver like a nail down her spine excites Billie’s skin. She considers Steph heavily for a moment more before standing, not taking her eyes off big browns begging her. A hum tickles Billie’s throat as she reaches for the harness and dildo. Black silicone is clean right now, so Billie doesn’t mind stroking her hand over it. Steph’s eyes break from their stare to watch the drag of Billie’s palm. Her blush says that she remembers the thickness, and Billie hums, deeply satisfied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you have in mind, baby girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie smirks while smacking the shaft into her palm. It’s a ridiculous, slapstick sound, but Steph gives a whole-body jump anyway. Skin alive. Excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, princess, lay it on me. You know I wanna hear it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s shoulders crowd her ears, but despite her embarrassment, she doesn’t look away from Billie’s fondling hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I wanna sit on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A scarred eyebrow ticks up once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph finally scrunches up a little under so much attention. She turns her head towards her fist and nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna sit in your lap and just…” Doe eyes flutter shut. “Feel you in me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You will,” Billie promises. “Right now and later, you will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie glances away from Steph and down to the toy in her hands. She needs to retrieve the lube and probably at least one towel. It’s going to be a wet experience for Steph. Billie smirks to her hands, happy about this and happy to hold her sadness at bay, and regards Steph with heat sinking into her voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were eager to run and get these”—Billie hefts the toy in her hand and nods to the harness beside Steph—“but you forgot a few things. We need lube and a towel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods at first, and then frowns up at Billie. Almost a pout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A towel? Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s grin turns that much slickers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never knew a girl who could take a fist and didn’t make a mess after, if only from all the lube I’m gonna need to squeeze into you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She lifts her left hand, then, and clenches her fist. This isn’t at all how it’s done, but Billie just needs the visual. Let Steph see what she’ll try to take, what she wants. Like someone has plucked a string in her, Steph shudders hard on the bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna need more than that dick to get you loose enough.” Billie stands with her hands on her hips, shaking her head. “I’ll probably have to finger you for a while. Maybe use both hands.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s enough to push Steph over the edge, get her legs slamming shut and curling a little. Either out of anticipation or a twinge of pain, Billie isn’t sure. She knows what it takes to work her hand into a girl, and she thinks Steph could do it. It will take time. And lube. Luckily the bottle she’s brought with her was practically new when Billie dragged her shit in from the Camaro nearly two weeks ago. Speaking of lube and messes…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, get up.” Billie waves a hand towards herself. “Be a good girl and go get the lube from your bedroom and a towel. And a damp washcloth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph couldn’t spring faster from the bed if Billie had set a fire under her. Although, smirk full of teeth as she watches Steph stumble out of the room rather than walk, Billie bets there is a fire in Steph somewhere. Somewhere warm and aching, and Steph better keep her hands off it or else.    </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, touching her without guilt just now had been a relief. A breath of fresh air. Billie  started out the day sour, would like to keep her sadness at bay for now. Just shove it down. Just don’t think about it. It’s just sex, it’s easy to do and get into it with Steph. Especially with her so enthusiastic, focus on herself this time. Billie can do this, so she takes a deep breath while Steph runs around and then makes good on her preparations. Pajama bottoms and panties gone, Billie leaves her shirt. She is confident in her ability to perform this time. She would also rather keep at least this barrier between them. It comforts her in some way she does not understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Steph returns, it’s to the sight of Billie adjusting the harness at her hips. Steph has shed her clothes in her room and appears naked, shivering as she watches Billie. The toy already bobs obscenely from her pelvis. Billie catches Steph staring from the doorway and has to resist fondling the silicone just to rile Steph up more. It would be funny for Billie, but she doesn’t like the image in her head. So instead, she curls her fingers come-hither and hums when Steph follows her command. Always so eager to please, to listen, to obey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She accepts everything Steph hands her. The lube and washcloth end up on the nightstand. Billie folds the towel and leaves it at the foot of the bed. They’ll need that closer to midnight. Hands empty once more, she steps toe-to-toe with Steph and reaches for the blush in her face. Steph shivers in her hands and coos a little, turning her cheek to press all that heat to Billie’s palm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want me right now?” Billie only has to rock forward a tiny bit to bump the head of the toy against Steph’s stomach. “We got a few hours until the count down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Steph is already nodding in her hands, reaching up to cling shaking to Billie’s wrists. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you right now, Billie, I’m going crazy thinking about it,” she rushes out with her shoulders hunching towards her ears. “Can I sit in your lap? Please? I-I promise I’ll be a good girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie pets her thumbs under Steph’s eyes and coos, “Of course, princess, of course you can sit in my lap.” She leans forward some more to press a lippy kiss to Steph’s eager mouth. Just the one, just a taste, and she backs off despite Steph’s whiny hop. “You can’t come, though. And keep your hands off this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph already has her lip in her teeth when Billie drums her fingers over Steph’s clit. Already warm and blushing with arousal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I won’t, I promise!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hums and does it again just to feel Steph shake on her feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lips against the shell of Steph’s ears, Billie warns, “Good, because this is all mine, remember?” A little pinch. “Who does this belong to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nearly sags against her when she pleads, “You!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie swipes her thumb over Steph, back and forth, and asks again, “Who?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You!” Steph cries, trying to grind herself into Billie’s thumb. She clings with both hands to Billie’s arm slipped between them and pleads, “My-my clit is yours, Billie, I promise-I promise I won’t touch it. Oh please, oh god…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie relents at last and nudges them apart so Steph can watch Billie lick the pad of her thumb clean. She thinks better of it, though, and instead smears her thumb over Steph’s bottom lip, satisfied hum deep in her throat when Steph welcomes it into her mouth and sucks lightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thumb wet when it strokes Steph’s cheek, Billie murmurs, “That was so nice to hear, baby girl. You know just what to say to get what you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A pout from Steph at that but Billie rewards her with a brief kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna sit first, and when I’m ready, I’ll help you into my lap, okay baby?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s nod is eager, and Billie has to be the one to gently brush Steph’s hands off her so they can separate. Steph flushes so pretty, embarrassed, and skitters out of the way. Still on her feet, Billie arranges the pillows she wants to support her back while they do this. She can always pitch them forward, Steph onto her hands and knees, and just fuck her from behind. It’s not exactly Billie’s preferred technique, but if her legs fall asleep…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Knee up on the bed, an eager whine gives her pause. Steph is nearly at her elbow, fingers tangled together where the hem of a shirt would be if she were wearing one. This close, every inch of peach fuzz standing up, shivering, catches Billie’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cold, baby girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods with her arms pressing in to huddle for warmth. Poor girl’s nipples are hard like Billie has been playing with them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nods to the door and says, “Why don’t you shut that? It’ll help keep the warmth in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods and just… stands there. Billie climbs back down off her knee to stretch a hand out and nudge Steph in the shoulder. She is chilly to the touch. Steph startles at that point, nods again, and nearly bounds to the door. Billie hums, turns to the bed, and yanks the covers free. Maybe she should have Steph put a shirt on… But Steph is eager at her elbow again, breaths coming a little fast and Steph almost reaching for her a few times. All Billie needs to do is shoot her a smile, meaningful, and she calms back down. Billie isn’t ready for her, yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The headboard is a pane of ice through Billie’s tank top. She sucks a fast breath loud through her teeth but manages to catch her wince. Steph fidgets with her fingers as she stands by. Billie situates herself flush at the headboard, pillows in her lower back, and tests how firm the mattress is at an edge like this. How much will she sink with Steph’s weight? Too much, she thinks. She’ll just have to maintain good posture through this rather than rely on the headboard as a backrest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a second thought, Billie scoops up the lube and wedges it between some pillows. She snatches up Steph’s cigarette case, too. Steph probably shouldn’t smoke too much, is liable to fall asleep. But Billie wouldn’t mind a bit of fog in her head to help keep reality at bay. Billie aims a warm smirk at Steph, nearly vibrating at the side of the bed, and nods to the dresser. The soda cans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dying of thirst, princess, would you mind passing the sodas over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s such a normal request that it breaks the scene for Steph and jars her. Her voice breaks a little when she agrees, trips a step or three it takes to bring her to the dresser. Brown eyes above a deep blush avoid Billie’s when Steph hands her the RC Cola. Billie takes it with her left and then the right lifts up, knuckles curled, and pets Steph’s cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, baby girl, I really needed this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The popped can ends up on the nightstand once Billie has her few gulps. Carefully, she takes the Tab can in Steph’s frozen hands, pops it for her, and then hands it back. Steph startles and aims a bashful smile her way while Billie reclaims her RC Cola. If only to wink at Steph over the slick can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shuffles a little on her feet, still bashful, and rambles, “Sorry, I’m… Is it weird if I say I’m incredibly turned on right now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From behind her can, Billie murmurs, “Like after the adult store?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph mirrors Billie with her own can, although Steph takes a big gulp to Billie’s sips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not weird at all.” Billie sets the RC Cola aside for the final time, half full but done nursing it. “It’s normal to experience desire and fantasies, don’t let this hick town tell you otherwise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she means that, has meant it since the first time she said as much to Steph. It makes her warm inside, proud, to know Steph fantasizes. Because Billie suspects rather strongly that maybe she hadn’t before recently. Either didn’t care to maybe carried too much shame to do so. But the request for tonight, for soon, was all Steph. So Billie believes Steph more than she can tell when Steph says that she’s been thinking about this. A lot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie rocks where she sits on the bed, ready, to reach for Steph’s cigarette case. No time better than the present to light up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There an ashtray in here somewhere? Or I can ash into a trash can or whatever?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods, steps into the en suite bathroom, and returns with a heavy, solid-crystal ashtray. Billie snorts while looking at it, joint between her lips and left hand poised to flick Steph’s lighter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” she mumbles around the joint.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A flick of the flint and then Billie says, “Oh nothing, don’t worry about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph pouts as Billie inhales, sucking down a few times to get the ember hot and burn through the extra rolling paper at the end. The pout melts away as Billie’s lungs fill, and Steph shuffles to the big window to the left of the bed. Billie grins between sips of air and nods her thanks. She should probably get up to exhale out the window, but she’s not getting up again. Plus, Steph’s parents can go fuck themselves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Minding her manners, Billie offers the joint to Steph after getting it started. Tab in one hand, ready for the burn, Steph accepts the hand off and takes a drag. A breeze from outside rolls into the room and disturbs the curtains pushed aside. As if the wind has form, Billie’s eyes follow the flutter of curtains across the room and has Steph in her sights when the December night caresses all that porcelain skin on display. Billie bottles a chuckle when Steph flinches and then huddles into herself. Her skin is alive and tight over every inch of her, and Billie wants nothing more than to sweep her up and rub warmth all over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she says soft but voice rough. When Steph pinches the end of the joint between her fingers, exhale cutting through teeth and shivering lips, Billie jerks her head back. “C’mere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shoves the joint to her lips once more, drags short and sweet, and then she balances it on the ashtray as she exhales. The bed bends under her weight when she walks on her knees to Billie in the middle. Big hands scoop her up at her waist, almost picking her up to drag her into Billie’s lap. Not on the dildo, not yet, just to run her palms up and down, back and forth over chilly skin. Steph coos in her arms and welcomes herself to Billie’s flaming warmth. The contrast between them could make steam, does a little when Billie bends her head down to chase Steph’s mouth. Even her lips are a little chilly, and Billie lavishes them with her tongue before diving in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s next noise is her pretty chirp. Billie feeds her back a deep groan and draws Steph tighter to her. The drag of silicone between them, catching on their skin, is uncomfortable. Billie grunts at the end of their last kiss and pulls back, slipping a hand between them to try and shove the dick out of the way. Slim shoulders shake with a giggle when Steph looks down, too. Her hand joins Billie’s—long fingers at the tip and thick ones steadying the base. Their faces are close when they look up again, Billie suave and smooth while Steph breathes a little hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you, Billie.” Below, Steph’s hand strokes the toy like it’s real, like she needs to get Billie hard to fuck her. A shudder from Steph, eyes fluttering, and she adds, “Jesus, I want you so bad. I-I wanna sit on your big cock and be good for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie smiles around the amused snort she wants to make. Steph is so cute when she’s trying to parrot Billie’s filthy mouth back at her. It doesn’t have the intended impact, but Billie cranes forward to kiss her anyway. Steph’s shy eyes make it all worth it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, quit talking about it and do it, baby girl. I’m ready when you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph hops on her knees already straddling one of Billie’s thighs. She almost topples onto her back in her haste to turn around. Billie knows she’ll have to guide Steph back, is debating on which one of them will guide the toy into her. Joint in hand one last time to make sure she’s floating enough, Billie smiles pleased when Steph slaps for the lube in the middle of turning around, back to Billie. Billie exhales to the ceiling, smiling around it, when Steph squeezes out maybe too much lube. But it’s fine. The wetter the toy, the easier it will go in her. They should probably pause and make sure Steph is ready, maybe finger her a little. But Steph has Billie slicked up and straddles her in reverse before Billie can commit to that thought. Her hand trembles when she snuffs out the cherry and abandons the joint in the ashtray. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby, wait a—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph whines and shakes her head hard enough to throw her pretty hair around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! I need you right now, I’m ready, please Billie, please, please…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She gives a needy hop on her knees, near enough for the wet head of the dildo to smack off her ass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Big hands grab Steph by the hips to draw her the rest of the way back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laugh light in Steph’s ear, Billie coos, “None of that, princess, you don’t have to ask twice. Spread your knees wider so I can get this wet dick in you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hungry look over her shoulder melts when she shudders. A nod, and then she shuffles backwards where Billie wants her, letting her knees slide across the sheets. Billie releases a hip to smooth her left hand up the dip in Steph’s back. Like that, she herds a shiver up Steph’s spine like wolves snapping at her little heels. And how appropriate is that, wolves hunting her pretty doe down to the ground. Billie pushes her that much farther until Steph’s hands fly out to catch herself. Breathing deep and calm, Billie pulls back a bit more on Steph’s hip. She’s right where Billie wants her. The tip of the dildo brushes a sticky, clear trail over black hair between Steph’s legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hands sweep down to meet on Steph’s ass when she purrs, “Baby girl, can you do something for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shoulders in her pink ears, Steph nods and makes a needy noise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reach a hand between your legs and guide me into that little pussy of yours.” Billie’s fingers dent Steph’s cheeks when she pries them apart. “I wanna watch you take me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A high whine accompanies Steph’s next shudder. She takes a moment to ride that shiver out, Billie’s fingers firm pressure in her skin. All the while, Billie’s burning gaze eats up every tremor, every heavy exhale. Eventually, Steph shakes one of her hands free of that deep tremor. Her left smacks to Billie’s knee, damp with sweat already, while the right seeks out the dildo. Slim fingers go slipping over the silicone, but with Billie holding both of them still, Steph gets a grip on it. Billie keeps her open with bright eyes trained down to watch Steph rub the blunt tip against her entrance and then put her weight down on it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They groan together—Steph’s voice breaking and Billie’s going husky—when her body opens and swallows the toy down. Billie doesn’t allow for any greediness, holds Steph up with only a few inches in her. She can’t stop herself from bouncing Steph a few times, almost falling out of her before darting back in. Steph flinches in her hands and whines with her head thrown back. Her voice strains in her tight throat when she whines Billie’s name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hush,” Billie purrs to her, holding Steph open to the point of pain just to watch shiny, thick silicone sink in and out. Rosy pink swallowing black. “Lemme get a good look at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph struggles on the few inches Billie gives her, wiggling in the firm grip on her ass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie, I-I need you in me, wanna feel you fill me up ahhh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie draws her all the way down in one smooth glide. Steph’s chest caves in, and she has to scramble at Billie’s legs for purchase. So long as she doesn’t reach for something that isn’t hers to touch, Billie doesn’t mind Steph’s blunt nails scratching her. The thought draws Billie’s gaze to her own nails, clipped and filed smooth. No risk of nicking or scratching anything delicate. Satisfied with herself, Billie slides her hands up from Steph’s ass, over her trembling hips, and then holds her loosely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How you feel, baby girl? You like me filling you up, just like you asked?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hands shake like leaves when they blanket Billie’s on her stomach. She’s starting to grow cold and chilly to the touch again. Sucking her teeth, Billie tightens her arms around Steph to draw her back. To relax, to recline. Steph startles when her balance tips, but Billie is right there with warmth and softness to catch her. Steph hums and gives another wiggle as she relaxes on top of Billie, shifting the toy inside her. Billie shifts as well to adjust Steph’s weight in her lap, and a loud gasp rips out of Steph. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s body bows like an archer prepared to fire. Billie’s hands go tense under Steph’s where blunt nails again claw at her. Billie doesn’t mind the points of pain, is about to lift Steph off her, when Steph slowly sags against her again. Another gasp like the last time. And then Steph grinds herself a little where she sits cradled in Billie’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Steph coos, a shy dove. Billie’s hands press firm to her belly, and Steph flinches again. “Billie, I-I ohhh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s freckles and beauty marks on her upper back are all Billie’s to taste as she paints sloppy kisses over them. It must have been the change of angle that set her off. Maybe the curve of the dildo tight in her body rubs her all the right ways. Steph’s wiggling and gyrating certainly attest to that. Billie sinks her teeth into tight skin and then forces Steph still. Her hands are probably too harsh on Steph’s body, may hurt her or leave her tender. But if she allows Steph to continue in this way, she may come. And then Billie will have to punish her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Steph’s bratty whine is done, Billie asks with a smirk, “I’ll take that as a yes. But you gotta behave if you wanna stay in my lap. Don’t think I didn’t know what you were doing just now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pinches the softness just above where Steph’s hair stops climbing up from her mound. The pain jars Steph just as Billie knew it would. Billie presses her mean, filthy grin to Steph’s skin and lets her writhe for a little while. But just as before, she flattens rough palms to Steph’s trembling belly and forces her still. All along Billie’s front, Steph’s body rises and falls with each breath. Heavy and hard like she can’t get enough air. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now,” Billie purrs to the lobe of Steph’s ears. “We’re gonna sit here for a while until I’m ready to start stretching you open. Mind your hands and behave. Can you do that for me, Steph? Can you be my good girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A jerky nod and Steph’s voice trembling, “I’ll be good, Billie, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hum is patronizing, but she still mouths a kiss to the crook of Steph’s neck. Steph flings a hand up to her hair and scoops the tousled locks off her neck, baring it for Billie. For whatever she wants. Hum appreciative now, Billie cranes up to mouth kisses across that tribute. Steph shakes in Billie’s arms, and she clings to Billy’s hand splayed on her stomach. Billie adjusts her grip to sandwich Steph’s slim hand between hers. So soft without knuckles that have never been busted, no calluses. Steph’s hand is hers to hold as she deliberately shifts under the girl, rubbing her all the right ways like before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” Steph whines with a gasp, clinging to her hand. “No fair…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kiss to her neck turns wicked, and Billie shifts again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” She pleads, head hanging back and narrowly missing Billie’s skull. “Don’t be mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s teeth are careful when she bites, just a drag of teeth, and then she chuckles, “Don’t be mean? Baby girl, we just got started. You haven’t seen mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That being said, Billie has no idea how long this cock warming is going to last. Not that it isn’t fun, not that Billie doesn’t enjoy teasing Steph almost more than she enjoys life itself. And it’s not that she doesn’t have plenty to do with Steph like this. The whole of her pretty body is exposed and waiting for Billie’s touch. Already her hands release Steph’s only to draw up her quivering stomach to cup her breasts. Steph knows what comes next, the delicate back and forth of teasing her nipples lightly and then pinching them until it hurts. And then back to gentle teasing. Billie has amazing depth of desire for this. She’d also just like to flop Steph onto her back and start cramming fingers into her. Get to the good part where Steph squirms in earnest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But this is delicious, too. To have Steph impaled in her lap and squeeze her little breasts, trapped between Billie’s hands and a hard place. Steph scrambles at Billie’s forearms for a second but just as quickly throws her desperate hands down to grip Billie’s thighs between hers for dear life. The bedroom fills with her sounds until the walls might crumble like Jericho, and Billie languishes here just to see what sorts of sounds she can get out of Steph. If she can make Steph beg for them to hurry along, a request to which she would enthusiastically fulfill. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Billie catches Steph grinding herself into the harness again, though, she frowns over freckled skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Princess, what did we talk about,” she says low into Steph’s neck, knowing her voice shoots straight into Steph’s ear. “You promised me you’d behave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hands rip away from Billie’s thighs to encircle her wrists again. Billie’s hands still squeeze and roll small breasts in them, although she’s stopped playing with rosy nipples. They must sting a little, overly sensitive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Play fair, then!” Steph whines, tugging on Billie’s wrists. “Play fair or-or touch me and let me come, something, please I can’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She runs out of air, sagging back into Billie’s body. Billie drops her hands to wrap her arms around Steph again. She takes Steph’s weight like it’s nothing, because it is nothing to her. Steph is no bird-boned girl like the younger Byers girl is. She has the weight of her height and the muscles of a runner earned from basketball and track. Billie squeezes her little waist and paints kisses across her shoulder again. Once Steph stops whining and huffing like a brat, Billie’s hands wander back over her skin, down her stomach and over her thighs. Just feeling her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Touch you, huh?” Billie glances to the alarm clock on the nightstand. 11:33. They have some time. Still, Billie sucks her teeth like she’s disappointed and drawls, “I don’t know, that sounds like a reward for someone who was a good girl, which you certainly haven’t been…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hands are ready at Steph’s hips when she whines needier than ever and gives a weak hop. Denied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will, I will be good, please just-I want your fingers in me, I wanna feel you”—Steph chokes on a breath when short fingers pet the crease where her legs meet her torso, so close—“Please, Billie, I want your fingers so bad, please, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So spoiled,” Billie murmurs with her lips on Steph’s nape again. “Sitting on my dick so pretty like this and you want my fingers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She whimpers with the shiver that starts at the wet spot on her neck from Billie’s lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Skin alive and tight all over from that shiver, Steph pleads, “I wanna-I wanna be good for you, Billie, please I—will you stretch me, now? I can take all of you, I know I can, want you so bad, Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie allows herself for one, sweet moment to finally imagine that—Steph’s expression crumbling when her body accepts the widest span of Billie’s fist and then drags her the rest of the way in. Will her head fall back? Will whatever noise she has on her tongue die as she runs out of air, gasping? Will Steph squirm on Billie’s wrist? Billie has to exhale long and slow over porcelain, mouthing another biting kiss over Steph’s nape just to work out the ache in her teeth. She wants something to sink her teeth into, to take the edges of bone and maybe hurt a little. Steph does that to her. Makes her want to cradle with these hands that punch and destroy while her jaws hold that life down, full of threat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could hurt you, if I wanted to. You’d be surprised at how little pressure it takes to choke you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie startles back to herself with Steph’s whine hot in her palm. When she’d shifted her left hand up to cup Steph’s windpipe, she doesn’t know. Steph is relaxed under the lines in Billie’s hand, just breathing and working her throat over swallows, sounds. Both of Steph’s slim hands wrap around Billie’s wrist resting on her collarbones. No tension, no pressure, just holding her. Just feeling. Billie blows out a rattling breath from her lips and goes to shift her hand away. To remove that delicious temptation of feeling Steph strain for life under her power.      </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Steph’s hands grip her wrist tighter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t,” Steph whispers. Billie can just see her long eyelashes where they brush her cheeks. Calm. “Don’t let go… feels good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie cannot hope to keep her voice from bottoming out when she breathes, “Yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives her the tiniest nod. Amber eyes crack open, molten and murky. Billie shivers when she catches Steph’s swallow in her palm, letting it pass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie…” Eyes flutter shut again, and then Steph’s face burns under her beauty marks. Her voice drops to a needy whisper when she begs, “Please touch me like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The twin grips at Billie’s wrist squeeze. Meaning touch Steph while holding her throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?” Billie breathes again, huskier this time instead of starstruck. “Where do you want me to touch you, baby girl? Tell me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, Steph coos under her hand and slips one of her own hands down to caress the back of Billie’s right. Still holding her. Steph’s fingers curl over the edge of Billie’s palm to coax her hand down, down the short trip to the black hair between her legs. Billie’s hand is Steph’s to use as she blankets short fingers with hers and tucks three of them to her clit. Cleverly avoiding touching it herself and breaking the rules. So pleased at that, Billie leaves her hand where Steph places it when Steph retreats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby girl, if I play with this too much”—Billie drums her fingers lightly over Steph’s clit, letting her feel each fingertip—“you’ll come. I thought you wanted my fingers? To come on my fist?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph tries to grind her body on Billie’s fingers, but she’s still impaled. Still caught under the power of Billie’s hand at her throat. So she doesn’t do much more than tremble in Billie’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can’t I… come again?” She asks almost shyly. She knows she can, has clung to Billie while begging for release, for no more, but never shouted Billie’s last name. Never. “I know-I know I can do it. I can come now and later, again… Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She cranes her head around despite Billie’s hand to blink big eyes down at her. Steph’s hands, one each on Billie’s forearms, squeeze and rub honey skin. Coaxing. Tempting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie wants to tease Steph, just to make her pout and squirm some more. Greediness suits Steph well when she’s needy. And Billie would rather oblige Steph than tease her right now. Two orgasms are easy enough to wring out of Steph, more so since they won’t be back to back. Billie holds Steph’s hazy gaze as she returns to kissing and biting across her shoulders. When Billie tightens her fingers between Steph’s legs, rubbing in a gentle circle, Steph receives Billie’s blessing with a delicate moan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanna stay in my lap while I make you come?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods in Billie’s hand and clings all the harder to her forearms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, baby.” Billie cranes up again to kiss Steph’s nape. “Behave and I’ll give you what you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is apparently more keyed up than Billie had thought. She’s writhing against Billie’s hand on her throat from that moment on, stilling only when the pressure increases. And each flex of Billie’s palm over a delicate windpipe rips a gasp out of Steph. Not enough pressure to choke. Billie’s palms may be rusty in that department, but she remembers it well enough to hold back. They’ve not talked about this, haven’t established boundaries. So Billie only allows herself this small amount of pleasure. Just catching Steph’s wanton mewls in her palm and imprinting them in her bones, her blood. Billie’s teeth ache again from how much she wants this beautiful girl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph comes shaking apart with Billie’s fingers fast and slick, back and forth over her poor clit. Billie even lets Steph bounce on the toy a little, just to sweeten her orgasm. Steph’s nails once more bite into golden skin. Just as last time, Billie doesn’t care at all about the minuscule pain. Welcomes it as she presses her open jaws to Steph’s shoulder. Not biting, just pressing her teeth there. She draws pleasure from Steph’s pleasure, pays the ache between her own legs no mind. It doesn’t matter. Steph does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carefully, with all her strength turned silky, Billie picks Steph limp and pliant off the dildo to lay her down. Her head is pointed to the TV, forgotten until this moment. The ball drop at midnight is twenty minutes away. Plenty of time to fulfill Steph’s request. Or at least try to. They need the towel Steph had brought back with her. Billie folds it in half and scoots it under Steph’s dead weight. It’s not easy, has Billie cursing a little as she maneuvers Steph. But at least the towel ends up under her perky ass, ready to catch lube and anything else. Billie then hovers above Steph for a moment or two, just drawing her hands all over Steph’s skin. Steph smiles at the second loop and even arches her body into Billie’s hands. Her face is still blissed out and lazy. Almost sleepy. Billie allows herself a snort while pulling her hands back. Steph’s ability to come and then pass out after is adorable. Pampered like a princess.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stay awake, baby girl, or we can’t continue.” Billie pinches a rosy nipple to startle Steph. “Lemme get out of this harness and we can start.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph whines, turning it into a groan as she stretches. Billie already stands from the bed with her thick fingers picking at the harness. Tongues slipped loose from their buckles, Billie is all eyes on Steph while lowering the harness down her legs and then stepping out of it. She’ll clean it up later. For now, she turns to Steph on the bed and can’t help but tuck her fingers between her legs as she watches the pretty sight in front of her. Steph sighing and arching her body through more stretches, petting her hands down freckled porcelain. Like someone had spilled black dots of glaze on her just before firing. Thighs pressed together and sort of curling up on herself flat on her back, doe eyes finally open and peer up at her. Steph’s melty gaze just as quickly flicks down to Billie’s fingers fondling herself, and Steph curls up tighter at the sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she sighs, letting a shudder run through her and pull her eyes shut. When she opens them again, she also casts out a hand and grabs for her, fingers curling. “Gimme.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And how can she deny that? Smirk heavy on her lips, Billie drags wetness from deeper between her legs to really give Steph something to taste. And Steph accepts her wrist with eager fingers curling over the bones and drawing Billie in. She’s not shy about lapping the tips of Billie’s shiny fingertips, watching shyly up through the wave of her hair. Billie shakes her head like a scold and threads the fingers of her right hand through that wave. She holds it up and out of the way so Steph has nowhere to hide. Tongue playing between her fingers, Steph finally does turn shy and closes her eyes, lips grazing Billie’s last knuckles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Think you’re ready, princess? You said you wanted my fingers, but I don’t think you meant like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph groans around her and then pulls away, quick to nudge spit off the corner of her own mouth. Panting for a few breaths, Steph darts one last kiss to Billie’s fingers and then releases her wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thighs bending up and falling open, obscene and still wet and shining between them, Steph leaves her hands above her head and groans, “Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph doesn’t need to ask twice. Not looking like someone’s left her out to dry. The mattress dips with the return of Billie’s weight. Steph’s eyes are on her the whole time as Billie kneels between her legs. She pauses long enough to twist the ring off her middle finger and toss it to the nightstand. It bounces but doesn’t fall to the floor. Next, Billie scoops up the lube where she tucked it under a pillow at the headboard. She leaves the bottle resting against Steph’s ribs, rising faster all the time with her breaths, and settles on her rear between Steph’s thighs. Steph scrambles to get her elbows under her, a little frantic, but Billie’s hands glide up from her inner thighs to her ribs. Soothing. Urging her back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s okay, lie down.” Billie doesn’t need to push much for Steph to collapse back to the bed. She pets up and down Steph’s torso to give her something to feel. “Hush, baby girl, you’re okay. I’m right here, feel me touching you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands back up in the sheets around her head, Steph nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” she breathes with a shudder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A soft smile and then just as softly, “Don’t be. Nothing to be sorry for.” Billie’s hands ghost over Steph’s inner thighs, fingertips dragging over black hair between. “How do you feel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Need you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie snorts, and her smile widens. Crinkly eyes and her teeth peeking out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good enough for me, baby girl. You ready for me to start? I’ll go as slow as you need.” Billie considers her for a spell, hands warm on Steph’s inner thighs. “You remember what to say to get me to stop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tiniest nod, softly whispered reply, “Hargrove,” is enough to satisfy Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hips pop off the bed just once. Her thighs box Billie in, soaking up her warmth. Steph will be hot soon enough. Billie debates starting right away with lube. She’ll need it eventually. But just palming Steph’s inner thighs and dragging her thumbs up along the seam of her tells Billie she doesn’t really need it yet. Steph is still plenty wet, still plenty aroused even after her orgasm. Pushing a thigh down, Billie is gentle and exploratory when she thumbs between velvet skin and shiny slick. Steph startles and coos at the first touch, whatever tension remaining in her thighs finally running out. She’s loose and pliant on the bed once more. Pink cheek tucked to her shoulder, she watches down her stomach as Billie works. Shy but eager.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The coverage of the ball drop in New York is already playing on TV. It provides a tiny amount of background noise. Just enough to hear the reporters covering the event tonight, but not enough to cover up the filthy sounds of Steph’s body. Billie spends a few flicks of her thumb just dragging slick around, carefully petting Steph from clit to hole. Not that she needs it when Billie presses the pad of her thumb to softness and Steph’s body tries to open immediately. They groan together, Steph’s turning desperate when Billie pulls away instead of plunging inside. Instead, Billie hops that much closer and drags Steph almost into her lap. She wants Steph close, wants to be able to rock up on her knees later and kiss Steph at midnight, maybe make her come at the same time. If timing is on Billie’s side for once. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is squirming and pretty for Billie’s index finger. It’s probably not enough to feel, not after sitting and writhing on the dildo earlier. So she’s back in and out with two fingers. That gets Steph huffing and pouting. She tugs on the sheets under her head while briefly meeting Billie’s intense eyes. Impatient and fussy. Billie just smirks at her until Steph turns shy again. She may have trouble maintaining eye contact—under normal circumstances and these—but she has no problem communicating what she wants. Billie allows Steph to rock herself on two fingers, right hand on her thigh more content to just feel the muscles underneath twitch when Steph gasps and strains. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More,” Steph eventually forces out with a gasp. She throws her head to the other shoulder, and her hair spills over her eyes. “More, Billie, come on…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie still doesn’t hold Steph down when slim hips turn bratty and start rocking in earnest. Billie spreads her fingers as wide as she can, Steph’s body fighting her. She smirks all the harder when Steph whines and flushes darker, surely the noises between her legs too embarrassing for her to take. Billie will not show mercy at this stage, takes her meager offering back despite Steph pounding her tight fists into the bed when she does. Chin tipped back, she whines and rambles words of coaxing and pleading. Billie hums at them while snatching up the lube. Time to make use of it from here on out. Steph is fully aroused again, if a tad sensitive in her pretty, little clit. Billie leaves that alone for now. It’s not the main attraction at this point.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph finally stills on the bed and gives Billie the groan she wants with the stretch of three, slick fingers. This is nothing new. They’ve done this before. Billie recalls the cramped back of the BMW in the middle of nowhere, cold between Steph’s thighs but boiling hot at the same time. So three isn’t a challenge at all. Just takes softens the ache Billie knows is building up in Steph again. Still, she feels incredible clenching and rocking on Billie’s thick fingers. Billie is content with silence, with her tongue heavy in her mouth while she just watches Steph. She wants to watch Steph’s face for this next part. In case there’s pain or discomfort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me if this hurts,” she whispers maybe more to herself than Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘This’ being Billie’s fingers scrunching together so she can wiggle her pinky in, too. Her nails are filed so finely they won’t cut Steph, won’t pinch. Billie has to trust herself on that. Doesn’t mean cramming four fingers into the girl won’t pinch something against her pelvic bone, though.  Billie is mindful of that firmness of bone as she holds Steph open with her pinky barely included. Her knuckles aren’t flush to Steph’s body yet. Billie shivers when she tunes into her hovering above Steph, would cast a shadow if not for the TV shining foggy, blue light on them. Steph must sense her there, feel her breathe or something, because watery eyes crack open to meet hers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s this feel? Good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sinks that much deeper into her. It’s tightest around the base of her fingers—Steph’s body clenching around her. Almost all the way, almost so that she can slip past her knuckles and feed Steph more. But not yet. Not until she knows Steph isn’t hiding pain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it’s too much for her. Billie expects a blowout like a finale at a fireworks show if Steph manages to come on her fist. Steph may pass out for a little while, too overwhelmed, may cry, may need Billie’s closeness immediately and for a long time. Only now does Billie wish she’d thought to grab water and something sweet for Steph. Chocolate or the like to take the edge off when she comes. It will be intense, and Billie doesn’t want Steph to have any negative recollections over this. Especially… once the break is over. When they go back to school. Go back to normal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, baby girl,” Billie pleads softly, Steph’s body tight around her. “Gotta talk to me, sweetheart, tell me how you feel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quivering and eyes blinking lazy, Steph murmurs back, “Full.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie nods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it uncomfortable?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph blinks and considers it, gives the tiniest shift of her body to take more. Her eyes flutter shut again, and her chin tips up with her lips falling open.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” she whispers. Her next breath rattles through her lips. “Keep-keep going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needs to let Steph ride on this for a while. She says ‘keep going’ but there’s much more left that Steph can’t see, can’t possibly know. So Billie hums and cranes up on her knees as she’d always planned. Sandy-blonde hair spills over her shoulders to tickle Steph’s face, and brown eyes open just as Billie hunches over her for a kiss. She catches Steph’s high moan with her tongue when she gives Steph just a little more. The broad span of the bump of her knuckles. The same knuckles that have punched Steph in the jaw, the same that have caressed that same jaw so tenderly. Billie hovers against Steph’s mouth, their lips parted and breathing each other in, when she fucks Steph on that wideness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” Steph whines with a breath choking her. “Oh god…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just this gentle in and out, Steph’s stretched body still popping over her knuckles when Billie pushes back inside. It’s still not the widest part of her fist. But if Steph can’t even handle this, then Billie knows it’s impossible. But she does, she does handle it, even rolls her hips down to meet Billie’s careful thrusts in and out. Spreading her so far open like this, the lube and her own wetness make sounds that sink heat into both their faces. It’s an obscene animal noise, and Steph bellows into her mouth when Billie dares to guide her hand that much deeper. The web of her thumb is almost tucked tightly between velvet folds. So close and yet so far away from what Steph wants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Steph,” Billie pants into her mouth, bringing them together for a few kisses just to feel Steph more. “You’re incredible, baby girl, god I love feeling you open for me.” More kisses, and between them hushed, sweet nothings. “Baby, darling, so good to me, my good girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s lips tremble against hers as Billie holds her open like this. The tease of her thumb back and forth, swiping over Steph’s hood is a treat. A reward. Steph squirms again but jars the whole bed with a flinch when she grinds Billie’s fingers into her sweet spot. Billie’s thumb just as quickly folds down and away from Steph’s clit. She doesn’t want Steph to come when they’re so close. She’d rather make Steph’s body fight for her orgasm, so full and almost unable to come because of that fullness. Billie wants, wants, wants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Voice trembling and soft, Steph manages Billie’s name and not much else as a reply. Billie licks the sounds out of her mouth and swallows them, coveting the need in them. She’s still there with her tongue thick between Steph’s lips when she does the cruel act of slipping out of Steph again. Not for long, just to let Steph tighten around nothing, whine, and then squeal when Billie glides right back inside her. All the way down until Billie’s thumb impedes the way. She does it again and again, delving through silky heat and letting Steph enjoy the gradual stretch from fingertips to palm and then back again. Billie needs fresh lube before they proceed. She wants everything to be perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It must be too much for Steph when Billie slips out again with a gush and shudder. Steph’s hands forget that they should stay down. They seek out Billie’s hair just as Billie sits up. Steph clings to her with one arm looped around Billie’s neck and the other hand tangled in blonde curls. Steph’s lips are messy and spit-slicked on hers when she mouths desperate, whimpering kisses to Billie’s. Billie wants to smirk, wants Steph’s neediness to amuse her. Instead, she turns tender and obliges Steph’s need for closeness right now. Billie would give her anything right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t stop,” Steph pleads in the middle of a kiss, not bothering to stop to talk. “Don’t, I don’t want you to, Billie, Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not,” she promises when Steph stops kissing her long enough to get it out. “You’re ready, baby girl, ready as you’ll ever be. You want all of me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods like someone has a gun to her head. Like her life depends on getting Billie back inside her. And Billie will give her that. She fumbles with the lube in her right hand, awkward when she tries to flick her thumb over the cap. She does it with practiced ease with her dominant hand, of course. Grumbling, Billie thinks she’d be used to crap like this now—forced to use her right hand for something that needs fine motor skills. She can’t take too long, though, or Steph will curl up nervous or panic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The cap finally pops free with a roll of blue eyes. Billie’s fingers work over fresh lube drizzled over her skin. Plastic tube held aloft above Steph’s clit, Billie makes sure to drip some here, too. Before it all goes sliding down Steph’s ass to make a mess, wasteful, Billie spreads it around with the back of her left hand. She needs lube on that skin, too. Steph is ready for her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Warm fingers playing with all that wetness, poking the tips just inside Steph, Billie murmurs, “Ready? I’m gonna try now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s expression is as blissed out and spacey as the first time they had sex. When Billie lavished so much time up and down Steph’s body to get her head in the clouds. It all comes rushing back, then, Steph’s shame over her body and agreeing with such fervor to Billie’s offer. How she’s not questioned it this whole time. How… natural it feels to wake up next to Steph, like Steph is hers, and to kiss her and hold her… And Steph kisses her back, asks for kisses herself. Billie sucks in a tight breath, sadness choosing this moment to surge, but she swallows it all down. This has to be good for Steph. Billie can’t let her emotions get the better of her right now. Midnight is five minutes away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Patience is key. Patience and paying careful attention to Steph’s body, to her face, her breathing. There will probably be some discomfort. Billie cannot help the placement of Steph’s pelvis. The best she can do is hopefully avoid dragging her knuckles against it when she folds her hand up. She shuffles, still sitting on her ass, and pets Steph’s thighs with her clean hand. Steph is still and quiet with wet eyes peering up at her. Steph’s cherry lips smile when their stare holds. She needs a little bit of comfort, some tenderness. Billie smiles right back at her, soft and so painful in the middle. She loves this girl so much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Spread wide on Billie’s knuckles, Steph’s noises start up again. She can’t possibly know what’s coming, but her body shivers in anticipation regardless. Billie takes the time to work against the tightness right at Steph’s entrance. This is where it may hurt, delicate skin speared apart and forced to take something bigger than anything before. Billie finds herself biting the corner of her mouth like this morning, aching and desperate to watch this happen. She makes sure, though, to glance back and forth between Steph’s legs and her blissful face. Steph’s shyness has melted away under the heat of her passion. She watches Billie perhaps without actually seeing her. But the eye contact is there, and Billie slips her thumb up to rub where the hollow of her fingers makes a space inside Steph. Teasing a little, not a threat but a promise. The tip of her thumb makes everything tighten up like a snapped rubber band when she tries.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy, baby girl, easy,” she rumbles, edging her thumb out again. “Gotta relax, Steph, I’m not gonna hurt you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph fists the sheets under them one more, wiggles on Billie’s palm, and coos, “Full.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, but there’s a little bit more.” Again, Billie nudges her thumb just inside Steph. She’s incredibly tight, probably nervous, but when Billie doesn’t pull out again, she grows used to it. “See? I knew you could do it. Just a little more, baby, you’re doing so well, my good girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pink to her ears, Steph nods and sags into the bed again. She needs a few breaths to calm, to loosen up. Billie holds her own breaths as her gaze draws down. The tips of all five fingers are in her, now. The widest, most grueling part of this—over the meat of Billie’s thumb, over the span of her palm—is yet to come. Billie holds Steph’s hip with her other hand, ready to force her back to the bed, and slides forward. Steph fights her a little right at her entrance, so Billie slides out. In out, in out, deeper every time, a little more, more, more, feeling Steph’s body tremble to take her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then more pressure with intent and Steph’s wet heat drags her inside. Billie’s fingers shift around so carefully through that tightness. She makes a fist just as Steph’s body bows up and her mouth drops open in a punch-out grunt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck Steph.” Billie’s voice comes out all strained over her exhale. She holds perfectly still, body throbbing in sympathy as Steph clenches around her wrist. Exactly like Billie knew she would. “Steph, Jesus Christ, fuck…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph cries her name with her head thrown all the way back, throat exposed. She just as quickly rips her head back down, probably straining her neck, to stare with big eyes and parted lips down her body. The angle doesn’t gift her the obscene, filthy view Billie has. But to feel the stretch and weight of Billie inside her and then look down to see it happening…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>White teeth sink into Steph’s bottom lip, eyes pinched shut with moisture at the corners, and then she’s boneless on the bed again. Not even her hip twitches under Billie’s sweaty palm. Billie trusts that Steph won’t do anything wild. Hopefully won’t fold up like a lawn chair and go rolling, taking Billie with her. She wants to snort at the image—it’s happened before—but she can’t feel anything other than overwhelming affection for Steph right now. Not when they’re this intimate, closer now than ever before. Billie rises back to her knees again so she can look down on all of paradise and behold it like a god.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she’s foolish if she thinks she is the deity here. No, that would be the pretty thing panting her name and already testing the waters. Steph rocks ever so slightly on Billie’s fist. Seeing what it feels like, how her body snaps tightly and hugs every inch of golden skin deep in her. Steph’s hands shake when they drag free of the sheets only to dive into her own hair. Billie recognizes the motion well. Just an unbearable need to feel her own body, because she feels like she’s flying apart, has never experienced something so intimate before. Steph’s thighs tremble a little where they’re flat and spread wide. Billie reads the tremble well, knows Steph wants more. Wants to feel everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first, careful roll of Billie’s fingers into her palm rips a gasp out of Steph. Billie’s affection is warm and so fond in her smile as she watches Steph fight to make a sound. But she’s breathless and blushing too hard for sounds. Billie does it again, like she’s drumming impatiently on a desk or the wheel of her car. Mindful of her fingernails, especially her thumb that squeezes so tightly to Steph’s walls. Steph rocks herself on Billie’s fist, though, and her voice strains through every exhale. Billie has never heard Steph like this before. It just pours more love into her, more affection, more everything until her eyes burn. Luckily, Steph can’t open hers right now even if she tried. It’s too good, the weight and pressure inside her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph,” Billie croaks, desperate to ease some of the tightness in her throat even though Steph is already lightyears away from here. “Steph, baby… Jesus, you feel so good, so perfect.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She has to stop, then. Can’t talk anymore, or she’ll start saying things she can’t take back. How badly she wants Steph to be hers. To forget all the guys she’s ever screwed around with, forget Wheeler. Just take Bille and have her instead. She’s better than any of them, loves Steph more and in a way a boy never could. It just chokes Billie up more, and she bites herself to not burst into tears. How hilarious is that? She’s the one with her fist inside Steph. She shouldn’t be the one on the verge of tears. Billie’s heart stops, leaps into her throat, when amber eyes actually flutter open and look up at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” Steph slurs. “I-I need…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t say what, but Billie is hunching over her before either of them finds out. Steph’s hands are in her hair, down the back of her neck, and then claw into Billie’s skin. Billie kisses her like they’re fighting, like she has something to prove. Like if she kisses Steph hard, long, deep enough she can crawl inside and stay there forever. They don’t have to go back to school. Billie doesn’t have to pretend like she’ll sleep with anything that walks. Steph won’t have to fend off the advances of boys who think she’s just a pretty face and a hole to fuck. Billie whimpers with her lips too tight to Steph’s and thinks she lets a tear slip out. Just one to land on Steph’s cheek and roll down, disappearing down her jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stay close like that even as Billie really gets her knees under her, braces her weight into the bed. When she moves inside Steph, a slick, tight glide of her wrist in and out, she keeps their mouths together. Steph’s moan bubbles out of her light, unsteady, frantic. Steph moves with her, trying to meet the flat of Billie’s knuckles when her wrist spreads her open. They pick up that rhythm and shake the bed. It goes knocking into the headboard, and the dull bang of wood on the wall drowns out the TV. The countdown. Midnight is upon them, and through their kisses that never really end, are more tongues and breaths than anything, Billie worries she’s a crying mess. She doesn’t want Steph to see how broken she is, how all her heartache comes rushing back from this morning when she’d faked it. She’ll have to fake it forever, now. There’s no turning back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s in love with Stephanie Harrington. And Stephanie Harrington doesn’t love her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She does cry at that point, but doesn’t stop kissing Steph. She’s about to come, body trembling harder, faster with every nudge forward of Billie’s fist. Steph rips a hand free from clawing at Billie’s upper back to take Billie’s forearm and speed her up. Fuck her faster, harder. Steph’s whines turn high and needy. She hooks her shins up on Billie’s hips, threatening to topple them over each other. But Billie just widens her stance on her knees and lets Steph take control. If Steph wants her hard like this, forcing her tight walls to take everything like this, then she’ll do it. She’ll do anything for Steph like the fool she is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph whines Billie’s name around her tongue when she comes. Her teeth thankfully don’t snap down, her jaw falling open as she screams. Billie pulls away enough so that Steph can suck down a breath when her cry runs dry. Every wet inch of her tightens around Billie in impossibly fast waves, squeezing her like never before. Billie acts on instinct when she sends her knuckles to gently rub over Steph’s g-spot. Gently, ever so gently so she can come long and hard, not have it ripped out of her via overstimulation. By force.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s nails dig as much as they can into Billie’s back and forearm. The kitten claws in her skin have already left angry, red lines. No blood. But they’ll sting for a little while. Billie welcomes the pain anyway, would rather feel pain or fury than this black chasm in her heart. Sinking, terrible. Like she’s plunged off the deep end of a pool and can’t touch bottom, can’t breathe, doesn’t know which way is up. Steph pants with her voice all ragged in each breath on Billie’s lips, but Billie doesn’t feel it. Her lungs burn, but she doesn’t feel it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>About Billie’s hips, Steph’s shins box her in and squeeze almost to the point of pain. Billie just welcomes that too, gets her right hand under her in the bed to push herself up. Balance hers once more, she’s quick to shove her hair out of her face, viciously thumbs moisture from her eyes. Steph can’t see her cut open and raw like this. She’ll fuss and get that soft look in the center of her face when she thinks something is wrong. And Billie can’t fake it right now. Not with Steph cooing under her, body tight now and unrelenting around Billie’s wrist. She is blissed out with a sloppy smile and mindless of how she’s trembling. She must be cold, and Billie hunkers back down, offering the swell of her body heat over Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She would scoop Steph up and tuck a blanket around her if the little doe would just let go of her. Billie’s isn’t surprised that she’s stuck. Especially not with this being Steph’s first time on a fist. Billie would laugh any other time. Maybe coo and tease Steph that it’s over, now, she has to let go. Now, Billie just nuzzles against Steph’s jaw. She’s here, she’s not going anywhere despite the heaviness in her heart. If Steph were to open her eyes and cry out, whimpering and so alone, Billie’s heart would break all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she kisses up and down Steph’s jaw, her cheek, everywhere she can reach to calm her down. When Steph relaxes, she pushes Billie out all on her own with a sharp squeal and her thighs finally dropping and clamping shut. Billie barely has enough time to flex feeling back into her fingers and then rip her arm out of the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph does roll at that point. She curls up pretty and shivering in the bracket of Billie’s limbs around her. Quivering something awful, Steph hunches into herself and makes adorable, little coos. Billie groans when she sits up, needing to act fast but wanting nothing more than to just curl up somewhere and die. Maybe not that dramatic, but it had been her thought when mom told her they were leaving California. She wanted to die every day leading up to her following behind the moving truck across the country. This is decidedly worse. California will always be hers to return to. Steph is not her anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie knows, washcloth running over her left hand cool and damp, that this will not end well. Could she just not continue on like nothing has changed? Isn’t she all about faking it until she makes it? Billie stares mournfully at the tight ball of Steph’s body and knows that’s not possible. Pretending for love’s sake has never worked before. She loves too deeply, to completely. She’s not the type to suffer in silence, would rather burn the house down than let someone take it from her. Billie pets Steph’s thighs apart with a gentle hand and soft nothings all while marveling at the thing she can never have. This. She can cheer Steph up, not leave her out to dry, care so deeply for her. But she cannot fake it. That friendship is enough. It will never be enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph whines when she moves away again, just to toss the dirty washcloth towards the tiles of the en suite. Midnight has come and gone, Times Square a frenzy with confetti and celebration. Billie wonders, scooping Steph up to bring her to the pillows, when the ball had dropped. It seemed like they were touching and kissing forever. But the edges have already blurred and softened. Distantly, Billie knows the ache in her is unsatisfied. She couldn’t hope to do anything about it with her arms full of Steph cuddling up to her. Mindless like a babe and just clinging, hold me, don’t let me go, please, please.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie kisses across Steph’s pink cheek, over beauty marks and dry streaks of tears. More squeeze out, and Billie is there with boyish fingers to catch them all before they dare fall. But Steph smiles wider than Billie has ever seen. It leaves the black hole of her heart on the tipping edge, about to gorge itself and consume all. Steph relaxes all at once with a rough palm cradling her cheek, fingers brushing her hairline and ear. So gentle, always so gentle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She mouths Billie’s name and smiles around it, her tears much slower now. They burn hot along the seam where Billie’s skin meets Steph’s. But Billie won’t let a single one fall and so wipes it away before it gets far. Steph’s expression crumbles some when she pulls away. Weak, slim hands search blindly for Billie’s hand, and Billie gives it to her. It’s like accepting scissors point-first, but she accepts Steph tugging her hand back to that pink cheek. Steph nuzzles her and mouths weak kisses to her palm, her fingertips. Steph stops just short of pulling Billie’s fingers into her mouth. That or Billie denies her, Billie isn’t sure. Somehow, she ends up with Steph’s warm cheeks filling the hollow of her palm. And she’s powerless to deny Steph anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she manages in a whisper. “Oh Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a pleasured sigh, almost a moan. Thin and high, breathless. It gets Billie’s stomach flipping. Dropping. Her heart bangs with a terrible tightness. Billie curls herself closer and noses Steph’s face up to get at her lips. Steph’s hum is so deeply satisfied even though she barely has the strength to kiss back. She only has the strength to brush her tongue against Billie’s when it licks past her lips. The kisses are all Billie, and Billie is greedy when she takes them. They’ll only hurt her in the end, but she takes, because she wants, wants, wants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re okay, baby girl. I’m right here, I’m not leaving, you did so good baby, I’m so proud of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph must hear her, must understand. She gives that adorable chirp Billie will miss the most and cuddles under Billie’s jaw. All the better to hide how Billie has to bite the corner of her mouth to not break down and scream. Steph’s hair is soft and smells so warm, clean. Billie breathes her in and takes advantage of Steph’s loopy state to cry for the second time today. Hopefully Steph won’t remember her body bucking as she holds back sobs. Hopefully Steph won’t ask about the bite at the corner of Billie’s mouth. Hopefully Billie can fall asleep and just dream for a little while.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph and Billie return to school.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy~ Definitely leave a comment telling me just how much you liked this chapter. Because I'm sure every single second of it was a thrill.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/missraygillette">@missraygillette</a> I tweet about things I'm working on. Come love these stupid girls/boys with me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Wednesday, the first day back. Just these three days and then the weekend again. Steph’s head buzzes with thoughts and carefully planned, rehearsed invitations. For Billie to come over this weekend, of course. Mostly because New Year’s Day, Billie had rattled off something about calling home and her mom needing her to come back. And that she would just stay home. And that she was sorry about it, that she would see Steph at school on Wednesday. Billie packed her things like she was never here for two weeks and left with a plastic, fake twitch of a smile. Not even a kiss goodbye. And Steph has been on edge ever since.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s English period doesn’t change from fall to spring semester. And she doubts Billie’s has either. Why split up a class like that? Billie is there when Steph stumbles in thirty seconds before the bell—having wandered all over school to Billie’s usually hiding places, looking for her. There are no seats free around Billie. Boys crowd her in on every side. She doesn’t look up at Steph when Steph walks in, focused on her own copy of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Brave New World</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Oh… They barely even started reading it together. And Steph was looking forward to Billie reading to her…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Class is a bust. Mrs. Ebbenegger doesn’t allow chit chat, and for an older woman, her hearing is still sharp. And with the impenetrable wall of testosterone between her and Billie, passing a note is out of the question. They have lunch together. Steph will just seek her out then. There are only so many places Billie could be during lunch. Smoking, at her car, actually eating in the cafeteria. So when Steph finds not a trace of her friend, she goes from lonely and uncertain to extremely worried and frantic. It’s unusual to see so little of Billie at school. Normally, Steph can’t seem to keep away from her. How have their magnetic poles opposed each other from one day to the next?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As a last-ditch effort, she tracks down Nathan and Jennifer, panting, “Have either of you seen Billie today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer shrugs and offers, “Her car is outside, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph ignores Nathan and spits out, “Thanks,” to Jennifer. The parking lot is the only place she hasn’t checked, not exactly wanting to skitter outside in the January wind. With confirmation that the blonde is still here at all is enough to convince Steph to throw her jacket on over her sweater and dash outside. The Camaro is indeed here, brilliant blue sticking out amongst the other cars. But Billie isn’t here. Steph pats herself down, desperate to find a scrap of paper and maybe a pencil, something. She'd rather leave a note for Billie like last time than nothing. But her pockets are empty except for a tube of lip balm. Which she’ll need when she wanders back into the school, dejected and nervous. She chews on her bottom lip the rest of the day, and when she waits by the Camaro like a lost puppy, it stings where she’s gnawed at the thin skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie has no choice but to eventually emerge from the school, a few guys trailing her, as she marches for the Camaro. Nearly twenty-five minutes after the final bell. She has about five minutes before the bell for the middle school rings for dismissal. Then, she and Max will probably take off to Cherry Lane. So her smirking and rolling her eyes to whatever the gaggle of fellas is saying comes to a stop when she catches sight of the car. And Steph waiting in the cold like an idiot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph smiles so big at her, forgetting they’re at school, and almost runs up to her. Just so happy to finally be able to talk to her since their awkward, stilted goodbyes on New Year’s Day. Billie’s entourage disperses with a few gruff words from her, but each boy looks hopeful. Steph wonders what that’s about, why so many boys crowd Billie on the first day back, but she wipes it out of her mind when Billie stands in front of her by the driver’s side door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her teeth chatter when Steph gets out, “Hey, Billie um, it’s good to see you, I tried looking for you all day but—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, been busy since getting back.” Billie sniffs and shrugs, hands in her pockets as she glances in the direction one of the boys had walked off. “Guess these limp-dick losers needed two weeks off to gather the courage to ask me out or something. Bunch of morons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now Steph hears the genuine disinterest in Billie’s voice. Before, Steph thinks she would have heard Billie come off as mildly annoyed or amused. She’s not right now, not even a little. That and well… Steph knows none of those boys could offer Billie what she wants. Billie is that way, a lesbian. The boys would probably lose their minds if they knew. Steph bites through a laugh when Billie turns a thin look on her. Blocking the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey princess, can you move so I can get in my car? It’s fucking freezing out here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Startling, not used to Billie snapping at her like this anymore, Steph jumps like a mouse and skitters out of the way. Billie eyes her, such a hostile look that Steph just stares right back at her with her mouth open a little, and tugs at the handle of the door. So… she’s probably not interested in standing out here to shoot the breeze. Which, yea, makes sense, said breeze is stiff and rude out here, cutting even Steph a little in her appropriate attire. Billie only has her leather jacket and whatever she’s wearing underneath it. Surely not nearly enough layers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She squeaks that out as Billie slings herself into the Camaro and has her fingers hooked into the handle to slam the door shut behind her. But Steph’s soft voice stops her cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, and why does that hurt so much? Billie almost glaring up at her, blonde curl perpetually in her eyes falling forward now. Billie’s lips thin into an impatient line, and she shoves the curl back with the rest. Maybe… maybe something has happened at home? Maybe her mom went off again? But they’re alone now, so why won’t Billie just talk to her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tick-tock, princess, I’m freezing my ass off with the door open.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She barks that with a couple of snaps of her fingers, too. Where has their ease gone? Where is Billie’s great affection for her? What happened?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I just…” Steph clutches her bag to her chest, all confidence gone, but she forces out anyway, “I just wanted to ask what you’re doing this weekend. Maybe we could—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m busy,” Billie spits out. “Got shit to do around my house, unlike some people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a statement so wild and off the cuff to Steph that she just frowns at it. Doesn’t even consider if there’s any truth behind it. Why is Billie acting like this?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tries carefully, “Billie, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie falters, then, and her whole expression flinches. Hurt and anger, such deep sadness and Billie looks so tired, like she hasn’t slept peacefully in days. But it all snaps back into place, and Billie’s mouth twists into something mean, scarred eyebrow cocked high. Closed off. Distant once more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t know what you’re talking about, princess, but”—Billie jerks her head to the flood emerging from the middle school—“I gotta split. So watch your toes when I back out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then she’s slamming the door on Steph and turning the engine over, revving it probably more than she needs to. She doesn’t look at Steph out the window while lighting a cigarette. She doesn’t even crack the window. Max bounds up with heavy footsteps, his skateboard tucked under his arm even though it’s probably too cold for that. They share a look, brown meeting grey, and Max frowns a little. Something has to be up. Maybe… maybe Steph can abuse her Party powers a little tonight. Radio Max and ask him what’s going on. Max would tell her, right? If only to help a member of the Party find some peace of mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, she smiles at Max, and he flashes her a little grin. At least he’s okay. But he’s still quick to duck into the Camaro just the same as Billie. Billie barely waits for the door to shut, for Steph to take a few steps back, before she’s throwing the car into reverse and burning rubber on the way out. She leaves Steph in the trail of dust and exhaust, feeling more hollow than ever before. It’s a dangerous sort of hollow she could see herself poking at the edges, seeing how badly she can make it hurt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d done as much after the whole ‘can’t get it up’ thing and Nathan cursing at her at Tony’s party during Halloween. But… but this isn't as bad as that, right? Steph pays no mind to the cold, the wind, the eyes staring at her. This can’t be as bad as that. During those two, separate instances, she felt her life coming to an end. Such terrible sorrow, probably overly dramatic, but it’s how she felt! A focal point of her life sort of collapsing in on itself in spectacular fashion, leaving her unmoored. That’s how much she loved Nathan. But that’s not what this is. This is Billie Hargrove. Things are always a little different when it comes to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Steph just swallows it all down. She swallows it down and acts normal. Trades smiles with some classmates as she walks to her car. Hums to a Madonna song on the radio. Decides she’d rather not go home to that big dark house and instead loiters at Betty’s diner. There’s no one under 30 in here except her, but Betty doesn’t chase her away, so whatever. Who would turn a second glance to Stephanie Harrington, right? Golden Girl of Hawkins, can do wrong. She doesn’t feel so golden, Billie’s dismissal and curtness cutting her more deeply than she first thought. Sleeping alone last night was… such an uncomfortable process. She’s used to Billie warm and heavy beside her, arm or at least a leg thrown over her to keep her near. And sure, she knew she would be alone for the rest of the week, but she had such hopes for this weekend…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All along these two weeks, hadn’t she dreaded them going back to school? Back to the routine and the jungle of hormones and popularity pissing matches? Didn’t she worry between bouts of unimaginable pleasure that this exact thing would happen? That Billie would leave the sanctum of her house, of the days they spent really knowing each other, and revert to this. It’s so much more than a step backwards. It’s a leap, a bound Superman would be envious of. It’s like they’ve reset the clock to September and Billie hates her all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay, honey?” Betty comes over with a refill on her soda, burger and fries long forgotten. “You been in here an awful while, lookin like someone ran over your dog…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph blinks dumbly up at her as her brain catches up to the woman’s words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhhh, no, I’m uh fine.” She forces a smile with the Harrington seal of approval all over it. It usually works on adults who don’t know her. “Just bummed out to be back at school, you know? Wasn’t ready to come back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s enough to send Betty off her trail. She just shrugs, offers Steph a smile back, and then slides the paper check under the ketchup bottle at the edge of the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, whenever you’re ready, honey, there’s no rush.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is infinitely thankful for that. Betty will most likely leave her alone, now, and Steph is free to loiter at the table as long as she wants. She considers ever so briefly pulling out her copy of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Brave New World</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it just makes her think of Billie and that lazy morning in the guest room when Billie had tried to read it to her. Her whole house makes her do that. Remember the ghost of Billie walking the halls, lying in bed beside her, her voice like an echo long after she left. Sleeping is difficult again, was the first night she was alone. She’d rather not go back to sleepless nights spent riding around town, chasing dreams. Steph thinks about the quarter tank in her car. She should probably fill up before going home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sun has long since set when she bursts out of the warmth of the diner and shuffles to the car. When she gets there, though, the thought of radioing Max and asking him about Billie takes over her thoughts about cold and sleepless nights. It’s the fastest she’s rushed around town, hitting the gas station and then tearing through Hawkins to get home. The night is the frigid sort that threatens snow. A foreboding crispness to it. Heaviness. Steph is just thankful there are a few boys in the neighborhood who go around and shovel driveways for a buck or two. She can do it herself, but it’s easy enough to let some rowdy boys do it. If it’s going to snow tonight, she could at least grab a scoop of salt from the garage and toss it on the driveway so she doesn’t go sliding down it tomorrow morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s a mess when she gets in the house, though, dark and quiet. Empty. Steph leaves a trail of lights on if only to calm the hairs on the nape of her neck that stand up. The house is too big for its own good, really. Makes too much noise in the winter as wood all over shifts and creaks. Plus… it had been so vibrant and alive, lived in for two weeks. Felt like a home again instead of  a place to keep her things and sleep. She can’t think about that while tearing her room apart, searching for wherever the hell she’d put the radio after using it the last time. She looked in all the usual places, fearing maybe she left it in Billie’s car somehow, when she finds it under her bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Finally, piece of garbage,” she grumbles to herself. Luckily, the radio has enough juice in it so that she won’t have to go hunting for however many D-cell batteries is fucking takes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Flopping breathless on her bed, Steph twists the radio on and calls out, “Uh, this is Steph calling for Mad Max, over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Destiny would be proud of her for her etiquette. She even pauses to give someone, anyone a chance to reply. Max may not be home, may have snuck over to one of the girls’ houses to hang out. Billie had torn out of the school parking lot without a chance for Max to catch up with any of the other party members, so…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mad Max, this is Steph, do you copy? Over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winnie’s soft voice breaks through the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try another channel, Steph. He might not be on this one, over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph mouths the words to herself, understands each one on its own but not strung together like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh how do I do that?” A pause. “Uh, over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Winnie doesn’t reply right away, silence on the waves. Eventually, she chimes back in with, “Hang on, I’m checking for you, over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph can’t even feel too insulted about Winnie just doing it for her. These kids are the ones who’d thrusted the damn radio at her. No one except Winnie told her how to actually turn it on and talk. To release the talk button when she was done, which she had to learn the hard way with Destiny and Michelle yelling at her about it. Brats. But the next voice to crackle on the airwaves is Max, so Steph smoothes out any irritation in her. That’s in the past. She has a task at hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s up, babysitter, over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Max uh… Is uh, is everything okay with Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph winces even as she says it. Probably all the kids are listening. They all hate Billie, understandably. She especially doesn’t want to get into it with Destiny right now. Hopefully her radio is off or something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s it to you, over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, should have expected that,” Steph muses to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She just… she was acting weird at school today. Off. Did something happen when she came home yesterday?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhg, over, damn it, over!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph… I didn’t see my sister at all during break until this morning when she came home to grab her bag and take me to school. She didn’t come home yesterday, over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s heart does something terrible and painful in her chest. Like she’s swallowed something wrong and it aches all through her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh… Max, is she home right now, over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. She ditched me here after school and took off. I honestly thought she was with you, over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe… maybe Billie is with someone? Not a boy, obviously… but then again, Billie doesn’t really have friends. Or maybe she’s just? Hanging around? But she hadn’t gone home yesterday, so what evidence is there that she’ll come home tonight either? Steph wonders where the hell Billie slept last night. With dread and a little bit of anger stirring in her, Steph knows there will be no use sleeping tonight. Not until she’s combed every inch of Hawkins to find Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, thanks Max. She’s not here, but I need to find her. I’ll bring my radio with me, please call out if she comes home, over and out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph wait, is there something wrong with Billie, over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope, just gotta talk to her,” Steph lies, talking fast. “Driving now, over and out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turns the radio off when she climbs in. If only to screen the nosy brats for a little while. While she checks out the places Billie would haunt. The quarry is the farthest out. She’ll start there and work her way back towards the house. If she’s lucky, Billie will be there. It’s a spot all teenagers frequent at some point. And everyone in town recognizes the Camaro, if not the blue California plates. So the likelihood of someone fucking with it is low. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph feels like she holds her breath all the way out to the gravel road. Through the dust that blots out the night and gives cover to things that would go creeping. The older she gets, the more her child-like naivety melts away. She’d once trudged these same stomping grounds as the Party. Nothing could hurt her then. Now, the world is the same, only she sees it, now. The bleakness. She feels it in the pit of her stomach when she imagines finding Billie out at the quarry again. She can’t fathom why Billie would do that. Why would she ever sleep outside when she knows Steph is here? Why would she be so cold at school? Why did she… lie about needing to leave?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The inside of the car is painful with silence. She couldn’t bear the radio, had needed the silence for her thoughts to keep them going in a straight line instead of exploding like they usually do, going from A and skipping straight to J having never touched B thru I. But now all she imagines is Billie’s fake smile when she left, how quiet and reserved she was leading up to the lie. Billie didn’t need to come home for anything at all. It was a lie. But why? Why?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands tightening around the steering wheel as she rounds the last bend of the quarry road, Steph has to steady her voice when she sighs, “Oh Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even through the dust of gravel, the BMW’s headlights make the paint on the Camaro sparkle. Steph’s hands are tight enough at the wheel to bleach her knuckles. Anger rises in her just as sharply as heartache does. They mix together into something ugly and nasty, the sort of thing that had driven her to spread rumors about Nathan last year. Breathing a little hard, Steph leaves the car running, making absolutely sure it’s in park, and then bursts out of the car. She doesn’t trip, doesn’t mind her strength when she slams her door shut. Hard enough to send the headlights bobbing on the Camaro’s passenger side. Steph’s shadow cuts through and lets her see into the backseats. It’s dark, but a curled-up lump stretched across the bench tells her all she needs to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s palm smarts when she pounds on the back window, yelling, “Billie, wake up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes a few smacks to get the lump inside the car moving. Steph doesn’t feel the cold creep into her ears, down her collar to touch her neck. The cold stings in her palm, but she doesn’t care, is too torn between wanting to scream into the night or run home crying to nurse her wounds. This is some sort of betrayal, right? They’re friends. Steph would have spent more than just two weeks with Billie. She’s funny and smart and deeply sensitive, a beautiful girl. And Steph’s friend, or so she’d thought up to now. What kind of friend lets her buddy sleep outside in fucking January? What did she do wrong that made Billie think this was okay? Steph’s eyes sting from more than pain in her palm when Billie finally whips a blanket off her head and glares in her direction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off, Harrington, I’m not in the mood to deal with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie couldn’t have hurt her more than if she’d punched straight through the glass at Steph’s gut. Steph staggers back with her last name plunging straight into her face, feels her cheeks throb and sting like they were punched. Her own fists shake at her sides. The right is pretty numb from beating on the cold glass. But no matter that pain and the others spiking throughout her, she cannot uproot her spot in the gravel, staring into the back of the Camaro. It would be one thing if Billie tore out of her blanket to reveal someone back there with her. A girl. Fooling around. The thought makes Steph strangely ill, something hot like jealousy but doesn’t belong here. She shakes herself just as Billie climbs out of the back, slamming her door shut as she storms up to Steph, huffing like a steam engine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck is your problem, Harrington? Can’t catch a fucking hint?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hands shove Billie’s shoulders before she knows what she’s doing. And Billie actually stumbles back, has to catch herself on the tail light of the Camaro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s my problem?” She screeches, voice bouncing off the quarry. “What’s my problem? What’s you’re fucking problem! Why are you sleeping in your car again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of your business, you spoiled princess, now leave me alone!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hands are on Billie again, but this time fisting in the lapels of her leather jacket. Billie rears around and twists her own hands in Steph’s coat, too. A stalemate, even though Steph knows full well Billie could just pick her up and throw her like batting a balloon in the air. But she doesn’t struggle in Billie’s grasp or even against it. Instead, she tries to reel Billie in closer. They struggle with each other, giving Steph’s initial, impulsive pang of anger time to fizzle out. Billie is still steaming mad in her face, at least her snarl is, but her eyes are wet in the light from the BMW. Steph doesn’t know what to do about it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop,” she pants. “Please Billie, please stop, please talk to me, tell me what happened, what’s wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s fists tremble in the front of Steph’s coat. To either tear her apart or out of some other emotion locked in Billie’s teeth, Steph isn’t sure. She just relaxes in Billie’s hands and trusts Billie won’t hurt her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up!” Billie shakes her like a ragdoll, just a quick back and forth. “Just shut up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t,” Steph insists softly. She can’t rise to Billie. She’ll just give Billie the fuel she needs to explode. Steph won’t do it. “I won’t shut up, and I won’t leave. I’m your friend, Billie, I care about you, please let me—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s voice almost comes out in a whine, like she struggles to keep it calm, when she spits out, “You don’t know anything! I didn’t ask for your help! I didn’t ask for this to happen.” She grits her teeth, struggling, and screams, “We are not friends!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her fists move in Steph’s coat, then, and Billie hauls Steph onto the toes of her Keds. She goes kicking in gravel, footing unsure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shakes her again, staring up at her with big, hurt eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk to me about all that shit,” Billie hisses through tight teeth, harnessing some of that hurt and making a knife out of it. She cuts Steph with it when she spits, “‘We’re friends’ and ‘I care about you.’ I didn’t ask for any of that, and I don’t need you to fuck with me like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s head would spin if it weren’t firmly attached. Where is all this coming from? Her hands loosen in Billie’s jacket only to slap down to her shoulders. This way, even though Billie has her almost dancing on her toes, she can still hold on to Billie this way. Maybe calm her down. She can’t rise to Billie’s fury. Billie will only burn them both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph pleads softly, “I’m not-I’m not fucking with you, Billie, I would never. And we are friends, you’re my friend. Friends look after each other and take care of each other, I-I just wanna make sure you’re safe and—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s face screws up into something torn. Just for a split second, open and raw and hurting. And then she snaps her jaws over it and shoves Steph with all her strength. Steph ends up stumbling back into the hood of her own car, spilling herself over the warm metal to stop herself from eating shit in the gravel. Billie stands with her back to the headlights, hands like claws in her hair as she hyperventilates. Steph just watches with her heart in her throat, more terrified than she’s ever been but unable to flee. Unable to do anything other than watch Billie wind herself down, down, down until her hands drop uselessly to her sides. Her hair is a little messed up, and her huge, loud exhales puff steam into the night air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please don’t say that to me, Steph,” Billie says to the sky, head tipped back. “Please, I… I don’t want to hear it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is the Billie she knows. The one who had pouted at her French toast turning out a little soggy, only to perk up when Steph traded her plates. The Billie who had consoled her as she cried about every little thing about Nathan, even though Billie hates him. The Billie who said she trusted Steph, and who Steph trusts in return. Her Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Steph asks just as softly. “Why, Billie? Please just, Jesus, please just talk to me. I wanna help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last part comes out as a desperate whine, her voice breaking a little. She watches in the dusty, chilly headlights as a shudder runs through Billie. Her breaths are still great big puffs of steam. She must be freezing in the cold like this, her Californian warmth not made for it. Every month that goes by, she loses a little more of that honey. And now, when she turns around with obvious tear marks down her cheeks, Steph doesn’t know if she’s ever seen Billie so defeated and flat. Lifeless. Steph is in horrified awe, like watching a building collapse, as Billie strides closer with determined steps. Steph has her hands on the hood of her car, pushing herself back to her feet, when Billie cups her cheeks so gently and pulls her forward for a kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a chaste thing. Just lips cradling hers perfectly, just like every other kiss. Like they were made for each other. Steph lets loose a little noise, some of her dread washing clean, but then Billie pulls away and releases Steph’s jaw, takes a big step back, too. Steph can’t slap her hands under her fast enough to try and regain her footing. To follow Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie I-I don’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blue eyes stare somewhere around Steph’s knees. Mouth stern under, almost frowning. The frown persists when Billie looks up, stares at Steph with freshly wet eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why we can’t be friends,” Billie says, hollow. “I can’t be friends with you, Steph.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head like it will help her understand. Maybe it’ll rattle her brain around and make sense of all this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you-Why are you saying that? We can’t be friends because-because we kissed? That doesn’t make sense, I don’t—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want more than that,” Billie insists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hands curl up into fists at her sides again, ready for the rejection. Steph stares at them with all her dread surging right back into her. That and more, all the heavy ‘more’ that laces into Billie’s voice. Steph’s mouth flaps uselessly a few times, and she plays with her fingers over her stomach. Nervous. She thumbs over all her memories of the past two weeks, trying to find a signal. A sign. Anything. What does Billie mean ‘more?’ She can’t possibly have like… feelings for Steph. She’s not that way, doesn’t think about Billie like that. Mostly… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want… more than that,” Steph parrots back. She finds the courage to meet Billie’s eyes and hates to see how empty they are. “You mean you… like me? Like…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s lips barely move when she murmurs deeply, “I’m in love with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph wishes so badly it were spring or summer. For frog cries and bugs in the night, for bird song. Anything to fill this terrible, screaming silence that buzzes in her ears. Even the BMW’s engine idling doesn’t help. All she can do is stare at Billie with a rumbling, empty pit opening in her stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie bows her head and sighs. Her left hand flashes up, ring catching the light, as she squeezes the corners of her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head still bent like that, Billie adds, “I’ve felt that way for a while, now. I was trying to keep it cool and just go with the flow but…” She sighs again, drops her hand, and then just stares Steph full in the face with fresh tears shining on her skin. Her voice is so soft, paper thin, when she goes on, “But I fucked up. I can’t… look at you and not think you’re mine. I can’t look at you and not think about kissing you and touching you, holding you. Like we did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph has to swallow the burning in her throat a few times, lick her lips a few times, to rush out, “Billie we can-we can still do all that stuff, I miss you and—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Billie snaps at her, some fire back in her eyes. She stumbles half a step closer, like she has to wrangle her fury in. “No, we can’t keep doing this, Steph. Don’t you know how much this is hurting me? Can you think of someone other than yourself for a second?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s annoyance rises despite the tension between them, but Billie advancing on her once more stops her words cold.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie stabs a finger into her chest and barks, “We can’t keep screwing around. You don’t feel the same, and that’s not fair to me, I want someone to want me the same way. The sex means something to me, it’s not just some-just some fucking game!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head and snaps right back, “It wasn’t a game! I enjoyed everything we did, I wanted you to do all those things to me. How can you call it a game?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who was the one who came to me, all sad and lonely”—Billie’s voice turns high and mocking, although her tears don’t stop as she yells—“I’ve never had an orgasm before, Billie, I sure wish I knew what that was like—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You offered!” Steph screams back. “You could have said no! You could have stopped at any time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That would require you keeping your hands off me! Great job, by the way, you really fooled me into thinking you cared. Getting me to fall in love with a pathetic, lonely straight girl like you.” Billie throws her hands up like they have an audience other than the dead rocks and old pines. “The scam of the century, folks! You heard it here first, extra, extra, read all about it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wild and hurt, Steph again throws her hands into Billie’s jacket. Billie’s face is a snarl for a second as she grabs Steph’s wrists. Weight leaning on her, pinning Steph to the hood of her car, Billie bends her back and slaps Steph’s hands into the warm metal. She keeps them there with iron fingers digging into her skin through her sleeves. Steph still stares up at Billie, not afraid yet but desperate for some hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t a game, Billie! I wanted you to do those things to me, I let you! I wanted to experience that with you, and-and maybe I could try to feel the same, you won’t even let me try!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s grip at her wrists turns means. She grinds all the little bones of Steph’s wrists together, and the quarry echoes with Steph’s pained shout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie, you’re hurting me, stop!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” she spits in Steph’s face. “Try to feel the same? Are you serious right now, Harrington? You wanna try and play queer for fun? Just because I fucked you better than any man ever will? Ever could?” She’s shouting in Steph’s face now, every puff of her words another punch. “Two weeks of the best sex you’ve ever had doesn’t turn you into a dyke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s eyes burn when Billie leans into her, pressing their thighs and hips together. All the hope goes rushing down Steph’s body to her toes and leaves her ice cold. Even with the engine of her car warm under her and Billie above her like a star about to implode, she’s colder than ice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like dick too much,” Billie sneers. Her eyes are wet, too, crying through her viper tongue. “You could never settle for anything that didn’t have a cock attached to it. You cried so pretty when I whipped that thing out, like you could finally get what you actually wanted. Just some dick so you could forget that fucking prick Wheeler and his weak fuck game that couldn’t satisfy you like I could. Isn’t that right, princess? Huh, baby girl? You gonna tell me—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hargrove!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The quarry shakes with the mournful, pitiful squeal of Steph’s cry. Shoulders climbing up her neck and tears dripping in her ears, Steph shakes as she stares up at Billie’s shocked face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ha-Hargrove,” she says again, meaning it even more now that the silence crowds around them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is off her like Steph is a flame that’s licked her burning. Without Billie’s bulk holding her up, Steph goes sliding down the red body of her car and puddles on the ground. Useless legs fold up as she huddles just out of the beam of her headlights. The darkness is soothing as she cries into her arms that sweep around her head. Protecting her from anymore hurt. Her shoulders shake with heaving breaths she sucks down between terrible sobs. Steph’s voice shreds through each one as the pressure builds in her, demanding to be let out. She cries like that, gasping for air and trembling with her bottled screams, as Billie’s boots stumble away in the gravel. The Camaro’s driver’s side door opens and shuts, the engine turns over a little rough, and then Billie is gone in a spray of gravel and exhaust. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Life goes on after the quarry.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please imagine, if you will, a villain in their cozy hideaway. Fireplace, animal companion of your choice. And me with the smuggest of smug smirks on my face while I'm sipping a drink. Also of your choice. If you enjoyed last chapter, which I know you did, then you will just be over the moon with this one. It's awfully short, but so much happens. Don't forget to tell me all about it in the comments! Tell your friends!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steph quits the basketball team. That’s an obvious first step once she’d collected herself from the quarry, drove home, and cried herself to sleep. It was easy enough to find Coach in her office first thing in the morning and make up some excuse. It took a little convincing and reassuring it was what Steph wanted. But Coach let her go with a sad shake of her head. Billie can have basketball. Steph doesn’t care anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s only a matter of time before anyone who’s anybody knows about her quitting. They’ve probably all been waiting for it since the moment Billie arrived and swept the school up. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. To them, the transfer of the title of Queen is finally complete. Steph never cared about that either. Billie can have that, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’d like to carry on and not give it away. What happened. Nobody knows but them, and Billie shows up to school the next days, the next weeks like nothing happened. Like nothing ever happened, like it’s September without all the bullying and peacocking. Steph doesn’t exist anymore, and Steph doesn’t mind. Even when Jennifer and Nathan deign to pick at Steph’s prickly edges, she denies, denies, denies. Everything is okay, she’s fine, nothing happened, you’re worrying too much. It’s easier than admitting the truth and just having them pity her or worse. The last thing she needs is either of them starting a fight. Billie would kill both of them, maybe literally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being home is about ten times worse, now. Because all the memories like oil and cigarette smoke on the walls have gone from comforting to something terrible. And Steph doesn’t know how to wash it off. Instead of remembering Billie lying beside her, it’s just the firm metal of the BMW under her and Billie above her with crazy eyes and so much hurt and anger. And each echo of Billie’s voice is just her meanness. Destiny would probably suggest an exorcism, but even that thought doesn’t really make her laugh. So spending more time with the Party is an obvious choice. Just like basketball. Just… avoid the places Billie is. Give her a reason to avoid Steph, and then Steph doesn’t have to feel so powerless through all this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Party doesn’t complain. They stop burdening the Wheeler household with D&amp;D meetings and migrate to Steph’s living room. If she can’t languish in memories of Billie—her Billie, not the one at the quarry—then she’ll stuff the empty house full of new ones until she doesn’t hear Billie’s voice anymore. Dusting off Nathan and Jennifer’s worry had been as easy as brushing them aside. The Party is a different story, especially with Max and El, two peas in a pod, watching her constantly. Like little knights in shining armor. They know better than to pry and whine for an explanation like Destiny does the first time Steph spaces out around them. They must feel the edges of her hurt and just guard her. It’s all they can do. Steph’s pain is her own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s like walling herself up in her sorrow like when Nathan had called her bullshit. It’s all she can think to do—hide and nurse her wounds. Billie actually makes it easy on her. They go to the same school, but exist entirely separately. For their lockers being right next to each other, Steph never sees Billie anymore. It’s possible the blonde has stopped using her locker all together. It’s not like they don’t have cars out in the parking lot to store their things. The Camaro parks on the far side of the lot, now. As far away from Steph’s usual spot as Billie can get without parking in the subdivision behind the schools. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even sharing English together, they’re worlds apart. The boys flock to Billie, now. Like they’d needed permission or something and somehow think they’ve acquired it. Little do they know they’re barking up the wrong tree. Not even a tree, more like a cactus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I can’t be friends with you, Steph.’<br/></span>
  <span>‘I want more than that.’<br/></span>
  <span>‘I’m in love with you.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A traitor to herself, in times of extreme loneliness and distress, Steph allows herself some weakness. To watch Billie from far away when either Billie has her back turned or Steph knows Billie can’t spot her. It’s difficult for her to make sense of the Billie she sees now and the one in her head. The latter she guards with fierce jealousy in her memories, keeping Billie’s smile pristine, keeping her laugh clear. The former is all grinning tongues and aloof edges. An untouchable badass. Steph hates her a little. She could never truly hate or wash herself clean of Billie, she thinks. Maybe with time. Maybe in May when Billie will surely set the asphalt on fire behind the Camaro when she screams out of here, middle finger held behind her the entire way back to California. That thought occurs to Steph during class. They’re supposed to be reading a chapter of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Brave New World</span>
  </em>
  <span> on their own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph doesn’t ask for permission to leave. She just packs up her things, slips to the classroom door, and leaves. Even Mrs. Ebbenegger’s impatient screech for her to sit down doesn’t have any impact. Steph doesn’t look back when the classroom door shuts behind her. It’s locked, the old bag is that sort, so Steph has no hope of returning anyway. She’s too wound up inside, too raw and hurting like an animal backed into a corner to do this right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie will go back to California in May. It’s the middle of January, now, February approaching faster and faster all the time. And once Billie leaves… she’ll never come back. And why would she? Everything she hates is here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I’m in love with you.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph reaches a shaking hand out to the lockers to steady herself. The hallway is blissfully empty. It’s still morning, still crispy and foggy outside. Steph slaps a hand over her mouth to hide the way she bites at herself, trying to stop that awful tremble in her jaw. Down the hall behind her, a door opens. Steph startles like a mouse and skitters down the hall much like one. She dives into a bathroom, slamming the stall door behind her, and cowers on the toilet with her legs drawn up. It’s not safe here to sob and wail like she wants—always so weak, so pathetic—but she makes do with pressing her hands to her face until she sees colors behind her eyelids. Her despair only deepens when the fucking door opens and someone walks in. Because of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe they’ll just use the bathroom and leave. Steph can sneak out a little after they leave and flee to her car. She’s given up on classes today, is too hurt and crumbling at her edges to allow others to brush against her. Steph tries to take the quietest breath she can when she slides her hands down her face. The stall doors and walls in these bathrooms are criminally high. And she would recognize the black boots standing directly on the other side of the door anywhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie says nothing. Just stands there. Steph’s palm is a vice over her mouth. The lines there catch every little noise, the wounded-animal whine that wants to break through her teeth. She wants to kick and scream, to shove Billie, yell at her… something. But they can’t. They have to just orbit each other like nothing had happened, like Billie didn’t make her happier than she’s ever been and then ripped it all away that night. Steph stares with hot, stinging eyes at the laces in Billie’s boots, not the usual pair she wears, more rugged for the snow outside. The laces are perfect, not an edge twisted or misaligned. Like she took care to do it perfectly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Open the door, Harrington.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice is rough, a croak. None of her meanness, just impatience. Not to be denied. Not in the mood for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sniffling, Steph snaps back, “What, so you can beat the shit out of me with no witnesses?” A single, humorless bark of laughter. “Yea right. Go fuck yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can practically hear Billie’s fists slowly clench. Trying to grab for the wriggling lead on her quick-fire rage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not here to fight you,” she growls. The door rattles in the lock with Billie’s fingers curling over the top of the particle board. “Open the door.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I said go fuck yourself!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph kicks out a leg and slams her foot into the door. The lock doesn’t unlatch, but it rattles worse than Billie shaking the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the tipping point of hysterics, Steph spits out like she can see Billie’s face, “You made your point, okay? I think we’ve been doing pretty well at ignoring each other’s existence. So don’t fucking”—she kicks the door again, desperate for relief from all this heartache—“do this bullshit like you care. You don’t get to have it both ways!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stands now and snarls at the door. Ready for a fight. Ready for Billie to rip the door off its hinges and reach in for her neck. That just hurts more, to remember Billie’s careful tenderness, so Steph beats her fists on the door as she strangles a mournful sound between her teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head hanging, Steph pleads, “Don’t do this. Don’t avoid me and then come running after me. You said we can’t be friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hands flatten to the door, and she finds herself huddled against it. Billie is just there, just on the other side. She misses that warmth and power so much, misses Billie laughing at her and looking at her with such tenderness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph swallows hard, forehead flush to the door, and begs just above a whisper, “Just leave me alone, Billie. Please just leave me alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s better than to have Billie do whatever this is. What had been her intentions anyway? To pull Steph from the stall and hold her? Whisper sweet nothings to her like before? That time has already passed. Steph would rather not Billie back her into a flat surface and tower over her again. Not like that again, never like that, with the only spike of fear Steph ever felt around Billie. She doesn’t want to remember Billie like that. It’s better to isolate her good memories and just visit them like friends at a party. Billie just makes it hard on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A heavy sigh, and then softly just like before, “If that’s what you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She always needs the last fucking word, doesn’t she? Steph grits her teeth against the door and presses her forehead to it until it hurts. It’s not what she wants! It’s not what she wants at all! Billie is the one who’d said they can’t be friends anymore. So what the fuck is she on about? Steph’s nails scratch the stall door as her heart cries out and aches. She wants to go back to before New Year’s Day when everything was okay, when Billie could look at her without seeing right through her, when they were friends, when…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s sorrow comes rushing right back, and a whimper breaks through her tight teeth. But they hadn’t been okay back then. All this… hurt and want just simmered under the surface. Billie said that she felt like this for a while. How long? When did it start? When did something flip like a switch in Billie, turning them from uneasy friends to Billie loving her? Steph doesn’t know, can’t possibly know when the switch was made. She just can’t handle being around Billie and remembering everything they did together. Despite Billie scaring her at the quarry, wrists aching even now sometimes, Steph misses her. But they can’t be friends. So they can’t be anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s boots scuff a little when she turns about face and leaves. No more words, no snark or hurtful jabs. Just the silence crowding in on Steph once more. Steph pauses for a breath. Listening. Ears straining to pick up if anyone else will interrupt her. When only muffled silence slips under the door, Steph reclaims her spot on the toilet and buries her face in her hands. She just… needs a moment. Just a second to compose herself so she can walk to her car and leave. Just a few tears burning down her cheeks. She’d been doing pretty well until today—crying over Billie Hargrove. Each time she does, she just feels more pathetic and stupid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How could she be so blind and not see Billie’s affection for what it’d been? They fit so well together. Billie fit her like a boyfriend would. Better than that, but still packaged like one. The tenderness and the care, the interest in the things she was curious about instead of brushing her off. But it’s like shoving a square peg into a circular hole. It doesn’t make much sense to Steph, and she bites the heel of her palm instead of her lip when she lets out a frustrated whine. At least the bathroom is quiet now. This period will be over soon, so she needs to leave sooner rather than later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she nudges the bathroom door open, thankful no one else had walked in, she finds Billie loitering across the way. Eyes down and hands crammed in her pockets. Casual against the lockers like she was waiting for Steph to come out. Steph has nowhere to go or hide when blue eyes zip up to her and pin her on the spot. She desperately doesn’t want to do this, doesn’t want to fight or even speak to Billie. She’ll just crumble all fragile like she is right now, and Billie will see her cry, and she’s just tired, so tired over crying, over missing Billie, over remembering her. Steph messed up, both of them did, and she doesn’t know how to get it back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bell rings, though, and teens flood the halls immediately after. Billie doesn’t make a move to speak or do anything. Just stands guard outside the bathroom. When people bustle around them, Billie digs her hands deeper into her pockets, lingers for a moment more, and then turns away. Like a fool, Steph’s instincts cry out for her to grab Billie and make her stop. Why had she been waiting out here? To make sure Steph was okay? To stop anyone from going in and bothering her? But they can’t be friends. They can’t be friends, and Billie can’t have it both ways. So Steph let’s her go even though it hurts like the first time all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They continue in that silent, stoic way. The Party is still her little gaggle of guards, but now Billie is, too. Like a dragon guarding her prisoner more like. They don’t speak. They can barely look at each other. Only now Steph finds that sometimes when she watches Billie from far away, Billie will turn like Steph has said her name and will meet her eyes. Only briefly through the huge space. Like ship lights winking at each other. I’m over here, where are you? I’m going this way, and you’re going that way. And then their eye contact ends, and it’s over. Somehow it’s worse than Billie following her into the bathroom. It’s not pity or meanness, something else. Steph doesn’t put a word to it, too afraid of what those long looks mean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s February, Valentine’s Day, and Steph has never felt more pathetic than as the third wheel on a night out with Nathan and Jennifer. She would almost rather be alone. But they know they can’t push her about her sorrows, know that she’ll just snap back at worst or deflect at best. They mean well when they invite her out to the skating rink. She’s the only single teenager there and hates that this place just makes her think of Billie’s hands wrapped around hers, coaxing her and encouraging her. Jennifer glides up on unsteady blades, and Steph loops their arms together without really thinking about it. She doesn’t ask where Nathan is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Having fun?” Jennifer asks, head ducked down in her perpetual hunch. “It’s a special skate night, so we don’t have to worry about a bunch of kids running around, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph knows what she’s trying to do. Just trying to be a friend, to include her. To not treat her like she’s a leper. Like she’s broken somehow, even though her jagged edges haven’t softened much. Steph doesn’t sleep at night sometimes, but she avoids the quarry like the plague. She may never go back there again, to the scene of the crime. Living in the shell of her house is bad enough. The midnight streets are her friends again when she skulks around, hoping and yet dreading she’ll run into Billie. She doubts Billie has stopped sleeping in her car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, I guess it’s easier to stumble around without watching if I’m about to take a bunch of kids down with me.” She even manages a sideways grin at Jennifer. “Are you having fun?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer nods and squeezes Steph’s arm tighter to her coat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, I am. I’m…” And her hair falls in her face, her little bob cut that needs a trim, but Jennifer scoops some hair behind an ear so Steph can see her dark eyes. “I’m really glad you came out with us, Steph. I’ve been meaning to hang out with you more. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be,” Steph rushes out, thinks better about it, and corrects herself, “Well, I’m sorry, too. I should make a better effort to hang out with you more. We’re friends, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She needs this so badly. For Jennifer to agree without hesitation, without conditions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer gives that to her with a little smile and a nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, Steph, we’re friends. If only we were better at being friends with people, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer can’t know how much that hurts. And Steph knows Jennifer doesn’t mean it like that. Steph’s whole body freezes, though, and it’s like Billie is behind her, breathing down her neck and snarling at her all over again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Great job, by the way, you really fooled me into thinking you cared. Getting me to fall in love with a pathetic, lonely straight girl like you.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stumble as one when Steph’s skate hits a divot in the ice. They scramble at each other, frantic noises ripping out their mouths as they sway dangerously back and forth. Steph’s legs betray her before Jennifer’s, and her bottom smarts on the ice when she plummets. A wince tears through her, chill already stabbing through her jeans and straight into flesh. At least Jennifer makes it to the siding and clings to the red and white plastic for dear life. Their eyes meet, and inevitably, laughter bubbles out of them. Jennifer’s genuinely amused and Steph’s humorless. Terrible and a little maniacal long after Jennifer quiets and stares at her, full of concern. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shoves hot tears from the corners of her eyes, already about to overflow. She blames it on the pain in her backside, how jarring the fall had been. Somehow, she manages to drag herself back to her feet. Jennifer is there with timid hands, the tilt of her head when she’s worried and wants to help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m fine, haha, just uhhhh my ass hurts a lot now!” Her grin is too big, eyes a little too wide and she knows it. “I’m just gonna… slowly make my way off the ice and go sit down, if I can, you know what I mean? Cuz damn this hurts, haha…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s so hollow and meaningless. Jennifer tries to say something, tries to reach out and touch her. But Steph denies her and makes her way, wobbling, to the exit. She passes Nathan as she goes, and she really can’t fucking take the concern, the pity that softens the jut of his jaw. Like he cares. She just laughs a little as she passes him and stumbles from ice to cushy floor, desperate to hit the lobby, throw the skates off, and make a mad dash for her car. For the silence and safety of the BMW so she can fucking scream and cry like she wants to. She is so tired over crying for Billie Hargrove. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only the inside of her car isn’t quiet. The radio from the Party screeches where it’d rolled under the passenger seat a month ago. When she went out looking for Billie. Like a fool. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph, please don’t screen me right now,” Max yells over Destiny and Louise arguing on the same channel. Steph can’t make anything out before Max cuts back in, “Please, I-I, please answer, I don’t know what to do, Steph if you copy, please—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the strange sound of dishes breaking before Max lets go of the talk button on his radio. Surely he’s home. It’s nearly 9 on a school night. Steph groans as she digs under the seat for the damn radio. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Max, I’m here, I-I copy” she says with a grunt. “What’s going on, over?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Steph, about damn time—” Is all Destiny gets out before Louise screams something about keeping the line clear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max is back, more frantic than Steph has ever heard him, pleading, “Steph, are you home? Come to my house, please get over here, Billie’s mom is going off the fucking deep end, I can’t stop her, please, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph almost breaks the radio when she throws it in the backseats. It goes bouncing off the plastic of the door, goes rolling to the other door when Steph starts the BMW and fishtails to get off the lot. Cherry Lane is across town, at least a ten-minute drive. Steph wishes she’d turned the damn radio off before throwing it. Now all she can hear is Max’s radio with the talk button held down. Screaming and crashing. Billie cursing and screaming right back. More dishes breaking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No words. Just something terrible happening. Steph doesn’t think about what she’s doing, who is involved. She just drives until the house on Cherry Lane is in front of her, spilling light onto the snowy lawn from where the front door hangs open. Porcelain shards litter the path that leads from the curb to the front door. More on the enclosed porch. Steph slaps her hands to the body of her car in her haste to pull herself out, and then Billie is there in the doorway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leather jacket hanging off her in just jeans and a thin t-shirt, she stumbles over glass and broken dishes with a hand in her hair. The blonde curls are slick with blood and stuck to her scalp. Her face is gruesome under the well of blood that finds its way down her forehead, over her eye and cheek, and then drips off her jaw. Wild eyes find Steph frozen at the front of her car. About to walk up. About to do… something? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie scowls through her pain, stumbles the rest of the way out of the house, and makes for the Camaro with her keys twinkling in her hands. Shaking. Almost dropping the keys to the snow. Steph just stands there and stares, couldn’t hope to pry her own trembling hands off the hood of her car. Billie is a mess until she wrestles the Camaro open, drops her weight into the seat, and then nearly rear ends the mailbox in her frantic need to get away. To run away from all this. Steph is all eyes on her, on the blood she can still see from here, when a firm weight slams into her waist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Max with his arms clinging to her, nearly dragging her to her knees, and choked noises buried in her sweater. His fingers claw at her back, don’t let me go, don’t let me go, and she’s quick to hunker down and hold him so tightly. It probably hurts him to be held like this, but Steph just lets him shake in her arms as he fights not to wail. Boys don’t cry, aren’t allowed to cry. She just shushes him and holds the back of his head, all that fiery hair that’s frozen in the February night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Max, I’m here, no one is going to hurt you.” Her throat closes up when Max flinches against her, shaking with the effort to not cry more than he already is. “It’s okay, buddy, it’s over. You’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wet sniffling, and then pitifully, “Billie’s hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she’s long gone, too. Just the smell of tires squealing and the Camaro burning too much gas when Billie had floored it out of here. Just delicate drops of blood in the snow. Steph stares with her eyes full at the tracks in the snow and just holds Max tighter to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s gone, buddy, she’ll be okay.” It’s a terrible lie, they both know, but what can they possibly do? “I’m-I’m calling the cops, okay, just lemme get to a pay phone—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” His voice breaks in her shoulder. “No, you can’t do that, Billie will just get in more trouble, please Steph, please don’t call anyone, just-just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph stares into the column of light spilling out the house. The silence is crushing, the deep sort that is foreboding and promising in its wickedness. Steph clutches Max to her like she can protect him like this. Like she doesn’t have to send him right back into that madhouse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Max, I need you to tell me what happened, okay? I’m not gonna call anyone, but you need to tell me what happened. Who hurt Billie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Her mom,” he hisses through his teeth. Like it hurts to say. “Billie started talking back like she always does and-and her mom just lost it. Started screaming and throwing plates at Billie. I think she hit her head…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That would explain the gory sight of so much blood in Billie’s hair, soaking it. Just a little gash to the head will do that. Steph is familiar with that, recalls catching Billie’s ring with her cheek and how it’d bled a little while they had their standoff at the arcade. It was only a nick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s next breath that she sucks down is a struggle. But she has to breathe, has to keep calm so Max doesn’t fall apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. Thank you for telling me, Max. Are you hurt? Did Billie’s mom come after you? What about your dad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max shakes his head where it’s still buried in Steph’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dad’s late at work. She didn’t-she never yells at me. Only Billie.” Max shudders in her arms and finally deflates, weightless on his feet. Socks and no shoes, so desperate to run out here for comfort and safety. “Is… is Billie gonna be okay? She looked really hurt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The tracks in the snow where the Camaro had been parked mock her. Steph strains her ears over the hum of the BMW’s engine to see if she can even pick up the Camaro where it may have gone. Where the hell is Billie going to seek medical attention? Knowing Billie, though…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph has to lie. Even if she knows Max knows it’s a lie, she has to lie. For his sake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I don’t know, Max. I think she’ll be okay, she… she drove off and seemed all right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max sighs, tension worn out of him, and grumbles, “Why didn’t she just leave with you? You guys are friends or whatever so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max says that with attitude, like he doesn’t understand how someone could like Billie. And until a few months ago, Steph wouldn’t have seen it, either. She was right there with the rest of them. But now that’s over, and they’re not friends anymore, because they can’t be, even though Steph misses Billie so much, and it’s not going away, that empty space in her heart and in her life not fading, god it hurts so much!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s definitely squeezing Max too tightly. He murmurs her name like he knows she’s fragile, but she’s hurting him, so she tries to let him go. Max’s fingers are still tight in the back of her coat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m okay, Max, sorry, did I hurt you? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max snorts in her shoulder, a little more like himself, and hugs her back. He doesn’t say anything, just untangles himself and takes a hopping step back. To be cool, to play it cool. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sniffing hard, he glances up at Steph and asks, “Will you… go look for her? Make sure she’s okay? I’m…” Grey eyes turn down, and Max whispers, “I’m worried about her. She’s been… off. Since the beginning of the year. Getting into trouble and mouthing off to her mom more than usual. Like she’s looking for a fight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she probably is. Billie amazes Steph with how she handles other people’s problems and then completely melts down when it comes to helping herself. Not that Steph is much better at it. She would go to a damn hospital with a busted head like that, though, and Steph knows full, god damn well Billie would rather drive the Camaro into the quarry than get help. That thought isn’t funny at all, and all at once Steph needs to leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll find her, Max, don’t worry. I’ll radio you later, so keep the volume low, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s already hopping and shuffling back around the BMW before Max gets anything out. Where would Billie go? She needs to address the blood in her hair, the cut surely hiding amongst those curls. Billie wouldn’t be stupid enough to just park somewhere. Anyone could see her and call the cops, reporting a teenager with a wicked head wound. And that’s the last thing Billie would want to happen.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, maybe the second to last thing. She would want Steph stumbling upon the Camaro parked at the only gas station around that’s open this late even less. Billie isn’t in the car when Steph pulls up. The bathroom is around the corner. You have to walk in and ask for the key, the owner not trusting vandals or teenagers to goof off in a public restroom. And when Steph inquires with the clerk, he tells her with bloodshot eyes someone already has the key. It’s simple enough to walk down one of the aisles, grab a little first aid kit, and buy it. There hadn’t been an empty slot on the shelf for one missing. Billie must just be in the bathroom, trying to get the blood out of her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Outside, Billie still hasn’t emerged. It’s better that way. Steph wanders over to the Camaro and considers what to do with the little first aid kit now in her hands. She can’t treat Billie herself, not that Billie would even allow such a thing. Steph wouldn’t even know where to begin. She can’t linger, though. If Billie sees her, she’ll just storm off, might not even take the damn kit. So, Steph leaves it on the hood where Billie will hopefully see it. It’s unmistakable with a big, red plus on the lid, white box standing out against the Camaro. It’s starting to snow again, but the awning above the gas pumps shelters the car. It’s all Steph can do. All she can sneak by Billie’s insistence.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because they’re not friends. They can’t be friends anymore. Because Steph doesn’t feel the same. Because it was just sex to her. And as she drives away, lip in her teeth and eyes in the rear view mirror, trained on the first aid kit waiting for Billie, she thinks maybe they’d both been wrong. But Billie won’t talk to her, and Steph is still too afraid to try. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they’re not friends. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph and Jennifer have a sleepover.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hard to believe we're one chapter away from the end. The 16th chapter is just a smutty epilogue lol. One more week and we'll be at the end! Enjoy the sleepover between Steph and Jennifer =3c It's sure to... entertain.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Staring out the window in the hall where Jennifer’s locker is, Steph wonders when the last day had been where it didn’t rain. April is a little dreary right now. Before the storms break and invite sticky humidity to blanket the land. Ready for May. Ready for summer beyond that. Steph lives in the now as opposed to the future. She still hasn’t talked to her parents about not going to college. Still hasn’t given them an answer on whether or not she’ll move to Chicago and live in their condo so they can sell the house here. They only keep it for her sake. It wouldn’t take much, just a yes from her, and she wouldn’t have to watch the summer unfold. People leaving. People moving on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… Anyway, I thought, well I thought maybe you’d like to come over tonight? Stay the night?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer had been talking about something. Something about Winnie going over to Michelle’s for the weekend. For a sleepover. So the Byers house will be empty. Steph really should try to be a better friend and not space out so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh what? Sorry, man, I zoned out there. You wanna have like”—Steph grins just to watch Jennifer look away, embarrassed—“a slumber party? For big girls?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer opens her mouth to say something, but Steph is all chummy next to her, arm thrown over her shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell yea, we can do each other’s make up, talk about boys…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer laughs a little, and with Steph this close, she has a perfect view of the crinkles at the corner of Jennifer’s eyes. She’s pretty when she laughs. Steph diverts her eyes before Jennifer catches her looking too long. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was thinking more along the lines of scary movies and some beers but—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph bends back a little, dragging Jennifer with her, and groans, “Fuck yes, anything but talking about boys and all that crap.” She springs back up to her full height and stops tugging Jennifer down with her. “How did you get beer? Jennifer, don’t tell me…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph waggles her eyebrows at Jennifer, knowing she hadn’t nicked them or anything. She most likely either walked in and bought them herself—passing for 21 with a cashier who either didn’t care or knew Jennifer—or maybe pilfered it from somewhere. Maybe Hop, since she keeps coming over with El to let him visit Winnie. Not totally under the guise of chatting up single, eligible dad Jeff Byers. They’re painfully transparent, and Winnie complains all the time how embarrassing it is to watch her dad date again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jennifer sputters, still wrapped up in Steph’s arm, and blurts out, “N-no, I didn’t steal it! Come on, Steph you know I wouldn’t do that. They’re Hopper’s leftovers.” She does blush now and mumbles, “She said she didn’t mind me drinking them so long as I did it at home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jennifer, relax man, I’m just screwing with you.” Steph holds her tighter before springing away. The hallway is empty, now. Everyone splitting as fast as they could on a Friday afternoon. “But yea, I’m all for it. Let’s make a girls weekend out of it. Do you mind if I swing home real quick and pack a bag? I’ll bring pizza as an apology for my tardiness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer is soft smiles in her shy mouth when she doesn’t look at Steph and mumbles, “No onions this time, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head tipped back, Steph groans, “I’m sorry! I didn’t know onions were on it! Why put onions on a buffalo chicken pizza, like what the hell is the point of that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer snorts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the one who ate all of it herself…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” Steph pouts. “It’s a crime to let food go to waste. And I didn’t hear you complaining when we traded so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few months ago, Jennifer would have turned away, too awkward to figure out Steph is joking. Just playing around. She would have taken it the wrong way and shut down. Now, she just smiles at Steph’s huff and shakes her head. Amused at all the things Steph does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was the least you could do after not checking it before you brought it over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Jesus, I’ll remember to check this time!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she does about half an hour later when she drives back into town to pick the pizzas up. After that, it’s another trip to the other side of Hawkins to reach the Byers house way out in the sticks. It’s warm enough now to have the windows cracked, winter just a salty, stinging memory. Steph still avoids the quarry. Still avoids driving places at night where she thinks she may encounter Billie. Do they cross paths sometimes? Yes, but Steph forces herself to keep driving when she spots the brilliant blue of the Camaro. She doesn’t want to disturb Billie’s hard-won moment of peace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Max and her have their own channel on the radios, now. Max calls for her whenever there’s an altercation in the Hargrove-Mayfield house. Max sticks his neck out far enough to make sure Billie either makes it into her room in one piece or stumbles out the house to freedom. She’s still sleeping rough some nights. Steph doesn’t go looking for Billie. Promises herself that she doesn’t when she can’t sleep and just roams Hawkins. As time goes on, it doesn’t get any easier. Staying away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she parks in the dirt lot of the Byers house, Jennifer’s car is there. Jeff’s green Gremlin is missing. So they really will have the comfortable house all to themselves. Or at least for a little while, although Steph doubts Jeff would pass up a night without kids and teenagers tearing his house apart. Whatever movie Jennifer is packing from Family Video ought to be a good one so they can take advantage of the empty house. Steph just prays it’s not </span>
  <em>
    <span>Star Wars</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer has the front door open and ready when Steph parks. It still gets dark a little early even in April. At least not 4-o’clock early, thank god. But she wiggles past Jennifer at the door, shoulder heavy with an overnight bag and arms clutching the pizzas. Steph waves away Jennifer’s attempt to unburden her, instead stumbles her way blindly with the pizza boxes and almost drops them to the floor when she dumps them onto the kitchen table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See?” She only pants a little, hands triumphant on her hips. It’s not quite warm enough for shorts and skirts yet. But she’s eager to get out of the slacks she’d worn to school and get comfortable in pajamas. “Told you I could do it. You gotta believe in me more, man, have a little faith.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, sure,” Jennifer drawls, tiny curl of a smile already giving her away. “So I got three movies from Family Video, think we can agree on one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shrugs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Or just watch all three. It’s Friday, what do we care?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer draws a hand through her bangs, biting her lower lip. Steph knows the nervous habit well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re all, uh, pretty scary. They’re all rated R.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph whistles, actually proud of Jennifer for pulling this off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn buddy, beers and a smorgasbord of R-rated movies? Next you’re gonna tell me you’ve got some pot too and we can really make this a party.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Jennifer says in that way of hers that means yes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dramatic hand over her heart, Steph says with a laugh, “Finally somebody who knows how to treat a girl right.” She straightens and aims a real smile at Jennifer. One Jennifer can’t look at too long, but Steph knows she’s listening. “Thank you, man. I really mean it. I need to like, spend more time with people our age. It’s nice, you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer bites her lip again. This time, she darts looks up over at Steph. She hunches, shy, always wriggling under other peoples’ intense focus on her. Steph’s smile relaxes some off her face as the silence drags on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jennifer? You all right there? Look like you got something on your mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jennifer shakes her head, bob brushing her jaw, and she shuffles to the kitchen counter. Three VHS cases stack in her hands as she reads them off, not looking at Steph until the end. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I have </span>
  <em>
    <span>Alien</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nightmare on Elm Street</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and John Carpenter’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Thing</span>
  </em>
  <span>… Ever seen any of them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You didn’t say stuff was gonna explode out of people! I hate that!’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘No spoilers, baby, I couldn’t ruin it.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Billie, you’re a jerk.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I’m sorry, baby girl. Can I make it up to you somehow?’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it’s like she’s lying down in her parents’ bed, high and Billie all warm around her while they watch the movie. And every time Steph had flinched and squealed, hid her face, Billie was right there. Strong arms and teasing grins. She fell asleep with Billie heavy on top of her, hair so soft and Billie actually let her rake her fingers through golden curls...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph?” Jennifer hunches up on herself again. Smaller body to match her small voice. “You okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph can’t help her face twitching through a few emotions. Fast flashes of regret, sorrow, anger, and then swiftly to an awkward smile to try and cover it up. How the heartache is still so real even months later… Had she been this whipped after Nathan broke up with her? Jennifer won’t fall for Steph’s weak grin, will know something is up. Maybe she’ll allow Steph to gloss over it. She’s gotten so good at lying in these past four months. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, I’m fine, I uh, I was trying to remember which of those I saw like a while ago, uh… Let’s watch </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> I guess?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence and a pause between them as Jennifer considers her. Either Jennifer will let her have this free pass or… she won’t. Steph isn’t sure what she’ll do if Jennifer presses. She’s a good friend, and her poking around doesn’t upset Steph like it does when it comes from Nathan. She doesn’t dig too deeply into the why. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph… Can I ask you something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not the response Steph had expected so she blurts out lamely, “Uh… sure? It’s a free country so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lips pressed thin, Jennifer sets the tapes aside to face Steph head on. Not like for a fight like Billie or full of pity and superiority like Nathan. Just… concerned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did something happen between you and Billie Hargrove?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Something’ had happened all right. But just as she promised to never tell anyone about Billie being a lesbian, she also won’t tell anyone the things they did together. Plus that’s not what Jennifer means. She’s probably referring back to Steph quitting the team, the general tension between them that screams of ‘something’ that happened. Jennifer is tuned to people like that. Steph can hide it from everyone except Jennifer, she guesses. Pretty much her only friend, now. Not including the Party of course. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? Nah, nothing-nothing happened…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s face falls a little, and with a tilt of her head, she insists lowly, “Steph come on…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What can she gloss over? What should she omit entirely? She wants to tell Jennifer so badly, if only to confide in someone. She’s not a diary kind of girl, has just been walking around with this ugliness inside her the whole time. And it’s not going away, has barely lessened since that terrible night at the quarry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. I can’t tell you everything, but I can at least tell you… We we’re friends for a little while. Like actual friends. And then we got into an… argument. Some things were said, and-and well we’re…” A sigh as Steph’s shoulders drop, defeated. “And now we’re not friends anymore. Can’t be friends, apparently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer says nothing. She takes a hesitant, shuffling step closer. And Steph looks up at her, lets another living person have a glimpse of just how tired and unhappy she is. Jennifer’s face crumbles a little too, too sensitive for her own good, and she takes another step. Steph does her the service of meeting her halfway and snaking her arms around Jennifer’s neck. It’s a good place to hide—against her hair that’s actually soft, not greasy like she’s teased about. Steph doesn’t release the breath she holds until Jennifer hugs her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This is okay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Steph says after a while. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shrugs helplessly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just… being a sourpuss ever since, I guess. I know you and Nate are just looking out for me. I just didn’t want to hear Nate say, ‘I told you so,’ if he found out, you know? He hates Billie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For no good reason, but Steph recognizes her bias when it comes to Billie. She doesn’t exactly make herself likable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sorry,” Jennifer says softly, voice a bit rough with some kind of emotion. Empathy, Steph bets. “I get wanting to handle stuff on your own. But it’s always okay to talk to us. To me. You know that right? We’re still friends no matter what Billie Hargrove does or says.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that strikes Steph as odd, has her pulling away from Jennifer while also nudging the other girl back by her shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… What does she have to do with anything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it’s Jennifer’s turn to look sheepish and squirm as she’s about to lie. Steph just stares at her, lips stiff, until Jennifer relents with a sigh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Earlier when we were at my locker and then we split up to go to our cars? She was waiting for me at mine. She looked pissed off and asked me… how you were? In a roundabout kind of way? I think maybe she saw us in the hallway or overheard us. It was… weird, I guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph can see that. Billie wants to know something and goes the indirect route to figure it out. Only so that her sources don’t know what she’s trying to do. The purpose behind her inquisition. Why would Billie interrogate Jennifer, though? Billie knows they’re friends. Well, maybe that’s actually ammunition as to why Billie cornered her in the parking lot. Who else would she ask? Max or the other kids? Certainly not Nathan. Still… why though?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t sound too weird for Billie, to be honest. I’m sort of curious why she wanted to know, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer gives a tiny shrug under Steph’s hands still resting there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. She just looked at me all pissed off and walked away when I was done answering.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An eyebrow lifts on Steph’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what did you tell her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s answer is as essential to the mystery as Billie’s questions. There’s something hidden here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just that we were gonna hang out tonight here, because my dad left the house to me. That’s when she just sort of scoffed at me and walked away. It was really weird, well, how she was acting was weird. Felt like she? Wanted to start a fight but just walked away instead. She sped off the parking lot fast enough so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is missing something, she knows it. She just can’t see the way the puzzle pieces line up, can’t find the edges to even get the damn puzzle started. What does Billie care if Steph and Jennifer are having a night in together? What does it matter? It must to Billie for some rhyme or reason. Known only to Billie, of course. So Steph sighs, slips her hands from Jennifer’s shoulders, and then regards the VHS tapes. They’re still standing close, nice and cozy, when Steph picks up the last tape. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>The Thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> sounds good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> is definitely not good. Not like that it’s a bad movie. Steph just fucking hates stuff exploding out of people! And she wants to cry over the dogs right at the beginning. The practical effects are gruesome and terrifying, look too real. Steph ends up with her legs, comfortable now in pajamas, curled up on the couch beside her. Her shoulder bumps with Jennifer’s who sits beside her—pajamas present under a sweater she’d thrown on. Steph can’t help her every flinch and squeal, just like with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Alien</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Only Billie isn’t here to hold her. So Steph loops her arms around one of Jennifer’s and holds on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can watch something else, Steph, it’s fine,” Jennifer suggests with concern soft in the center of her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph watches between the fingers of her right hand and yelps, “Nope! Nope, we’ve come this far, gotta see it until the end!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And they do with Steph tucked tightly to Jennifer’s shoulder all the way until the final explosion of the base. Maybe she shouldn’t help herself to Jennifer’s personal space like this. But Jennifer doesn’t push her away, doesn’t even complain. Says it’s okay when Steph tries to apologize near the end of the film for being extra squirmy. They only separate because Steph springs up with too much nervous energy. Getting high will help mellow her out, so she tugs Jennifer up by her hands and drags the other girl towards her bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jennifer, buddy, you’re not holding out on me, right? I know you have something that can take the edge off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is of course immediately curious what sort of person Jennifer is while high. Does she giggle? Does her body get all heavy until she has to lie down? Is she a philosophical stoner? Steph bites her lip to think maybe Jennifer is a little more like her. The touchy kind of high. Ah, but she shouldn’t think things like that. All just because Jennifer lets Steph hug her at school and link their arms and hold hands. And maybe she misses that a lot, more than she can explain, and maybe she just misses a pretty girl smiling at her like she’s the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer turns back to her, half a joint in hand, around the time Steph schools her face back into an easy grin. She’s not using Jennifer. She’s not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I rolled it last night, couldn’t actually remember until I found it just now if I smoked it all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love that you roll for yourself. I fucking can’t do it, make a big mess everywhere.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer shrugs as she rolls her lighter around in her other hand. They’re not as big as Billie’s, more like Steph’s but squared at the fingertips. Boyish. The spark of the flint is what snaps Steph out of staring at Jennifer’s hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s face gets red around her nose when she sucks in air, holds it. Steph tries to keep her smile flat between her lips so she won’t make Jennifer laugh and choke. Jennifer flashes her a smile and then exhales without thought to the window. She almost looks cool until her white smoke rolls against the glass and back on them. Neither had remembered to crack the window. Steph is glad that Jennifer still holds the joint, because she probably would drop it during her laughing fit. Jennifer considers her with a smile behind the joint. Not taking another hit. Just watching.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s voice is more solid than it usually is. Steph blinks in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The joint rolls a little between Jennifer’s fingers while she still watches Steph through a curl of smoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I shotgun you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More surprise, only now Steph’s eyes widen a bit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? You really wanna do that? You-you don’t gotta, like, you’re talking to me, Byers, come on, I know how to smoke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer looks down, away, but she says just as strongly as before, “I want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which strikes Steph as bizarre. Maybe Jennifer </span>
  <b>is</b>
  <span> that touchy type of high. And just when Steph had almost convinced herself she isn’t using Jennifer for closeness and the casual touches between them. Does Steph want that? Can she trust herself to just accept the inhale from Jennifer and do nothing else? She’s only done it twice in her life, and both times ended up in making out. And she’s never thought of making out with Jennifer Byers. And when she does think about it, just for a second, she feels a little guilty. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Two weeks of the best sex you’ve ever had doesn’t turn you into a dyke.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer must see the flinch that passes over Steph’s face. She must, because she scoots her fingers up the joint, trying to hand it off to Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, we don’t have to. That was… I was just being weird. Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two weeks of the best sex she’s ever had doesn’t make her a dyke. Steph frowns down at Jennifer’s hand, watching it shake. Maybe she’s cold. Maybe it’s the high. Steph just desperately doesn’t want it to be sadness or fear. Carefully, mindful of the cherry, Steph turns Jennifer’s hand back towards herself. She takes a step closer. They’re toe to toe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want you to,” Steph says softly. “I haven’t gotten high since New Year’s Eve. It’ll be fun to do it this way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s dark eyes are a little wide, still a little timid, when she stares at Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s maybe the longest she’s ever held Jennifer’s gaze, brown eyes darker than hers, and Steph smiles that genuine, sweet sort of smile. Almost happy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hell yea, man, let’s do it.” She shuffles that much closer, Jennifer holding the joint aloft. “Girls just wanna have fun, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It doesn’t sound bitter to her ears. At least she tries to keep the bitterness out of her voice. It must be enough for Jennifer. She turns her head so Steph doesn’t have to shuffle back, holding smoke in her mouth. Steph gives her own lips a careful lick, knows they’re dry, damn it why can’t she find her lip balm at home! But it’ll have to do, because Jennifer’s left hand comes smoothing up Steph’s neck, holding her by her nape. Steph closes her eyes and tilts her head like a kiss when Jennifer breathes into her. And Steph can’t suck up air and smoke fast enough before her lips rest so carefully on Jennifer’s. Not quite a kiss, but almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They part with a plume of smoke rising from Steph’s lips. She means to turn her head and exhale away from them, but her head is buzzing too much for her to remember to do that. High already, huh? She blames it on how fast her heart beats, thumping in her fingertips and lips. That had just touched Jennifer’s. The last person she kissed was Billie, and four months isn’t that long, but it feels like forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s smile is loopy, probably a little too wide, and she laughs, “Again, again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wonders at what point had her hands gravitated to Jennifer’s hips. Narrower than hers. But Jennifer is broad shouldered. How broad, Steph wonders? She doesn’t mean to slide her hands up Jennifer to find out, narrowly missing soft breasts under her sweater. And Steph doesn’t need a thought like that to enter her head, either. One thing at a time. No need to get hasty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have broad shoulders,” Steph points out like Jennifer doesn’t know that. People have been calling Jennifer queer and ugly ever since the rest of her didn’t fill out with these shoulders. Steph marvels again, not for the first time tonight, that Jennifer is actually very pretty. “They’re… nice. I like ‘em.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A wiry smile works its way onto Jennifer’s lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay, Steph? You’re squinting really hard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mmm,” she hums, squeezing Jennifer’s shoulders. “I’m only a little high. I could be higher. So come on, again, again!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Jennifer is weak to her begging, then so be it. Steph doesn’t think anyone would blame Jennifer for caving in to her. She’ll accept all the blame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hot smoke between them again, and Steph dares to lap at Jennifer’s upper lip before they part.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No small amount of heat creeping into their cheeks, Steph says, “Oops.” Although she’s not sure how much she actually means it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes big and a little star struck, Jennifer gapes at her. Only for a few breaths, only long enough to turn her pink to her hairline. Even her ears go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… You wanna watch </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nightmare on Elm Street</span>
  </em>
  <span> next? To, uh, break up the creature features?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph has no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but she nods nice and easy. Her eyes and mouth feel uncomfortable. Dry and stale. She can’t do much of anything about the eyes, but there’s a beer somewhere with her name all over it. Steph helps herself, pausing long enough for Jennifer to nod her on, and twists the top of a glass bottle. Well. She tries to. It’s not a twist off, so she just shreds her palm a little. Groaning loud and annoyed with her whole body, Steph snatches the bottle opener magnet on the fridge, wedges metal against glass, and grunts when the seal gives. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like she’s worked hard for this, she hums, “Fuck yea,” before taking a swing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer snorts behind her, nursing the rest of her joint. Steph doesn’t even mind. It’s not her weed, so. The smoke curling up lazy from the cherry mixing with Jennifer’s exhale is too interesting to Steph to look away. She finds Jennifer through the white eventually. She has a plastic ashtray in her hand, snuffing out the lit end. Knowing her, she can probably salvage anything they hadn’t smoked. Jennifer isn’t wasteful like Steph is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She fights an echo of Billie’s voice, then. No more of that. No more. It’s what she tells herself while watching the goriest thing she’s ever witnessed. Being high sort of helps dull what she’s seeing, because it’s in her eyes one second and then she forgets it in the next. Still, watching Freddie Kruger drag a girl up the ceiling and then flood her bedroom with blood is a lot to take in. Too much, so she turns inward. Which is dangerous, because Billie is always lurking just out of center focus in her thoughts. And Steph had never been any good at focusing on one thing for too long. Always distracted. Always reminiscing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had… a lot of fun over Winter Break,” she says at random, casting a line to see if anything will bite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods. They’re back on the couch, she thinks. Jennifer is at her left shoulder again like last time. Warm and solid even though Steph’s skin doesn’t want to stay still. She sucks in a deep breath to reconnect with herself, glances up, and finds Jennifer there. Watching carefully like she does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, lots of fun. Billie Hargrove stayed with me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thick eyebrows arch up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s voice has gone a little thin and high, but Steph just nods through it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, she… She’s actually really nice and funny. Or, well, she was before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer leans farther forward now to see Steph’s face. She’s not watching the movie anymore, and neither is Steph. Not really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before? Before what, Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before school started,” she says, so small but with no hesitation. She wants to tell someone so badly, to finally get it out, all the hurt, all the regret… “We um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph turns to Jennifer at that point, heat rising under her eyes, and pleads, “You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you. I mean it, Jennifer. Promise you won’t tell anyone. Especially Nathan.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaning back at that, Jennifer twists a thigh between them on the couch to face Steph. Her eyes are big again, like earlier when Steph had gotten a little frisky when they smoked. Only Steph isn’t playing around this time. Her eyes sting like they’ll overflow, but she’s sure they’re too dry for tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I promise, Steph. Please tell me what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blowing out a slow breath, throat about to close up, Steph admits, “Billie and I had sex… a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer runs out of space to blush on her face. Steph just continues before Jennifer says anything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It-It started out as just us talking about Nathan. Because I told her I don’t like waking up alone, because it happened a lot with Nathan.” She can’t even pause to wince at Jennifer, knowing they’re talking about her boyfriend, of course. “And then Billie got angry, because she hates him, and accused him of… of not, you know. Making me come.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer lets out a tiny, embarrassed noise. But again, Steph can’t stop now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I realize now that he didn’t. And I worried back then, too, and one thing led to another and we just-we just had sex. And then we just didn’t stop.” Steph’s shoulders hunch and she slaps both hands to her cheeks, if only to feel how scorched they are. “And I liked it! I liked everything she did to me, I don’t wanna like gross you out with the details—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Jennifer wheezes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“—But it was incredible,” Steph sighs at last. She slouches into the couch for a pause, only flinches to life when Jennifer speaks up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… what happened, then? You guys don’t talk anymore so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dreading this part, Steph rearranges herself on the couch. She leans more into Jennifer, wishes she could just crawl into Jennifer’s lap and rest her head somewhere. But Jennifer isn’t that way either, and she watches Steph so carefully despite the color in her cheeks and ears… Steph doesn’t want to use her. To play games.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s voice starts strong and dwindles to a whisper when she goes on, “Apparently, um, Billie… has feelings for me. Had feelings for me.” She swallows hard to work out the remorse. The regret. “And she told me the first weekend back from school. Because I asked to see her our first day back, and she told me no. And then she started avoiding me. So I-so I found her Friday night, and I was mad, because she lied about being busy, and so we fought, and she told me everything, how-how”—she gasps for a breath—“how she felt like I was leading her on, how I was just using her for the sex, and that I didn’t feel the same, and that wasn’t fair to her, so she said we can’t be friends, because she wants… wants more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph slides her hands on her cheeks up until the heels of her palms press into her eyes. She may be talking a mile a minute, certainly isn’t breathing enough. But it’s out, the ugly truth, and she can finally let her stomach buck with a sob, finally let it out. But now that the truth is out, she can’t stop her worries, either. The millions of things that have occurred to her since their… break up? The end of their friendship? It feels just as horrible as Nathan dumping her but so much worse. Because at least she’s friends—or something—with Nathan. With Billie, she has nothing but her memories.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now-and now she won’t even talk to me. She said she was in love with me, but she must hate me now, said the most hurtful shit to me, and I know she was just hurting, but she hurt me, too, but I miss her so much.” She sniffs horrible and wet, an ugly crier. “And I know in May she’s gonna fucking go back to California, and I’ll never see her again, and I’ll never get to apologize, and she’ll just hate me forever. Fuck I just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph curls in on herself at that point, chest almost pressed to her thigh. It’s either that or start screaming.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She whimpers to her knees, “I miss her so fucking much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Big hands land on her back with the first sob that pops out of her mouth. Jennifer gathers her up somehow, lifting her shoulders up, up, until Jennifer gets her arms around Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, please don’t cry, Jesus Steph, I’m sorry, please don’t cry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s cheek smashes into the softness of Jennifer’s sweater, and she’s quick to burrow there. To slip her arms around Jennifer’s chest and cling to her back. Not unlike Max that terrible night in the snow while she’d watched Billie flee covered in blood. But this time it’s her arms clinging to someone else, and Steph tries to muffle her awful noises against Jennifer’s body. Jennifer lets her, gathers her up tightly and keeps on shushing her, rocking them a little. Jennifer doesn’t pet Steph’s hair like she wants, can’t quite squeeze her as tightly as Steph wants. But it’s better than the nothing she’s existed on from the last moment Billie held her until now. And it feels good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Steph gasps in warm knit. “I’m sorry, Billie, I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer flinches under her—oh, had she said Billie?—but her arms just drag Steph higher, tighter to her. Almost nearing the crushing Steph wants.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t cry, don’t cry,” Jennifer murmurs to her, voice thick. Maybe she’s crying, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At least Jennifer doesn’t tell her everything will be okay. She wouldn’t believe it, wouldn’t accept it without getting angry. She chokes a little on that hypothetical anger. No, no, Jennifer doesn’t deserve that. Even if she said it, she wouldn’t deserve it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer rocks her a little like that. Clinging to each other. Steph groans and rubs her forehead over Jennifer’s shoulder. Just to touch and feel something other than her stomach cramping so terribly. It’s selfish and greedy to want Jennifer to hold her right. She’s almost desperate enough to ask or pull one of her big hands to brown locks and make Jennifer touch her hair. But she’s hurt and thinking with that wild animal pain, and Steph knows that’s not fair to Jennifer. This or the cheeky bit of tongue earlier. Leading people on like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” she croaks again with a sniffle, this time sitting up so she can see Jennifer’s face. Eyes also bright and a little wet in the light. She’s made Jennifer cry. “I’m sorry, Jennifer, I shouldn’t like… throw myself on you and cry like that, I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She already shoves tears and her wet cheeks with the sleeve of her pajamas when Jennifer’s hands catch her wrists. Jennifer draws Steph’s hands and damp patches on her sleeves away, down to rest in her lap. Steph’s gaze follows the trail of their hands down, realizes she’s practically in Jennifer’s lap. Before she can hop back, away, big hands hold her jaw. Steph’s shoulders hunch as her heart skips a beat. Jennifer never touches people like this. Not so boldly while almost looking Steph in the eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sorry,” she forces out, voice ground in a mortar. She swallows and clears her throat, tries again with, “Don’t be sorry, Steph. It sounds like you went through a lot, and all by yourself. It sounds… horrible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s thumbs pet under her eyes despite the wet and salt. Steph makes a face when she goes to sniffle, knows it sounds disgusting. Jennifer keeps right on holding her face and wiping her tears away. How long will Jennifer’s bravery hold out, Steph wonders. She keeps her eyes down to provide that modicum of comfort to Jennifer. It’s easier for her when people aren’t trying to pin her down. A humorless smile flashes on Steph’s face when she realizes just how uncomfortable Jennifer would be around Billie. If Billie were in a teasing or flirty mood. Even just to watch someone squirm, no meaning behind it…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing through a fresh wave of sadness, Steph whispers, “I miss her, Jennifer. And I think about what she said all the time.” Brown eyes turn up just a little, but don’t meet Jennifer’s. “She said I was playing a game, that what we did meant more than just fooling around to her. She said it mattered to her, and that I was just looking for… I was just looking to have sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Quiet, and then, “Do you believe what she said?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shuffles and shrugs her shoulders, so helpless, and whines, “I don’t know! I wanted to talk to her about it, get her to explain herself, but she won’t even talk to me, now. Or-or I don’t want her to talk to me, I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter anyway.” Steph hangs her head as best she can with Jennifer still cupping her jaw. “Billie is the only girl I know who sleeps with other girls. So I… I really don’t know if it means anything. What if… she’s right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a struggle, then, to keep her breaths under control. So Steph closes her eyes. The darkness helps. She’s only just now calmed from that terrible outburst into Jennifer’s sweater. Hopefully she didn’t drool all over the poor girl. Steph sniffles hard again when Jennifer’s fingers curving under her jaw coax her up. Gently, like she might a stray animal. Steph feels a bit like a stray right now. Once loved and dotted on now to be kicked into the cold for no good reason. No good explanation. Just because they can’t be friends anymore. Steph tries to keep her jaw from trembling in another wave of sorrow. Soft lips cradling hers certainly help.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She of course startles against Jennifer’s mouth. At first. Her hands shoot up from her lap to sort of hover around Jennifer’s upper arms. In case this is an accident. A mistake. She can help sit Jennifer up and dust off the oops between them. So Steph holds still, just breathing lightly through her nose. Jennifer tilts her head just a bit more, breaks off only to move Steph how she wants, and then slots their lips back together. Better. Perfect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s hands go slipping into Steph’s hair. It’s what Steph wants, what she needs, and she gives a little whine through their kiss. By now, Billie would be tearing into her. Or licking her apart to take what she wants. Jennifer is… so shy and careful. They break apart for good with barely a sound between them, and Steph feels brave enough to open her eyes. Jennifer’s are there, but down, blinking softly somewhere near her chin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can… if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph doesn’t think she hears Jennifer correctly. She shivers, still with Jennifer’s hands in her hair.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jennifer… what are you saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s shoulders rise with the deep breath she takes. She almost meets Steph’s eyes, like she’s looking five feet behind Steph’s skull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re friends,” Jennifer reasons with her voice thin and rough. “You don’t have any feelings for me. And neither do I, to-to you. So…” Her hands twitch back to life, Jennifer shivering, and then she curls her arms under Steph’s to hold her. Hands flat on Steph’s back. “So if you want, we can have sex. And you can find out if Billie was right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What had remained of Steph’s slight buzz and high is gone with Jennifer’s words. She has… so many questions, and they all clamor to be heard first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What um… Why would you do that? You don’t like girls? And-and what about Nathan? I don’t wanna be the person who-the home wrecker, Jennifer, I—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice tries to take on an edge at that point, remembering Nathan’s ultimate betrayal, but Jennifer hugs her closely. And the fire blows right out of Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because I hate seeing you walking around like a-like an empty shell!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shakes Steph in her arms a little, shaking them both really.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever since you had your fight with Billie, you’ve been miserable. And every time I tried to talk to Nathan about it, he just talked me down. Said you were better off without Billie, because she’s a psycho. And how if you needed help dealing with her, you would say something. And I just…” She sighs through a whine and hugs Steph tighter. “I’ve just been sitting here watching you be miserable and unhappy, and no one is… helping you. And I hate that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The last comes out with a tremor of Jennifer’s shoulders. Steph makes quick work slithering her arms around Jennifer’s neck to hold her back. Just as fiercely with her heart in her throat about to pop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Jennifer,” she breathes, eyes full all over again. “Jesus, I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not a bother,” she barks back, a little bit of fire creeping in. Jennifer pulls them apart and finally stares Steph full in the eyes. “I’m your friend, Steph. You are never bothering me. I…” Just a little of the heat goes out in dark eyes. So quick to boil, so quick to cool. “I want to help you. Friends help each other.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re…” Steph sniffs and chuckles once, twice. “You’re offering me a lot, man. You haven’t even told me how Nathan is involved in all this. He loves you too much to just let this happen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer huffs, shyness back, and grumbles, “Nathan and I have talked about this. About… having sex with you. Hypothetically.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A duck could not have quacked a better word. Steph blinks big eyes at Jennifer, understanding the words, just not the order they’re in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing again, Jennifer tries, “Nathan and I have talked about… fantasies. Involving you. We agreed that we have a mutual attraction to you and that it would be okay if… if either of us fooled around with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s head is surely spinning on her shoulders. What is this, some swingers club in the 60’s? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jennifer,” she heaves, not sure what to say. “That um… Buddy, that’s a lot to lay on a person. And you just said you don’t have feelings for me, so like what gives?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The corner of Jennifer’s mouth gives a tick of a smile. Like Steph has said something funny and Jennifer doesn’t want her to know.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can be attracted to people without having feelings for them. It’s how my crush on Nathan started. I’ve never… with a girl before, but I’ve thought about it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve thought about me specifically,” Steph stresses. “And what about Nathan? Is he really okay with this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s mouth screws up, giving herself away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not thrilled with it. He… has a stipulation. If we do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh Christ, what could it possibly be? No kissing on the mouth? No cuddling after? Pft, yea that would be right on track for Nathan…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph sighs, “What is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He um… He wants to be in the room when we do it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s instinct is to recoil a little, and her face shows it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… Why? Nathan never struck me as like… a guy who would be into that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s not,” Jennifer tries to explain, frowning with her eyes closed. “He doesn’t want to watch to like… get off or do anything. He just wants to watch us. In his defense, he didn’t explain it very well to me. I think maybe he’s… jealous. That I’ll enjoy it or something and leave him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph scoffs, “And thus the circle was completed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dark eyes are open again when Jennifer’s mouth screws up. Amused again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not quite, but you get the idea. So…” Her eyes try to meet Steph’s again. “If you’re okay with that, then… we can test Billie’s theory. That sex with her was meaningless to you, that it’s the same with another girl. Or.” Jennifer ducks her head and smiles softly. “Or it’s completely different and she was wrong. That you can feel the same for her. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fingers curling up in the ends of Jennifer’s hair, Steph nods with her lip in her teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you… actually want to do this? You’re not gonna like fake me out, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She asks as much with a grin that’s more like a grimace. But Jennifer’s flick of a smile is reassuring. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to do this,” she promises. “No matter how Nathan acts when he gets here, no matter what he says, this is important, and I want to do it.” Her hands press warmth into Steph’s back. “Do you want to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph cranes forward instead of saying anything or asking permission. It only takes Jennifer a second, a startle, for her to meet Steph halfway. This kiss is a little firmer than the last. A little more sure. They both understand what’s going on, now. Steph’s uncertainty doesn’t allow her to deepen that kiss, but Jennifer has no such reservations. It should be the same as kissing Billie, right? It’s just another girl’s mouth, should be the same, it’s just tongue and teeth and lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it is on the surface. Jennifer is shy with her even when Steph parts her lips and kisses her back. They’re both a little too stiff, a little too awkward. Steph shuffles in Jennifer’s hands, tilts her head a bit to compensate for Jennifer being slightly shorter while sitting. But it’s not quite right. Something is missing. Steph pulls away with a thoughtful frown, about to ask for something, but Jennifer’s hands drop away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Steph’s insecurity runs wild, Jennifer shoots her a sheepish smile and says, “I gotta call Nathan if we’re gonna keep going…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh yea. Steph doesn’t know how she feels about that part. But… surely she can ignore Nathan. Right? It won’t be weird. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh uh… sure.” Steph plays with her hair, combing nervous fingers through it. “Hey man, when you’re done can we… keep making out?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some color seeps back into the center of Jennifer’s face when she says softly, “Sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph has to sit back to allow Jennifer up. She trills a little when Jennifer’s hands leave her hair nice and slow as she rises. Steph tips her head back almost on instinct to look up at Jennifer. It has the intended impact as Steph watches Jennifer shiver a little, clench and unclench her hands. Steph smiles up at her and then rises, too, maybe a little too close. Just for fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna grab another beer. You want one?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer shakes her head with big eyes still looking at her. It’s not the intense focus she’s used to. Jennifer looks at her like she’s seeing Steph brand new. And yea, this is a side no one sees of her. Flirty and eager. Actively wanting and participating in sex. It had weirded Nathan out, too. How she always used to reach for him and touch him so much. But Steph won’t get bitter over that. She’d rather them hurry back to the couch so they can pick it back up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph tries not to listen in on the conversation. It’s just Jennifer huddled by the phone on the wall, murmuring lowly into it. Only raising her voice once, although Jennifer raising her voice isn’t that loud to begin with. Steph hunches her shoulders all the same, fingers tight around the neck of her beer. Jennifer calms right back down, though, and the plastic cradle of the phone barely makes a sound when she hangs up. She wanders back to the couch with Steph gulping down half the bottle in a few, gross swallows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bleh,” she gasps, wincing when she pulls off. “Probably shouldn’t have chugged that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The springs in the couch whine when Jennifer sits back down. Her long fingers play with the hem of her sweater. Thinking about something. Steph doesn’t immediately climb back into her space, curious what she’ll do or say. It’s a good thing, too, because Jennifer tugs her sweater over her head without any further preamble. She shivers, still slightly cold at night even in April, and then turns an unsure smile Steph’s way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is… Is this okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods like a string attaches her head to her shoulders. She already leans towards the coffee table to abandon the beer. To free up her hands for more important things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, yea man, that’s totally okay, um… Can I sit in your lap?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer gives her a nod back, trading permissions. That’s all Steph needs to hop up on her knees, throw one over Jennifer’s thighs, and straddle her. This way, their hands are free to touch. To explore. A thrill runs through Steph when she settles in Jennifer’s lap. Jennifer has never done anything with a girl. She can’t help but find that exciting, that she might teach and show Jennifer things she doesn’t know. The student becomes the teacher. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hands are more sure than her mind when they drift up Jennifer’s arms and then hold her by her shoulders. Again. But Jennifer is tense under her hands, under cotton pajamas. So Steph settles her weight on Jennifer, letting her feel it, and just squeezes the nervous shelf in her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So um…  How long until Nathan gets here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiles while catching Jennifer’s hands hesitating in her peripheral vision. She just needs some help. Some encouragement. So Steph drops her hands only to take Jennifer by the wrists and guide her where she wants her. Steph’s hips already ache when she flattens Jennifer’s hands there, squeezing her wrists to let her know this is okay. Jennifer’s shiver is all for her, trapped between the couch and Steph straddling her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… not long. He said he’d leave in a few minutes…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so… what do you wanna do? When he gets here? I assume we’re not supposed to go at it like animals until he’s here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She means it as a joke to take the edge off. Jennifer just flushes darker and nods. Doesn’t actually answer Steph. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shuffling on Jennifer’s thighs, Steph asks again, “So what do you wanna do? Do you wanna just touch me with your hands? I’ll go down on you, if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer is just… so cute when she’s embarrassed. So shy but nowhere to hide with them close like this. Steph bites back a smile, knowing it would just rouse more embarrassment for Jennifer. Instead, she reaches up to play with soft hair instead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Jennifer has to swallow hard a few times to get her voice to work, throat clicking with the effort. “We can do whatever, it’s cool.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head and wiggles that much closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna do anything that will make you uncomfortable. I don’t wanna hurt you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph sees herself in dark eyes when they look up at her. They do not consume her, do not burn her how she wants them to. But it feels good to be held by them and to see desire there. Steph lets out a shaky breath as she leans enough to kiss Jennifer again, this time lapping so gently at the seam of her lips until she gives in. How long has Jennifer wanted this? Jennifer and Nathan, their fantasies about her… Steph swallows her own sound when Jennifer’s mouth finally moves against hers. Kissing her back, warm fingers curling under her top to graze fire up her back. Steph’s hands are back in Jennifer’s hair, too. She twirls soft locks around and around her fingers until they’re tight, until she gives a little tug. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s grunt is encouraging. Steph leans her full weight against Jennifer’s chest, letting her take it. Big hands on her back spasm and then hold her even tighter. She can’t decide, with Jennifer chasing her lips for more kisses, giving as good as she gets, if she wants to fuck Jennifer or let Jennifer explore her. They have all the time in the world, right? Not like they have to settle for single orgasms traded. Who knows if they’ll even get that far, they could chicken out, decide this isn’t working. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hands on her back come slipping around, find her flat belly, and then gently push her away. Steph huffs and whines, pouting, but she allows the space between them. Jennifer’s face is still pretty and pink in the center, lips messy from kissing. They’re darker than Steph has ever noticed. And now Steph wonders if the rest of her is this rosy-brown color. Darker than her own lips, not the peach of Billie’s tanned body. Swallowing hard, Steph shifts in Jennifer’s lap. Wanting friction. Wanting hands and Jennifer’s mouth back on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Jennifer hesitates again, always so careful. “I think I wanna go down on you. If that’s okay? I mean, I probably won’t be any good, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph just shuffles that much more excitedly in Jennifer’s lap. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop that,” she laughs with a smile. “It doesn’t matter if you’re ‘good’ or not.” She leans forward to kiss Jennifer’s cheek. To feel the heat there. “You know more than you think. Better than a guy would, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smile soft and coy, Jennifer laughs, “Right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It strikes Steph now that… this is what Billie had meant. About her girlfriends in California. How they explored each other and just enjoyed sex. How differently things in her life would be if she grew up like Billie did. Maybe she wouldn’t be so afraid to admit how much she misses Billie, how angry and hurt she is that they ended things like that. Steph terrified, backed against her car, crying their safeword in a moment of blind panic. Because it was all she could think to do to stop Billie. Steph’s face falls a little, but Jennifer is there to corral her back in and kiss her. So it doesn’t matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s hands are so timid on her hips. Even when Steph rocks them a little, to grind herself into Jennifer’s stomach, Jennifer doesn’t move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Panting between kisses, Steph pleads, “Touch me. Take-take my shirt off, put your hands on me, please Jennifer…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes are huge and wide, taking in Steph’s flush, her pink lips. But she nods, hands finally, blessedly springing to life. They have to wait for Nathan to get to the good parts, but that doesn’t mean they can’t look at each other. Steph hops, excited, when Jennifer’s long fingers pick at the buttons all along her front. Steph can’t shrug and wiggle out of her top fast enough. Naked underneath, unashamed of how she presses her arms to her breasts to make Jennifer look at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You too,” Steph urges, fingers already playing with the collar of Jennifer’s top. “You too, come on, lemme look at you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Jennifer hesitates. Makes Steph think she’s gone too far. That Jennifer isn’t comfortable. She rambles and talks over herself, trying to backpedal, when Jennifer nods. She goes to peel her hands off Steph, but Steph beats her to the buttons. Leaning back, Steph follows white, plastic buttons all the way down. The stitches are loose, buttonholes worn and easy to slip through. It makes for quick work, and then Steph pushes the halves of Jennifer’s shirt open, off her shoulders with a graze of skin on skin. Jennifer jumps under her, nervous or shocked from the chill. Or maybe Steph’s hands already petting down from collarbones to breasts. Just feeling, not pinching or squeezing yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph,” Jennifer breathes with her head down, watching her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?” Steph shuffles on her knees to come closer, to trap some of the body heat between them. “Can I touch you like this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To demonstrate, she cups both breasts at the same time. A curl of pride makes Steph sit up taller, straighter. She’d been right about Jennifer’s body, how her nipples are the same rose-brown as her lips. They’re already hard, and Steph wants to pluck at them to see what Jennifer will do. How sensitive is she? Does she even like being touched here? Steph didn’t know the sort of pleasure attention to her breasts could give her. Boys and Nathan were more interested in hurrying things along. They didn’t understand her body at all. Now she does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jennifer just shudders under her, in her hands, Steph takes the risk. So practiced now and effortless, her thumbs drag up to pet soft, pale skin, flick gently over little buds. Jennifer startles again under her, harder than before, and her back sort of caves in on itself. Like she’s afraid of how this feels, doesn’t know what to do with it. So Steph stops and just goes back to fondling her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer forces out in a breath, “You don’t… You don’t have to stop.” Another hard shiver and then even quieter, “It feels… good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer doesn’t look at her to say that, but that’s not a problem. Jennifer doesn’t need to meet her eyes for Steph to enjoy this. She shuffles in Jennifer’s lap and cranes her head to nuzzle short hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Touch me, too,” she asks softly. “You can, Jennifer, I trust you, I want you to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She goes as far as to scoop up one of Jennifer’s nervous hands at her hip and push Jennifer’s palm to her breast. It must feel strange to touch someone else like this. Steph doesn’t remember if she’d been nervous to press herself to Billie and feel the weight of her breasts. Fondly, she remembers freckles on honey skin and softness giving under her mouth, Billie encouraging her and moaning. She wants that now, wants to coax and pet Jennifer out of her shell until she fills the living room with pretty sounds. Maybe they should move this to Jennifer’s bedroom. Steph is too busy slipping off Jennifer, knees on the floor, to care too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! S-Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eyes softly closed to give Jennifer some peace, Steph kisses the flat space between her breasts. No spike of envy goes through her knowing Jennifer’s are bigger than hers. Not by much. Just enough to feel the difference in her hands, over her lips when she kisses and nibbles the soft swell of one. Jennifer shakes in her hand that cups the other. She takes care with her nails, doesn’t pinch Jennifer as hard as she’d like. Steph has to mind her teeth, too, when she seals her mouth over a nipple and suckles. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh god, Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph presses closer, sucks just a little harder, when the front door opens. A hard startle shakes them, but Steph doesn’t stop. Two hands dive into her hair. But they don’t try to control her. If whoever’s walked in was anyone but Nathan, Jennifer would stop her. And she’s not. So Steph goes right on flicking her tongue while she pinches Jennifer’s other nipple. They’re hard and probably tingly under her touch. She did that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan behind her somewhere. On the other side of the coffee table. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph pulls away with a final flick, says, “Hey,” with a bored glance, and then switches to Jennifer’s other breast. She doesn’t care that Nathan looks a little stricken, pale but somehow bright red in his cheeks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um… Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan again, and Steph pauses long enough to look up at him and snap, “You wanna watch? Then sit down and watch. We don’t need your input.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s soft, “Steph,” draws her back around. Steph rises up only using her legs to launch a messy kiss to Jennifer’s bitten mouth. She can tell Jennifer has held in her noises when she laps over a bottom lip and finds it rough. Teeth running over the thin skin again and again until it tore. Steph carefully sucks the pain away and shivers with Jennifer’s little noises tickling her ears. Between them, Jennifer’s hands jump back to life and sweep around Steph’s lower back to drag her the rest of the way into Jennifer’s lap. Again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They break apart with Steph straddling her. Slim fingers card hair out of Jennifer’s face and back behind her ears. When Jennifer dares a glance without the safety of her bangs, Steph is ready with her own, eager smile. Soft eyes half lidded. Comfortable. Hungry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” she coos gently. “You wanna keep going? Now that our audience is here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t know what prompts her to be so… short with Nathan. To snap at him and treat him like the nasty voyeur he’s being right now. He’s fallen into the recliner beside the couch, body turned so he can see them. Long legs cross at the knee, and his hands grip the ball of that joint, turning the knuckles bone yellow. Maybe he is jealous, like Jennifer had said. Steph just recalls Billie sneering at her at the quarry and quickly shakes her voice away before it can dig hooks into her and make her sad again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer nods once Steph turns back around. The urge to talk, to do what she’s used to now during sex is almost overpowering. But she doesn’t want to do that with Nathan here. It’s too intimate, having him hear all the things she’d like to say to Jennifer. Nothing outrageous. She’d just like to hear Jennifer stutter and ‘um’ her way through a little dirty talk. But oh well. It doesn’t matter. And Steph doesn’t dwell on why she wants that so badly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Steph says gently, always gently with Jennifer now. “I’ll lie down on my back, and you can do whatever you want, okay? You don’t have to ask, just do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s a great deal of blanket permission to give. But she knows Jennifer won’t hurt her, won’t take things too far or a direction she doesn’t want. Somehow, she knows that. So she’s all eyes on Jennifer while she shimmies out of her pajama bottoms and panties, leaving them on the floor. That done, Steph lies down in the far corner of the couch. As far from Nathan as they can get. He’ll have a better vantage point like this, but it doesn’t matter. Her pleasure and the pleasure she’s about to share aren’t for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Smile smothered between her lips, Steph shuffles on her back and folds her legs to her chest. A clear sign of welcome, made clearer still when Steph loops her arms above her head and gives a little wiggle. Enticing. She knows what she looks like, knows all the places Jennifer’s warm, dark eyes wander. Without the benefit of playing team sports, Steph doubts Jennifer has seen another girl up close like this. Steph doesn’t doubt, though, that Jennifer knows what to do with her. No one had paid attention to her until Nathan. She’s probably got a pair of wrists that are unusually flexible and strong. To reach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on,” Steph whispers just for them. She’s careful to keep her eyes off Nathan’s silhouette sitting in shadow in the recliner. Steph curls her hips and hikes her knees higher, folding herself in half. “It’s okay, Jennifer, c’mere and touch me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shuddering with her lip in her teeth and her eyes murky is enough to draw Jennifer to her. She nods a little dumbly while shoving the rest of her clothes off, too. Steph hopes Jennifer either lets her return the favor or at least touches herself while they do this. The desire to make her partner feel good too persists despite all the drama between her and Billie at the end. Steph must tread carefully, though, when she thinks of Billie right now. Flat on her back and staring up at the ceiling, she feels herself teetering on a toe. Always on the edge of her sorrow for Billie Hargrove no matter what she does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s warmth slowly sinking between her thighs and covering her helps. Steph arches under her, can’t help the giggle when Jennifer’s lips pass light and shy over a breast. She encourages more with a wiggle and arching her chest. This is okay. And Jennifer knows, must understand, because she smiles slightly with her lips ghosting over a rosy nipple. Steph shakes and sighs high and pretty as she goes flopping back to the couch. Her hands seek brown hair, but she hesitates when Jennifer flinches. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s okay, you can—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They pause, talking over each other, and then share a laugh. Steph’s shoulders rise up as she tries to bottle it. Jennifer just hides her smile against Steph’s breastbone. Eventually, though, the little laughs puffing there turn to lips smearing over pale skin and beauty marks. Steph dives her hands back into Jennifer’s hair. Not to control or direct, just to feel her and have something to hold on to. Steph’s stomach does a somersault when Jennifer goes dragging her body down Steph’s, intentions clear. Steph doesn’t even mind them going fast. It’s not like she’s been able to convince herself to masturbate since Billie. It’s not as good. And she still wants Billie after all this time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her breath hitches with the thought, with Jennifer mouthing kisses under her navel. She still wants Billie. Misses the sex of course but misses everything else about her, too. Misses walking in the grocery store and arguing about layouts and right-handed dominance in society. Misses having Billie hover around her while cooking. Carefully asking if Billie wants to learn how, sensitive to Billie’s self esteem. Steph’s fingers tighten in Jennifer’s hair as her heart drops. Worried she’ll hurt or bully Jennifer somehow with that grip, Steph shakes her fingers free of soft locks. Steph’s hands clutch at the arm of the couch as all this washes over her. She barely gasps, a fluttering thing, when Jennifer’s next exhale pets between her legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Short nails—she still keeps them short, like Billie had told her to—scramble at the upholstery. Jennifer treads carefully, uses Steph’s inner thighs to steady the shake in her hands. They can’t tremble if they’re petting up and down, over dark freckles spattered there. Steph arches off the couch a little despite the tightness in her throat at the first kiss. Delicate to her clit, the barest pressure. So unsure, but unafraid. Steph swallows the hot lump in her throat and tries to get into it better. Cracks an open to watch down the folded length of her body.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s hair is too short to tickle her belly while they do this. But Steph’s thighs shaking around her ears welcome the featherlight caresses. Jennifer’s hands aren’t half bad here, either. Step almost wants to splay her legs wide to give Jennifer more to touch, but if she does that she thinks she might cry. She’s fragile all at once despite Jennifer being so careful with her. It should feel good, Jennifer’s lips over slick skin and her tongue peeking out so shy to lap at her. And it does feel good in a distant sort of way, but it’s not what Steph wants. Her stomach bottoms out like she’s missed a step going down some stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jen-Jennifer, hey um…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer stops just as quickly as she’d started, sitting up a little with the back of her hand wiping at her mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong? Are-are you all right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Warmth blankets Steph on the heels of Jennifer’s soft words. She crawls up with her knees digging deeply in the old couch to hover above Steph. Caging her in but not making her feel trapped at all. Steph’s hands are frigid when she balls them up against her chest. She can’t look at Jennifer, feels so stupid with her eyes hot and her body completely turned off. That’s not happened since the last time she gently pushed a boy away at a party. He was sweet and kind, not a bad word to say when she asked him to stop. But she needed him to stop, and she needs Jennifer to stop, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I just…” She bites herself to not let her voice break. “I felt really overwhelmed just now. We should…. We should probably stop.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s nod comes seconds later, but her face crumbles a little when she asks, “Did I hurt you? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head shaking wildly, Steph threads her arms around Jennifer’s neck and brings her down. Jennifer grunts when she slumps on top of Steph. Steph takes her weight without a care, breath stuttering from tight emotions rather than Jennifer’s body. She just needs to hold on to someone right now, doesn’t want to cry anymore. She hates the hopelessness, hates how it seems like she’ll never get over Billie. She shouldn’t have to. She still cares so much about her…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blinking big, wet eyes to the ceiling, Steph whimpers, “I think I messed up. I messed up real bad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer holds her tighter, tucks her own face to Steph’s hair. She doesn’t want to make Jennifer cry again but…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sniffling loud like before, Steph hides the heat in her eyes in Jennifer’s hair. Her voice is strained when she admits, “I miss Billie so much, I-I think maybe… I love her, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer relaxes on top of her. All the tension in her runs out, like she’d expected Steph to be crying over something she did. Steph tries to smile through the sorrow, because it’s funny to think Jennifer would ever hurt her on purpose, but she doesn’t have it in her. She just wants to hold and be held by someone. Jennifer makes a good weight on her, even if it’s not the weight she wants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…” Jennifer shifts in Steph’s tight arms, turning her face towards Steph’s hidden in their hair. “So it’s different, yea? Billie was wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph is careful as she nods. She noses through her own hair to find Jennifer and kisses whatever she finds. An eyebrow, actually, but she just wants the affection. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yea, I… I couldn’t do it. It’s nothing against you, buddy, I think you’re very pretty I just—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not who you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s such a simple statement. One that sends a tendril of guilt through Steph. Because she’s sure Jennifer must have said or thought that before. With other people. For the first time since lying down, Nathan draws Steph’s eyes. And she allows it, blinking at him still in shadows in the recliner. He frowns and stares at them, forehead wrinkled. Steph sticks her tongue out at him. Just to watch him blink in confusion and then look away, mouth tight. Annoyed to be amused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s enough acknowledging Nathan, and Steph nuzzles Jennifer again, saying, “I don’t mean anything by that, either. You really are pretty.” She kisses the heat in Jennifer’s face. “And you were doing great, it felt good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>An embarrassed noise whines out of Jennifer, and Steph just hugs her tighter, stomach shaking with laughter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean it!” She laughs to Jennifer’s hair, head turned away so she doesn’t have to face Steph anymore. Too red to do it. “I only started to freak out on you because I was thinking about Billie, I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really miss her, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s muffled where Jennifer has her burning face pressed to the back of the couch. But Steph hears her all the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea,” she sighs, not drowning in sorrow for once. “Yea, I really do. Don’t know what the hell to do about it, cuz she won’t talk to me. It’s like trying to befriend a hyena.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer shifts around on top of her, comfy, and mumbles, “You did the impossible once. How hard could it be to do it again?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I don’t have that sort of time.” Steph tightens her arms around Jennifer again, another swell of something ugly trying to twist her stomach up. “We graduate in like a month, I don’t have enough time to-to do the song and dance all over with Billie. I don’t…” Steph hides her face in Jennifer’s hair again. “I don’t want her to leave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t make her stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I just wish I knew what I could do…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer is still and quiet on top of her. And then sitting up, exposing them to the chill, without hesitation. Steph blinks up at her, mindless to their nudity, and thinks her heart skips a beat when Jennifer grins. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How do you feel about humiliating yourself in front of the entire school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amber eyes widen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“… Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer just keeps on grinning. It’s a small thing. Clever and mischievous. The same cleverness that’d thought up the scheme to help catch El’s bat-shit crazy dad last year. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cuz I’ve got an idea.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Steph gets her groove back.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Fun fact! I usually only publish one chapter'd fic at a time. And "Summer Lovin" was written before this. And if I'd waited to start publishing "Solidarity" until after "Summer Lovin" was done posting, TODAY would have been the day I posted chapter one! Ain't that neat?</p><p>Anyway, it's finally over, couldn't be happier to finally be done posting this lol. There is one more chapter, but it is an epilogue set a few years down the road. It is purely smut lol. I'll probably post it Friday for a nasty, little treat lol. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Jennifer is behind her in the dressing room, fighting with the zipper on Steph’s dress. Steph bobs on her feet with each movement and bites back a smile in the mirror, watching. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suck it in,” Jennifer murmurs on the nape of Steph’s neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Excuse you? I think you just coughed all over me, cuz I definitely didn’t hear what I think I heard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it’s all fun, and Jennifer’s mouth screws up in a smile and a snort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine, the zipper is just stuck on the lining. I’m trying not to break it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph has her hands to the front of the sweetheart neckline, keeping it flush to her chest while it’s still loose. The puffy sleeves will end up on the outsides of her shoulders only once the dress is zipped. She knows it fits. She’d tried it on a week ago. It’s the one. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you break it, I’ll have to hide it all casual like we didn’t do anything.” Steph casts a glance around, features smooth, cool. “Nothing to see here, just didn’t like it, pay no mind to the zipper, found it like that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another snort, and then the zipper gives, racing up Steph’s back until it’s all the way up. Which isn’t far, leaving her shoulders and upper back bare. She might get in trouble for showing too much skin. But she doesn’t care. What is the school going to do about it? Not let her graduate? As if. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Jennifer says with a sigh, stepping back. “How’s it look? I never really pegged you for a red girl…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The red is for Billie. Deep like blood, like the button-up shirt she wears sometimes. But Steph won’t tell anyone that. This may be Jennifer’s plan, but Steph will put her own touches on it. She needs to make sure the shoes she wore today go with this, though. She steps back into the two-inch heels and then regards herself in the mirror. Pretty. Not too shabby. When she smiles, she’s still got that charm about her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging, Steph messes with her hair in the mirror and says, “Just felt like red for the spring. Tulips and all that shit, you know? Carnations…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer meets her eyes in the mirror, hums, and then steps up to smooth out the back of the dress. She’d wanted something with a slit up the side but… She’s already pushing it with no sleeves and the low cut in the back. This Friday night will be for nothing if she can’t get into the gym where prom is going on. She has to slip past dress code, if just barely. Plus… Steph frowns at herself even as Jennifer’s hands settle on her shoulders. There’s no guarantee this will work. Billie still may not want to hear her out even after the spectacle she’s going to make of herself…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph startles under Jennifer’s arms. If not for the other girl’s warmth, she’d be shivering. Steph offers Jennifer a smile as an apology, reaches across her chest, and covers Jennifer’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just um… thinking about the plan. I really can’t believe you talked me into it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer shrugs, darts her eyes down from Steph’s in their reflections.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t approach Billie one on one. She’ll just leave or start running her mouth, you know? This is really the only way to sort of… make her listen to you. If vaguely, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’ll know what I mean,” Steph assures her friend. Their hands slip away from each other, and Steph adds, “It will only make sense to her. I’m gonna sound like a douchebag to everyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer says through a little laugh, “Gotta go out in style, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More like come out in style.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shoots Jennifer’s reflection a big, dumb grin. Cheesy and goofy. It’s been one of the first times she’s felt enough happiness to do it. Jennifer’s smile stretches her face, deepens her dimples. She’s adorable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you decided, then? On what you are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods and smooths her hands down the front of her dress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, I’m… I think I’m bisexual.” She shrugs with warmth creeping into her cheeks. “I, uh, I like both. Or whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer steps that much closer and tentatively hugs her from behind. She’s shorter than Steph, more so with Steph in two-inch heels. But she arches on her toes to lean her cheek on Steph’s shoulder. There’s no one in the dressing room but them. A moment of peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t freak out about tomorrow,” Jennifer mumbles to the side. “Everything is gonna be all right. She’ll listen to you and… you guys can talk like you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph reaches up to cover Jennifer’s arms around her waist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea but… what if it’s too late? What if she hates me now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You won’t know until you try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A corner of Steph’s mouth twitches up as she meets her own eyes in the mirror. She’s questioned what she’s going to do tonight so many times. From the moment that night in April when Jennifer told her about it. About storming the stage between the band playing songs. Getting up there, grabbing the microphone, and saying as much as she can before she’s either chased off or cut off. With maybe every kid in the school present, Billie will have to stand there and listen. She’ll draw too much attention to herself if she flees. And Billie hates gossip about herself she didn’t start. Is it a bit mean? To corner Billie like this? Probably, but Steph couldn’t think up anything better. And she’s out of time. They graduate in a few weeks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can do it,” Jennifer insists, hugging her tightly one last time before stepping back. “There’s always plan B, so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph actually turns at the waist to blink at Jennifer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Plan B?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer shrugs and grins off to the side, “Just show up at her house and hold a boombox over your head while playing ‘What You Won’t Do for Love.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Face pinching, Steph objects, “Maybe if I want Billie to laugh me right back across Hawkins with that feel-good crap, sure. I’d have more luck playing that Quiet Riot song. The title they sensor on the album, whatever it is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Come On Feel The Noise?’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph makes a face and then drawls, “Yea, that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer considers that with a nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, you might be right. Better go with that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They share a look, holding back their smiles, and Jennifer is the first to look away when they laugh. Just lightly. They are in a store, after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the check-out counter, Jennifer prods her again about the red dress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really going with the red, huh? I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you wear red.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Paying attention to the way I dress, Byers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She winks at Jennifer in good humor, is pleased when Jennifer manages not to look away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always, Steph. You’re popular. Gotta make sure you’re keeping up the status quo.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph scoffs, dress purchased and bag folded over her arm, “Oh yea, I’ll really be keeping that up after prom tomorrow night. Gonna lower the bar”—she pauses as they walk to shove her hand to about knee level—“way down low, you feel me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That gets Jennifer smiling even wider. She has to turn her head at that point. Steph lets her, though, rather than hound her.  Because ultimately? What does she care about the status quo or her dwindling popularity? She hasn’t much cared since her social standing fell apart on Halloween, what with the whole Nathan thing and Billie showing her up in the drinking contest. Which was stupid in the first place; she can’t believe that used to be her life like six months ago. What a waste of time, and she doesn’t have much to show for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s whatever,” she sighs good-naturedly on the walk back to her car. She doesn’t know how to feel about this Starcourt Mall stuff, but some of the stores are already open, and she’d wanted a new dress, so… “If it gets Billie to talk to me for a second, to just stand there and listen to me? It’ll be worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having faith in their plan and following through is all she can do. Things haven’t gotten better or worse with Billie since April. They still orbit each other. Still cast long looks at the other when they think they can’t see. Sometimes they’re successful in their ogling. Sometimes, they catch each other. And that’s probably the worst—to do a double take and find electric blue on her, just not the way she wants. So sad, so reserved. Steph doesn’t want Billie to look at her like that anymore. They don’t have to be sad and do this dance anymore. They can make a change. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Friday night stomping around her room while Jennifer sits on the bed, ready, Steph wishes for the semblance of calm she had back in the dressing room. Now, she couldn’t crack a joke to save her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe I fucking dropped the back of this earring like—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll find it, Steph, just feel around on the floor where you dropped it. It couldn’t have gone far.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s soft advice doesn’t really do it for Steph right now. She turns with her hands about to shove in her hair, teeth gritted in Jennifer’s direction, but she thinks better about it. They haven’t taken the curlers out of Steph’s hair yet. Steph almost stabbed herself under her nail with the clasp of the diamond pendant she’s wearing. And she still has to sit down and throw some make-up on, hopefully she doesn’t end up looking like a clown, but fuck this earring!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck it, I’m stealing the back from another pair, I don’t have time for this right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Small, Jennifer mumbles, “We have an hour…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph purses her lips into a tight line until she looks like a haggard, old woman. Jennifer’s mouth twitches as she fights a smile. She’s enjoying Steph running around like a cat with its tail on fire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re lucky we’re friends, or otherwise I’d kick you out,” Steph huffs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She plops to the stool in front of her vanity, big mirror showing her the bed behind her. Jennifer in a little, black dress. Jennifer doesn’t think it’s anything special, but Steph had poked and prodded her to get it until Steph just bought it herself and gave it to her. Money’s no issue or concern, and luckily they’ve avoided the issue of ‘charity cases’ at least for now. Jennifer offers her a smile in the mirror, and Steph gets back to it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you know what you’re going to say?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not really,” Steph mumbles while considering how much face to put on. Jesus, she hates concealer and foundation… She’ll just sweat it all off anyway, sealer or no, it never works. “I’m just gonna get up there and wing it, you know? Just go with the flow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer snorts but still says, “If that’s your plan…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pulling an eyelid down, black pencil liner in her fingers, Steph drawls, “Yea, it is, and I happen to think it’s a great plan. If you give me a bunch of shit I have to remember to say, I’ll screw up and make a total jackass out of myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As opposed to… ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously I’ll only be making a half-jackass out of myself. Three-quarters at most, that’s my final offer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Making Jennifer laugh—any girl laugh—is such a treat. She’s come to embrace that clown-ish side of her again. Where it’d gone, she’s still not sure. It’s the side of her that attracted Nathan. So maybe she lost it after he dumped her. Although she clearly remembers making Billie laugh. Billie brought that side of her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s antics work just as well on other girls. She’s been… testing the waters of this whole bisexual thing. She tried it recently with a girl at the mall, someone from a town over just come down for more shops. Steph didn’t know her, never saw her before. But she giggled at some off-the-wall quip Steph made, and Steph chased the high of that attention for the rest of the night. Almost gave the girl her number, almost wanted to feel the vibe. Are you like me? Is that amusement or curiosity in your smile? But nothing came of it, and she didn’t feel bitter about it. Random girls at the mall aren’t what she wants. She knows what she wants, now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad I talked you into waiting to put the dress on until the end,” Jennifer teases. “You’d be sweating through it by now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph grumbles under her breath, “Yea, yea,” but continues with a steady hand at her eyelid. This will be enough. This and lip color of some kind. She’s too worried about ending up looking like a raccoon if she messes up mascara. She’ll already be a clown in the eyes of her whole school. She can at least be a pretty clown. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whipping around to Jennifer, mindful of the curlers still stuck to her, Steph asks, “Is my eyeliner even?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She turns this way and that, waggles her eyebrows just to see Jennifer smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Looks great,” she says through that smile. “Ready to suit up, Batman?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready as I’ll ever be, Boy Wonder.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And to think. Steph could’ve had this camaraderie her whole life. She and Jennifer have always been aware of each other. Just in social circles and classes so far apart from each other. As Jennifer stands behind her and helps with the curlers, Steph thinks about all the wasted years. The hurtful words, the rumors and gossip. She thinks about getting into a shoving match with Jennifer just last year, punching her and scratching her. And then ending up on her ass with Jennifer about to choke her. They could have avoided all that ugliness if Steph were a better person. She is, now. She just wishes she could make it up to Jennifer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Turning around again, with half her hair free, Steph stops Jennifer with a look and gentle touch to her hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” She tries to look up at Jennifer, but neither of them can hold it. “I’m really happy that you’re my friend, Jennifer. Probably my best friend. I don’t know where I’d be without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s hand flinches under hers. Not pulling away. Just unsure. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean it,” she says a little hotly, forcing herself to find Jennifer’s eyes. “I was shitty to you our whole lives, and now we’re friends, and that’s… That's incredible, buddy. No one would have ever given me a second chance like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A corner of Jennifer’s mouth ticks up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never say never. Billie will give you a second chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I didn’t say never, but…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer just shakes her head with that little smile of hers and urges Steph to turn back around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let me finish this so we can hurry up and go. We’re gonna have to park crazy far away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhg, I don’t wanna walk in those shoes,” Steph groans, head flopping back despite Jennifer’s busy hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what you get for wearing heels.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They look good with the dress, don’t judge me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Comfortable, productive silence blankets them. Steph is perfectly capable of doing her hair herself. She just likes Jennifer here, helping her. Plus the affection is so easy and nice between them. Even after their failed attempt at fooling around. Steph still feels a bit guilty about that, even though Jennifer had assured her then and now that it’s okay. That she would rather they stopped than Steph be silent and go along with something she didn’t want. So now, she just envelopes herself in this close friendship and trades affection like she’s always wanted. She thinks back to being a little girl and hugging her friends and holding hands. When did that stop? When did this glass box surround her and others, making touching off limits and bad? She hates it, never wants to be in a box again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for everything, man,” she says at last, standing in nothing but underwear and a strapless bra. It’s tight and will leave marks, but it’s this or go braless, and she’s not that brave. “You know I’d be a wreck right now without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Humming and nodding as she holds the dress out, Jennifer teases, “Make it up to me with brunch on Sunday? If you’re free?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Nathan gonna tag along?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not if you don’t want him to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph doesn’t consider it for long, but she makes a face like she does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah, no thanks. Just the two of us sounds good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s not that she holds a grudge against Nathan for anything. She just… doesn’t like how he makes her feel. He means well, cares in the selfish way he does that suits him. But the pity is still there. The lectures like she doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life. Like she hasn’t been taking care of herself since she was like thirteen. Does she make mistakes? Of course. Lots of them. But they’re her mistakes to make. She’s not a child. And she’s tired of him always seeing her in that light. She doesn’t need that kind of person in her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s okay, right? Like, I don’t wanna come between you two or anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer shrugs and plays with her fingers when Steph takes the dress, ready to step into it and zip it up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I prefer to spend time alone with him, actually. So I’m… kinda glad? That you don’t want him to come along.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph could crack a joke about that, but they’re short on time thanks to her. She wiggles into the dress, blood red for Billie, and hopes she looks as good in Billie’s eyes as she does in the mirror. Waiting to storm the stage is going to be grueling. She’ll need Jennifer there as much as Jennifer can stand her. Otherwise she’ll hold up in the bathroom to not freak out. Billie will be there, amongst the crowd. She probably won’t dance, can only lead boys on so far. That’s been amusing to watch. Their numbers dwindle as Billie gives them nothing. Hounds cut off from the chase. Steph smooths her hands over her chest, settling the dress against her, and wonders what Billie is wearing tonight. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They match. Sort of. As much as someone wearing a dress can match someone not wearing a dress. A step behind Nathan and Jennifer, giving her cover, Steph stares across the way at Billie barely entertaining the rambling of Kevin Murphy. He’s tall and weedy, hair probably two days past the point of being dirty and now it’s just greasy. Blue eyes glare at him sideways, but he’s not getting the hint. He’s too busy talking down at her cleavage on display between the open halves of her dress shirt. She’s got a black blazer on top, hugging her arms in all the right ways. About to pop a seam, probably. But the shirt holds both their attentions. Blood red like Steph’s dress, with thin, white lines diving down it. It looks like something out of the 70’s, something out of a discotheque. But Billie is beautiful and takes Steph’s breath away when blue eyes zip to her. Like she’s called Billie to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin Murphy is definitely not on her mind anymore. Billie stands up from her casual slouch against the gym wall. If she were wearing sunglasses, she’d tug them down with a finger to look Steph up and over and all around. Steph just stands there despite people squeezing past her, glaring at her for blocking the way. Someone mutters something under their breath, and so she turns a big smile on them and flicks them off. When they sputter and stumble away, Steph turns back to find Billie spinning around. Leaving. Hands in her pockets, shoulders hunched around her hair that’s all done up pretty. Most of her hair is loose except for a narrow, French braid in the back. It’s pretty. She must have needed help. Steph wonders if Max helped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Jennifer, turning back from Nathan and shaking her arm free from him to stand in front of Steph. Her hands already reach out to Steph’s arms. To touch, to ground. Something. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I’m fine.” She flashes a cheesy smile. “Just… excited. Nervous. Billie is here, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jennifer’s smile is wiry when she mumbles, “First hurdle jumped. Now you just gotta wait for the big finale, yea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Timing is everything. She needs to time this right. Do it too early and Billie will just split. Too late and Steph might miss her chance. So, she keeps to the sidelines—an odd sight to the outcasts—and tries not to be so obvious while watching Billie. She eventually marches back into the gym in a cloud of fading smoke. That intense gaze combs the crowd like a lion observing a herd. Steph steps into a shadow, just out of the blue glow from a spotlight. Her presence may spook Billie and cause her to run. Maybe Billie had thought she wouldn’t be here. It’s not like anyone asked her out. That’s been hot on the rumor mill ever since someone saw her and Jennifer together at the mall. Thankfully, no one tried to whisper about something between them. They’re just gals being pals, after all. Nothing to see there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The band on stage isn’t half bad. It’s all covers so far, but whatever. Steph has only been half listening to them, more so when no one stands around talking to her. She can’t hog Jennifer all night. Billie might see and get ideas. Wrong ideas, ideas that will throw a wrench and maybe the whole toolbox into Steph’s plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On stage, the frontman tries to croon like Morrissey, gripping the mic stand with desperate hands, “So for once in my life let me get what I want. Lord knows it would be the first time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s greed betrays her, and she finds herself searching for Billie again. She catches Billie in the back of the crowd, almost where she’d been when they first spotted each other. She glares at the stage, probably not enjoying the music. But her glare doesn’t have any heat in it. More sad than anything as she sighs, tucks her thumbs into her belt loops, and then slouches against the wall again. Probably asking herself why she’s even here with these hicks. The song, not even two minutes on the single, winds to an end soon enough. The band should be taking a break, now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now is the time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like electricity, Steph finds Jennifer in the crowd. She’s on Nathan’s arm, but drops him as soon as Steph fights her way across the dance floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now! I gotta do it now!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan’s mouth is tight when he watches them—of course he knows what they’re doing, despite his objections. Steph ignores him while taking Jennifer’s wrist and leading her to the stage. No one is there to guard it as the band sets their instruments down and makes for the stairs. Jennifer lingers there, ready to stop any chaperone from interrupting them. If they want Steph to shut up, they'll have to cut the mic. Jennifer won’t let them through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey sorry man, sorry, just gotta get through, whoops.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s a mess while tripping past cords tapped down all over the place. Not to mention the four guys trying to get past her at the same time. But she wiggles free of them clustered at the stairs, confused, and scrambles for the mic. She runs into the stand, nearly toppling over. The mic screeches when she smacks into it with her shaking hands. If her falling over herself to get here hadn’t attached the attention of the whole room, the feedback does. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All eyes on her under the spotlights. It’s bright up here, in her eyes, and she understands why the band had looked so sweaty. She’d sweat from nerves alone, but fuck it’s hot up here…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cupping a hand over her eyes at first, Steph eventually gives up and just stutters, “Uh, hey everyone, uhhh it’s me, Steph Harrington, sorry to crash the party, but I’ve got-I’ve got something to say, and I’m gonna say it, and then I’m gonna kick myself off the stage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Some people in the crowd jeer, but she ignores them. She’s all eyes on Billie. Because this is all for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um…” She slaps her free hand to the back of her neck, playing with the necklace there. “Wow this is awkward…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She glances to Jennifer, arms crossed over her chest as she glares down at a teacher trying to push past her. He’s also trying not to touch her, though, so he’s not doing a good job. Nathan stepping up behind him and nudging him away, shaking his head shamefully at the teacher, brings a smile to Steph’s face. Even though Nathan hates Billie, he’s here. He’s helping. His mouth is firm when he meets Steph’s eyes, but he nods all the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Trying not to breathe into the mic and make a bigger fool of herself, she turns back to it and tries, “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence in the crowd as people turn to look at each other. Confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… I’m so fucking sorry,” she forces out like a punch to her gut, still staring at Billie’s wide eyes in the back of the crowd. “I made a mistake, I was wrong. I… I didn’t consider your feelings at all. You were right about that, and-and I’m sorry. If I could take it back—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A heckler, “Get off the stage, Harrington!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To watch Billie’s hackles rise and see her rock herself off the wall, ready for a fight, pleases Steph so deeply. She can handle a stooge or two. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can it, jerkwad,” Steph barks at the crowd, voice echoing with a whine of feedback. “I’m gonna say my peace and then I’ll shut up. If you don’t like it, you can sit and spin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t flick the crowd off, even though she wants to. That’s not what she’s here to do. And when she calms the sneer off her face, she turns big eyes back to Billie. Her big hands are still fisted at her sides, but she meets Steph’s gaze through the crowd. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep breath and gripping the microphone with both hands, Steph continues, “I’ve done a lot of thinking. About myself and what you said. And I realize that you were wrong too. I’m not what you said I was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s eyes narrow, testing her patience, but she doesn’t leave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But-but it’s not about who was right and who was wrong, okay? I just…” Steph rises onto her toes and closes her eyes as tension strains in her. She has to say this. No matter how embarrassing it will be in front of all these people. It’s now or never. “I just miss you. All of you. Everything about you and… if you would just give me a minute, just a second to talk to you, I could maybe tell you everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Steph opens her eyes, it’s to find Billie staring at her, expression broken a little. Not enough for others to see into her, past the mask, but enough for Steph. The hurt and loneliness, missing Steph just as much as Steph misses her. No hatred. No scorn. Just deep pain that makes Steph shiver and swallow hard not to cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please? Please hear me out? And when I’m done you can… you can leave. You can go back home and… you can never speak to me again, if you want. Just please. Give me a chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She means California. And judging by the way Billie looks away, gnashing her teeth, Billie understands what she means. Billie had never said as much to her, about going back to California when she was done with school. But Steph knows what Billie wants. Billie hates it here. And even if it means never seeing Billie again, Steph would let her go. So Billie can be happy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph has to swallow hard again to steady her voice when she says, “That’s, uh, that’s all I had to say. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie schools her snarl back to suave smoothness. Steph doesn’t quite abandon the mic even though some teachers have climbed up and approach her carefully. They mean nothing to her as she watches Billie consider the floor for a long time. Someone yanks the mic away from Steph with feedback, but even then she doesn’t care. They could toss her off the stage like a sack of potatoes and she wouldn’t care. Not until Billie gives her an answer one way or the other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bright eyes rise and find her once more. Steph holds her breath. Billie considers her until Steph’s lungs strain for air, sting when she refuses to breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A jerk of that blonde head towards one of the gym doors that leads outside and then Billie twists away. Walking out the door with her hands in her pockets, back to Steph. Follow her if Steph dares. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she dares. Oh she dares as she nearly leaps off the stage, crashing down the stairs instead and tearing through the crowd. She’s no good at running in heels and so tugs them off her feet as she hops through the crowd. She carries them by the ankle straps and runs in her stockings for the door. Somewhere, Jennifer and Nathan watch her go. Nathan can drive Jennifer home. They’d already planned it. The night is Steph’s, no matter what happens. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie had arrived even later than them. She’s parked farther away, and Steph catches up to her walking towards the Camaro. It’s not quite dark yet, the sun clinging to the west and breaking over the sports fields surrounding the schools. Steph is heavy breaths and pounding, nearly barefoot steps when Billie jolts to a stop, turns around, and stops Steph in her tracks with a stern look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not getting in my car.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph stops mid stride, mouth open to immediately run it. Instead she blurts gracelessly, “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shakes her hands loose from her belt loops and explains, “You wanna talk? Fine. We’re taking separate cars. So go find yours and meet me at the junkyard.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurts that Billie doesn’t want to pile into the Camaro together. And Steph can’t help the flash of anger, annoyance in her. But the longer Billie stares at her, face tight with emotions held back, the more Steph understands why. Billie doesn’t want to trap her. If something happens, Steph needs to be able to escape. She must remember well the last time they’d spoken. How Billie fled the quarry and left Steph there to cry against her car. But at least she had the option of that. Billie just wants to give her that peace of mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay um… why the junkyard?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie huffs and says before she spins back around, “It’s quiet up there. Either meet me there or don’t. I couldn’t give a shit either way.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s a lie. That’s such a terrible lie that Steph wants to start yelling at that broad back. Steph knows it’s a lie, because when Billie gets about four cars away from her, she glances over her shoulder. To see what Steph will do. Steph stands up straight on her two feet and nods. She’ll follow Billie anywhere at this point. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The junkyard isn’t that far. She remembers following the Party here once. They’d wanted to show her their cool hang out spot. The same one she stomped around when she was their age. Breaking glass, tearing shit up. She did it all, too. The Party sort of boarded up this bus and made it a clubhouse for themselves. And it’s still there when Steph pulls up a little next to the Camaro. Billie can still open her door. There are ruts in the earth from tires. Billie must come here often. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie climbs out and into the night when Steph cuts the engine. She leaves the black blazer behind, digging in her trouser pockets for Marlboro Red 100s and a lighter. Steph remains in her car for a few breaths, watching Billie walk to the hood of the Camaro and lean there, hands busy with a cigarette. This is going to work out. Steph may grip the steering wheel for dear life, but she believes this is going to work out. Billie will hear what she has to say, they’ll make up, and everything will be okay. She has to believe that. Any alternative is too cruel, too harsh for her to even acknowledge. She doesn’t want to cry over Billie Hargrove anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph slipping out of her car and closing the door behind her might startle Billie. She flinches on the hood of the Camaro like she’s startled. Sighing with her cigarette held aloft, Billie twists at the hip to look at her. The braid in the center of her hair weighs the locks down so they don’t spill over her shoulder like they normally would. Steph wonders on her cautious approach if Billie is wearing her normal cologne tonight. Musky-sweet, nothing like Steph’s dad’s or any of her uncles, grandfathers. Steph misses that smell and maybe steps too close to Billie trying to catch a trace of it on the air. Billie takes a shuffling step away, and that stings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So.” She looks at the grey smoke curling off her long cigarette instead of Steph. “We’re here. Talk.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie isn’t going to make this easy for her. Steph isn’t surprised. They’ve practically hit the reset button on this thing between them. Their friendship. Whatever they’d been during Winter Break. And it hurts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands tangled together in front of her, in her hair, and then back in front of her, Steph blurts out, “You look really nice tonight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie pauses with her cigarette about an inch from her lips. Now she finally turns her head and regards Steph with a confused stare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do!” Steph insists. She so desperately wants to stand beside Billie and lean with her, into her. But she’s not allowed to, so she stands at one of the Camaro’s dark headlights instead. “I-I like what you did with your hair. It’s pretty.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you think that’s gonna—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t,” Steph snaps, already feeling the razor thread of Billie’s temper. “Don’t put words in my mouth. You’re not gonna get rid of me by being a jerk and saying shit you don’t mean. It won’t work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie flicks her cigarette away, turns fully to Steph, and closes the distance between them with a booming step. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not how I remember it, Harrington. I think I remember very distinctly you breaking down into tears the last time we talked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s just Billie going wild with her pain. Trying to push everyone away rather than address the real problem. She’s so transparent, now. Steph doesn’t even flinch under the heat of Billie’s stare. She knows now it’s all for show. To force a reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I started crying because you scared me,” Steph admits. “I knew you wouldn’t hurt me. I just… needed you to stop before you said something you’d regret.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Funny use of a safeword,” she says with her lips twisted and mean. “Never heard that one before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph huffs a humorless laugh and says, “Yea, but it fucking worked, didn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That has Billie snapping her mouth shut. Steph hopes she hasn’t bitten anything in her haste. It works on shutting her up, at least. Steph releases some of the tension in her shoulders, plays with her hair, and then regards Billie in front of her. She’s still so close. Steph wishes she were closer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not here to fight you,” she pleads gently. “I meant what I said at school. I’m sorry, and I know I hurt you. I-I didn’t know I was hurting you like that. I thought everything was fine, that what we were doing was just…” She throws her hands up uselessly as Billie watches, face stern as always. “I thought we were just having fun. I was having fun with you, because you’re my friend and I trust you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trusted, you mean,” Billie rumbles lowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s lips flatten into a line. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I still trust you. Like yea, I’m hurt too over what happened, but our fight doesn’t change how I feel about you. I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she drops their intense gaze to stare at one of Billie’s hands. The ring on her middle finger catches the light from the single pole out here, casting blue and smokey over them. Steph wants nothing more than to reach out and take that boyish hand in hers and just hold it. Just touch Billie. But she knows Billie won’t let her, so she just forces her eyes back to Billie’s. Finds them waiting. Patient. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I did a lot of thinking. About you and me. About what you said, that I was using you for sex. And I think I was at the beginning, when I didn’t know anything. But the longer we did it, it didn’t feel like that anymore. It just felt like us together. I’m probably really bad at explaining this…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just a lot.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Steph rubs her hands over her hair and face. She doesn’t care about messing up the careful drape of her hair or make-up. Her fingers find the wave that’s always in her eyes and scoops it back. Jennifer isn’t here to stop her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, so, I got to thinking how the hell do I prove that sex with you was something special, something important to me like it was to you. And I was telling Jennifer about this—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Expression furious all at once, Billie snaps with heat in the middle of her face, “You fucking told someone?! You said you wouldn’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie advances on Steph before either of them knows what’s happening. She ends up backing Steph into the hood of her BMW. It’s January all over again. Only this time, Steph slaps both hands to Billie’s shoulders and stops her. Actually stops her this time instead of weakly trying to keep her away. Steph knows her eyes are a little hard when she stares into Billie’s. She’s not here to fight. It’s too bad Steph’s heart races too fast for her to enjoy touching Billie for the first time in months. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s my best friend, Billie. I trust her almost as much as I trust you, you ass. She would never tell anyone, she just wanted to help me, she practically figured everything out way before I spilled the beans anyway. So yea, I fucking told her. You didn’t really give me much of a choice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s face loses some of the searing heat in the middle, but her grimace remains. She’s quiet when she shrugs Steph’s hands off her and takes a step back. Steph remains flush to the side of her car. She knows Billie won’t hurt her like that again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph draws in a deep breath to run some tension out of herself. She can’t get worked up just because Billie is a little aggressive. Billie only knows how to push back when it comes to dealing with her own problems. Steph can’t rise to that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I told Jennifer an abbreviated story of what happened to us. Very abbreviated, let me stress that before you pop a fucking blood vessel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Billie does relax. If only a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, so I was talking to her about it, and she… agreed to help me figure out if sex with another girl was meaningless, like you implied, or if it mattered that the other girl wasn’t you. So—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie almost sounds hurt when she spits out, “So you fucked her? The creepy Byers girl? Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know compared to you, you think she’s a pauper while you’re a fucking queen, but she’s actually really nice and pretty and considerate of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph isn’t sure what jealousy looks like on Billie’s stunning face. She knows what anger and happiness look like. Love and pleasure. Maybe this is jealousy with her eyes narrowed and turned away, grimace tight on her lips and hands shaking as fists at her sides. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew it,” she spits. “I knew when I saw you two in the hallway that day you were up to something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t ‘up to something!’ We’re friends and I happen to like hugging my friends, in case you’ve forgotten in that thick head of yours. She was the one to offer, by the way, just like you. She offered, and I accepted, and I asked her to stop before we even got very far, because I didn’t—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You stopped? But why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As quickly as her fury and disgust had risen, they run clear out of Billie. Only for something unsure and a little scared to creep in. Like when they walked around the grocery store and Billie worried about sounding stupid while they talked about nothing. Vulnerable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes, Steph drawls, “Don't get a big head over this, but I asked her to stop because she wasn’t you. I didn’t want Jennifer to touch me like you did. It didn’t feel right, even though I recognized it physically felt good. But I didn’t want it with her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph takes a step away from her car, back into Billie’s space. She waits until blue eyes flash up at her to add, “She’s not you. And I don’t want it with anyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie flinches, hurt raw on her face, before she sweeps it away with another grimace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t… say things like that. You don’t mean it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph dares to take another step. The grass is a little wet under her feet. She’ll probably have stains on her stockings. She doesn’t care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I do mean it,” she insists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t get frustrated now. Billie is practically backing away from her from how uncomfortable this conversation is. It’s a step in the right direction, because it’s Billie. It has to get worse before it gets better. And this is the worst part for Billie. Them talking openly about their feelings. Steph’s feelings for her. She’ll deny and try to say Steph doesn’t mean it, doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Steph just needs to push harder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do mean it. I miss you so much, Billie.” Now she dares to reach carefully, so slowly for Billie’s hand. Billie lets her only for a second before shifting her hand away. Not yet. “I miss talking with you and laughing with you. I”—Steph stares up at the stars if only to blink her eyes dry—“I finally found someone who got me, you know? Who liked all of me, even the bad stuff. I’m needy and whiny and entitled—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A brat,” Billie adds so far under her breath that Steph talks right over her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And all that stuff. But you like me anyway, you… love me anyway. And now I know how I feel about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie does back up now when Steph advances. Billie is actually shy to meet her eyes, but she still darts glances between Steph’s face and somewhere just behind her. Nervous like an animal backed into a corner. Steph stops just shy of Billie’s legs walking into the Camaro. There’s plenty of room for Billie to breathe. To escape if she wants. It would kill Steph, but she would let Billie go. If it’s what Billie wants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie says nothing when Steph tries to take her hand again. Billie allows it this time, and Steph is careful with that permission when she says, “Nobody has ever understood me like you do. It felt so natural, like you were always there, like I’ve known you my whole life. And I know that must sound crazy, but it’s true. It’s how I feel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph squeezes Billie’s limp hand to get her to look up. She does, and Steph insists, “You have no idea how much you mean to me. How sorry I am that I hurt you, Billie, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking away to the side, Billie mutters, “You weren’t the only one.” She finds courage in herself somewhere, some resolve, and meets Steph’s hopefully eyes again. “I hurt you, too. Yelled at you and said all that shit. Scared you, like you said. I won’t ask for you to forgive me, I don’t deserve—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already forgave you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s words cut off so hard that she chokes a little. Her left hand wiggles out of Steph’s grip to cover her mouth as she coughs. Steph almost takes a step back to give Billie some air, but she’s rooted to the spot in the grass. There is no moving back, now. Only forward, wherever that may lead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Billie rasps when she catches her breath. Some anger starts to creep in. “You forgave me? Did-did you forget all the things I said about you? How I held you down and yelled in your face? Steph, how the fuck—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph snaps hotly, “Of course I didn’t forget! I cried myself to sleep that night over you. You really fucked me up when you said all those things, but…” Steph grinds her teeth to reel in her anger. Only a bit calmer, she continues, “But I know you were hurting. And you yell at people when you can’t use your fists to beat them up. You do it to Max all the time. Because you think you can be mean to everyone and push them away and then you can be alone like you think you deserve. Because you think you don’t deserve happiness or whatever macho shit you’re on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s pretty face is still a little red, a little pinched from her outburst. But there’s deep vulnerability in there, too. If she had more room, she’d probably recoil even farther away. But there’s no moving back. Only forward. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus Steph, where are you getting all this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mostly Jennifer helping her make sense of it. But she won’t tell Billie that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shrugging instead, Steph says simply, “I told you I did a lot of thinking. I haven’t really been thinking about anything else since we fought. I think about you all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s left hand is back at her side, done covering her cough. Mindless to that, Steph reaches for her again. Billie beats her to it, snapping Steph’s hand in hers. Pulls her forward, even. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could have hurt you,” Billie says thinly. “Like actually hurt you, physically. I lose it when I’m that mad. You really wanna forgive a loose canon like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s already done.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph welcomes herself to Billie’s personal space. They only touch via their hands. But it wouldn’t take much for Steph to rest her head on Billie’s shoulder. Billie just stares at her with tiny glimpses of expressions flashing in her eyes, the twitch and shuffle her lips, her jaw. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s voice is rough, too full of emotions she won’t allow herself to express, when she grunts, “How? How can you forgive me? After all that, how can you still care about me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph fires back before she can debate herself into deflecting, “Because I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Billie flinches hard just like Steph knew she would. Back until she knocks into the Camaro. She doesn’t stumble, just smacks her free hand out to catch herself on the hood. Her left is still Steph’s. Like a vice around her fingers, squeezing until some of the joints pop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph offers her a sympathetic wriggle of a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably not the best time to say that, but… it’s true, Billie. I figured it out while trying to have sex with Jennifer. I didn’t want her at all, even though she was willing, really wanted to touch me. I needed her to stop, because I love you, because she wasn’t you. And I don’t want it with anyone else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Someone is breathing hard. Steph doesn’t know who. Maybe both of them. She knows she’s pushing hard on Billie, has finally caged her in even though she tried to avoid that the entire time. Billie will either have to shove her away to flee or… stand here and take it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie? Please say something, man, anything.” Steph squeezes the iron grip around her hand. “You can… you can yell if you want to, I don’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s face crumbles for just a second, like she’ll cry, but she forces it down and nearly whimpers instead, “I don’t want to yell at you, Steph. I never wanted to, I never wanted to hurt you, I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph sees Billie’s right hand reach for her before Billie even knows what she’s doing. So Steph falls against her chest, her cologne and snappy clothes, and hums when Billie’s arms squeeze her. It hurts, too much pressure on her sides stinging, but she wouldn’t stop Billie for anything in the world. Her own arms slip up between them to get at Billie around her neck. She holds on as tight as she can while Billie breathes ragged and harsh in her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Steph…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, just-just hold me for a little while.” Steph leans her full weight into Billie and sighs when Billie just takes it. “I’m here, Billie, I promise. I won’t leave you, you can’t make me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie bucks against her with a single laugh. Surely not out of humor, but not cruel either. Steph leans out of Billie’s hair far enough to catch Billie roll her eyes to the sky. Trying not to let them overflow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You-you gotta be fucking with me,” she says with some panic in her voice. “You don’t mean that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph just cuddles all the closer. Missing this and everything else about Billie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When we fought, I felt like the world kept going without me. Like I was left behind, because I was hurt and missed you and didn’t know what to do about it, because we couldn’t talk. So please trust me when I say I mean it. I love you and I forgive you. I… I want you to forgive me, too. If you can. If you still feel the same about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is quiet then. The sort of quiet that makes Steph nervous. It’d happened while they were together too. When Steph wanted to take care of Billie on New Year’s Eve and it ended so quickly. Not like the times before where Billie would talk to her while they touched and then come so pretty, because Steph did that to her. That moment still sits heavily in Steph’s mind. Maybe Billie will tell her about it one day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, so careful with her, Billie urges them apart. Not far, just enough so they can see each other. Just like that night in January, Billie doesn’t make a sound when she cries. And it breaks Steph’s heart to think Billie has to be quiet when she cries. Like a betrayal, Steph’s tearful gaze searches through what she can see of Billie’s hair. Is there a new scar on her scalp somewhere? From her mother? If there’d been a cut to her face, it healed perfectly. Steph almost wants to reach up and feel Billie’s scalp, but she doesn’t think that’s allowed to anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blinking red-rimmed eyes, Billie croaks, “I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph seals her frustration between her lips instead of going off. Billie is the most vulnerable Steph has ever seen. She can’t push now. Now they can only compromise, hopefully meet each other halfway. Forward, not back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she says just as softly. Her fingers flex where they’re caught in Billie’s hair, just feeling. “Can we? Try? To be friends and more, something better than before, like it should be? I… I don’t want things to end, Billie. Please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blue eyes close, overflowing, and Billie turns her head away. Steph won’t take it as a refusal. This must be hard for Billie, having someone who won’t give up on her. Steph thinks back to Jennifer’s Plan B and almost hums the song. ‘I came back to let you know, got a thing for you. And I can’t let go.’ Jennifer had played it for her later that night. They kicked Nathan out and kept their slumber party going. Minus the sex, of course. But the song was beautiful, so deeply caring and smooth. Steph understood then, holding on to Jennifer’s arm, why Jennifer thought of that song. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t give up on you,” Steph promises. “You could-you could move back to California and I’d still care about you, Billie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe this isn’t a good idea, but she can’t deny Billie’s turned cheek anymore. Steph’s exhale blows over tear tracks and the embarrassed color in Billie’s cheek. Billie doesn’t try to stop her, so Steph kisses her as tenderly as possible. So soft she thinks maybe Billie doesn’t feel it. But a wounded noise locked behind Billie’s teeth tingles under Steph’s lips. Billie sucks down a ragged breath and turns her head back, careful to catch Steph’s lips with hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s hands go slipping up the back of Steph’s dress until they hit skin. And maybe Billie hadn’t noticed how low-cut the dress is in the back. She groans into their kiss when their skin slides together. Too caught up to stop herself, Steph parts her lips against Billie’s and laps so gently over the seam keeping them apart. Another small noise, and then Billie opens for her, kissing her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They can’t get too carried away. A kiss will fix nothing. They deserve some reunion, don’t they? Steph will not be convinced otherwise as Billie arches into her, rocking them off the Camaro. Steph has to skitter back on her feet as Billie walks her backwards, content to kiss her like this is the last time. And it had better not be, so Steph twists her fingers into Billie’s free hair and tugs. The groan that slips past her lips is familiar. Steph welcomes it, eats it up so Billie can’t rescind it. The backs of Steph’s thighs hit the body of the BMW, and she squeals when Billie keeps going. Big hands slide down her sides, get her by the hips, and then hoist her to sit on the BMW’s hood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They separate with a fast, loud breath, and just as quickly crash back together. Steph gets a glimpse of Billie’s messy hair and lipstick-stained mouth before that. Steph would wonder what she looks like to Billie, but she can’t care about that with Billie’s tongue shoved back between her lips. Back and in, back and in, until Steph whines and chases Billie away, biting her lower lip. They groan together despite the pain, and Steph makes sure to suck it away. She gets squirmy when Billie’s fingers toy with the idea of slipping under her dress. Thick fingertips pet from satin to skin, satin to skin. And Steph wants to let her so badly. But they’re rushing things, can’t get enough of each other, and that will only lead to ruin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gently, to not misconstrue her intentions, Steph draws Billie away from her. It’s easy, Billie going without a fuss, and Steph ducks her head forward to kiss Billie’s cheek instead. No more tears. Although Billie sniffles loud and gross, flicks her an apologetic smile. So tender, like how Steph remembers her Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Billie says roughly, trying to step back from where they’ve rucked up Steph’s dress. Her thighs are exposed. “I didn’t mean to get carried away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head, draws Billie back between her legs, and says softly, “You didn’t. I wanted to kiss you so bad. I told you I missed you, Billie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she nuzzles Billie’s hair when she says that. Billie hums against her chest and returns the affection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you, too, baby girl.” Billie’s hands tighten to the point of pain on Steph’s hips, and she lets go with a strained, “Fuck…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s crying again, and Steph just holds her fiercer than before. Steph shakes her fingers free from Billie’s hair only to pet the strands back into place, to cup the back of her neck under that mane. Steph holds her like that until Billie’s trembling subsides. Steph is thankful, now, for Billie’s silence. Just seeing people cry chokes her up a little, and to have Billie be a loud crier would undo her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she eventually comes sniffling out from behind Steph’s shoulder. Steph beats Billie to her tear tracks to wipe them up. She kisses them, too, not caring about the salt. Billie’s smile fills the hollows of her palms, and for Steph, that makes it all worth it. Not wanting to overstay her welcome, though, Steph returns her hands to the broad shelf of Billie’s shoulders. It feels right, like that’s where her hands belong, and her heart soars when Billie lets her keep them there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should stop,” Billie sighs, not entirely married to her own idea. “I don’t want to do something we’ll regret. Making out doesn’t fix the issues between us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How mature of you,” Steph teases.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hums and makes no motion to remove her hands from Steph’s hips or step back from between her legs. Billie feels good there, though. Warm and familiar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blue eyes blink down at Steph’s dress when she asks, “Did you wear this for me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Too embarrassed at being caught, Steph nods with a hum. She has to choke back a whine when Billie’s hands squeeze her hips. She can’t help it! It’s the sound she’s used to making when Billie touches her like this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You look beautiful, baby girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph indulges herself one last time with a kiss to Billie’s lips. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she sits back, still in Billie’s hands, Steph says, “Thanks. I needed to pull out all the stops to get your attention. I think it worked.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A flick of a wiry smile and a gruff, “Only a little bit.” Billie purses her lips flat, considers something, and then returns vulnerable eyes to Steph. “Can I tell you something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph wants to snort and say, ‘Duh,’ like Billie is being silly. But whatever it is, Billie is sensitive about it, sort of shying away, so Steph pushes her humor away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. I’m all ears.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rubbing her lips together and looking away, hands still hot on Steph’s hips, Billie grumbles, “You remember the adult store? The clerk, Charlotte?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vaguely. What’s this got to do with their conversation, though?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A little. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Embarrassed color creeps into Billie’s face again. The coming summer will do her some good. Hawkins has leached out so much of her honey glow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grumbling even louder, forcing herself to do this, Billie admits, “I… I may have driven there after seeing you and Byers in the hallway and… propositioned her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A dumb noise knocks out of Steph’s mouth on instinct, but a withered frown from Billie nips the reaction in the bud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Propositioned like uh…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I asked her to fuck me,” Billie grinds out. She’s… Ashamed? About it? If her pained grimace means anything. “I saw you two being close and thought you moved on. When you left to go to your car I… I about beat the shit out of Byers, just because. But I didn’t, because of what we talked about back in November or whenever it was. But I wanted to get back at you, so I asked the clerk to fuck me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a lot to take in. Steph recalls, now, Jennifer warning her that Billie had acted strangely around her that day. Wanting to start a fight. It’s so obvious now, Billie’s furious jealousy. Jealousy she had no right to feel, but she cradled it like a searing ember all the same. Easier to let the jealousy eat her up than confront the possibility of Steph moving on. Wanting someone else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph nods, shuffling in the mix of cool air and Billie’s body heat, and asks, “Did you… at least enjoy it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie stares at her with such deep confusion. Like Steph has said something off the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not mad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Steph snorts and fires back, “I asked first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s jealousy tickles her so. Because ultimately, she’d been right about the two of them fooling around. Not that it amounted to anything. But she and Jennifer are just friends, will only ever be friends, so Billie’s playground jealousy is… strangely sweet. And the fact that even through all that Billie remembered their deal. Steph could just fall in love with her all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rolling her eyes to the sky, conversation unpleasant but necessary, Billie snaps, “No, I didn’t. We had to stop, because she knew I wasn’t into it. Kinda like you and your damn friend or whatever. I just wanted you to know, okay? So are you mad or not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s so aggressive about it, like Steph has twisted her arm into telling her. Steph just smiles maybe too sweetly until Billie’s grimace softens. Doesn’t drop completely, but softens.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I’m not mad. Why would I be? I think it’s funny that we ended up doing the same thing, but in the end it didn’t matter.” Steph squeezes her thighs around Billie’s hips, shivers when Billie leans into her. “She wasn’t me and Jennifer wasn’t you. We’re a couple of saps, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few minutes ago, Steph bets Billie wouldn’t have believed her. That she’s not mad, doesn’t care even a little bit that Billie had done that. She can’t exactly be angry over it when she did basically the same thing. And now hopefully they won’t have to stumble along and do that again. They can just… start over. Have each other like they should. Like Steph wants so badly, hopes with everything in her that Billie wants that too. She can’t resist leaning forward to kiss Billie’s cheek. She’ll never get enough of this beautiful, strange girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s just the one thing left unsaid between them. Something Steph has to know, even if now isn’t the right time. It’s been eating her alive since she’d pulled up to the house on Cherry Lane and watched Billie flee from madness soaked in blood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A slim hand wanders up to Billie’s hairline, mindless of blue eyes narrowing slightly, and Steph asks, “Did she mean to hurt you that night? Your mom?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie leans away from Steph’s fingers. It doesn’t hurt as much as Steph expects.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you the one who left a first-aid kit on the hood of my car like some daytime TV, guardian angel shit?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the frantic pursuit to find Billie and dealing with all the emotions inside her from witnessing the abuse, Steph had forgotten all about that part. That whole night is a blur after Billie fled in the Camaro.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-yea? So?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie looks away from her and mumbles, “Then you have your answer, don’t you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something terrible trembles inside Steph. Something fiercely protective and yet frightened all at the same time. It’s ready to snap teeth at anyone who would dare hurt Billie but also just wants to curl up around her and keep her safe. When Steph gathers a breath and words, wanting to know more, if it’s still happening, if Billie is in danger, blue eyes turn even harder on her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Billie snaps. She pauses as hurt flicks over Steph, but neither looks away. “It’s… The shit between me and my mom is complicated. It’s too much to get into right now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph forces herself to nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you… tell me? Eventually? I worry about you a lot, and before you get defensive, it’s because I love you, so don’t start.” When Billie just grumbles and rolls her eyes, Steph leans forward to kiss her cheek. “Just… please tell me at some point. I won’t say anything about it. I just wanna know. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s shoulders tense and hold that energy for a few breaths. For Steph’s breaths, because Billie holds hers. Every inch of her from her face to her hands at Steph’s hips, to her legs shaking contains Billie struggling with herself. Until she stops and lets it all go with a loud exhale. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll… try.” Her hands flex and relax at Steph’s hips once more. “It’s not an easy story to tell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nodding, Steph shuffles on her ass and offers Billie a smile. Billie even gives her a tiny one back. Quiet then. Peace between them they haven’t felt in five months. They lean their foreheads together and just enjoy each other’s presence, rediscovering the scent and breaths of the other. Steph is the one to break their silence, because she must. Billie’s earlier comment still holds true. They have issues.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… what now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie separates them to meet Steph’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For us?” Billie asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie considers it with her eyes down, mouth stern. A thoughtful expression for Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… want to start over with you. Do it right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What uh… What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie flusters, now, turning pink cheeks up to the sky as if the vague coolness of night can pale her. She shrugs her shoulders, too, such a helpless, embarrassed shuffle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean do things right. Take you out on dates, buy you flowers, all that shit.” She angles a thin glare at Steph, more of an uncomfortable grimace, and grumbles, “I said I wanted more. I want it all, Steph. I want us to be together… Girlfriends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s hands knead the wide expanse of Billie’s shoulders. She feels like warm steel under the silk of her button-up. Steph squeezes her harder just to work out some excitement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” she says a little breathless, a little nervous. By some miracle—or maybe Billie’s scolding look—Steph keeps her teeth out of her lip. “I gotta warn you though, I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I might be bad at it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie scoffs and rubs away the ache she’s caused in Steph’s hips. All Steph can do is shiver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t know if I’m still any good at it. Maybe we can figure it out together, what do you say, baby girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I say, will you be my girlfriend, Billie Hargrove?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives a little yelp when Billie pulls her in for a tight embrace. She’d expected a kiss. This is nice, too. Billie is so warm under her shirt. Steph is glad now more than ever that Billie had shed the blazer when she climbed out of the Camaro. She needs this closeness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Billie urges them apart, she sneaks a kiss to Steph’s cheek and murmurs, “And I say, only if you’ll be mine, Stephanie Harrington.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A snort and then, “Dork.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie hums at that and smiles at her, the sweet sort Steph has craved. Steph reaches up with her hands just to feel it in her palms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t like… have to do this to try and make it up to me or anything. Like I don’t wanna make you—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie flicks a hand up quick and swift to smother Steph’s silly words with a finger. Steph tries not to kiss it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve wanted to take you to the movies or a carnival or wherever the hell you wanna be seen with me practically since we met. Trust me, this has nothing to do with making it up to you. Which I will do, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s a promise with a heady look. Barely contained ardor.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And one more thing,” she adds thickly. She holds Steph’s eyes for a pause, lowers her finger in a drag, and then stands back to her full height. “Stop talking about me going back to California. I’m not going back immediately. And I won’t go at all until we can work something out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stars in her eyes, Steph mumbles, “You-you’re not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shakes her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to. But of course I thought about you every time I tried to commit to it. I don’t want to leave without you, but I also hate it here, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s an impulse that jumps into her throat. They’ve decided to start over. To do it right. So why in the hell does she want to say this…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take me with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s too much. Billie’s eyebrows shoot up her forehead as her eyes go wide, mouth a little slack. A frown swiftly follows it and draws Billie’s features right back down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know how badly I want to take you up on that. But one, I don’t have the money to make it back home yet, so I got a summer job at the pool. Two, that’s not a decision to make right now. Things might not work out, we might not work out, you might realize you actually hate me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s palm covering Billie’s mouth muffles anything else she might add. Billie’s lip twitch against the lines in Steph’s palm. It tickles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, it just came out.” Steph takes a breath and then drops her hand. Only so that she can hold Billie’s shoulder again. “I meant that, like, romantically, you know? Like those cheesy movies, sorry, I know it came off fucking weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So softly Steph almost misses it, Billie breathes, “I want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph startles when Billie’s hands tighten over her hips again. They’ll ache tonight. Steph should probably take a hot bath when she gets home. To soothe that ache and the pain in her feet. They throb even now when she hadn’t worn the stupid heels for most of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” Billie says, more sure this time and with her eyes slightly open. “You don’t know how much I wanna take you home with me.” Blue lifts up to hers, and Billie adds roughly, “But I can’t get my hopes up, you know? I don’t wanna fuck myself over by imagining you there and then it never happens. Going back wouldn’t be worth it without you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heat rising in her eyes, Steph reels her in for a tight embrace, misty eyes hiding in Billie’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Billie, you can just say ‘I love you,’ you don’t gotta make a girl cry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But a laugh threads through her words. It turns to a coo when Billie’s big hands blanket her back again. Skin on skin, exactly what she needs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lips kiss her hair, and then Billie murmurs deeply, “I do, though. I love you so much, Steph, it scares me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,” Steph breathes. Stronger then, “Good, it’s okay to be scared. That’s what I’m here for, you know? If you take care of me, I take care of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shudders against her but surprises Steph with a tighter hug and a nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll… try. I’ve never been any good at letting people care about me. Even back home.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too bad,” Steph huffs where her chin hooks over Billie’s broad shoulder. “It’s too late to turn back. You’re stuck with me, all sales final, no refunds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few chuckles from Billie rock them. But then she sighs and steps back for true this time, helping guide Steph down from her car. Not that she needs it, but she still grips Billie’s biceps. Just because. She’s a bit slow to release Billie, but she does when blue eyes give her a pointed look. She does as she’s silently told and contents herself with standing there, watching Billie unabashed. Unashamed and glowing for the first time all year.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So… when can I see you again?”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Years after their reconciling, Steph and Billie find themselves in a piercing shop.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Porny epilogue purely for smut's sake. But we're officially finished now! Thanks for everyone who stuck through, people who arrived late, and those of you only clicking on it now that it's complete. Hope you enjoyed the adventure. Can you believe this is the same story that started with menstruation lol. Yea, this is the same story where Steph loaned Billie pants and underwear cuz she bled through hers lol. Wild ride!</p><p>I of course have other Harringrove/ST fics if you give my profile a lil click. I have a few Harringrove ABO one-shots in the backlog waiting to be published. Unfortunately nothing finished for the girls, so if you're waiting for that, it may be a long wait. I'm currently in rare pair hell and have been writing non-stop for said rare pair. But anyway, give any of my other fics a lick if you liked this one. I'm pretty great.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/missraygillette">@missraygillette</a> I tweet about things I'm working on. Come love these stupid girls/boys with me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The AC inside the tattoo and piercing shop wages a losing battle against the Southern California heat outside. They’ve been sitting here, Steph’s hands nervous and somehow clammy in her lap, for twenty minutes now. Steph should have calmed down and stopped sweating by now. But she knows that when she goes to stand up, the backs of her thighs will be stuck to the couch. And it will sting when she goes to sit in the chair for the piercer, too. Maybe in a few more years she’ll grow used to the heat here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Billie murmurs low and husky in her ear. “We can always come back another day. Ashley won’t work on you if you’re strung out like this. It’s dangerous for her, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Easy for her to say,” Steph whines through tight lips. “She’s not the one getting her nipples pierced.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie snorts in Steph’s ear and mouths a kiss to the lobe, tasting silver in her ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, but I think her pierced clit sort of trumps that, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph jumps on the waiting couch under Billie’s arm and squeaks, “You can pierce that?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, no one working in the shop pays them any mind. Billie is a familiar face, and no one is surprised to see Steph here on her arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re making a scene,” Billie purrs in a tease. Her right arm is casual over the back of the couch and Steph’s shoulders. Her left is heavy on Steph’s upper thigh, squeezing and stroking over her jean cut-offs. “And it’s the hood, not her actual clit. You can ask her about it if you want. She can tell you how she plays with it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph flushes a deep red just like the first time Billie had ever said anything filthy to her. A school girl all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she wheezes, chest hunching in a little. “You can’t just say that…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I slip Ashley some extra money, she’ll let me eat you out once she’s done with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives a painful throb at the V of her legs and stutters, “J-Jesus, Billie…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Save your prayers for when your knees are in your ears, baby girl. Cuz once Ashley is done, I’m gonna want a piece of you, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shuddering harder, Steph turns her head away from Billie if only to escape the cloud of her scent and those intense eyes. Billie only needs to watch Steph’s throat strain to swallow a few times to know how badly Steph wants that. They don’t have to hide here. It’s not a perfect world even here, but they don’t have to hide. And when they’re in places like this, usually run by other lesbians or gays, Billie really lets Steph have it. Like they’re horny teenagers again, making out whenever they can get some.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s like a second coming for Steph, having discovered herself thanks to Billie once, and now twice but in whole new ways. Even when they were girlfriends in Hawkins, Steph never would have considered what they’re here to do today. And now her head is a little dizzy imaging her own clit pierced, but she knows that’s the adrenaline talking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is warm along her side and back in her ear to murmur, “Here she comes, princess. You gotta tell us now if you don’t feel up to this today. Ashley’s an old friend, she won’t care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph shakes her head like it’s attached by a string.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, let’s do it.” She covers Billie’s hand on her thigh and leaves it there, doesn’t care if Ashley sees. “I wanna do this for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She of course wants it for herself. But she’d only thought about it because of Billie. And then once she brought it up, tried to be casual about it, she knew Billie wanted her to do it so badly. Played with her nipples and breasts after their conversation until they were sore and Steph came on nothing but that and riding Billie’s thigh. So yes, she wants it. Billie wanting it makes her more okay with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn Steph,” Ashley sighs, hands on her hips. She’s re-shaved her head recently. It looks soft with all that fresh fuzz. “Every time Billie comes in here with you, you just get cuter. Are you sure you don’t want some side action?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph doesn’t fluster nearly as much as she used to. Ashley is just cute like this. She’s charming, just not in the way Billie is that gets her running. Plus, she doesn’t want anyone but Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure. But maybe eventually? Sorry to make you wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should be saying that to you, sweetheart. Come on into the back, I’m ready for you. You picked out jewelry last time, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The captives with the blue balls,” Billie answers for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley just flicks an eyebrow up at that and levels a look at Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So which ones, Steph?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie frowns—it’s a pout—as Steph laughs and repeats, “The captives with the blue balls. Please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley sucks her teeth, murmurs, “So polite,” and then bids them follow her with a curl of her fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie happily gestures for Steph to walk first. Anything to keep her eyes on the skittish doe. They’ve talked and talked and talked about this for so long. Steph fully admitting she’s doing this for her is perhaps the hottest thing anyone has ever done for Billie. To, for, with, all of it. She wants it all with Steph, and it seems like every hurdle they meet, Steph leaps right over it with her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Affection for Steph fills her even higher when Ashley slips back into the parlor to collect the jewelry Steph had picked out. Steph lingers by the chair despite Ashley encouraging her to hike up and get comfortable. Maybe it’s the stirrups that intimidate her. So, Billie stalks closer and cups the startle in Steph’s body when her hands land on the shaking girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, look at me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph follows the murmured command without hesitation, turns her body fully to face Billie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be so nervous.” Billie nods to the stirrups. “That’s for if she’s working downstairs on anybody. That’s got nothing to do with you, okay? It’s a real comfortable chair.” Billie’s hands catch Steph’s hips and squeeze. “And it’s nice and cool back here, right? Like the AC actually works.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie steadies the sway she knows is coming from Steph. Not faint, just woozy with nerves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby girl, we really don’t have to do this.” Billie’s thumbs flick over Steph’s hipbones. Billie’s birthday is tattooed in neat, block numbers just under Steph’s waistband. It’s fully healed, now. Skin sensitive again. “We can come back, we don’t have to do it at all. Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Steph shakes her head and steadies herself with her hands on Billie’s shoulders. She huddles close for a second, letting shivers run through her, and then she’s fine. Standing up and stepping out of Billie’s grasp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m okay, just nervous about the pain. I can-I can do it. I want to, Billie. I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Steph turns to the chair to climb up. Billie keeps close while Steph twists awkward and self-conscious to finally sit in it properly. The leather under her is probably cold, and so Billie stands above her and rubs her hands over bare skin. Steph is here in jean cut-offs and a button-up short sleeve blouse. She’s as cute as a mouse. Billie’s hands only stop petting Steph to reach for the buttons on her blouse. They’d chosen this black one to hide any blood and for easy removal when they get home, mindful of Steph’s tenderness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billies voice is honey thick and husky when she purrs, “Ashley will be back soon. Can I unbutton you for her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A dopey nod like Steph is high is all the permission Billie needs. They’ve talked about all this. The piercings themselves, what Billie is allowed to do during the appointment. After. Steph shivers under Billie’s thick fingers, and Billie likes to think it’s because Steph knows what will happen after Ashley is done. Billie wonders who is more excited: her or Steph.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Halves of Steph’s shirt parted, Billie pushes the soft material off her shoulders a little. Not enough to take the shirt off. It would be a hassle for her to shrug it back on but enough to keep it out of Ashley’s way. Shameless, Billie stands flush with the edge of the chair to cup Steph’s breasts and just fondle them a little. Touching her nipples would be cruel knowing what’s about to happen, so she doesn’t. Steph squirms in her hands all pretty like she’s not used to this. Billie will never get enough of her. Now, how to get Steph to not look at the needles when Ashley breaks out the supplies…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s not exactly a lot of room to work back here. And Billie will need to be mindful to stay out of Ashley’s way. The last thing she wants is to be the kid in the kitchen when she shouldn’t be and get scolded. Mostly because it’s embarrassing, but also she doesn’t want to stress Steph out. So, Billie squeezes between the right side of the chair and the wall, ready to wiggle out of the way if Ashley needs over here for whatever reason. This way, Steph can go ahead and crush Billie’s hands through the pain and Billie can see her face. Steph will most likely let a few tears out if only from the bright, intimate pain. And Billie will be right there to shush her and whisper sweet nothings to her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s all a rush to Billie, then, of Ashley returning. Showing Steph the sterile implements, telling her exactly what’s about to happen. To not hold her breath or clench her jaw when the needles go through. Billie’s ear catches on the aftercare routine, but she’s already familiar with it. Steph isn’t her first girlfriend with piercings. This is just the first time Billie has been the support through it. She has Steph’s right hand in her left when Ashley asks if Steph is ready, nods back when Steph does first. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try to keep as still as possible,” Ashley advises gently, gloves already on as she reaches for Steph. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is the first to tighten her grip on Steph’s hand. She’s not too interested in watching the piercing itself. She’s more into watching Steph’s face pale at the sight of the needle so near her nakedness and then flush deep, painful red at the initial sting. Steph’s big eyes slam shut and she hisses, trying not to strain in the chair, in Ashley’s hands, when Ashley guides the steel through flesh. Of course Billie can't help but take a quick peek, to catch blood welling up. She’d so much rather be the person causing Steph’s pain, has talked and played around with the idea of apprenticing under one of her many friends. Their friends, now. And she will commit to that idea if Steph wants more metal in her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Head slammed back into the chair, Steph grits her teeth exactly like she’d been told not to. Tsking, Billie reaches awkward and around with her right hand to cup Steph’s jaw. She forces her fingers into the hinge of Steph’s jaw, and she blessedly stops grinding her teeth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“None of that,” Billie murmurs over Steph’s short, loud breaths. Agony. “First one is done, just one more. You can do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wet, amber eyes crack open to blink at her. So pitiful but so beautiful in their misery. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hurts,” she whimpers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie shushes her, cranes forward, and kisses her brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know it hurts. Just a little more and it’ll be over. You’re doing so good, Steph, my good girl. I know you can do it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s nails will leave angry marks in the back of Billie’s hand. But it’s a small price to pay when Steph cries out again, shocking and loud in the back room, when Ashley repeats the process all over again with her other nipple. Each whimper and restrained flinch is Billie’s to eat up. Swift and practiced, curved steel replaces the needle with only a few tears from Steph. Billie is right where she needs to be to catch them on thick fingers and not let them fall. Even when Ashley is done and steps away with her bloody tools, Billie is right there at Steph’s side to console her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want a couple of minutes until she calms down?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie has to shake herself out of her stupor, too busy watching Steph from above and nuzzling her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley’s smirk is easy on her round face. Billie knows what she means. Ashley is in on the game, so.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea, give us a bit. I’ll make sure she’s okay to walk out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley hums, amused, and then turns with her tray to dispose of everything safely. The door clicks shut behind her, and Billie knows Ashely will leave the little “in use” sign flipped on the other side. They’re alone. No interruptions. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie takes up the space at the front of the chair Ashley has abandoned. Steph almost slouches down, would if not for every shift of her body licking pain up her spine. Billie will take extra care driving them home. Billie’s fingertips graze the bumps of Steph’s ankles above her sandals. Steph startles hard, mindless, and whines through the pain she’s caused. Shushing her even now, Billie draws her burning hands up Steph’s shins, over her knees, and then her inner thighs. Steph sucks in a trembling breath and spreads them on instinct. Billie isn’t even sure if she’s here right now. All floaty with the pain and high on adrenaline. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Baby girl, can you open your eyes? Look at me? I wanna see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She manages it, but only just. Without one of Billie’s hands to cling to, Steph’s nails claw a little at the armrests. Billie sucks her teeth like a scold and reaches for each hand, petting slim fingers until they flatten on the leather instead of scratch at it. At least Steph isn’t bleeding anymore. Not that too much roughness right now wouldn’t disturb tender buds. Steph’s shoulders hunch a little, hiding the longer Billie looks at her. She squirms like she normally would, but a whimper and flinch cut it off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she slurs. “Did I-did I do good?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And doesn’t that just break Billie’s heart a little. Steph caring more about that than about the pain, about how she feels after. Billie shuffles between Steph’s legs, heart full, and presses fluttering kisses around her navel. Muscles flinch under her, but Billie just leans more weight into Steph to keep her still. She smells warm like the beach and tastes like their soap. And just under that the simple skin-alive taste that’s just Steph and nothing else. Billie wants to make another mark on her, but she restrains herself. Steph has suffered enough today. She deserves something good after powering through. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So good, Steph, I’m so proud of you.” Billie’s tongue flicks up sparse hair leading to Steph’s navel. She’s over the moon that Steph had pretty much given up shaving and plucking all that shit the moment they got back together. She’s perfect exactly the way she is. “My princess, my good girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Timid fingers brush golden curls, and Billie lifts her head for Steph. She breaks out into a grin at the sight of so much pink splashed across Steph’s cheeks. Even in her ears and down her throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want you,” she whispers, barely holding Billie’s intense gaze, made even heavier with the solitude, the quiet back here. Just them breathing and Steph whimpering. “Please, Billie, I need you so bad…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea?” Billie cranes up on her toes, boots sure on the tile floor, and tries to cage Steph in. “You did so well, made me so proud. I can’t wait to play with them once they heal, baby girl, you’re driving me crazy already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph finally relaxes into the chair. She doesn’t slump purely from her grip on the armrests. Not clawing anymore. Just holding on tightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breathing slightly hard above Steph already, Billie curls a hand up to her blushing cheek and murmurs, “You still wanna do this, Steph? You can say no, you’ve been through a lot. I can just take you home and love on you there, it doesn’t matter to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It sort of does, she wants this like burning, but she cares more about Steph than this. So Billie groans soft and quiet when Steph’s pretty hands, mindful of her breasts, reach down to play with the button on her shorts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Want you so bad,” Steph breathes, head tilted back against the chair, throat exposed. “Please Billie, touch me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie sweeps back down to nip at long fingers. She wants to do everything for Steph. Pamper her like the princess she is. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yea baby girl? Tell me what you want, where you want me, I’ll do it, give it to you so good…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s busy with her hands shaking as they fight the button and zip on Steph’s shorts. It’s a bit of maneuvering to tug them off. No panties underneath, a surprise for Billie. So she stands there with Steph’s knees still trapped in her shorts, frozen as she doesn’t know what to look at first: her birthday in black on porcelain, the dark hair between Steph’s legs, how her thighs twitch to box Billie’s head in. Steph doesn’t need to voice what she wants, but Billie wants to hear it all the same. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie flicks Steph’s sandals off, and they go flapping to the linoleum floor. Shorts tugged down and off, Billie holds Steph steady with a hand on a knee. Billie’s left isn’t shy when she pets her thumb over soft labia, not diving through yet. Just feeling. Promising. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, lemme hear you, princess, tell me what you need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s head goes rolling until her cheek is in her shoulder, all scrunched up while she’s on display for Billie. Ah, her poor nipples do look sore and swollen. It’s a trade off for not being able to play with them for weeks to come. Oh well. It will be worth it in the end. Billie smirks to herself and lightly scratches her neat nails through short, black bush. Just to watch Steph’s wet eyes flutter where she tries to hide her face under the curtain of her hair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need…” She shudders and has to try again, has to lick her lips. “I need your mouth on me, Billie.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie’s fingers tighten in short hairs, giving them a tug. She wants more, and Steph knows that’s not enough. Billie wants to hear it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whining with her lip briefly in her teeth, Steph pleads, “Fuck me with your tongue. I need it so bad, wanna-wanna feel you, Billie, please make me come.” She whines through another pet and squeeze to her mound. Keep going. “Billie! Please, god, it hurts so much, make me come on your tongue, please, please, Jesus…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s face is red all the way to her hairline. Perfect. Billie squats down, mindful that her back may hurt after this, and hikes Steph’s legs over her shoulders. It leaves just enough room for her head and sandy curls to tuck between Steph’s shaking thighs and give her what she wants. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So pretty,” Billie sighs while nuzzling an inner thigh, nipping the tremble in it. She stares up at Steph with lidded eyes, merciful, and draws rough hands up porcelain and beauty marks. “Try not to be too loud or everyone in the shop will hear you. No biting yourself. What do you say to get me to stop?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph smiles through her next shiver and mumbles, “Hawkins.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie doesn’t give her more preamble than that. She’s been aching and hungry for Steph the moment they walked out the door. And that was after getting frisky in the shower this morning. Steph was about to walk around the apartment with a fly swatter just to keep Billie’s hands at bay. She even waved one at Billie when Billie backed her into the kitchen table over coffee. But Steph would never, knows Billie would stop if asked. She’s just eager for Steph and eager to please. Puppy love still not running its course after years. Billie will never get enough of the sighs and trills that tickle her ears when she laps at Steph with the flat of her tongue. Like right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her name spills from Steph’s lips all ragged and needy. She must be so sore, worsening it for herself with every twitch. Billie wants to luxuriate on Steph, always does, but they should make this quick. Billie doesn’t want to hog Ashley’s station for the amount of time she knows she could sit here and edge Steph. Hours easily. They can do that at home. Will surely once Steph heals a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thighs almost clamp around Billie’s head when she presses the whole of her mouth to Steph. She doesn’t mind the wetness that smears on her chin, how her jaw will ache after pleasuring Steph. None of that matters—just the beautiful creature already shaking apart under her. Flicks and swirls, chasing tails around and around Steph’s little clit. And Billie can’t help but imagine the sourness of steel here, tugging on a barbell through Steph’s hood until she’s wailing for more. And it’s not like she expects or would even ask Steph to get one—she’s not exactly jumping to get one herself—but the fantasy is heady and makes her stab her tongue and suck all the harder. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wants to wiggle her left hand between them to give Steph something to fill her up. More than a tongue. But Steph’s request doesn’t entail fingers playing inside her, so Billie won’t. Later. Much later. She can spread Steph out and tease her from head to toe, thick silicone stuck inside her and too heavy to push out. Make her writhe and whine on it, make her beg Billie to take it out so she can come. Steph gushes on her tongue, velvety hot inside and tensing around this tiny bit of penetration. Billie makes promises for herself and fucks Steph that much faster, slicker to hurry this along. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her rough fingertips are perhaps cruel when they swipe up down, side to side over Steph’s clit. Gentleness persists, yes, but Billie does not play coy games. It’s easy enough to hold Steph open, pull her hood back, and pet her directly. Too much, too sensitive, but Billie does it anyway. She keeps the poor bundle of nerves wet and slippery with drags off her tongue. Spreading Steph’s arousal around until every brush of fingers, every thrust of tongue is loud and obscene. Steph’s frantic panting isn’t enough to cover it up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice is reed thin when she begs, “Jesus, Billie please, I’m-I wanna come, please more oh god…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hands are still glued to the armrests. They should do something about that. Billie peels a hand off Steph’s thigh to scoop a wrist up and guide Steph’s shaking fingers to her hair. Steph needs only to brush curly silk to encourage her to tangle both hands in the locks. Holding on, not quite what Billie has in mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie slips her tongue out only to growl against Steph’s clit, “If you wanna come then fuck my face, princess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph doesn’t need to be told twice. Heels digging into Billie’s back for leverage, Steph’s hips grind and buck with abandon. Billie is in charge of making sure her teeth and nose don’t get the worst of it. They’ve never hurt either each other during sex yet, but it’s truly only a matter of time. So Billie keeps her jaw relaxed, lips soft without a scowl or tension, and lets Steph have at it. Billie’s chin scrapes past hair, upper lip smashing and rubbing Steph’s clit. All for the sake of letting Steph wiggle back and forth and around on her tongue. Her pretty noises almost turn too loud, too sharp when she squeezes in a threatening wave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billie,” she sobs through a breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blue eyes stay open to watch Steph’s throat struggle through a breath, through all the saliva in her mouth. She’s drooling just a little, enough to match the sluggish bead of blood trying to roll down from one of her piercings. Billie wants to sit up and lick it away, but she can’t with Steph fluttering on her tongue. So close, just a little more. Doe eyes meet hers through the fog, through the pain in both of them, and Billie hums with her mouth sealed tightly all over Steph. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She won’t close her eyes. Not for a second lest she misses a single twitch in Steph’s face as she comes. Pink to her ears, Steph throws her head back and arches off the chair, flinching as she irritates her fresh piercings. She comes bucking on Billie’s tongue in wave after wave of velvet heat squeezing, trembling. And then all the tension drains out of Steph at once. She flops weightless and twitching back to the chair, would slide right to the floor in a heap if not for Billie’s shoulders wedging her against the leather. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie is thankful for the chill back here when she finally pulls away. Not before one last messy, filthy kiss to Steph’s clit. Billie can just imagine how she throbs from it, too sensitive, heart beating in the bundle of nerves. Too exhausted for more. So Billie stops at Steph’s whine and gently guides her legs back down. Steph will need a moment to sit there and ride the afterglow before they attempt to make her stand. Wrist at her chin, Billie stands on her own sore, wobbly legs and looks around for paper towels, a rag, something. She’d mop Steph up with her panties if she’d worn any but…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ashley has left them a damp rag. It’s cool to the touch now, soaking up the AC. Billie hums so pleased at the sensation as she presses it first to the heat in her cheeks. She won’t take her pleasure now. They can go home and shake the walls with Billie’s noises. It’s her preferred place to do so, although she won’t say no to some risky sex like this. Face as cool as it’s going to get with Steph still on display and the smell of her thick in the small room, Billie turns her attention to the blissed-out girl in front of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph gives her such a pretty whimper when she goes to lightly wipe between her legs. Steph lifts her head to frown, confused like an awoken cat, but Billie shushes her and just does it again. Maybe she’ll draw a bath for Steph later, although it will have to be a shallow one to accommodate her breasts. And ah, they look so much more sore than before. Billie can finally make good on her desire from earlier, finally hovers over Steph to lick the blood at her breast away. This is gentler than the rag, gentler than fingers could be. Steph still flinches and whimpers all the same. They need to take her home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ready to stand, baby girl? I wanna get you back in our bed so I can take care of you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph’s throat is tight and rough through a swallow when she groans, “Can’t come anymore. Too tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie chuckles and then kisses the last smear of blood. They should heal just fine, so long as Billie keeps her hands and mouth to herself. For now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not like that, princess, but we both know how long I can keep your kitty purring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pouting, Steph levels a pathetic look at her and whines, “Carry me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. Gotta walk back to the car yourself. I’ll compromise and carry you to bed. If you stand up and put your shorts back on. Deal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph huffs, bratty and definitely in need of a nap or a snack—maybe both—and grunts, “Fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They get her slipping off the chair and feet on the floor before she wobbles, has to clutch the chair and Billie to not fall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie coos to her, “Take it easy, sweetheart, I gotcha. Hold on to the chair while I help you step into your shorts. Don’t bend down, you’ll hurt yourself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Billie sinks dutifully to her knees and gently guides one foot after the other into the ragged leg holes. Up, up Steph’s long legs they come dragging until Billie can do the button and zip. Sandals next. She takes care of Steph’s shirt, too, and makes sure to not brush against anything as each button finds its hole again. Steph almost looks normal except her messy hair and the tired way her eyes blink out of time with each other. She’s beautiful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands cupping Steph’s warm cheeks, Billie marvels like a prayer, “Jesus, I love you, baby girl. So much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph hums between her hands and demands, “Kiss me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Spoiled brat,” Billie purrs, leaning forward for a simple kiss. Just a plush slide of their mouths. “Lemme take you home and put you to bed. You can sleep the whole day away if you want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steph steals one last kiss and only wobbles a little when she goes to take a step. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a promise?” She slurs with a lazy grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billie takes her by a hand and tugs her to the door. Before she opens it, she guides Steph’s hand up to her sore lips and kisses nice and slow over her knuckles. They’re the same that had punched her years ago. Maybe that’s where Billie’s love started for this wild, beautiful girl. With a fist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always, Steph. I’ll always take care of my baby girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she will. Just as Steph takes care of her. Loves her and cherishes her when no one else would. Steph’s forever. It’s a vow Billie keeps in her heart long past them walking through the shop’s front door and back into the California heat, grinning at each other as the sun kisses them. </span>
</p>
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